I do not own any of these characters, they belong to SM. This is my own writing, I am just borrowing her characters and having a bit of fun.
Thank you to LemonMartinis, Hongkonfooey73, tg10781 and Little-BelleS2 for prereading this for me and thank you to Marvar for having the challenging task of beta-ing my writing! Thank you ladies.
My Elevator Love Letter
Chapter 3: First Doubt
Thursday, March 25th
Standing in the small confined space, the ambient music is drifting around me, trying its hardest to make the atmosphere in here peaceful and calming. It isn't working. The air surrounding me is static with emotion, tension and unspoken words. This workplace has taken over every aspect of my life: my thoughts, my actions and even my wardrobe.
There are only two of us in the elevator today. I am leaning against the wall with one foot resting on the wall behind me, the other extended to showcase a new pair of shoes I am rather pleased with. Standing directly opposite me is the man I have been thinking of almost constantly for over two weeks. His casual stance gives off an air of belonging and superiority and all the while he is staring at me.
His stare is penetrating my defenses and thoughts; it's as if he is pursuing every aspect of me, trying to gain as much information as he can by just using his intense emerald eyes. Almost as if he can read my mind by just a mere glance. My presence seems to feed his thirst to know more about me, it seems as if he is insatiable.
He doesn't seem to realize that he cannot befriend me, get to know me, by staring. Why is he so infuriating?
Being stuck in an elevator is not fun at the best of times, why should I suffer more on my journey because this man cannot keep his anger internalized?
I recognize the strange, strangled sound in the confined space as my own breathing. My chest is heaving, my breasts moving in an exaggerated way, pushing up against the dainty buttons of my midnight blue blouse, causing the fabric to strain in confining me.
I flicker my eyes up and down his body, desperate to at least gain a mental image of him while he quietly seethes to himself. My mind is awash with images and lusty thoughts about what I want to do to this man. I want to trace every aspect of his skin with my fingers and tongue. Learn all of his secrets through touch. I want to press my lips to his chest; it appears to be so well chiseled under his shirt and suit jacket. I want to move my lips lower, tracing down his abdomen until I reach his most private area. Explore everything, and I mean everything.
There is so much I want to do, but I allow my eyes to continue feasting on the images of this fine specimen of a man. My eyes wander, up to his strong neck, his square jaw, his angry pouting lips that look so juicy I want to suck them into my mouth and trace them with the tip of my tongue until they become swollen under my ministrations.
My eyes continue their journey up his face, taking in his streamlined nose and perfect cheekbones until they reach his most disabling feature, his eyes. They are looking straight into mine. The connection immediately causes the stirrings of arousal between my legs. The strange sensation from my belly button down to my centre, which can only be described as an empty, wanting sensation.
Suddenly he is stalking towards me, a ravenous caveman sparkle in his green eyes, I go to whisper his name and I realize that I do not know it. I want to know it; I need to know it so I can voice my appreciation once he touches me. The walk almost appears to be in the cheesy slow motion they show in movies; I had never realized it could really occur.
I watch as he raises his hand to be able to touch my cheek, he is so close - just a millimeter from my face when all of a sudden the alarm in the elevator sounds. The whole elevator shudders and suddenly begins its stomach-dropping descent.
I slam my hands down on the mattress next to me, stopping my free fall into nothingness. I shudder until I feel fully conscious. The realization that the elevator alarm was my morning alarm clock saddens me. Looking at my ceiling I realize it was all a dream. All of it - a total fabrication by my subconscious.
The humidity in my room is stifling, my studio flat is hot and small and it begins to feel as confined as the small space that I occupy daily with that man - the elevator man. I cannot escape him no matter how much I try. Why is my mind so receptive to his aloofness and my body yearning for his touch so much?
Trying to silence my thoughts I heave myself out of bed. I really need to get going.
After an invigorating shower and a power walk to work, I find myself on the familiar journey up to the office.
I am not surprised at all by a certain man's presence in the elevator.
After the dream this morning, I cannot help the natural physiological reaction to the thoughts currently running through my mind. I still have vivid recollections of that dream. The blush that is present on my cheeks is so hot that I feel the temperature in the elevator must have been notched up a few degrees. I am too embarrassed to make eye contact with him today, despite the fact I can feel the familiar prickling sensation on the back of my neck that only seems to occur when he is glaring at me.
As soon as the doors start to open when we have reached the thirty-sixth floor I feel the tension dissipate. I quickly step through the ever growing gap in the doors, desperate to get out into the open plan office. I recognize that Alice is already here, somewhere; her designer handbag is on her desk chair and the desktop computers on both her desk and mine are loading.
Knowing that Carlisle will arrive soon I decide to brew him, as well as myself, a fresh cup of coffee. I need some sort of go-juice to get through the stack of emails I know await me in my inbox.
While waiting for Carlisle's coffee to brew, I hear the now familiar 'clack clack' of Alice's skyscraper heels.
I have become very good at dodging Alice at the coffee machine. I know she is desperate for any information she can gain about me, especially about my love life.
