WARNING: This is an April Fools day fanfic I wrote to see if people would believe my writing skills were truly this bad. If you don't think you'll enjoy reading this terribly written piece, then go ahead and leave :3

Hello all. I have noticed less people have been interested in my current story, probably due to it being the third sequel to my other two stories. So, I have decided to start this new story, and to improve my writing further, I have hired a beta reader! They will help me get my stuff more popular hopefully. :D

Anyway, enjoy my new story!

Chaptre 1: SHredder Streks

RaphEL was annoyed. Leonardo just got under his shell even at the best if times, but day it was dufferent! All his brothers had been at him!

"Stupid Leo….stupid Mikey…stupid Don…" Rap muttered as he flung himself over each rooftop, despretly trying to escape the thoughts he was having. "Sometimes…………I wish……………………………someone could understand me" He sighed heavily, gazeing at the star lit sky.

He could sense everything around him because of his ninja senses, so it wasnt a surprise when the foot ninjas came.

"Yo picked the wrong nite, foot scum" Raphal growled as he dove at the closest one to him.

He took on the 30 ninjas easily, leaving a few piles of feet ninjas all over the rooftops. As he went to leave, he heard a famaliar voice, as well as a scream.

"Shredhead!" He roared as he ran at the metal armoured leader. It was then he abruptly stopped as shredder threatened a girl he was holding.

She shrieked as he threatened her, but moreso when she saw Raph. He sighed……same old city.

Raph swore he must be nuts, but he thought he recognized the girl…she lived round here, about two blocks down. Her face was a little round, with curly brown hair with red flashed in it, running down to the shoulders. Her figure was normal, average height… Her wide eyes sparkled a deep brown in the night's light, her small mouth twisted into a deep frown as she tried to copmprehend the situation. She was the most appealing human Raph had ever seen. For once, he felt his anger dying away as he stared at the girl…he found her………………beautiful.

"Let her go!" he demanded, his voice a little less impressive than before. "She has nothing todo with this" he growled deep from his throat.

"NEVER!" Sherdder yelled as he increased his grip on the young woman. She screamed louder. "You have no idea what your interfering with reptil"

Raph frowned, "If it involves you, then its no god!"

He began his approach on shredde again, this time not running, but edging slowly, trying to get his chance to save the girl. Shredder suddenly took a step back towards the edge, cackling madly.

"Ssay goodbye!" he mocked as he pushed the girl over, leaving a blood curdly scream as she fell.

"NO!" Raph dived off the ledge himself, using his ninha training to let himself fall faster. He caught up to her and grabbed her quickly, using a sai to stop their decent by ramming it into the building they had fallen off. "You okay?" he smiled as they stopped.

She was still screaming, until she felt the arm around her. She blushed suddenly, looking at him. "You………..saved…..me?" She askes slowly, confused agian.

"Yeh, I did" he smirked.

"Wow!" her eyes widened again. "So….you a turtle?"

He sighed, "I know, you're scared of me….." He looked around them, looking for away to get down safely. "Hold on" he muttered.

She immeditly tightened her grip and he let them drop to the ground, landing perfectly adn carefully placing the girl down.

"No…" She suddenly said. "I'm not…."

"Huh?" was all Raph could mange to answer her with.

She seemed flustered. "I'm not fraid……I think…." she became much redder with each moment, "…you're………………cute"

Raph was now the confused on. "You ain't scared?" She shook her head. "No" He frowned, "I shouldn't still be here…fearless will…"

The girl gripped onto his hand so he wouldn't run. "Please don't go……I want to stay with you…"

Raph now shuddered at her warm touch, flushing himself. "I can't…"

She looked at him with her brilliant eyes, almost hypnotizeing him. "Please" she grabbed his other hand and pulled his arm around herself so he was hugging her.

"I guess…….I could take you back…………with me…" he mused, frowning more. "Sherder may still be after you" his heart fluttered under his shell as he realized he was holding this female so closely. "Um…I'm………R……Raphael……"

"Raph-ael" she spoke his name slowly, her voice sweet and childlike. "I'm Maryssa…Maryssa Uda"

"Maryssa…" Raphael breatherd her name, trying to control his thoughts. "Right…….Climb aboard the Rapheal express" he grinned, lowering himself so she could get on his shell.


