A/N: Hey guys, haha. I'm kinda sick right now, and needed something to cheer me up. And my best friend Amanda has kinda, sorta, gotten me into the TV series Merlin BBC… and I kinda, sorta, maybe… may be obsessed with Colin Morgan's, the guy that plays Merlin, ears… so yeah, that's where this idea may or may not stem from. So whenever Remus' ears are mentioned, imagine Colin's, and if you have no idea what his ears look like, look him up, lol.

Disclaimers: I do not own anything from the HP series, nor do I own Colin's ears. Oh well. I'll get over it.

Dedications: To my friend Amanda, who seemed to need something to cheer her up as well, and who said this was cute but very weird. And to Just Briana, who I was just talking to about Sirius puns last week.

Warnings: Rated for language… mostly…

Summary: Remus gets cursed by Snape, resulting in him having rather large ears, and while he wants nothing more than to be rid of the God Awful things, Sirius likes them quite a bit.

Delightfully Captivating Ears

"Remus," Sirius asked in surprise, staring at his boyfriend with a shocked expression on his face.

Remus grumbled as he avoided meeting his lover's startled gaze, his fingers trailing over his ears nervously as his gaze darted to around the dormitory, "Not a word Sirius, please? Just help me get rid of them, alright?"

Sirius just shook his head, eyes opened wide, jaw slacked, as he continued to look at the werewolf's ears, which were now almost twice as big as normal, though not quite, and sticking out on the side of his head at an angle that made them impossible not to be seen. "Moony…" Sirius whispered, throat tight. "What…" he swallowed thickly, trying to moisten his throat. "What big ears you have," he said awkwardly, though it came out more as a question than anything else. He blushed as the tawny haired boy turned to glare at him.

"Was that a werewolf joke Padfoot," Remus asked, stalking over to the dark haired teen, looking ready to throttle him, or at the very least, mess up his perfectly groomed hair. "I told you to stay away from those bloody children's books in Muggle Studies."

"No. No, it's wasn't a werewolf joke," Sirius said, shaking his head quickly, but his eyes were still focus on Remus' ears, that seemed to be turning a rather… appealing shade of red. He licked his lips rather fast, fighting the urge to reach out and touch them, or worse, lick and bite at them till they were even redder, and… moist. He groaned slightly as the images filled his head.

"What the bloody hell is wrong with you Padfoot? For Merlin's sake, are you fucking drooling? What…?"

Sirius blinked quickly, trying to clear the haziness from his eyes and focus on what his boyfriend was saying. He blushed even more as he reached up to wipe the wetness from his chin. "No, no, of course not. I'm Sirius Black. I would never do something as disgraceful and demeaning as to drool. Are you bloody losing your mind Moony?"

Remus chuckled in amusement, causing his ears to twitch, and Sirius' attention was drawn back to them once more.

Remus reached up to cover his too large ears, feeling himself blush in embarrassment. "Help me get rid of them Pads, ok? You must know some spell or… something to get them to turn back to normal. They're just so…"

"Alluring," Sirius said, though it sounded like a question again.

Remus looked at his lover in shock, trying to figure out if he was actually serious, no pun intended, before doubling over as he laughed so hard tears filled his eyes. "Oh Padfoot, Oh Sirius, oh Merlin, that's funny. Wow, that's really funny Pads. As if… as if these hideously huge things could ever be… what was it you just said? Alluring? As if. These things are monstrosuous. They are hideous, dreadfully unappealing. How could anyone ever find these things, these gigantic ears that I've suddenly been cursed with, attractive? Are you mental Pads? Tell me you weren't serious."

Sirius blinked a few times, trying to tear his gaze off of those ears, those delightfully big ears, before he met his lover's gaze and grinned wickedly. "I'm always Sirius. You should know that by now. Good grief, do you not know your own lover's name?"

Remus chuckled hoarsely, throat dry from all his previous laughter, before he straightened up and hit the taller boy in the arm. "Oh shut up Pads. That pun is so over used it's not even funny anymore."

"Then why were you laughing," Sirius asked, crossing his arms over his chest as he casted a smug look in brown eyed boys direction.

Remus blinked a few times, a look of confusion settling over the planes of his face. "I really… do not know. Huh, that's strange. I'll have to think of that another time. After... after you help me get rid of these awful ears. Please Padfoot. I cannot go anywhere with these dreadful things. Help me get them back to normal so that we can go down to dinner?"

Sirius shook his head in regret, eyes focusing on said ears once more. Not able to fight the urge any longer, he reached out and trailed his fingers over the shell of one of them, delighting in the way they seemed to twitch under his gentle touch.

"What are you doing Padfoot," Remus asked, sounding surprised.

Sirius avoided the question by asking one of his own. "How did this happen anyways? Did you suddenly decide that you didn't like your old ears and decided to give yourself new ones? Come on Moony," the taller man teased, fingers ghosting over the lobes now, "Haven't I always told you that I loved you the way you are?"

Remus grumbled, sounding both embarrassed and impatient. "Shut up Sirius."

"Really though," Sirius said, suddenly sounding serious, (again, no pun intended… ok, maybe just a little pun.), as his fingers continued to play with his boyfriend's ears. "How exactly did you acquire such big ears?"