It is almost as if she has a list of questions in her mind, checking them off as she goes. I know that today will be no exception.
For now, she seems determined to focus on my love life by sneakily camouflaging her questions within statements of her own relationship.
I mumble a quick hello and get a signature Alice smile in return.
'Let the questioning begin', my mind says...
"So Bella, what did you think of Jasper? He is totally the man of my dreams, perfect for me in every way. Almost everyone I know says he is the calm to my storm." The grin on her face grows as she talks of Jasper. It is easy to not only see, but sense, that Jasper really is the perfect man for her. It is easily visible from her left ring finger that they will be together for the rest of their lives. The diamond on her finger would have been big enough to sink the Titanic.
Smiling at her, I hum my agreement praying the coffee machine would hurry with its job on this particular morning; "I thought he was charming Alice, I can understand why you are so happy together and..."
"Oh, I am so pleased you thought so. Anyway that is enough about me," she states whilst swiftly cutting across my speech in a way only Alice can. If anyone else tried it would be considered rude. "What about you? Have you met the man of your dreams yet? Or woman, sorry, I shouldn't suppose."
"Alice, I am straight," I chuckle; she really is a whirlwind even though she is so petite and her mouth seems to be motor powered. "The man of my dreams? Well...um" I hesitate as my face colors. Her eyes instantly widen as if she has found a precious gem. Shit! I should really try and tamper my blush; it is my biggest tell.
Alice has unintentionally hit the nail on the head. He, the man who I see every morning, is literally the man in my dreams. I know she means this in a different sense, of course the man in the elevator is gorgeous, but how can I consider him the man of my dreams? He glares at me, hates me for no apparent reason.
The man of my dreams would look at me lovingly; his gaze would never be hateful. He would talk to me in such a way that was calming yet stimulating. In short, he would be as perfect as any human could be.
Alice is currently rocking her weight forward onto the balls of her feet. She looks like the cat who got the cream. Before she can start getting too excited, I am saved. Saved in the shape of Carlisle walking through the elevator doors. Boy, that man can make an entrance. We both turn our heads and smile to him, an involuntary action. I am sure Alice and I are both thinking the same thing as we switch our eyes to one another and then back to the coffee machine, which is finally starting to drip the glorious caffeinated drink into the glass jug. 'If only I was 25 years older.'
"Alice. Bella," he looks at us respectively, sharing a small smile with both of us, "good morning to you both. I see that you are already confident with the way this place runs, Bella."
Whilst I shot him a nervous smile, Carlisle went on to state, "I see you have already discovered what makes this place run, no work gets done here without a good cup of coffee."
"So, Alice," he says, turning slightly to look at her, "are you looking forward to tonight?"
Excitable Alice was once again back in the room, her eyes light up and she claps her hands together, clasping them so tight her knuckles are becoming pale.
"So excited, it has been too long. It will be so good to catch up." My interest is piqued, they must be going on a family outing.
Carlisle's infectious smile once again spreads across his face, a small, quiet chuckle escaping his lips. Turning back to me, he glances between me and Alice. Alice seems catch onto his train of thought; I can already start to feel myself being backed into a corner. Carlisle and Alice are both very strong minded people. Alice's face lights up as Carlisle directs his conversation to both of us.
"Hey, perhaps you should take Bella out, too. Show her how it is done here in Seattle."
"Out? Where? I am not really one for going out, I would much rather..." My chatter was cut across by Alice. Excitable Alice.
"Oh, yes please, Bella. Please, please?"
"My son's fiancé has arrived back after spending a couple of months in England with her grandmother. It would be lovely if she could have another girl friend, Bella. You two would get on fantastically. What do you say? It might do you good to have an evening out?"
"Well, it would be lovely to make a new friend here in the city I must admit. I am sorry to say though, that I just don't fancy going out tonight. I'm sorry. I just don't want to be the party pooper. I would be the intruder on your reunion."
Carlisle's expression immediately shows understanding but slight disappointment. He wishes me well, it is clear to see. In the few short days I have known him, I have already started to respect him and feel like he could quite easily fill the 'father like' role in my life. It is a place that desperately needs filling.
"Oh come on Bella, please. I really think it would do you some good. Let your hair down, you haven't been out in the city at night yet. I promise, you will have a great time!" Alice is pleading now, her eyes already showing her desperation for me to join her and her friend this evening.
"I am sorry Alice, I just want a night in. Thank you for the thought though, Alice, Carlisle." I nod to both of them and grab my coffee cup, which is now full of deliciously fresh coffee. The scent fully awakens me as I walk over to my desk.
I hear Carlisle and Alice muttering amongst themselves, no doubt about me. They both direct themselves to their respective desks to begin work for today.
Sitting into my comfortable office chair, opposite a dejected Alice, I start to shuffle papers and organise myself the day, trying my best avoid her puppy dog eyes; I just know I will relent in this moment.
After logging in to my computer, I realize my work email is going to be the first thing I need to tackle. Upon opening the inbox however, I see that five out of the eight messages are from Alice, all sent in quick succession. All pleading for me to go out. All five of the messages just say 'Please!'
