The last chapter. Finally, ahah. I would like to thank everyone to took time out of their day to read and review this; both the ones who followed this when I started writing this in 2010, and those who read it after I came back from my year long hiatus.
Chapter 15: Der Sohn deines Vaters
The counsellor had taken her mother into his room that day, to explain just what was wrong with her daughter. Stockholm Syndrome, and a bad case of it, according to him. He then went on to read out the explanation from a book, his pretentious, self-important voice filling the room with unnecessary grandeur: 'Stockholm Syndrome s a term used to describe a real psychologicalphenomenon wherein hostages express empathy and have positive feelings towards their captors, sometimes to the point of defending them. These feelings are generally considered irrational in light of the danger or risk endured by the victims, who essentially mistake a lack of abuse from their captors for an act of kindness.' He closed the great, leather bound book with a sharp snap.
Sayu, if she'd been herself, would have slapped the officious little prick.
But Sayu was not herself just then. The paralysis had returned, and her joy in life had disappeared. To her, the things she witnessed and the world around her was no more real than her dreams. She had died that day with Mello. That was the day her life had come to an end. Things around her now didn't seem real – the things happening before her eyes seemed other-worldly, like she was watching it all from behind a tv set.
All of this had nothing to do with her.
The woman sat in the rigid green hospital chair, weeping to Dr Akimoto, was not her mother, not really; Sayu felt nothing for her. When Light had died, Sayu sat and watched Sachiko mourn with a frozenly stoic face; her big brother had died, but that did not matter. It was someone else's problem, she had died herself a while before.
"Is there anything I can do, Dr Akimoto? Please, she's the only thing I have left." Tears streamed down an old and broken face. Sachiko's once pretty visage was lined with stress and wrinkled with sadness; this woman's life had been destroyed. In the space of a few harsh months she had lost the love of her life and her only, brilliant son. Technically, she has lost her daughter to disaster too. "Why has this happened?"
Sayu watched impassively.
The short and stout Dr Akimoto shifted in his chair. "The syndrome can be explained in an evolutionary phenomenon called 'capure-bonding', and it is believed to have developed to solve adaptive problems faced by out hunter-gatherer ancestors; specifically, the females." He paused, pressing two arched fingers to his lips. He glanced quickly at Sayu before continuing. "Our female ancestors lived under the constant threat of being captured and kidnapped by other tribes. They would then, despite the violence and rape they may have experienced, integrate themselves into the new society."
Sachiko sniffed into a handkerchief, then dabbed at her tear stained face.
"I believe that Sayu developed sympathetic feelings towards her captor over the five day period of her incarceration." He paused, flicking through a few of the papers on his lap. "I believe that Sayu, on her release, slipped into a deep depression, hence her paralysis. That, at least, explains the first episode. I am unsure as to what caused this reoccurance though. I think it is safe to assume that she is suffering a relapse. Perhaps the strength of this relapse has something to do with the loss of her brother."
Sachiko began to weep with renewed vigour at the mention of her son. "But is there nothing you can do for her?"
Mr Akimoto pulled a sour face. "I'm sorry Mrs Yagami, there is nothing we can do at this time. We'll soon be able to put her back on the course of pills she was on in the initial paralysis. But there is nothing we can do now. Few medications have been proved safe in pregnancy, and some antidepressants have been associated with health problems with the child. My hands are tied on this matter."
He got to his feet. "Bring Sayu back for another check up next month. Until then, Mrs Yagami." He gave a curt bow.
Her mother had been horrified when she found out. It had been at one of Sayu's initial check ups for her paralysis; she had been throwing up quite frequently and refusing food most of the time. Her mother had been worried that the depression had deepened again but, after taking blood, Mr Akimoto had confirmed the cause of it all.
Naturally, Sachiko had gone into hysterics. After all, Sayu hadn't actually had any contact with males since her kidnapping, in November, several months before. Of course, she had failed to come home that one night, and she had gone crazy with worrying; she even went as far as calling Light on his work phone. In that hospital room, on a cold and bleak February morning, she screeched at her daughter for answers. After all, being a single mother was a shameful thing.
Sayu, of course, said nothing.
Sachiko had then turned to Mr Akimoto, begging for a way out – she could not handle another life to look after right now, not after everything that happened. He had thought about it for a while, his frown seeming to crinkle all the way up his forehead and up over his bald spot. But in the end, there was nothing they could do without Sayu's consent, even though she was in paralysis and unable to actually speak.
It was an ethical issue. And his hands were tied on the matter.
Months flew by before Sayu's eyes, she was watching but not feeling anything – it was like watching a bad drama show, she could see it all, but nothing made her emote.
She and her mother continued to go and see Mr Akimoto, but there was never any change in her condition; he always pointed out that, though it was not getting any better, it also wasn't getting any worse, which was something to be thankful for. That never went down well – it wasn't as up-lifting as he probably hoped it would be, it was just highlighting the fact that nobody knew what to do.
They went to scans, Sayu watched her baby change and grow inside her, developing from a mutated blob to a human shaped blob. She was going to have a boy. Wasn't that fantastic?
