Author's Notes: C.C., Mao and Code Geass belong to their owners (not me). This a supplement to my other fic, Mao of the Deliverance I felt like writing, detailing the events corresponding to it's first chapter from C.C.'s point of view instead and providing some insights into her thoughts regarding the situation.
Mistakes of the Past
It was a day that she had seen countless times before. The sun beamed bright overhead, spreading its rays over the green wild. The cheerful sound of a gentle stream flowing nearby could be heard in the air, joined by a chorus of singing birds. Another might have taken the time to appreciate it, but, after a while, even warmth and tranquility can grow stale.
Nonetheless, C.C. looked proudly at the contraption on her lap. It was a curious thing to have in such a remote place: a digital audio player along with a pair of head phones, stolen from the nearest city. With it, she had recorded words of love, gratitude and encouragement. Thought at first she had struggled with what to say, she had come to conclude that it would not even matter. Altogether, it had taken her months to finish secretly, just waiting for this day. For today was a very special day. It was the day of her anniversary. Or at least, that's what Mao, the boy who lived out here in the wild with her, called it.
The whole thing had started one day about eleven years ago, when Mao asked C.C.,
"When is your birthday?"
Looking at him out of the corner of her eye, she instead asked, "When is your birthday?"
Mao paused for a moment, deep in thought, and said finally, "I can't remember".
"Then perhaps it's not all that important," C.C. replied dryly.
For, in truth, C.C. couldn't remember her birthday either. She had lived so long that such minutiae was completely forgotten. But Mao had a quick solution.
"Then I declare that every year we shall celebrate the anniversary of our first meeting instead," Mao announced triumphantly.
C.C. smiled at the memory. On their anniversary, they would each try to secretly make a special gift for the other and surprise each other with it, which was quite amusing considering that both of them were expecting it. C.C. would usually stalk off to steal things that could only be found in civilization. On such occasions, she would give him paints and brushes, canvas, easels, and other exotic presents, while Mao would work hard all day gathering flowers to make her a lovely bouquet or searching the nearby caves for precious jewels. C.C. didn't really like it when Mao spent a lot of time in the caves though. She worried what would happen if he accidentally got lost or fell or worse.
This anniversary meant that C.C. was at least 717 years old and Mao roughly around 17 years old.
But C.C. had decided that today's anniversary was going to be different. She tinkered with the payback mechanism, rewinding, playing and then stopping and rewinding again. "Thank you Mao," played her voice, soothing and sweet as if it each word was dripping with honey. Satisfied, she stopped it and sighed. Honestly, she was torn as to whether she should do this today. But she forced herself to ignore such thoughts. This is the way it has to be, she assured herself.
"Maybe just one more year?" C.C. muttered to herself, her gaze sweeping over the beautiful expanse of trees which seemed to stretch on forever. "No!" she whispered hoarsely. "How long have I been saying that?"
Standing to her bare feet, C.C. walked lazily along the grass, which felt so lush and soft under toe. As she did, her thoughts turned to Mao.
The boy had grown up quite a bit. He was taller than her now and, like her, very clever. But she had noticed a change in Mao. He no longer looked at her with the eyes of a little boy, but those of a young man. The way he held her at night, the way he kissed her, always seeking more intimacy, were borne, not out of childish affection, but desire. C.C. didn't mind of course. She had expected this. After all, it was only natural that as Mao grew, his understanding and expression of his love for her would mature. But yet this development made her worry a little today.
Will he go through with it? she wondered. Part of her felt like it was unfair to make him, but she again brushed away such thoughts and instead tried to imagine how wonderful it would be to finally have her wish granted after all this time. He will do it, she assured herself with a confident smile. He always tried to please her.
As she came to the edge of the woods, she caught sight of Mao up ahead, his back turned toward her as he examined...something in his hand. She couldn't quite see what he was doing, but she had a good guess in mind.
