You're Too Good for Me by AndromedaMarine
"I don't deserve you," Rodney whispered sadly to his bathroom sink, though he had really said it to himself, and in turn to the woman eating dinner with him in his quarters. The water splashed out of the sleek Ancient faucet and went on its merry way down the drain to eventually plunge into the ocean, where Rodney wished, for a fraction of a second, he could throw himself. "You're too good for me, and now that you're here, I don't know what to do." His mutterings only made his mood darken even further, and in a matter of seconds, the astrophysicist had made up his mind to tell Jennifer exactly what he believed. Then again, with her, it had never been that easy.
Doctor Jennifer Keller sat patiently at the small square table in the corner of Rodney McKay's quarters, her hands folded neatly on the wood in front of her. She felt a shiver run down her spine and she took in a deep breath, noticing lazily that the scent of where he lived smelled particularly inviting. She could see herself living there, sleeping with him each night, and waking up each morning to the man with whom she had fallen in love the moment she arrived. Jennifer's gaze snapped upwards as she heard the swish of the bathroom door opening, and she saw Rodney emerge looking fairly distraught. Even from her seat she could tell his skin was clammy.
"Rodney?" She pushed back from the table and got to her feet, stepping confidently as she approached him. "Rodney, are you sick? You're pale." She gently placed her right hand on the side of his neck, surprised to find that his skin felt very hot. Her left hand gripped Rodney's wrist.
Clearing his throat, Rodney tried to speak, but found that his inherent fear of voicing his emotions kept him from telling her exactly what he wanted to. He shook his head and squeezed his eyes shut, trying to forget that the woman of his dreams currently had her hands on his skin. I don't deserve you, he told himself. You're too good for me.
Not getting any immediate response from him, Jennifer coolly led him to his bed, where she gently forced him to sit. She sat beside him, releasing his wrist so she could bring her hand up to mirror her right. Now with both hands on his neck, she tipped his head up so he could see her. Her voice soft, gentle, and full of concern, she said his name again. "Rodney."
His eyes fluttered open.
"You're scaring me." Jennifer's brow was pinched together in the universal sign of worry.
Rodney couldn't understand why she acted as she did; not as a doctor, but as someone filled with genuine love and fear. He couldn't understand why she didn't treat him like she did John, with snippy reminders of what he couldn't have, that she did not date on a whim. He let his gaze drop to the tips of his knees. I don't deserve you. Don't you know that? As Jennifer's hands left the soft skin of his neck, the scientist realized, with a rock plummeting inside him, that he had said the words aloud. Suddenly fearing what expression he would see on her face, he remained stiff except for his eyes, which traveled slowly up the wall and over to her soft features.
What he saw he had not expected.
Jennifer's eyes had filled with salty tears, and she sat with her arms held tightly around her abdomen. She sucked in a shuddering breath. With her back slightly hunched, she turned away from him so she sat perpendicular to the bed. The images of waking up in his arms quickly shattered in her mind.
Confused, Rodney thought, Isn't she supposed to be agreeing with me? Isn't she supposed to get up now, and leave? What's going wrong here?
"I..I thought..." Jennifer's quiet voice trailed off, unsure of what to say in response to his quite unexpected words. She looked once around the room, and then at Rodney. She would not let her gaze waver from his deep blue eyes. Her voice firm, she said, "John said you had self-esteem problems. I just didn't expect you to think you're not good enough for anyone, especially me."
Exponentially surprised, Rodney floundered. "How could...someone so...beautiful, talented...successful, ever want to date someone like – like – me?"
Having made up her mind to nip this mood-killing train of thought from Rodney's supercomputer mind, Jennifer did this: she stood very quickly, and before Rodney could react, she lowered herself over him so her calves straddled his thighs. Now with him trapped beneath her Jennifer lifted her hands so one gripped the hair at the nape of his neck and the other ran through the short brown strands on the top of his head. She brought her head in so their lips were separated by only an inch of air, and she breathed, "I don't care what you think. All I know is I need to be with you to stay sane." With her intention and belief quite clear, she closed the distance and kissed him with blinding ferocity.
