Black Tie and Tails

Pairings: Hanna/..., Conrad/Worth, hinted Veser/Ples
Swearing and teeth-rotting fluff?
"Hanna and ... go to a wedding for some reason- idk, maybe it's case related or somebody Hanna kind of knows invited them. In any case, I want to see them in nice suits and dance and maybe smut. :D (And remember, Hanna doesn't like formal clothes.)"

Holy crap how did this get so long D:
Probably not quite what the requester was looking for... I decided to drag everybody else into it too XD Also, I can't write smut. I'm sorry!!! If someone wants to continue this with some of it, they're very welcome to *hint hint* Also, I borrowed the name Laura for Worth's sister from /coq/.

Conrad was the first to break the silence.

"Are you…are you joking?" he demanded incredulously. The rest of the gang's frozen expressions of shock seemed to reflect the same sentiment. Toni's drink was raised halfway to her mouth, still and unmoving. Ples looked a little bit like he was about to faint, but really, Worth supposed, that wasn't entirely unusual for the older man.

The Doctor spared a withering look at the vampire. "It's not a fucking joke, moron," he hissed, turning his glare to everyone else in turn. "If I have to suffer through this, then you. Are. All. Suffering. With me."

"We're not even family!" Conrad pointed out. "I can't go out during the day, you twit! And what about dead guy over here? You're not seriously inviting him!" Chester, as Hanna had named the zombie for the hour, looked offended for a moment, but after a minute of consideration shrugged and had to agree. Hanna opened his mouth to protest too.

"Hanna don't you even think about trying to get out of this," Worth snapped, jabbing an accusing finger towards the red-head, silencing him with a startled 'meep!'. "And if Hanna's coming, there is no way in hell he is running about the place without his dead chaperone. In fact, I don't want any of you shits messing this up, you hear me?!"

"Look," Veser interrupted, smacking both hands down onto the table, "if you don't want us embarrassing you, why the hell are you even inviting us?"

Worth stood angrily, knocking his stool backwards. "I am not going to my baby sister's wedding by myself! She's given me room for up to ten guests, and I refuse to show up in front of my entire family looking like a lonely loser!" Conrad opened his mouth to point out that this was exactly what Worth was, but the blonde man smacked him across the head before the first word left his mouth. He rummaged around his fur-trimmed lab coat for a moment before slapping the invitations down onto the bar table. "I will kill every one of you that doesn't turn up," Worth finished coldly, giving everyone in the Rabbit Hole a look that said the matter was closed.

Hanna was the first to pick an invitation up. "Awww what!? Formal dress?! This sucks!"

"And she means formal. Suits and everything," Worth grunted, lighting a new cigarette and taking a long, calming drag from it. "Toni, no skirts above the knee. That goes for you too, princess," he added, prodding a bony finger at Conrad's ribs.

He sort of expected the punch, really.

Hanna huffed, shuffling out of the bathroom in his rented black suit. It was a little too big for him, hanging on him loosely. His shirt was untucked and his tie was draped loosely around his disproportionately wide shoulders.

"I hate weddings," he announced. Zubin looked up from where he was sitting against the wall, reading, and couldn't help smiling at the sight of Hanna. The suit just wasn't made for someone so skinny.

"Come here," Garmezy said gently, placing his book down to beckon the living man over. Hanna crossed the room obediently and stood in front of him. The taller man gave him an affectionate look before tucking Hanna's shirt in, taking the time to make sure it looked neat and tidy. He smoothed the jacket down with his hands, then moved on to the black tie, fastening it tight before folding down the stiff, starched white collar over it. He made a half-hearted attempt to drag a comb through Hanna's hair (to much annoyance from both Hanna and his hair – every time he smoothed it down in one spot, a red curl sprang back up somewhere else) before deciding it was futile.

"Hey, how come you're not dressed yet, huh?" Hanna protested, fidgeting a little and batting at large green hands when they tried to pull the tie tighter.

"I don't take as long making a fuss about it," Walker replied pointedly. He stood, picking up his own rented suit and making his way to the bathroom to get dressed too. Hanna stuck his tongue out at the closed bathroom door, before sighing and flopping down dramatically onto the couch, muttering about 'stupid Worth' and 'stupid formal dress'. Then the doorbell rang, and Hanna quit his pouting to rush over, hoping to God that it was a client with a desperate emergency that was oh-so-important and oh what a shame, he'd just have to miss the wedding!

Sadly, it was just Veser and Ples.

"Good morning, Hanna," Ples said politely.

