Author's Note: Sort of like a continuation to my last chapter. Basically, more crack. Parody. Breaking of fourth wall. Demise of plot. Some OOCness. And based off of Naruto SD episode 42. Which, if you haven't watched, don't read because this will make no sense. Spoilers for Naruto SD 42 and manga 617.
Also, if you haven't go watch Naruto SD!
Also, do you guys think I should make these mini-stories a more frequent thing, after each Naruto SD episode? They're so fun to parody and make NejiTenish. Let me know!
Disclaimer: Trust me, if I owned Naruto, certain characters would NOT be dead…
It was just another warm, peaceful day in Konoha-
In a fluid and practiced move, the meditating Hyuuga quicky rose from his position and spun into his signature Kaiten, the deadly weapons aimed at him bouncing harmlessly off. He smirked as they clattered to the floor and his chakra shield dissipated to reveal one furious looking Tenten.
"Okay you little bitch," Tenten seethed, "Are you done? Did you have your fun?"
"Good morning to you too," Neji said pleasantly.
"Neji!" Tenten screeched, "Don't tell me you're still pissed off about chapter 615!"
"You failed to emote appropriately following my tragic and heroic death," Neji scoffed, "You deserve these consequences."
"God, you angsty woman!" Tenten yelled, "No wonder Naruto SD makes you cross-dress so much, you're personality is clearly fit for the role!"
"How. Dare. You," Neji glared at her, before smiling suddenly, "Though if I recall correctly, this episode, I wasn't the one cross-dressing."
"Yes, they made me a man," Tenten rolled her eyes, "I really don't care. I like wearing men's clothes."
"And they say I have a gender crisis," Neji sniffed.
"I'm a tomboy, Neji," Tenten informed him, "You, however…"
"Don't even go there," Neji muttered, "Though I have to say this episode was acceptable."
"You were a freaking horse, Neji. Lee rode you," Tenten snickered, "I gotta say, that's a lot worse-"
"SHUT UP!" Neji roared, "Damned directors, had to shove in that last scene! It was all going so well!"
"That's what you get for trying to blackmail the production team," Tenten rolled her eyes, "Did it really have to be me though? I thought we were friends!"
"So did I," Neji said, "Until that time I died and you didn't care-"
"Get over that, already!"
"Still. My blackmail worked."
"So it did, for one episode," Tenten shrugged, "But why did it have to be ME in that movie love scene with Hinata?! And you didn't even bother getting me a proper costume!"
"I am sick of these disgusting insinuations that Hinata-sama and I have a romantic connection," Neji stated, "It had to be ended, and what better way than to make me her father in a romantic skit, and have someone else as the potential lover?"
"I get that," Tenten nodded, "But why me?! I'm sure Lee would have been more than happy to do it-"
"You think I trust that imbecile around Hinata-sama!" Neji snapped, "Never!"
"It's a crack show, Tenten, they'd never show a pairing that was actually plausible. Why do you think they never show us together in those skits?"
"Well still!" Tenten fought back a blush, "There's always Naruto! And they show him and Hinata together, so your point doesn't even hold!"
"Well Naruto and Hinata are so obvious it's painful," Neji said, "We, however, were quite subtle I believe, and so-"
"This isn't about us!" Tenten shrieked, "I'm just saying, why did I have to be Hinata's lover in this skit?"
"I'm glad you understand how it feels, Tenten," Neji said sympathetically, "If you want to talk about it, I'm here."
"You idiot!" Tenten hissed, "Do you have any idea how much Naruto has been annoying me about that last episode? Ever since chapter 615, he's been weirdly possessive about Hinata. It's adorable, but when its directed at you, it's not fun to deal with, especially when he's trying to guilt me with one of those speech-jutsu things about lesbianism and how it's okay and he accepts me for who I am as long as I stay away from his girl, you know, he calls her that now…"
Neji smiled fondly as Tenten took a breath mid-rant, before walking up to her.
"You know, that was the first skit I wouldn't have minded cross-dressing for," he murmured, pushing a strand of hair behind her ear.
"Wh-what?" Tenten flushed, "You can't be serious."