"It will be way quicker if I carry ya….no affense of coure"

She smild back, "None taken". She blushed again as she climbed on, feeling his cold sheel agiinst her, it's smoothness and indents pretty perfect. "I……" she started but couldn't think of hwo to continue, so onstead said "Thank you"

Raph smiked to himself. "You wlecome"

Next thing Maryissa knew, she was flying over the rooftops with Raphael, her hair blowing wildly with each bound. Soon, Raph jumped down to the street and then dived into the sewers, still carrying her. They rushed thorugh the sewers, silently approaching Raph's home.

"You live round here?" Maryssa asked, still higging into him. He responded with a grunt. "Don't get me wrong, it's not bad….just…………different"

"Leo'll kill me" he sighed as he stopped and let her down off her back. "He'll probly start his responsibility lecture…" he dipped his head in annoyance.

Maryssa lay a hand on his cheek and lifted his face slightly so he looked at her. "It's my fault; not yours" she stroked his skin delicately, "I got in the way"

"No! Don't balme yourself! It IS me!" he growled, "They're right……..I'm such a…………….hothead"

She shook her head, moving closer as he let remorse overwhelm himself. "I've…..always liked……..rebels" she breathed as she kept herself mere inches from him, his breath brushing her cheek softly.

"You're only saying that…" Raph grouched, going to move away.

"Don't" she kept her hand on his face, still stroking it. "I……"



They both blushed, and then slowly, Maryssa moved in and brushed her lips against his, kissing him tenderly. She could feel the temperature differece between them, seeing as reptiles had a lower body temprature than peoples.

Raphel pulled her into his body using his hands, still kissing her. She didn't resist, feeling compelled to continue.

As they continued to kiss outsid the entrance to the lait, neither noticed the burning stare that watched them carefully.

Chapter 2: Mettings

"Feck!" Raph curse as they broke away. "I'n getting too clode!!!"

"Raphale!" An authoritive voice boomes. "What are you foing?"

"Nothing! I sware!"

"But…" Maryssa tried to move in closer again, only to find herself staring into the face of another mutant turtle.

"Leo…it was a accindent…………I didn't meen to……"

"Loe? that's a nice name" Maryssa mumbled.

Leonardo, still rather annoyed, looked down at the girl. "Why's you here?" he demanded? "Did Shredeer bribe you to infaltrate us?"

"NO! It's not like that!" Raph butted in.

"I know I look like most humans to you, buy inside, I feel I needed to come here!" she insisted, looking up into the deep hazle eyes of the leader.

He glowered slightly, "How can I trust you?"

"I don't know…" she winced, trying to stay as close to Raphel as she could as pain spread through her.

Leo sighed. "I'm sorry…if I upset you…" He made eye contact again, lookign into her brown eyes that glistened as she tried to hold in tears. "Please…" he moved forward, offering a hand, "Forgive me"

She was still scared, but Raph nodded slightly to her, so she shakily took his hand.

"I'm Leonardo" he said sooftly, trying to keep her clam.

"Maryssa" she muttered back, heart pounding again. Her cheeks flushed with a nice rosy tint as she gazed at the turtles, still prety awed by them.

"Well Maryssa…how about I let our Master meet you?" Leo offered kindly, no longet intimidating.

She flushed more, "I guess…" Maryssa tried to hide it, but she wondered if all the peope…well, turtles……that lived here were just as cute as Raph and Leo.

Leo offeed a hand and she took it quickly, maybe a bit to quickly. He smiled and lead her into their home. She couldn't help but look around, genuinly interrested in everything she saw.

"Master?" leo called through a slide door.

"Enter" an authoritive voice answered pretty much immediateyl.

He opened the door, letting Maryssa ente before him. "Master Splinter" he bowed, confusing Maryssa for a moment before she saw Splinters.

She held her breath, attempting not to scream… "A…………rat?!" she gasped. "Your Master…..is……..a…rat?!" And yet, to MAryssa, he still looked much nicer than her.

"What did you ecpect?" Leo chuckled playflly.

Splinters was confused. "Leonardo? What is this lovely young girl doing in our home?"

"Lovely?" Maryssa dipped her head sadly. "I'm….ugly" she spoke gloomily.

Leonardo looked at her confusedly. "Etm….Raph saved her from Shredder" he explained, watching her sad form. "He decided to bring her back…"

"Honestly…….I know I don't fit in……." Maryssa felt tears welling up in her eyes.

"Well…we are mutants…." Leo shrugged.

