XDDDD Believe me when I say, I'm having so much f-ing fun here, it should be illegal. Lol. Again, if you don't know what a twink is, go look it up. Don't click on any videos unless you're prepared!! XDDD
Disclaimer: I don't own South Park, but if I did, this would definitely be one of the episodes.
I. The Idea
It was the laughter that drew his attention.
Craig was sitting behind the cafeteria, smoking a cigarette, lazily skipping his second period class. Kenny sat a little bit away from him, eyes glued to the screen of his iPod Touch. Craig wondered how he managed to get it; after all, wasn't he supposed to be the poorest kid in South Park?
But he had it anyway and he was laughing hysterically as he stared at the electronic device. Craig usually had no problems with Kenny. Both of them were easy, laid-back guys, albeit one talkative and one not, and Craig could always count on him for a cig when he ran out. But Craig liked to smoke in peace and Kenny was kinda ruining the mood.
He took it for as long as he could, but could finally ignore it no longer.
"Dude, Kenny, what the fuck are you laughing at?"
Kenny looked at him, surprised. He wiped the tears of mirth from his eyes. "Oh, man, I'm sorry. It's nothing, just ignore. I'll stop."
Craig gave him a slightly doubtful look but turned his attention back to the deathstick in his hand.
But two minutes later, Kenny was at it again. Loud laughter was flying out of the blonde's mouth as he held the iPod; almost bent over in uncontrollable hysteria.
"Goddammit, Kenny, I'm trying to have a fucking smoke here!" Craig snapped. "What the hell is so damn funny?!"
"Oh my God! Oh my God!" Kenny wheezed, giggling. "Shit, Craig, I'm sorry...oh dammit, my stomach hurts."
Craig sighed. "Whatever." He tried to look over at the screen. "What the hell is making you laugh so much?"
Kenny angled it away. "Nothing, man, nothing. You wouldn't get it."
"If you can't shut up for more than two minutes, then it's got to be freakin' amazing, so hand it over."
Kenny gave him a long glance. "You sure?"
"Alright." The blonde shrugged, motioning for Craig to join him. Repressing a loud sigh, Craig scooted closer, taking one of the earbuds Kenny offered him. Taking a look at the screen, he frowned as the sounds of moaning filled his ear.
"You're laughing at...porn?" He looked at Kenny. "Why are you laughing at porn?"
Kenny grinned. "'Cuz it's fucking hilarious, that's why."
Craig just stared at him. "...I thought you got off on this shit, not laugh hysterically at it." He glanced toward the screen. "What's so funny about porn?"
"Everything! Dude, it has absolutely no point!!" Kenny exclaimed. "It's two or more idiots who get together for mindless fucking that they think is 'hot'! You know all the porn movies and shit? All the plotlines are so freaking retarded!" he started laughing. "And the positions are so fucking cliche! That's not even how you really have sex!'
Craig just raised an eyebrow. Kenny sighed happily. "Man, there's nothing better after a long day than watching two dumbasses go at it, and just laugh."
"...o--kay..." Craig made as if to move away, but Kenny grabbed his arm.
"Wait, wait! You haven't even seen the best ones yet!!"
Kenny whipped out an entire pack of cigarettes from his jacket pocket, waving it tantalizingly in front of Craig's face. "These babies say 'yes, thanks'."
Craig snatched them from the blonde's grasp, taking one out and lighting it up before pocketing the rest. "Yes, thanks. But I swear to God, Kenny, you try anything and I'll rip your head off. I ain't jacking you off."
"Yuck." Kenny laughed at the threat. "You already do that to Tweek; I don't want anybody's sloppy seconds."
"Who're you calling a sloppy second?"
Craig frowned. "Wait a minute, that makes no sense."
"Exactly." Kenny pressed a button on the touch screen, going to his videos, where he scrolled down a very large list.
"Jesus Christ, is that all porn?" Craig asked, astounded.
"Nah, most of it's just stupid shit I taped myself." Kenny said absently. Craig decided to ignore what could possibly catch Kenny's attention enough for him to tape it. The blonde glanced at him, a sly grin on his face. "I think I have the perfect one for you."
He picked a video, fast-forwarding it. "Hold up, the good part's over here." Pressing play, he handed it to Craig. the raven's eyes widened.
Kenny chuckled. "Hell yeah, my man. Hell to the yeah. I don't laugh at that."
Craig turned the iPod a little to the side, tilting his head as if to get a better look. "Dude...that's kinda..."
"Hot? Kenny suggested. "Sexy? Freaking amazing? So fucking delicious I wanna jizz my pants?"
"...yeah." Craig said finally. He looked at Kenny. "Why do you have gay porn on your iPod?"
Kenny laughed, patting Craig's back. "Because I'm insatiable, and I'm not satisfied with only 51% of the world's population."
