Summary: A quick look at what happens when Sam and Scam are forced to have a conversation.
A one shot composed entirely of dialogue. I've always wanted to try one of these…
"Can you please let me go?"
"For the fifth time, no. What makes you think asking nicely will change my mind?"
"Can't say I didn't try."
"Well you can say you tried and failed, miserably."
"Shut up Scam."
"Really? After all the anticipation of having you all to myself, I thought you could come up with a better comeback than that."
"Well I'm sorry if four hours of being tied up made me—"
"It's been three hours Sam. Good to see you can't count time either."
"Oh a growl. Should I be scared?"
"Well I'm terrified."
"Heh, resorting to glaring now, hm? Well at least you have enough sense to know when you're fighting a losing battle."
"Let me go Scam."
"You really think I'll have changed my mind after two minutes?"
"Why am I here?"
"So direct… I've always liked that in a girl."
"Sarcasm will get you nowhere."
"I disagree. After three hours of being sarcastic, I've proven that you're terrible at comebacks, you ask stupid things when you're desperate and—"
"Will you stop?"
"But I'm having so much fun."
"I don't care if you're having fun! Why the hell am I here?"
"Tell you and ruin the surprise?"
"Why don't you let me go and fight like a real man?"
"Are you saying you're a real man, Sam?"
"For the love of…"
"Was that a yes? I got to say Sam… I'm disappointed."
"It is NOT a yes!"
"Really Sam… you had a crush on me right? Don't know what to think about a guy having a crush on me—"
"—Are you ignoring me?"
"I mean… I'm flattered? I really don't know."
"If only sighing was the solution to all our problems. The world would be a better place."
"That's it. I'm getting out of here."
"Go ahead; you were so successful in the last three hours. I'm sure you can get out now."
"…Scam, I get that annoying me is the basis of your life, but don't you have better things to do?"
"Besides bothering you?"
"Yes. I mean really Scam, isn't this a waste of your time—"
"—Hm, actually you're right."
"And— I am?"
"Don't look so shocked. I've always wanted to ask you something. I suppose now is the best time to do it."
"How badly did you have a crush on me?"
"I, wait WHAT?"
"Don't tell me you're going deaf."
"Where did this come from?"
"I've always been curious."
"So you decide to ask me NOW?"
"No time like the present."
"You're avoiding my question… don't tell me you still have that crush on me."
"Can I take that as a yes?"
"—Because I really am flattered."
"… You… are?"
"Heh, present tense. I'm going to assume you're talking about yourself and take it as proof you still have that crush on me. How cute."
"More growls. Come to think of it they do sound sexy."
"Oh my God…"
"Come to think of it you're not denying it either."
"If I haven't killed you by the end of this day…"
"Why would you ever want to kill the man you have a crush on?"
"I do NOT have a crush on you!"
"Your previous statements contradict that sentence."
"What? Would you like me to say I have a crush on you too? Would that make you feel better?"
"I didn't realize so much sarcasm could be bottled up in one person…"
"Talking to yourself isn't healthy, darling."
"Well than start taking your own advice because I am ignoring you!"
"Yet you're still talking."
"Oh God… Why am I here Scam?"
"Well, actually, my job was to distract you from noticing that I blew up the WOOHP building."
"… You did not blow up WOOHP."
"Is that so?"
"Blowing up a building would not take three hours."
"Heh, you're right."
"I think that's the most modest thing you've said all day."
"Are you going to let me go now?"
"Not on your life."
The end. :P Pure and utter crack. Nonetheless I hope you enjoyed it!