Between the Whitewashed Walls

Disclaimer: I wish I owned Doctor Who but sadly it's not to be...

Disclaimer Take Two: Where Butterflies Never Die belongs to Broken Iris, and is a completely gorgeous song.

A/N: So I'm in the midst of a serious bout of the dreaded Writer's Block for various chapters of my collaboration crack!fic with ConfusedinTime [Shameless plug time: You can find us under BeansAndBondageChairs with a little preview of what's in store when we finish...] so I've been watching old TenRose fanvids on youtube today and I realised that I've never read a fic about the moment when they're on opposite sides of the same wall in Doomsday just after Rose has been trapped in the Parallel Universe. Of course, this could just be due to me being remiss in my fanfic reading but I felt that there was a void that needed filling and this little drabble popped into my head. It's all from Rose's POV and it's full of angst, 'cause I don't think there was any other way I could've played it...So, um, enjoy, I guess...

A/N Take Two: Please remember that all reviews are greatly appreciated so once you've finished reading, have a go at pressing the purdy li'l button at the bottom of the page...Pretty please with an even prettier Time Lord on top?

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Utilize surrendering, when silence falls, to you it sings,

Sterilise your mentality, compromise your reality,

Restful mind, and peaceful eyes, when sound has gone,

You will find, it's all the same for the dreamers,

It's all the same for us.

Where Butterflies Never Die – Broken Iris

~*~

Everything means nothing and you've lost it all. Vision swims and white blends into white; too clinical to be comforting. Your mascara runs, black on peach, dark rivers of tears down your face as it all sinks in. The monsters and the Doctor; you never could have one without the other but now you will never have either ever again. The wall is much more than metaphorical.

Exhaustion will wash over you soon and sleep will take you deep into its blissful abyss. Silent and suffocating, you could sleep for an eternity. You have no more energy to pound into that wall anymore, it has all be stolen or lost and you wonder if you'll ever get it back. Maybe the Void would have been favourable to this. Emptiness has an excuse there.

A scream echoes through your mind; your name in agonising accuracy, trying to pull you back with the power of a word and you feel stretched again. Protestations dies on your lips as your 'father's' words finally sink in. It's stopped working. He did it. Of course he did. You had no doubt that he would, you could never doubt him, even now.

A breath of a song, ethereal and entrancing through the wall. He's there, on the other side, calling to you. Bad Wolf. Two words calling across two Universes. You slide closer to the wall, pushing your ear against it, pushing your senses beyond it until you can hear him. Your name called across the stars; a mantra, a promise, an apology.

Flashes of memories. For a split second, you wonder if they are your own, pushing through the fog in your mind but you realise that you have never seen them from this perspective before. They shift too quickly to be seen in better clarity but there are five that linger distinctly; an imprint in your mind. His gift to you.

You're stood in the door of the TARDIS and you can feel soft leather along your arms, yet you realise that you are seeing this through his eyes because there you are with Mickey. You kiss him on the cheek and run towards the TARDIS. It's his first real treasured memory of you. It shifts again, a glow of gold and you see your own face, glittering with tears, eyes burning as he kisses you and lays you down on the floor tenderly.

Then there is blazing light and a new new Doctor, all eyes and teeth and hair. Hopping and grinning and drinking you in with such intensity that from his perspective, you can see the depths of your own eyes. Another kiss, this time initiated by you and there is an emotion you can't quite pinpoint and honest-to-god happiness.

A flash of blackness, falling into the pit and you can see Ida, waiting so patiently and you hear him speak. Oh, she knows…And it's gone.

You recognise the planet just by the colour of the rocks. You have to because he doesn't watch the aliens gliding across the horizon at all, he just studies you. You hear the word 'Forever' slide from your lips and it's all that you can do to stay clutching the wall. If these are your last moments together, you're going to make them count.

And then everything is white again; the white of the wall, a flash of turquoise that you realise is your choice of jacket and a scream. A scream of white, a swoosh of noise, a crinkle of paper, and silence.

The connection has almost disappeared, fading gradually into nothingness. Just three whispered words through parallels and the Void and whitewashed concrete. I love you. Between the walls. It rips a hole in the fabric of Space and Time. And you don't care, curling into yourself and clutching those whispered thoughts to your heart, wanting to believe that for a time, as much as he was able, the Doctor loved you.