She smiled at the smell of parsley and cooked fish which filled the air, though truthfully, she didn't feel very hungry today. Only nervous, something she hadn't felt in quite a while, in fact.
"What are you up to?" she called out.
Mao quickly spun around, flashing a big smile. She eyed his pocket suspiciously.
"This is a nice fire," she remarked as she laid down, playing along.
"Happy anniversary, C.C.!" Mao announced as he took the platter, full of cooked fish and sat down behind her, gently pulling her body into his chest.
"Thank you. Happy anniversary, Mao," C.C. chirped back cheerfully.
They sat in silence for awhile, enjoying the meal and the fire and the sounds of the wild as evening crept on. They took turns feeding each other just for the fun of it as a couple of clouds appeared in the sky and Mao looked up warily. She tried to enjoy herself for his sake, but it was still bothering her. She wanted to just say it but couldn't find the right words.
Quite satisfied, C.C. set the platter aside and Mao proceeded to gently run his fingers through her shimmering green hair, always one of his favorite things to do. She smiled dreamily, peacefully lulled by the sleepy fire and Mao's gentle fingers.
She felt Mao's lips pressing against her head softly and she looked up, smiling. Suddenly, he put his hand on her neck and gently tilted her head backward, kissing her lips. C.C. bit her lip. This was only making it harder. But given what was going to happen today-had to happen-she figured he deserved one last time. How long had she been stalling, she wondered. Long past when he was ready, she decided, refusing to do it till he at least grew old enough to take care of himself.
"C.C.," Mao began. His voice sounded uncertain.
"Yes, Mao?" C.C. asked.
"I made you something for our anniversary," the young man explained, clearly nervous.
"I made you something too," C.C. replied. "But can I give you mine first?" she added quickly.
Mao smiled and nodded to her. C.C. repositioned herself across from him and took out the recorder and accompanying head phones.
"This is from the city!" Mao exclaimed excitedly. She had not taken him back to the city, any city, for a while now, as he was unable to handle the countless thoughts he was forced to experience there because of Geass. C.C. took the headphones and put them over his ears, turning the volume knob slightly. "Listen," she said as she pressed the play button and put her hands over his eyes playfully.
"It's you!" Mao exclaimed. After a few seconds, he slid them down to his neck.
"Any time you want to hear my voice, you can just press 'play'," C.C. explained.
Mao stopped. "But...why would I listen to a recording when I have you right here?" Mao asked, his voice suddenly full of suspicion.
C.C. paused. "Mao, the time has come to fulfill our contract," she explained.
Mao nodded. "What must I do?" he asked in a solemn tone C.C. rarely heard.
His tone emboldened C.C. and she pressed forward. "My wish, the condition of our pact..." she swallowed. "Is to die," she finished without a hint of emotion. "For my existence to end. The destiny of a Geass user is to succeed the one who bestowed that power upon them," she explained further. "In other words, you must kill me."
Lightning flashed overhead in the sky, followed by the sound of thunder.
"You...you're asking me to kill you?" Mao asked, his voice faltering, simply unable to comprehend what he was hearing. "Why would you wish for that? How can you ask me to do something like that? I-I need you."
"Mao please," C.C. stopped him. "There is no life without death."
"I don't understand," Mao countered.
"I've lived for centuries. But you have so much to do," C.C. explained, putting her lips to Mao's ear, her voice seductive. "If you complete this—you'll finally be free of your Geass! You'll be able to go anywhere without pain. And you can remake this world into whatever you want—no one will be able to stop you if you possess my power. And…you'll have my eternal gratitude. I have waited until your Geass became powerful enough so that you would be able to take my place," she explained.
"I don't care about power, or traveling or the world even! I thought we would be together...always. Y-You promised... We have to be together!" Mao pressed. "…You love me," he pleaded, but it sounded like a question, tears welling up in his eyes.
Always? His expectation exceeded reason. What did he want her to do when he was old, no longer handsome but just as needy? He could not have both her life and her love. She froze, involuntarily shuddering. "Mao...," she countered gently, her voice faltering for some reason.
