Summary. . . . . . . . . . . A short tag to the end of Dark Side Of The Moon.
Disclaimer. . . . . . . . . Yep, you've guessed it, they don't belong to me.
A.N. . . . . . . . . . . I couldn't just let that pass now could I? I mean Dean threw away the amulet! The amulet that Sam gave to him! Enjoy, Peanut x
It's all falling apart.
He did it.
He threw it away.
I don't care if it's a worthless piece of junk. I don't care that it's no longer needed to find God. I gave it to him. It was something he treasured from me, something he loved, something he swore he would never take off. It might sound crazy, but no matter where I was, I always knew Dean would remember me, would remember that I still loved him, that he would always be my brother, every time he caught a glimpse of it. Now it's just going to be another piece of garbage collecting dust at the bottom of a trash bag. I guess now he doesn't want to be reminded of me, of what I've done, doesn't want to be my brother. I guess now that's all I am to him, trash.
What else can I do to make him realize I know the mistakes I've made, and I'm trying every day to make right what I did wrong? What else can I do to make him realize that I never once stopped thinking of him as my brother? What else can I do to get back what we once had? I've tried so hard to keep clean, to make up for the wrongs I did, to keep to the plan we made together, to just keep on saying "no" to both the blood and Lucifer, but now I'm not so sure that I can, without him beside me, standing up with me, pushing me, and fighting beside me. If he's not there, I'm not so sure I'm strong enough to continue on alone.
I can't just blame it on Dean though. Dad's gone, Jo and Ellen have gone, and their losses have created cracks that run deep. Bobby's lost hope, hell even Castiel's lost faith in the cause, and Bobby and Cas were so much stronger than me, were worth ten times more than me, if they can give up, give in, then how am I supposed to find then strength to keep going? Don't they think that Angels can lie just as well as Demons?
I can feel the urge, the need that I can never truly dismiss, rising within me again, can feel the want for the power just a drop of blood gives me, burning within me. Maybe that's the answer, maybe I judged wrong before and now it's my time to be the strong one, maybe it's my time to look out for Dean, for Bobby, for Cas; but is going down that road the answer? Deep down I know it's not, I've been there, done that, got the t-shirt twice.
Maybe then, I should just say "yes" to Lucifer, give in to what everyone else thinks I'm going to do anyway, allow him to invade my body, and do with it whatever he has planned, have evil run around town wearing me like a meat puppet, would that be so bad? Everyone thinks I'm already evil anyway for the things I've done, they wouldn't be wrong if I just allowed him in.
Or maybe we're looking at this saying "yes" thing the wrong way. Maybe by saying "yes" we could actually make a difference. Maybe, once we we're taken over, there would be enough of us still remaining inside, to battle from within, to do damage at a much closer range than we've ever been able to get to before. Maybe this is why God is so unwilling to intervene. Maybe he knows that no matter what, no matter who was in charge of us, Dean and I would fight tooth and nail to avoid fighting each other. Maybe God is counting on our strength as brother's to stop his own two son's. Maybe to stop all this we have to allow it to happen in the first place.
To do that though, we need to be strong, we need to be together before the end, rebuilding what we've lost, strengthening our defenses, solidifying our bonds, our love. But to do that we need that worthless piece of junk, that one item that connected the two of us, that formed a link no matter where we were. So I stop on my way out of the door, bend down and retrieve the gift I once gave. I'll wait until the time's right to give it back, wait until Dean's hurting less and thinking straight again, wait however long it takes to reconnect the brotherly bond once more, and strengthen the power that bond gives us.
A.N. . . . . . . . . Thanks for taking time out to read, I hope that you enjoyed this short tag. Catch you VERY soon with new Supernatural work, Peanut x
Okay, after recieving some reviews, which I enjoyed reading and valued the opinion of, I figured I better come back and add this in. I'm not trying to say that the blood is the is reason for Dean throwing away the amulet, but to me Sam still thinks he has to make things right and every action he see's he still feels guilty for and to him everything leads back to that time. As for Dean and Sam's treasured memories, they are after all opposites, so it makes sense to me that their memories would be so too, Dean's being about a family that Sam never got to know, and Sam's about a life that Dean thought he never wanted. Or maybe they weren't even their memories to begin with? Angels do lie also. See this is what I love about this show, the fact that fans see things differently and no one is right or wrong. Peanut x