Disclaimer: J.K. owns everything related to Harry Potter.
Due to the excellent attendance of all teachers at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry at the late August meeting, the small staff room quickly filled up. In fact, at one point there were so many people crammed into the room that there was barely enough room to breathe. However, the minute the Headmaster, an elderly man wearing pale orange robes who had a long white beard, walked into the room, the room quickly expanded so everyone was comfortable. The staff immediately glanced towards the man who could be Merlin's doppelganger.
"Good morning," the Headmaster said pleasantly before taking his seat at the head of the table. "As you all know, it is that time again. The students shall be arriving tomorrow evening as normal before we know it. As such, we have several issues that we must address before their arrival." He then smiled towards his staff who only stared blankly back at him. "Yes, well, I am sure you are all wondering who I've hired for our Defense against the Dark Arts position."
"Not really," a woman with green eyes and light brown hair replied. The Headmaster immediately rewarded her with a swift glance in her direction. She only smiled innocently at him, though, at his raised eyebrow.
"Professor Vector, I do hope that you haven't just said anything."
"Of course not, Headmaster," the witch replied happily.
"Septima, shut up," a dark haired witch with curly hair hissed.
"Fine, but I was just having some fun with the Headmaster," Septima Vector, the Arithmancy professor, said whining slightly.
"We know what you were doing, Vector, and nobody cares," a pale man with a hooked nose sneered as he sat shrouded in darkness.
"Well, aren't we Mr. Grumpy today?" Septima drawled.
"He's always Mr. Grumpy," the dark haired witch replied.
"Yes, and you're always sticking your head so far up your—"
"PROFESSORS," the Headmaster yelled in a booming voice. Everyone instantly quieted. "Thank you. Now, since you are unable to act like professionals, I'll leave you in suspense."
"Like you always do," mocked Septima.
"Poppy, perhaps you should inform us about your findings." A matronly witch quickly stood up and glanced around the table at the staff. She wore a pleasant smile on her face before addressing them.
"Thank you, Headmaster," she said bowing her head towards him. "In efforts to fight childhood obesity, the Ministry has passed several decrees that require me to review our students' medical charts yearly to see if Hogwarts is improving in efforts to reach the Ministry's goal. I have recently just finished my review and found that we are unfortunately failing to improve. In fact, we have actually all became a bit heavier last year. In response to my findings, the Ministry has enacted several provisions that we must now follow in order to continue to receive funding. The first provision is that we must ban all sweets from Hogwarts starting next term." Her face then became stern as she glanced towards the Headmaster. "That includes your Ice Mice, sugar quills, licorice snaps, and anything else that is pure sugar, Headmaster." She instantly caught him popping a lemon drop into his mouth. "I'm afraid, Albus, that includes your lemon drops."
"Albus Dumbledore, you know precisely what those sweets are doing to your health. Need I remind you about the blow pop incident?"
"Do not sass me, Headmaster, or I will inform the rest of the staff."
"As you wish, Poppy," he replied bowing his head slightly.
"In addition, they have also added set guidelines for the house elves to follow when preparing our food nowadays. We're going to become a zero trans-fat school, which means that there will be no more fattening food used. Instead, the Ministry has prepared a sample list of possible healthy food choices. As you can see, they've altered our breakfast slightly with the removal of the various types of pancakes. From now on, students are allowed two pancakes and their choice of either sausage or bacon."
"We might as well just starve them, Pomfrey."
"The same goes for you professors," she replied. "In fact, this morning will be the last day anyone of you are allowed to drink an unlimited amount of coffee." She then glanced towards the glaring curly haired witch. "I completely understand your anger, Aurora. However, the Ministry believes that there is no need for you to stay up until all hours of the night for your classes. From now on, Astronomy will be held in the Room of Requirement at normal times as per the Ministry's orders." Luckily, she focused her attention elsewhere so she didn't see the witch's face.
"Who the hell are they to decide when and where my class is held?"
"Now, Professor, there is no need—"
"NO NEED?" she yelled. "There is every damn need for me to be mad. They just decided that my input didn't matter and thought that they could change my entire class so that it—"
"Professor Sinistra," the Headmaster said in his warning tone.
"I apologize, but I find it absolutely ridiculous that they think they can make rules up as they go along. I've always taught Astronomy at midnight because it's the perfect time to view constellations."
"Be as it may, Aurora, the Ministry has ordered us to do this. I understand that you have your—"
"I have more than just trepidations about this solution, Headmaster. I hate it. The Room of Requirement can only show so much detail. It cannot take the place of the real thing."
"My dear, I am sure the Ministry only suggests this as to ensure your longevity. Perhaps we could just experiment with it for a week. Would that be agreeable?" He smiled half-heartedly when she nodded. "Excellent," he said. "If there's nothing else, then I believe this concludes our meeting."
The Headmaster watched his staff carefully. He knew that no matter what Professor Sinistra agreed to that she wouldn't be happy about it. Professor Vector didn't look any worse for wear, but it took a great deal to make her angry. Professor Snape was his usual damper self as he stalked away. The small Professor Flitwick looked to be seriously contemplating something. They were definitely going to be in for a wild ride this term…especially since he, Albus Dumbledore, could not have his lemon drops.