She looked round desperately. "Not with you guys………with the rest of the world! They make fun of me! They run off…….leave me alone!"

Leo hesitated. "But why?"

Raph was hiding in the doorway, watching angrily as he saw Maryssa cry. He couldn't sit back much longer. He growled silently at Leo instead.

"They think I'm weirdd……..That I'm a loser……..I try to fit in…..but I scare everyone off………..I'm so alone!" she wailed. hugging herselg.

Next thing they all kenw, Raphel was holding onto her. "Ya shouldn't let 'em get at ya!" he growled, hugging her tenderly.

She hugged into him, burying her face into his chest.

Master SPlinters closed his eyes. "You need to try be happier child…" he sighed slightly. "If you act gloomy, people won'r be as happy around you. Try showing off your smile more."

"Yeah….get out of your shell….ur….no pun intended" Raph muttered to her kindly. "And as far as you lokk….yer beautiful"

She kept hugged up to him, "I'm so pathetic…" She tried to dry her eyes, then attempted a small smile at Raph.

"See…beautiful" he smirked at her.

She merely blushed.

Leo cleared his throat. "I hate to disrupt the happy couple, but we need to work out wha t we're doing with Maryssa."

"Leonardo is right….I fear it would cuse issues if Maryssa were to stay with us"

She inhaled quickly, Raph's grip tightening around ehr.

"Hey…I ain't leavin' her after she was attacked!" Raph snarled.

"well…perhaps one night wouldn't hurt" Leo murmured.

Splinters nodded. "One night" he agreed. "In the morning, Raphael can take Maryssa home and all will be well"

She shivered, making Raphal tense more. "You okay?" he asked slowly. She answered wiht a small smile.

"While she is here….she is your responsibility Raphale" Splinters added as Raph began to lead her out.

"Of course" he growled, keeping her ahead of himself, trying to quickly lead her to his room before the others could interfere.

"Who's the chick????" an irritating voice chimed to him halfway up the stairs.

He growled, "It doesn't matter mikey"

"Ooh! Raph's got a girlfriend!" Mikey teased from the top of the stairs, waiting fo r his brother to get up there. "Hey!" he grinned at the Maryss. "I'm Michelangeol, THE Battle Nexus champion…you probly heard of me…" she shook her head slowly. "Well…call me Mikey" he winkec.

"Maryssa…" Rapg growles at her, trying to get her to move again, but her legs refused to move,

"Thar's a cute name!" Mikey grinned at her.

Raphg managed to get Maryssa to move again, around his annoying vrother. "She ain't stayin here long, so don't het too attatcged…" he almost sighe,

"See ya babve" Mikey called as Raph shut the door on him.

"You're family seems nice' Maryssa commented, blushing again.

Raph merely shrugged. leadignher to his hammock. "Ya can sleep here tanight" he gestured slightly at it, turning to eave.

She grabbed his hand quicly, "NO! Please…" she whimped, "Don't leav eme alone"

"How 'bout i watch over ya whike ya sleep…" Raph murmured.

She inhaled slowly "I……..w0uld like that….."

He moved closer and hugged her again, shielding her from the world around them. "Maryssa………I'm sorry thungs ain't different…….I wish….." he sighed, shaking his head quickly.


"Huh? Oh….ya better get ta sleep…" he murmured, not finished his sentence.

Chapter 3: `fugative

"Wake up…" Raph;s calm voice pierced her sleep.

With a groona, Matussa pushed herdelf up. "What time is it?"

"Ahout noon" Leo muttered, staring at her with his full amber orbs.

"No…………she winced. "I'll have to o son…" She hugged into him quivkly.

Raph grinned cheekly at her. "Hey…they idn't say when ya had ta leave…"

Her heaty pounded quickly as she realized how close they were. "I…….don't wanna leave you" she blused deeply.

"Me neither Babe….but we hafta……….we just don't go with humans so well….."

She wiped away a tear quickly so he couldn't see it.

"RAPHEL!" a voice boomed from downstairs.

"Shit! I'm late fer training!" he jumped up, running to the door. "We'll all be downastrs" he muttered as he ran out.

Maryssa got up with a yawn, before quickly following. As she came to the bototm of the staris, she spotted Leo scolding Raph outside th edojo.

"I told you not to keep her here too long!" He Maryssa approached. "Sorry…" he muttered before re-entering the dojo.