"Hey, looking pretty swanky, Hanna my man!" Veser grinned, and the red-haired man just made a face and a grumble. The boy was wearing his dad's suit, it seemed – completely the wrong size and baggy in all the wrong places, grey tie done up loosely. Ples, on the other hand, looked as formal and tidy as ever. Hanna was pretty sure the older man had his suits tailored by some expensive Italian brand. "Toni's downstairs waiting for us, you nearly ready?"

"Just waiting for Leighton to get dressed," Hanna mumbled unhappily, tugging at his tie again. It was too damn tight! "You guys go wait with Toni, we'll be down in a minute." Veser nodded and grinned, bouncing down the stairs with Ples after him, apparently the only one who was excited about going to a wedding ("free alcohol and no age checks!"). The red-head slipped his chequered shoes on, horribly mismatched with his formal clothes, but damn it, at least his feet would be comfortable today. He snatched up a spool of thread and a needle from the kitchen (just in case), a sharpie, and his rickety old cell-phone before mentally declaring himself ready.

"Hanna?" Marley called.

The younger man almost did a double-take when he turned around. The zombie always looked kind of smart in his orange dress shirt and tie, but…damn. The black suit fit him perfectly – he'd even found a waistcoat to go along with his pristine white shirt. Victor looked…well…he looked pretty fucking hot. Hanna blushed furiously, feeling suddenly very stupid looking in his own baggy suit and very flustered.

"Is it ok?" the dead man said when he saw Hanna's odd expression, looking down worriedly to check his fly was done up and his tie was straight. The red-head looked away, mumbling something that sounded like "so cool" before scurrying out of the door with a mess of words about everyone else waiting downstairs.

"Holy shit," Veser breathed. They weren't really sure what in particular he was referring to, but really, it applied to just about everything in that moment.

For one – holy shit. Worth. The Doctor was shaven and clean, and smelled of cologne he'd probably borrowed (stolen) from Conrad. His black suit looked like the same guy that made Ples' clothes had tailored it, and he was wearing a white bow tie, matching white rose poking out of his pocket. He had a somewhat pleasant smile on his face as he dutifully greeted various relatives and family friends, though the oh-so-familiar glint in his sharp eyes betrayed him as about to snap any moment.

For another thing – holy shit, Worth's sister. Laura, as she was called, looked just like a younger, prettier, female version of her older brother, and about the same height, too. She came and greeted them all individually, gushing about how it was "so nice to meet them" and how glad she was that they could make it, elaborately done-up, blonde hair bobbing up and down as she shook their hands warmly. Toni gasped and fussed over her designer dress and the diamond necklace around her neck while the others just stared, dumbfounded. Worth came from the same parents as her?

And holy shit, this place. Laura was a model. The groom was an up and coming Hollywood actor. Photographers and paparazzi shoved past them every few minutes to chase after the bride and groom, some big fashion magazine was sponsoring the event, and there were flowers just about everywhere (to Ples' hayfeverish dismay). The church was, quite simply, enormous – and it needed to be, with the thousand strong crowd of guests.

"So you came," Worth grinned wickedly, finally having gotten rid of a great aunt to come and have a cigarette outside.

"But where's Conrad?" Hanna demanded, trying to look past a group of photographers that were fussing over some Hollywood A-lister.

"Coming to the reception after," Worth shrugged. "Said he wasn't sure he could set foot in a church without exploding, being a vampire and all, and I ain't gonna be the one to explain to my mother why one of my guests spontaneously combusted in the middle of the wedding." He frowned, chewing on the end of his cigarette. "Not that she speaks to me anyway," he grumbled. "'M only here for Laura's sake. Had some big speech written out for later and everything, but the old hag won't let me read it."

"I-I'm sorry to hear that," Ples stuttered, feeling as if somebody should say something. The others still looked kind of shocked just to see the Doctor cleaned up.

Worth just cackled, stomping out his cigarette and shooing them inside the church.

The ceremony went surprisingly well. Hirst wasn't really sure why he was expecting something to go wrong; perhaps he was just pessimistic. Or perhaps he was just expecting Worth's family to be…well…just like Worth. He'd winced when the priest asked if anyone objected to the marriage, almost expecting the good Doctor to stand up and start hurling drunken insults at the groom – but Worth just sat placidly, looking oddly proud of his little sister.

He and Hanna had been sat at the very back at Worth's insistence (he didn't want the paparazzi noticing that there was a dead guy walking around at his sister's wedding; that would be a PR disaster if there ever was one). The others were squished up somewhere around the middle with a group of old women that took a great liking to Ples, offering him handkerchiefs every time the big bouquets decorating the church made him sneeze.

