My excuse [it's a lame one] is guy drama. Lot's of guy drama in my life. -.- Which kind of sucked the fun out of writing for a while.
This chapter is a bit short. The good news is the next chapter should be posted like...tomorrow. (=
Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.
Our real estate agent is Jessica Newton. She sold Edward his apartment when he moved last fall. Since then she's gotten married apparently, and is pregnant. Like, really pregnant. She has curly brown hair and a cheerful personality.
"It's nice to see you again, Edward!" she said, when we met up outside one of the apartment buildings. She turned to me. "You must be Bella. It's nice to meet you." She held out her hand for me to shake.
I shook it and smiled. "It's nice to meet you too."
"Are we ready to go inside and look? I know we haven't really talked about what you guys are looking for, but this is a new apartment building, so it's got a variety of sizes, and I thought it would be a good starting point for you guys."
"That sounds great," Edward said, reaching out for my hand. He looked really good, in black slacks and a green button down shirt. He had gone to the office in the morning before meeting me over here, so he was still dressed for work. I loved seeing him in his work clothes.
We followed Jessica into the apartment building and up to the third floor. She unlocked one of the doors and lead us inside. "We'll start with the smallest. This is a one bedroom, one bathroom. Go ahead and look around," She encouraged, lingering near the door.
The place was completely bare, and very white. It was a lot like the apartment I lived in now, minus a bedroom. It had a fairly spacious living room, a large enough kitchen for one person to cook comfortably. The bedroom was pretty good sized, and it had a big closet. It seemed small in comparison to our two-bedroom apartments now, but I realized that this would be really be enough space for the two of us.
Jessica lead us up to the next apartment which was basically exactly what we were living in now. It was the same as the last apartment, but with an extra bedroom.
And finally she lead us up to the last apartment. It was much bigger than the others. The living room was bigger, the kitchen was bigger, and there were three bed rooms and two bathrooms.
"This is more space than we need," Edward said, once we had walked around it.
Jessica nodded in agreement. "For the two of you? Definitely. But," she brought her hands up to her large stomach, patting it. "things happen, and it is a good thing to at least think about it. Are you guys planning on having kids soon? Or are you wanting to wait a few years? Because you guys don't want to buy an apartment now, and have to move into a bigger one right away."
We both glanced at each other, because we had never, ever spoken about kids. Ever. Neither of us knew what to say, so neither of us said anything.
Her eyes flicked from me to Edward and then she nodded. "I guess you haven't really talked about kids."
"No," Edward said, while I shook my head.
"Well now you guys have some good examples of apartments sizewise. I suggest that you guys go home and talk about this, and about kids and about what you guys want from the future. And then call me later and we'll actually start looking at more apartments. Sound okay?"
We both nodded. I was a little disappointed that we wouldn't be getting more accomplished today apartment wise, I knew that this was something we definitely needed to talk about.
We thanked Jessica for her time, and promised to call her later on when we figured things out, and we walked hand in hand back to Edward's Volvo.
We sat in the front seat for a few moments in silence.
"So. Children." Edward finally said.
"What do you think?"
"About children?" I asked.
He nodded, a hint of a smile on his face. "Yes, about children."
I shrugged. "Honestly, I have no idea. I've hardly ever been around children. I wasn't the sort of girl that wanted to babysit or become a teacher or anything, and I have no family, so I was never exposed to children. I know nothing about them, and I've rarely thought about them."
"So you don't want to have children?"
"I didn't say that," I said quickly. "I just...never thought about it! I suppose I would like to have children, one day." My mind was spinning, and suddenly I was presented with an image of a pretty bronze haired girl with green eyes, and a brown haired boy with brown eyes. They were playing outside in the grass. The girl was wearing a sundress that was smeared with mud and her hair that had probably been put up into curls carefully, was falling down. She was adorable. The boy had dirt and mud everywhere, and he smiled a crooked grin that I knew well.
And then just as quickly it was replaced with a different image. One of the same children, but in a different place. Now they were in a building with expensive fixtures. They were wearing school uniforms, perfectly put together.
I bit my lip. The two images were not hard to figure out. The first was more like my childhood. In a house, in a neighborhood, with yards where you could go outside and play and everyone went to the same little public school. The other was probably more of what Edward's childhood had looked like, with lot's of money and a private school.
Children with Edward would probably mean the second image. And somehow I just didn't get the same joy when it came to that image.
"What are you thinking?" Edward asked, pulling me back to the present.
"Nothing," I said quickly. "What do you think about children?"
"I want them."
"Someday. After we're married and everything, but not that far in the future. I would still like to be young, when we can chase after them better," He cracked a smile, but I just managed a weak smile in return, because I was being assaulted by more images. I was back to the yard, this time I saw me and Edward though, dressed casually, in a house. There was no busy lawyer and writer jobs. And then the second again, and this time we were dressed for business, and we were always busy, always running around.
Edward and I barely had time to see each other. How on earth would we raise kids?
"Did you have a nanny as a child?" I asked.
"Emmett and I did. Esme quit her job before Alice was born," he explained.
So we'd have to have a nanny. I had a lump in my throat about my imaginary boy and girl being raised by someone I didn't know, someone other than me.
"You look upset..." Edward said, sounding confused.
"It's nothing," I said quickly, shaking my head.
He turned to face me the best he could, his eyes studying my face. "Bella, whatever it is, you need to tell me. We're in this together, you need to be able to talk to me."
I sighed, staring down at my arms. "It's just...what kids mean in our relationship? We're both busy. You work, I work. We have really time consuming jobs, we don't have all that much time for ourselves, or for each other, and that's always worked out okay for us. But with kids? Do we really want to have kids just to leave them to a nanny to raise? Where we are the strangers that come home at the end of the day, tired and worn out?"
He looked surprised. "Oh. That wasn't what I was expecting you to say, I guess. Are you saying you don't want kids?"
I shook my head. "No! That's not what I'm saying. I just...that isn't what I want for them. I don't want them going to a private school and being perfect either-there isn't anything wrong with that-it's just...it's not what I had. I want my kids to have what I have. Happiness and freedom, and just being able to kids. Kids that are loved and see their parents." I was surprised at how hard this was hitting me now, all the sudden.
Edward brushed his fingers through his hair, looking suddenly exhausted. For a moment I felt bad for even bringing it up, but deep down I knew this was something we needed to talk about before we got married.
"I see what are you saying," he said. "I really do. I just don't know what to tell you. I'd like that too, for them to have the kind of childhood you had-mine wasn't anything worth being jealous of-I just...we live in the city, we have hectic jobs and that's just how it is. Are you willing to give your job and New York City up for a kid?"
"I don't know," I whispered. "I don't know."
He nodded grimly. "So we agree we don't want kids in the near future, then?"
I shook my head. "No, I guess not," I agreed glumly, swallowing hard as the pictures of our little girl and boy in my head disappeared. This was for the best, for now.
"So we'll go with the smaller apartment? And we'll worry about kids later, a few years down the line. Maybe things'll be different then."
"Yeah, maybe," I agreed, though for some reason I doubted that.
"Are you okay with this?" He asked me, watching me carefully.
I nodded. "I'm fine. Really. Call Jessica tomorrow and let her know we made our minds up," I told him.
He nodded and leaned over and kissed my forehead. "I love you."
"I love you too," I said, threading my fingers through his, as he pulled out into the road, wishing I felt as careless as we had when we'd started apartment hunting this morning.