"I never get good skits with you," Neji said, "I mean, I know the skits are ridiculous on principle, but if we're going to be made fools of, I'd rather get something out of it…"
"Guess I get what you mean," Tenten smiled, "Plus all those guys on Naruto Forums, at the Neji x Tenten FC… they'd like that wouldn't they…"
"But then again, a crack show will only show crack pairings," Neji shrugged, "What has my life come to? I'm dead in the manga and… well, this…"
"Mhm," Tenten looped her arms around Neji's neck.
"But really Tenten, it couldn't be that bad," Neji said, "I mean, Hinata-sama and I look similar, she has the same eyes-"
"Please don't!" Tenten smacked him, "The Hinata/Tenten shippers don't need you encouraging them!"
"You're right," Neji blanched, "I'm sorry… even if the idea of you with another girl could be mildly hot, Hinata-sama is my sister and that's just – not – no…"
"Neji," Tenten growled dangerously, "Keep this up, and I will ask the directors to have a cross-dressing romance between you and Lee in the next episode, and you and I both know how high a possibility there is of that particular scenario being fulfilled."
"God no," Neji shuddered, "Please… after that nonsense in chapter 617, the idiots who support NejiLee have been having a field day…"
"That's harsh, I mean, I think it was a good reaction out of Lee," Tenten said reasonably, "I just hate that I was cut out of it, again."
"Maybe Kishimoto-san thought your grief was too great to draw and decided to skip it altogether?" Neji asked hopefully, "You know, if you can't do it right, don't do it at all?"
"Maybe," Tenten murmured, her hands running down Neji's chest, "You better not die for real, though. You know, if you did, I'd be really sad."
Neji smiled softly, kissing her hair.
He lowered his head then, and Tenten leaned upwards before-
"Not again," Tenten groaned, burying her face in Neji's chest.
"Naruto," Neji glared at the blonde boy, his Byakugan pulsing, "For the last time, it wasn't her fault, and she's not lesbian. I can attest to that. Leave her alone."
"Oh, it's not Tenten I'm mad at right now," Naruto glared at Neji, "I thought you were one of the biggest NaruHina shippers Neji! Why'd you tell the producers to put Tenten in that love movie scene? I wanted to be a big hero and come in and save her!"
"After I died for you, you really don't have the right to tell my anything," Neji said icily, "And if you must know, you were my first choice, but they said that with all the attention being given to you two in the manga, they wanted to opt for something more ridiculous."
"It's a show centered around Lee. What do you expect? Besides, aren't you glad it was Tenten and not another male? Like, Kiba or Lee?"
"Well… fine…" Naruto seemed mollified, "Fine… but tell the directors, next episode, I want an awesome scene with Hinata-chan!"
"Don't be so greedy," Neji chastised, "Look at how well the manga is going for you. If anything, I'm the one who deserves a nice skit with Tenten."
"…fair enough," Naruto said after a moment, "Sorry about that, bro… and thanks for – you know, dying and stuff."
"My pleasure," Neji said tonelessly, before turning back to Tenten.
A few moments after Naruto left, it hit him.
"Wait! Wait! Bro?! Brother?! Naruto! You're not-"
"Not yet, Neji," Tenten placated him, "Not yet… it's just a way of speaking…"
"Thank God," Neji muttered, "Because killing me off without even a kiss, and then giving Hinata-sama a marriage… that's true Main House favoritism right there…"
"You do realize she's going to have a marriage and kids eventually right," Tenten said sadly, "And you…"
"Well, then good for her," Neji said, his eyes suddenly narrowing as he grabbed Tenten's waist.
"Wha-what happened?!" Tenten spluttered, before Neji descended on her and kissed her roughly.
"Screw the manga…" he bit out between kisses, "Or better yet… I'll screw you instead."
And, true to his name, that's exactly what he did.
Because that was totally why there was a HinaTen skit in the last episode. Neji was sick of being in them, and he could only trust Tenten with Hinata. Explains everything. And yeah, Neji's name is Japanese for screw. This is really funny because whenever I write Neji-kun anywhere in Japanese, google will translate it to Mr. Screw. Hilarious, actually.
Also, to all those who thought NejiHina was legit because of the skits? Please. It's a fact that the skits only showcase crack pairings. And since HinaTen is now one of them, I will laugh at every NejiHina skit that comes up.
Hope you enjoyed it. Please review!
P.S: To my friends at Naruto forums (since I know now that you guys read these!) I love you guys and this one is for you! I'm sure you got the little shout-out =)