Remus blushed once more, and Sirius had to suppress a groan as the blush traveled right up to those ears that he was still caressing.

"Well… I may or may not have been cursed by Severus." Remus said hesitantly, looking at his lover from beneath long eye lashes.

Sirius' curious expression quickly darkened into a scowl. "That fucking bastard cursed you? What the bloody hell? When I get my god damn hands on him, I swear to Merlin and all of his great powers that…"

"Calm down Sirius," Remus mumbled wearily.

Sirius sighed, fighting to keep his anger down. "Why did he curse you to begin with?"

"Well, he may or may not have been talking to those idiotic friends of his…"

I nodded, waving the hand that wasn't currently touching one of his ears to let him know I wanted him to continue.

"And I may or may not have been listening in to what those morons were saying…"

I nodded again.

"And they may or may not have been talking about … about you…"

I sighed in exasperation. "Just get on with it already Moony!"


All of this was said extremely fast, without one breath in between what ever words the werewolf may have been saying, so once he was finished, it all sounded like one big mess of gibberish.

Sirius stared at the shorter boy in confusion. "What….? Remus, what the hell was that?

Remus blushed, staring at the ground. "Nothing…."

Sirius growled. "Not this again Moony. Tell me what the bloody, fucking hell that wanker said to make you pay attention to whatever garbage was coming out of his mouth."

"He was just talking about how you were a disgrace, and how you weren't fit to walk on this world, and how you should be dead, and how you didn't deserve to be called a Black, and just… it just upset me, you know? Because you're just so wonderful Sirius, and so brave and just… I was really upset about him talking to you that way, so I may have stepped in just as he was finishing up his gloating rant, and told him that he was a fucking cowardice chicken that needed to keep his greasy nose out of other people's business, and that just because knowing these things made him feel powerful didn't mean he was…"

Sirius shook his head in amused disbelief, not quite able to imagine his usually mild tempered, polite boyfriend going off like that. "You didn't…?"

Remus laughed, smiling wide enough to light up the shadowy room. "I did, and when he called me a filthy beast and all, I may have said, 'There you go again, you fucking chicken, bring up other people's issues to try and ignore your own…' and when he looked ready to curse me, I sorta, may have cursed him first to make him look like exactly what I had called him, then well… then I got these…"

Sirius just shook his head again. "Wow Moons. Just… wow. That's bloody amazing. I mean, really. I wish I had been there to see that."

Remus laughed. "Will you help me get rid of them? No matter what I do, they won't go away. It's so bloody annoying. I'm not use to my ears sticking out from the side of my head quite like this. I keep getting my fingers caught in the shell and tugging on them by mistake when I push my hair back, and just… please Siri? Please help me get my ears back to normal."

Sirius let his eyes wander back to Remus ears once more, looking torn. "I… I actually… well, you see Rem…"

"What is it," Remus asked, looking at his boyfriend with innocent eyes. "Is something wrong? Do you not know how to get them back how they use to be?"

"That's not it," Sirius muttered.

"Then what is it," Remus asked, sounding curious.

Sirius swallowed thickly before leaning down so that he was speaking directly into those too large ears. "I… well, you see Rem," he whispered, allowing his tongue to leave his mouth so it could touch the tender skin of the werewolf's outer ear, "I actually sort of like them."

Remus gasped as Sirius' tongue trailed down, laving the lobe before his lips closed around it and sucked softly.

Remus groaned. "Oh… oh yes, I can see that you do. Oh Merlin, Sirius… ahhhh."

Sirius grinned against the moist skin of his lover's newly acquired ears. "Think you'd mind keeping them for just a bit longer Rem? I kinda wanna… play with them…"

Remus moaned hoarsely as Sirius allowed his teeth to scrap over the sensitive skin at the top of Remus' delightfully big ears. "Oh…. Ok. For just a bit longer. Only for a bit though…" he was cut off as he moaned again.

Sirius chuckled, blowing on the moist skin. "Sure you don't want to keep them?"

Remus just moaned again as Sirius' mouth continued to bite and lick and suck at his cursed ears, far too deep in to pleasure to form a coherent reply.


About an hour later, Peter and James wandered into the room from Quiddich practice, looking tired and sweaty, the later more than the former, since the later actually participated in the game while the former merely sat and watched and cheered like a mad man.

Upon seeing Sirius and Remus lying, naked and kissing fiercely, on his bed, rather then on one of their own, instead of reacting in shock and disgust, as the lovers feared their friend would, James merely blinked hard a few times before gaping at the werewolf. "Fuck Remus, what the bloody hell happened to your ears?!"

A/N: Hey guys. Did you like this? Yes, yes, I know it was very strange, but I really wanted to write something, and I wanted it to be sort of meaningless. But no worries, the bottom Remus fic I promised will be up soon, eventually, and "Terribly Mistaken" will be updated after I get just a few more reviews. As for "Just a Misunderstanding," which I have nicknamed JAM, (fits right, since it is currently in a sort of jam...) it looks like I will add a new chapter as soon as I do a few more things relating to the story but not concerning it… if that makes sense.

Now, please, please, please review. I've had such a terrible week. Everything has been so stressful, and I'd really appreciate some encouragement here.

So anyways, I hope you enjoyed, and review.