"Can you see?" Pippin had asked Hanna. The red-head looked up at him and instantly turned pink, nodding quickly with a little noise of affirmation before looking away. Come to think of it, Hanna had been acting pretty odd all day. He spent a good part of the first hymn worrying whether or not Hanna was getting sick again, mentally debating if it would be worthwhile buying some vitamins for the living man. He caught Hanna peeking up at him from behind chunky glasses a few times during the priest's reading, but each time, the red-head quickly looked forward when he turned to meet his gaze.

"Are you okay?" he whispered into Hanna's ear, leaning close as the crowd stood for the second hymn. The snooty looking woman next to them frowned irritably, but he ignored her. The small man tensed when his lips brushed against a warm ear, and Hanna just nodded, trying to muffle a small squeak as he turned bright red. His brow creased in confusion, and with no idea what was up with Hanna, he placed a cold hand on the small man's shoulder and grudgingly began to sing.

Conrad was already there when they reached the reception venue. Thankfully, the paparazzi weren't allowed in and the party was just for family and friends. Worth took this as his cue to become the embarrassing black sheep of the family he so rightfully was.

"Conrad! Daaarliiiing!" he shrieked upon seeing the vampire, sweeping his arms open and striding up to the pale man. The shorter man froze, looking for all the world like a deer in headlights - and unfortunately, giving Worth the time he needed to grab Conrad and pull him into a long, noisy smooch. He could hear a distant 'ewww' from somewhere behind them that sounded a lot like Veser. Before he could push Worth away and scream, the Doctor tugged him back upright. "Come, Connie-sweetheart, you simply must meet my family!" he drawled in a very fake English accent. Conrad just squeaked, looking to Hanna and Borland with an 'OH SWEET CHRIST, HELP ME' expression.

"Should we…do something?" Toni asked, unsure whether to laugh at Conrad's suffering or help – but before anyone could reply, Laura appeared in a white Dior dress, new husband close behind.

"Laura, come and meet my boyfriend!" Worth called gleefully (and very, very loudly), shoving his 'boyfriend' along in front of him. If Conrad could have turned paler, he would have.

"Oh, so you're Conrad!" Laura cooed, taking the vampire's stiff hand and shaking it warmly. She grinned a very Worth-like smile at her groom. "My brother has such good taste, don't you think?"

"Hey, hey, hands off, you just got married!" Worth chastised, draping an arm over Conrad's shoulder possessively. The vampire, for his part, was utterly mortified, and Hanna was beginning to wonder if he could even move anymore, what with the way he was standing so still and quiet. Then Conrad managed a stuttered 'congratulations', and the redhead mentally declared the pale man officially sort-of-okay.

He was shaken out of his thoughts by Hatoum's hand resting on his shoulder. "Hey," the zombie said, "they're starting the buffet now. You should eat something, you're looking kind of pale too."

"I-I'm not pale!" Hanna squeaked, twisting out of Keith's reach. He turned a little, pretending to watch Conrad whisper-arguing with Worth (but really, he just didn't want the zombie to see he'd gone bright red – again. Besides, it was kind of hard to look at him when the sight of him in a suit made Hanna want to grab his tie and pull him into a kiss). He caught sight of the buffet out of the corner of his eye. "But…I am pretty hungry…wait, oh my god, what even is that pink stuff?" Suitably distracted and back to his usual impulsive self, Hanna ran towards the buffet, starving shark-boy and zombie in tow.

Somewhere around ten in the evening, Worth managed to convince Conrad to join him on the dance floor. Hanna was pretty sure there was a threat or a bribe involved in that. He was also pretty sure he didn't want to know what it was, knowing Worth. But the Doctor seemed to be greatly enjoying the furious glares he and his 'boyfriend' were receiving from his parents, and even Conrad seemed to be smiling (one point to the vampire!). At some point the rose that had been in Worth's pocket ended up in Conrad's.

Ples had taken on the role of parent, as always, and was following an already very drunk Veser around, trying to convince him to come outside and sober up or at the very least put down the damn tequila, and no, no he didn't need another glass of champagne, no matter how expensive it looked. And Toni…where was Toni, anyway? Hanna looked around curiously, trying to figure out where she – oh. Over there, trying to get a C-list actor that Hanna had never heard of to take her on a date (or back to his hotel room, that would do too).

Which was unfortunate, in that it left Hanna sitting in silence at one of the tables near the back with a very, very good looking zombie in a suit. He distracted himself with yet another serving of 'the pink stuff', though they still hadn't figured out what on earth it was made of. Prawns, maybe salmon, Nathan had supposed. Darren had taken a plate of food too (just to fit in, mostly – it was okay, Hanna ate like a bottomless pit anyway; he'd finish it for him).