As the determined doctor had intended, Rodney momentarily forgot what his argument had been. Belatedly, his hands found her slender waist and slid slowly upwards. He felt her gasp, taking the air right from his lungs, when his palms grazed over the sides of her breasts. When Jennifer pulled back, he quickly apologized. "I – I'm so sorry – I – "
Jennifer cut him off by pressing a finger to his lips. Her breathing heavy, she said, "You have a right to touch me." Swiftly she brought her lips to the soft skin of his neck and kissed it. "This is what I've dreamt of, Rodney. Being with you."
Still hopelessly confused, the scientist continued to protest. "But – "
The blonde American, still being uncharacteristically forward, captured Rodney's lower lip with hers. As she put her weight against his, Rodney felt his back meet the prescription king size mattress and, employing a move worthy of John Sheppard, he rolled them so he pinned her to the bed. His fingers encircled her wrists and he brought her arms over her head, forcing her to stop her decidedly pleasurable actions and look at him.
"Look," he began, closing his eyes for a moment to fully retrieve his fading control, "I would love to take you, right here and now, but can you tell me why I'm not dreaming?"
She struggled against his hands and he quickly released her arms, afraid he might have hurt her. Now free, she rolled them again and pinned him in turn. Jennifer flipped her hair to one side of her face, leaned down, and gave him another fleeting kiss. "When will you understand that when I wake up tomorrow, I want to feel you holding me?" She smiled down at him. Still knowing it was probably far too soon, she weighed the risk and went for it. "I think I'm in love with you, Rodney McKay. What do you say to that?"
Stunned, Rodney lay still beneath her. After several seconds of looking straight up into her gorgeous brown eyes, he cleared his throat. "I'd still say I don't deserve you."
Knowing she had to make him believe he did deserve her, she thoroughly covered his neck with kisses. "You may not think so, and maybe you won't ever believe me, but as far as I'm concerned, you haven't deserved anything more than you do now." She rolled them again, relishing the feeling of his weight on her. "In fact I probably don't deserve you, but that hasn't stopped me from falling in love."
Now above her, and even more confused, Rodney rested on his palms and examined her face, committing the details to memory (in case he really was dreaming). She wanted this. Finally he grasped the hard-to-believe truth that Jennifer Keller was beneath him and willing, as well as possibly in love with him, and all he had to do was oblige her. She wanted this. She wanted this. He let his head hang as he sighed. "I never would have imagined that a brilliant, beautiful, utterly gorgeous woman would ever want to be with me. I'd only had a fool's hope that maybe, somehow, it would be you, and I still find it incredibly hard to believe that my fool's hope has come true."
"Believe it, Rodney. I'm here, waiting."
Rodney's mind again scrambled to catch the escaping control. "I want this to go slowly." He managed to give her a smile he reserved for the ones he cared about. "I don't want to turn into Sheppard-Kirk. You deserve more than the best." Carefully he maneuvered so he could stand, and Jennifer propped herself up on her elbows, wondering why he'd gotten off her. She opened her mouth to ask him what was wrong when he turned around, a spark in his shimmering ocean eyes. She crawled backwards until her head rested on his pillow, and for a moment Rodney forgot how to breathe, as he simply stared at the gorgeous woman on his bed, her hair creating a golden halo.
"What are you waiting for? We've been friends for two years, Rodney. This is our fifth 'date.' If this is going slow then tonight I want to sleep with you. And kiss you, of course." Jennifer lifted herself to her elbows again and watched as the scientist crawled towards her, and he lay on his side next to her. She mirrored him. Hooking her left leg over his right, she drew their bodies together.
With his mind, Rodney dimmed his quarter's lights so even though it was dark, he could still see all of Jennifer. He cupped her cheek with his palm and for the first time that evening, he kissed her.
Jennifer sighed in pleasure, reminding him quietly, "Don't forget, Rodney, you have a right to touch me."
In the morning, Jennifer got her wish. She awoke in Rodney's arms, fully satisfied and in love.
A/N: Please PM me if you want to do an M tag to this. I don't write M myself but it would be nice to see what happened between R&J that night.