Her mother tried to engage her in choosing names and picking out baby-grows. "Ohh, Hikaru, isn't that a nice name for a boy, dear? It means 'light', you know. What do you think?"
Sayu had no interest in any of those things. She just watched.
The due date passed, and Sayu had to be induced. Her paralysis meant that she was unable to push; so they drugged her up and cut her open. Sayu watched with dead eyes as they sliced open her belly with a scalpel and removed a wailing, blood-slicked baby. This was the birth of Hikaru Yagami, ripped from his mother's womb on a chilly October morning.
Sayu was kept in hospital for a while and put back on the antidepressants. They had no effect.
Her baby wailed and screamed for his mother's caress, but got only nurses to tend him. That caused something to stir within her, a slight twinge of a feeling she didn't quite understand.
The paralysis kept its cruel and vice like grip on her body. She wanted to reach out and hold her baby, but she could not, and it broke her heart.
Sayu and Hikaru were eventually let home, placed in the caring, if barely capable, hands of the struggling Sachiko. Sayu sat and watched day by day as her son grew from a helpless newborn to a chubby, squeezable baby. He was the most beautiful thing that she had ever set eyes on.
He had her thick, dark hair, which complimented the creamy pale skin which he had also inherited from his mother. But he had his eyes, that was the thing that made her heart ache. An icy cold blue, handsomely curved and unblinking. He had a cute little button nose, and the same pouting baby mouth that all children have; but they would change in time. And under all that baby fat lurked the face of his father, or so she hoped. But for now, his eyes were enough.
Slowly, the ice encasing her began to melt.
When, at two months, he began to lift his head of his own accord, Sayu began to move her arms and head about, her progress was slow but definite. When, at three months, he began to laugh, Sayu found her voice again. Soon she was able to stand and walk again; time healed her body, so she could attend her son. Sachiko called it a miracle, the doctors called it science, but Sayu called it being a mother. There was no joy in the world greater than talking to a baby and hearing his little voice babble back in response.
Hikaru grew, as babies often do, and Sayu grew with him, emerging from the shell she had forced herself into when Mello died. The pain didn't really get better, but having his son by her side everyday helped. As long as she could look into those eyes, she felt that she would be happy.
He was a very placid child, and very intelligent for his age – by the time he turned two, he could walk as well as managing to produce a few intelligible phrases. He was generally a mellow child, he rarely cried and barely complained, he was content in playing his own little games by himself. But if he was ever put out of temper, you saw his daddy in him then; it was the glare he gave, a look of authority that looked grossly out of place on his chubby little face.
Sayu was proud of her son. And she knew that his father was proud of him too, even though he couldn't be there.
Sayu sighed softly, picking up the final few stray toys cluttering the floor. How could one tiny child own so many toys?
She passed by the cream sofa to the toy box. The trouble maker in question was laying spread out on the sofa, twiddling his hair between chubby fingers, too tired out to sit up. His eyelids drooped sleepily.
Sayu's heart swelled and she smiled, a genuine and full smile. She crouched down beside him. The house was silent, and the sound of the clock ticking filled the space. It was a pleasant sound, comforting in it's continuous monotony. "Hey little man. You want to go to sleep?" She brushed his fringe back from his hot forehead with a cool and soothing smile.
He nodded, rubbing one tiny balled up fist in his eye.
"Ok Mr. You want mommy to tell you a story before you go?"
This received another nod.
Sayu smiled and picked up the little boy and cradled in her arms. It felt nice to hold the delicate little body to her chest. It felt like she was protecting him from the whole world. She breathed in the pleasant baby scent of his hair before starting her tale: "Mommy was a simple girl from Kanto; Daddy was a genius and a man passionate enough to die for the greater good. He stopped Kira you know, but I guess you'll learn about that later."
She kissed his forehead. His beautiful eyes lulled.
"Now, Daddy didn't know you were on your way, so he left Mommy and she got very sad. But I'm sure he loves you baby, I'm sure he's watching you. I bet he's as proud as Mommy. But that's not the story I wanted to tell. Well, Daddy's name was Mihael Keehl, and he was born in Meisenheim..."
A/N: Now, it's easy to imagine Sayu being very possessive of Hikaru in his later life, seeing that he resembles his father so much - she would keep him around so that she could keep the memory of Mihael Keehl alive; which shows how strongly she is obsessed by Mello. Of course, Hikaru is a prodigy and grows up to be a genius. And Sachiko manages to fill the void left by her son in delighting in the life of her grandson; Hikaru, which means 'light', is a prodigy and is everything she could ask for. I would write a story about that, about the struggles of a son growing up with an absent father and a deranged, obsessive mother, but I don't know if it'd get a good reception, I dunno. I'd probably run out of ideas too. Also, in reply to one of my reveiws - Mello didn't use contraception because he actually wanted to get Sayu pregnant, that way he could have something Near never could have, children, which is a small victory, but a victory nonetheless.
Sorry for the re-upload; a few things here and there needed to be added.