"Alice! Enough!" I say to her, making the eye contact she desperately was trying to seek, "I am not going out tonight, no matter how much you beg me to." I try to keep the frustration out of my voice but the instant I see the mild hurt in her eyes; I know I am not successful in my endeavour.
Her body language immediately changes, "Fine!" is the shrill response I get in return. I cringe at the tone present in her voice and the way she shuts me out.
The easy camaraderie between Alice and me is non-existent all morning. Her irritation aimed towards me, is all too clear. Even when Carlisle comes out of his office, Alice does not brighten; the girl can hold a grudge. I file this away for future reference. Never piss off Alice, you will not hear the end of it!
My usual lunch break over the past week has consisted of Alice and I both going to the local deli and purchasing lunch for ourselves and Carlisle. We would spend the time chatting, Alice the main contributor to conversation and then we would head back to the office with our lunches to eat whilst replying to emails at our individual desks. Alice and I are developing a lovely friendship, a companionship I treasured. She is my first true friend in Seattle. I just hope that I have not ruined this blossoming relationship.
Today is a different story, lunch is not as companionable. I went to the deli by myself to order a cream cheese and smoked salmon bagel for Carlisle and a crayfish salad for myself. When I return to the office, Alice is chatting on her cell phone. Her body language obviously showing she was directing all of her focus to the conversation she is having with whoever was on the other end of the line. There is no recognition that I have even walked into the room.
Settling into my desk chair, I start on my salad and take sips on the gloriously chilled Diet Coke. I start to run over my refusal to go out with Alice and her friend this evening. The shy, reserved girl in me tackles the confident young woman to the recess of my mind. I do feel bad for refusing Alice. It would be nice to develop our friendship and I wouldn't even need to feel terribly bad that I have work tomorrow. Carlisle did encourage me to go out after all. I still cannot bring myself to have the evening in town. I am not in the mood for it and therefore I won't enjoy it.
Eavesdropping on Alice's conversation I gather she is talking to the woman which she is going out with tonight. I do not know her name and I cannot gain it from the one sided conversation I am hearing. She seems excited to be meeting with her friends again. I wouldn't want to feel like the third wheel on their catch up session. I promise myself that the next time they ask me to go out in the evening with them I will accept the offer. It would be nice to build a larger network of friends outside of Angela and Alice.
After lunch, the afternoon flows pretty much the same pattern as this morning. Alice is still keeping up her battle to ignore me and even though it hurts, my day is much more productive. I complete all my tasks on my to-do list and even manage to develop some presentations ready for Carlisle to present at his next meeting.
With the day drawing to a close I make sure my desk is tidy, ready for another productive day tomorrow. All of my errands are complete so if I manage a day of hard work tomorrow, my weekend will be mine to do what I like.
Alice is still giving me the silent treatment after I turned down the invite this morning. I feel a pang in my gut, I am upsetting her but really all I want to do is go home and veg out in front of the television and let my thoughts have their wicked way.
The familiar bell of the elevator announces its arrival on our floor and the doors smoothly slide open.
Glancing towards the elevator to see who is leaving for the day, my gaze is captured by the scene before me.
He is laughing, the humour easily heard in his deep, manly laugh. The slight color high on his cheek bones give him an almost ethereal glow. He looks more than his usual handsome self. He looks beautifully handsome.
I avert my gaze to see what is engaging him so.
I don't like what I see.
She is stunning. Blindingly beautiful, I have to blink in shock.
The gorgeous woman is giggling along with him. The laughter and happiness is visible in her eyes.
He reaches up to her, his laughter quietening ever so slightly. His long fingers gently pull at lock of her shiny hair and sweep it behind her ear, revealing a diamond earring so big that I can see it from here.
I feel a sensation deep down in my gut, almost desperation. Why can't he laugh and interact with me in this way? Why does he seem to hate me so much? I have never done anything to upset him.
All of a sudden the desperate feeling in my gut disappears and a brick-like weight settles there. My heart stills and my eyes focus on his. He is looking at me. The smile, laughter and warmth in his eyes washes away in an instant, as if his defenses have immediately been raised. With that the elevator doors close, our eye contact maintained until the very last possible second.
My breathing returns sharply. He is taken. He is happy with the gorgeous woman. Yet he still seems to hate me.
I need to get over him – get him out of my mind and this calls for only one thing.
"Alice, you know the night out tonight?"
I get a hum in response; she is still upset I am not going. Well, things change...
Her head shoots up from the papers she is studying, her grey eyes meeting mine. The dazzling smile I get in return promises that tonight, my mind will not even wander towards a certain green-eyed man.
Thank you for reading this! I hope you enjoyed it and I would really appreciate your review. Did you like it, hate it? Let me know!
I would like to thank every single one of the ladies on Twitter, for being so witty, supportive and friendly. I think I would be a little lost without Twitter now!
I look forward to this coming couple of weeks when I am going to be lucky enough to meet up with some of you.
Over and out.