"Come on" Raph smirked, "Ya can see how we ninjas tran" He pulled her in behind her.

As she entered in there, she watched the four….yes…….four turtles….line up in front of the rat master. The fourth turtle in purple seemed pretty confused by the human's presece, but tried to focus on their master instead.

"My sons, each time I see you is painful" Splinter lamented, pretty down about something.

He exchanged a silent look wih Leo and Leo took over the session.

As Mikey finished a kata, he grinned over at Splinter. "How was that Master?" he beamed exstaticly.

"The only thing I have to look forward to is my death my son" he mumbled as he hobbled for the door, looking carefully at Maryssa. "Girl, you are just as much pain in my life" he groaned, "As soon as he be done, get Raphael to take you far from me….your aura is hoorible!"

"Okay…" she sighed. If only she wasn't so different….maybe the master wouldn't be so emo about her presence.

After the catas, the turles started sparring. Soon, Leo flung Raph at Maryssa.

"NOEW RAPH! Take her home!" he snarled as he bowed.

"Shall we?" she asked sadly. He merely nodded. As she walked, she reached for his hand, trying to get the last bit of comfort she could. "Raph……..do you like me?" she asked, flushing agian.

"Well….yeah" he grittted his teeth, "Why?"

"No reason, she sighed, grabbing his handslowly and intertwing her five fingers in his three.

"Please……..Maryssa……….you know, we can't be together…." he sighed heavily, looking upset.


"NO!" he snarled at her suddly. "We can't ever be anything!!'

She statred to cry. She didn't notice when he picked her up and began running, she was too lost in her sorrows.

"Home at last" he grumbled, plopping her down on her sofa. She looked around before burying her face again. "Goodbye" he muttered as he dived for the window.

"You….you'll visit….won't you?" she whimpered.

"Probly not…..Leo would kill me….moreso" he grumbled. "Goodbye Maryssa"

He left, the silence eating into her for quiote a long time. She didn't even notice when a new figure climbed in her window.

"What's wrong child?" the devilish voice asked.

"Everybody…..hates me" she cried harder. "If….only…..I were a mutant…..like them"

"I could help you with that child…"

She looked up suddenly, finding the Shredder in front of her. "Why would you do that? Didn't you want to kill me before?"

"Of course not….that mutant forced me to do that…….I was going to help you"

She bit her lip, "I don't really have any other options….so………..I accept.

Raph punched the wall on the rooftop opposite. "I'm such an ideot!" he grouched. I twas then when he spotted a bunch of Shreds goons carrying Maryssa away tha he begsan to panic.

"Loe!!! Leo!!! They got her! I was right!" he quickly talked into his shellcell as he ran afte tthem.

"We'll get her back" Leo promised, as he called over the overs. "We'll be to foothq in about five minutes….meet us at the usual plac"

"Sure sure" he muttered.

As he met his brothers, Raph was only just controlling himself. He knew he would be set off easily, but needed to try keep himself together for Maryssa.

They entered easily, blowing a massive hole in the east wall.

"Shredder!" Leo demanded.

"Feet ninja! ATTACK!" Shredder pointed at the turtles.

They eahc pulled out their own weapon and began fighting, hitting, kicking, punching, shoving….until all the foot ninjas were fallen.

"LEt her go!" Raph roared.

"I can't" Shredder grinned. "We can't continue until we get five good reviews"

All the turtles gasped.

"But….that's quite alot" Mikey moaned.

"Tough….five or no more story….and for each bad review…….I will be taking off a whole paragraph from the next bit!" Shredder cackled madly.

"You fiend!" Don gasped.


Alas, I got the idea of a horrible fan fiction with the help of my sisters. We all talked about bad fanfic clichés: stuff like how characters are randomly emo when they never have been in the canon, how Mary Sues are extremely common (lol Maryssa-U ;D), how quickly the scene changes, the generic over-used title, and even to the point of how the author always demands good reviews at the end by threatening to do something if they get bad ones.

After this discussion, I said I was going to have to see if I could write one that was a convincing bad fan fiction for April Fools day; they both goaded me to do it.

I don't know if I'll continue….especially since this took me double the time to write than a regular chapter because I had to type without looking at the screen, then go back and check to make sure it was comprehensible.

Anyway, thank you for reading! I hope you've enjoyed it...kind of...and have a very nice day, all of you :D

Also, I don't really have a beta reader, that was another joke because it was so badly written.