It has been six months since I left. An eternity in the throws of hell in my eyes. But once again it is all my fault. Me and my rational mind could not accept reality. A reality that was always there, I was just never realized it until now.
And now it is much too late.
Too late for I'm sorry, I love you or even an emotional breakdown.
Now that my driver begins his slow decent onto my parking structure, my chest begins to tighten. I shouldn't be here. He deserves better. Better than I could ever provide but here I am. Me. What am I doing here?
Six months on the road can so wonders to help clear your head but one thing it cannot do is clear your heart, stop yourself from falling in love.
And I fell deep, no scratch that. I fell hard, hard and swift for a man who deserves the world and I can only give him a star. One single star that hold my hopes and dreams, my failures and regret. I can only give him me.
And that will never… ever be good enough.
Maybe if I hadn't left, things would have turned out better. Maybe I would have been happier but I did leave and now I must pay the consequences.
His consequences. My consequences. Our consequences.
"Is this your stop, ma'am" The driver becons me back to reality. I just nod.
I open my door and let out a sigh, trying to force my fears deep down. Hoping that his love is unconditional but that is soon fleeting. For I now know that everything has a cost, and his cost is one I cannot bear.
I follow the young man up the stairs and down the hall to my door. He motions for me to open it but I freeze.
"Ma'am" He pleads.
I nod and fumble through my purse. I push the key into the lock and slowly open the door. The apartment is dark, he must not be home. Good.
The young man places my bags at the door and I tip him before he runs down the hall.
I flick the light on and let out a sigh that is quickly drawn back in when the scent of dill and leaves hits me like a ton of bricks. I open my eyes slowly and see a figure now sitting on my couch. He glares at me and crosses his arms in disbelief.
"Mrs. Booth" Is all he says, clutching the paper that will soon seal my fate.