"Nope, haven't got him yet. But who knows, after a lot of alcohol, people do things they thought they never would..." He trailed off suggestively, prompting Craig to punch him in the shoulder.
"Goddammit, I'm right next to you! When you get struck by freaking lightning, I'ma get fried too!"
"Alright, alright! I'll stick to mortals!" Kenny giggled." He poked Craig's shoulder. "How you liking your twink?"
"Tweek?" Craig asked, confused. Kenny burst out laughing.
"Oh yeah, he's the perfect definition! Nice one!"
"No, no, wait a minute, what? What'd you say?" Craig asked.
Kenny calmed himself down. "Heh...do you even know what a twink is?"
"Okay, compare someone like...Big Gay Al and to someone like Tweek and Butters. All of them gay, but only those cute little blondes are twinks."
"Oh." Craig said, realization dawning on him. He looked back at the screen, a grin on his face. "Hell yeah, I'm liking my twink."
"Heh heh, I'm sensing a double meaning there..." Kenny waggled his eyebrows. Craig chuckled but said nothing, keeping his eyes on the iPod screen. There was a moment of silence, then Kenny laughed again. Craig glanced at him.
"I thought you said you didn't laugh at this."
"I'm not." Kenny smirked. "Dude, imagine Tweek in one of those."
Craig thought for a second, a perverse grin on his lips. "Fuck, that would be hot." He glared at Kenny. "But not with some fucking stranger!"
Kenny put up his hands in surrender. "No, no, you can keep your little boyfriend. Hell," he laughed. "I'm just imagining you and Tweek in that."
Craig snorted. "Phht, your imagination's got nothing on us."
"Oh really?" Kenny grinned, but his attention was diverted as Craig pointed to the screen.
"We've done that."
"What?!" Kenny grabbed the iPod, looking at the specific position. "There's no way Tweek can do that."
Craig grinned maliciously. "Oh, but he can. He's a flexible little bastard."
Kenny gasped and grabbed Craig's shoulders. "Oh my God, I have an idea!!"
The raven looked at Kenny warily, suspicious of the sudden glint in the blonde's eyes. "...what?"
"We should totally make a porno!!"
Craig smacked him on the head. "Goddammit, Kenny, I told you not to try any shit with me!"
Kenny smacked him back. "No, you chain-smoking bastard, I meant you and Tweek! I can totally tape it!"
Craig stared at him, "What?"
"Yeah! We can just meet up at one of our houses and make sure no one's home! It'll be awesome!!"
"Dude, there's no way we're doing that just so you can put it up on the internet, you sick freak."
"I don't wanna put it up on the internet, I just wanna make it!" Kenny was working himself into a frenzy, his eyes shining. "Oh my God, It'll be awesome! Come on, Craig, you know you at least want to try it out, man!"
Craig narrowed his eyes. "You're not on anything, are you?"
The raven sighed. "Kenny, it doesn't matter if I want to or not, there's no fucking way Tweek'll agree to it."
"And how do you know?" The blonde demanded.
"Are you seriously asking me this? This is Tweek, for fuck's sake! I had to wait four fucking months before I could kiss him, in private, without him spazzing out on me!"
Kenny whistled. "Daaaaaamn. You're a helluva more patient than me. Don't see how you ever got him in bed." He pouted. "Come on, can't you at least ask? Think of it as your own little home movie, a really hot one starring you and Tweek."
Craig rolled his eyes, but he was definitely interested. It sounded dirty and perverse, but amazingly tempting. Who knew the idea of making a porno would be be so exhilarating?
He shook his head. "No, no I can't ask him that."
"I'll buy you cigarettes for an entire month."
The raven gave Kenny a side long glance. "You don't have the money."
Kenny held up the iPod. "Dude. Hello, four hundred dollar iPod in my hand? I have money."
"Which I don't want to know how you got." Craig hesitated, clearly wavering. "Dammit, fine. But I'm only asking! I'm not pressing anything on him. And you still have to buy them if he says no."
"If he says no, I'll buy them for half a month." Kenny countered. Craig sighed in defeat.
"Fucking sweet!!" Kenny crowed in triumph, pumping a fist in the air. Craig sighed again.
"Dammit, I really have to quit smoking."
A/N: XDDDDDDDDD Lol, sorry, if they seem too OOC, especially to you Tension readers. Yeah, I was bored, cut me a break. Heh, yes, I laugh at porn. Don't ask me why. I just do. It kinda scares all my other friends, but seriously! COme on!! It has no freakin' point!! It's so damn cliche, how could you not laugh at it?!
I already know somebody who's like me (heh heh, you know who you are, my lovely sadist) but does anyone else do that? Not to pry or anything, but come on. How many of you laugh at porn? Raise your hands people!
Don't worry, I'm hard at work on the other chapters of this. It'll probably be a three-parter. Nearly done with the second part!!!