Are you tired of the same old porn?

Does your penis go flaccid at the mere sound of cheesy music and bad scripts?

Has your significant other lost interest in your extensive collection of adult movies?

Or are you just looking to put some spice back into a boring relationship?

If you answered yes to any of these questions; then why not make your very own adult movie, right there in the comfort of your own home?

With the help of Deepthroat Nine, you can bring the passion of pornography into your bedroom - with the soundtrack of your choice!

What is Deepthroat Nine?

You may remember us as the production company that brought you the run-away hit, 'New Poon', as well as the multi-award winning, world-wide phenomenon of 'The Twatlight Saga; Spanking Dawn'. But the list doesn't end there! Since the company's inception only years ago, we have been responsible for such wonderful classics such as; 'Gangbangs of New York,', 'Sperms of Endearment', and of course, who could forget, 'Poon Raider: The Temple of Love'.

With extensive experience watching and filming porn, Deepthroat Nine is a production company that knows just what is needed to shoot hot sex!

Deepthroat Nine are experts at committing your acts of love, or lust, to high-resolution, high quality, digital video.

Why just set a video camera up at the end of your bed, when we can surround you with all the latest technology available?

Why settle for the one unflattering angle, when our trained professionals can shoot from multiple angles, catching you and your husband/wife/life partner, at their very best?

Be stunned with an array of beautifully captured shots, masterfully arranged to create something beautiful and sexy that will last a life time.

But don't take our word for it, why not read a testimonial from one of our valued, and satisfied customers!

"My husband and I were tired of the same old pornos. We'd tried branching out into things like spanking and gimp masks, but found the regular maintenance of the equipment tiresome and just plain boring. So, when a friend recommended we try Deepthroat Nine, we jumped at the chance!

"Their highly skilled team of writers and expert humpologists made sure we were camera ready, with plenty of advice on hand. We even enrolled in their 'Porn Acting 101' class where we learned everything from erotic massage and heavy petting, to ball-sack work and how to talk like a filthy whore.

"Making our very own movie helped us to put the spark back into our marriage, and sometimes we even show it at dinner parties!"

Here at Deepthroat Nine, we're dedicated to getting the best out of you and your husband/wife/life partner. We're so good, you'll think George Lucas himself snuck in and captured you fucking.

Still not sold? Well, we have an offer for you!

If you sign up today, you'll receive our 'Rear and Pleasant Danger' package, valued at over $300 - absolutely FREE!

The 'Rear and Pleasant Danger' package includes the following;

- A one-on-one session with Romanceologist and co-founder, Isabella Cullen. In this special session, you can learn all about the art of seduction, and perfect your very own whore moan.
- A free 500ml bottle of Twinkie flavoured lube
- 250g Glitter body paint (non-toxic)
- And a one hour session with Jasper Whitcock, in which you, or your husband/wife/life partner, will learn about the joys of anal sex.

So don't just sit there and suffer through another boring night of lackluster S&M and yawn-inducing spanking. Call Deepthroat Nine today, and ask about our huge packages today!

We're waiting to hear from you!

The End.

Well, there we have it. It's the end of Nerdward and Pornella. I won't go on and on. (Much).

Ladyinblue: My superhero, my knight in shining armor. You came to my rescue when I was drowning in a sea of commas and missing dialog tags. You are simply made of win.

Shoefreak/Mustloveshoes: My original partner in crime. The peanut butter in my celery, the popcorn in my ice cream, the french fries in my soft serve - you are brilliant.

Albymangroves: Shitfuckass. Where to start. You do more for me than just pre-read. Your my sounding board, my anchor, my teacher and most of all, my friend. I value every. single. word. you give me. This story would not have continued without your support. Just sayin. (BTW if you ppl are not reading 'The Dark Muse' DEW EET! You won't be sorry.)

The WC H00rs: You know who you are. You bitches are what keep me going. Or distract me. Both are equally as good. You are all beautiful and wonderful, and a crack-whore like my couldn't ask for better.

Most of all. Thank you anyone who read this. Srsly, the reviews and alerts make me want to grope someone, and I'm just happy someone other than me was enjoying it.

On a final note; I will have something new starting to post soon-ish. I have a little bit written already. I will hopefully be something to fill your crack-hole. Keep me on alert if you are interested.

Other than that...Winkles out.