"I wonder if they'd let us take some of this home," Hanna said, returning to his usual method of filling awkward silences with thinking aloud. "I bet it must be super expensive, and they're only gonna throw it away, for sure. That's totally a waste of food, don't you think? Oh, and we gotta ask what this stuff is, maybe you can make it. You can cook anything, though, cause you cooked that thing a few days ago, and it looked really difficult-"

Then he made the mistake of looking up.

Jones was stretched lazily against the table, looking like a zombie version of James Bond, half-lidded, orange eyes watching Hanna as he ate. The smaller man quickly grabbed a spoonful of pink stuff and shoved it in his mouth to stop himself from blurting out something stupid. He was pretty sure his cheeks were the same colour as the food (again, fucking damn it all!).

There was awkward silence again as he chewed. Maybe that had been a bit too much pink stuff, actually. He probably looked like a hamster right now.

"Hanna…" Skaer said at length, and the redhead nearly choked in panic. Oh shit, oh shit, he'd noticed him blushing all day, hadn't he? And he was always too polite to say stuff, and oh no he was going to ask about it and - "Are you…embarrassed to be seen with me?"

…Wait, what?

Hanna spat out his mouthful of pink stuff, narrowly avoiding it landing on his suit. "What!?"

"It's just," the zombie picked up a tissue to wipe the food off Hanna's mouth, "you've been giving me these weird looks all day, and you keep running off. I'll just go back to the hotel, if you want me to. I know I'm kind of…ah…green."

The small man stared at him in silence for a moment, mouth agape. Then without warning, Hanna threw himself at the zombie, nearly knocking the plate of pink stuff off the table as he wrapped his arms tightly around the dead man's neck. He was trembling slightly.

"H-Hanna? Are you…?"

Then he realized; Hanna wasn't crying or shaking – he was laughing. The noise started as a tiny giggle before growing into a full-grown guffaw against his shoulder. "You're so silly, Gallaccio!" Hanna laughed. "Why would I be embarrassed?"

He wasn't entirely sure whether Hanna actually realized that it wasn't normal to be seen with the walking dead, so he decided to humour him. "Because I'm a corpse," he explained seriously.

"So?" Hanna grinned.

"Well if that's not it, what is it? Something's been bothering you all day," Nolan frowned down at the comparatively tiny man on his lap.

Hanna blushed (and he hoped it was for the last time that day), but this time, he smiled up at him, one hand playing with the black tie around the zombie's neck. He leaned forward, and maybe it was that wine he'd had earlier, but he found himself nose to nose with Doherty. "You look dead hot in a suit," he grinned. "'Scuse the pun."

Ono closed the distance between them, pressing a tentative kiss against warm lips.

"You're pretty cute in a suit yourself," he said quietly, smiling (another point to the zombie). Ignoring the odd looks from the old women on the table next to theirs, he leaned in again for another kiss, eventually flicking his cold tongue out to run it against Hanna's bottom lip. "Mmf…you taste like…hm. That pink stuff is pretty good, actually..."

Hanna laughed again, clutching at his stomach and nearly falling right off Jake's lap. "Oh, dude, you just totally killed the moment!" Then the DJ changed the song, and Hanna snapped his head towards the dance floor with surprise, eyes wide at the choice of song.

"May I have this dance?" Rin asked with a knowing grin, elbow proffered.

"Did you…no way, did you request this or something?" the red-haired man said, filled with awe.

"Maybe," Sebastian said secretively, and he tugged Hanna along to the dance-floor for a dose of 'Good Old-Fashioned Lover Boy'.

He had only meant to stay there for the one song, but the next song was a slow one he'd never heard before (or maybe he had, but didn't remember it), and so was the next, and the next, and Hanna was already leaning against him, warm and happy and so very alive, so he stayed. He swayed the smaller man from side to side while Hanna wrapped his arms around his waist, face buried against his waistcoat. It was kind of nice, really. He rested his chin on Hanna's head (and even for that he had to lean down a little, but that was okay too). Conrad and Worth had disappeared, and judging from the outraged look Worth's mother had on her face the two were probably up to no good.

The spotlight was on Laura and her husband, swaying similarly in the centre of the dance floor. He felt safe, on the edge of it, in the dark with Hanna - nobody could see them if they were looking at Laura. The smaller man sighed contentedly against him, hands gripping his jacket tightly. He pressed a kiss against Hanna's hair, feeling rather than seeing Hanna smile against his chest.

"Ples took Veser back to the hotel. You want to go soon too?" he murmured into Hanna's ear.

"Can I...stay in your room?" Hanna asked shyly.

He leant down to kiss Hanna by way of an answer, tugging the smaller man's tie loose absently. "I'd like that," he said, almost a purr, and the last coherent thought Hanna had that night was that maybe, just maybe, formal clothes weren't so bad after all.