"C.C., I can't—I won't—kill you! I love you! We have to be together," Mao choked the words out.
C.C. stopped. Memories of that wretched nun returned.
"I'm sorry to have fooled you, but our relationship was merely so you could take my place," she had told her ages ago.
C.C. shuddered once more. Had she really become that which she hated? She looked at the young man before her, searching for a way. But one look in his Geass-filled eyes revealed the truth. Rain began to fall, filling the woods with the sound.
"How disappointing," C.C. remarked coldly, anger rising up within her. She had rescued him, starving and freezing, from the streets of China. Taught him. Fed him. Consoled him. Played with him. Pleasured him. But loved him..?, C.C. thought, suddenly unsure. And all she had asked in return was one small thing. She shook her head, almost imperceptibly. He could have finally been free of the thing that bound him to the wild-that which separated him from all but her. He could have gone anywhere, done anything, been Emperor of all China. But, just like a child, all he could see was losing her.
"Then farewell, Mao," she said bitterly as she turned abruptly and began walking away, her face set like stone. She had thought bringing him here, out of that wretched city which had scarred his mind so deeply would cure all that. It had been...difficult to watch the worse he became, the more he lost control. And while out here alone with him, the murders, the trauma, the revulsion, had indeed stopped, madness replaced by quirkiness, the childishness, the obsession, remained strong. Because she was still there.
Instead, the isolation afforded by their remote home for the past several years had merely caused him to lose all interest in the wider world. It was if it did not even exist in his fantasy. A fantasy she had catered to, partly out of obligation, partly out of sympathy, and partly out of her own fondness for him, something that she had never thought could be possible again. And that alone was enough. But he had no dreams apart from her, he had no desires without her. He had no life besides her. And out here, neither did she.
"Wha-What do you mean, 'goodbye'?" Mao asked in disbelief, going after her.
"I'm leaving you to find someone who will fulfill my contract," C.C. replied, her tone sharp.
He'll come to hate me, just like he should have ever since I made that damned contract. Soon enough he'll curse the day he ever met me, and all this will be like a passing fancy.
Mao followed close after her, begging her to stay. After a while he tried to grab hold of her and force her back, but she merely shrugged him off each time.
The only way to leave him is to go where he can't follow. Soon enough his Geass will force him back. He will not go among people again.
They walked and walked and walked in silence, through the pouring rain and mud.
"C.C., the Geass!" Mao suddenly called out frantically. Apparently the voices had grown louder. She ignored him, however, and continued on her way, whatever that was.
Eventually the pair emerged from the wood out onto a busy road beyond which could be seen the lights and imposing structures of this side of the nearest sprawling city. Most likely Beijing, she imagined.
The young man beside her collapsed to the ground on the side of the road, apparently unable to bear up under the strain any longer.
"C.C.!" he screamed, his voice filled with desperation.
Pursing her lips, she left him and crossed the street, the skyscrapers which towered over the city rising up to meet her.
Though all he'll ever find among people is misery, at least he'll be alive... she caught herself think.
"C.C.!" he wailed again after her.
A horn blared and she whirled her head around frantically to make sure he was okay. At last she caught sight of him again through the rain and traffic, still in a heap on the side of the road.
"Go back," C.C. whispered. "Hate me and forget all about us."
The storm continued overhead, mercilessly drenching her with rain, her faded garments clinging to her body as water poured down her verdant locks.
Back to square one, I suppose.
He wouldn't be able to follow after her anymore now. Suddenly things she had refused to look at before became so clear. It had been a mistake to make such a contract with him all those years ago. He was just too young. And their relationship-they had grown far too close. She had foolishly let herself become so fond of him that it ultimately ruined her purpose for approaching him in the first place. The only thing left for her in this world was death, she reminded herself, liberation from a meaningless never ending existence. It was a mistake-a terrible mistake which she resolved in that moment to never make again.