Disclaimers: Firstly, I do not own any rights to Stargate Atlantis. I make no profit from this endeavor.
Title: Love Cruelties
Summary: Love can be wonderful, but love can have its cruelties.
Characters: John, Teyla, Ronon, and others.
Comments: This fic was inspired by one of my favorite writers, Wedjatiq's and her fic, Intentional Cruelties. I really love that fic. And I was asked by Jeyla4ever to write something for Wedjatqi sort of in conjunction with the Beya Secret Elf on LJ. Here is my present to you Wedjatqi. Sorry that it is belated!
Ronon looked at the scene in the Infirmary with interest. The Infirmary's beds that had been recently filled to capacity with many of the affected women were slowly emptying. Teyla was one of those women however she had been isolated from the other. It had taken her the longest to gain consciousness. She had been heavily sedate than the other women because of the risk she had posed. He and Sheppard were here now to visit her since they had gotten words they were bringing her out of the sedation.
He saw Sheppard frowned when he saw that Kanaan was at Teyla's bedside holding the unusual passive Torren in his arms. He knew that Sheppard's frown was not for Torren, but for Torren's father. Sheppard's apparent disapproval of Kanaan wasn't hard to miss to him. He knew Sheppard hadn't made any real effort to get to know Kanaan since Kanaan's arrival on Atlantis and his presence back into Teyla's life. He also knew Sheppard hadn't been rude to the guy or anything like that in fact Sheppard had pretty much been pleasant whenever he found himself in Kanaan's company on those rare occasions. But, he could see that Sheppard only tolerate Kanaan because he had to. And he knew Sheppard's feelings for Teyla was the cause or maybe the fact that Sheppard seemed to genuinely do liked the guy. Sheppard did however didn't want to upset Teyla. But it was pretty obvious to him the man was walking a tight rope between his feelings for Teyla and his negative feelings toward Kanaan.
He had been present when Teyla first told Sheppard about her pregnancy and it was evident to him back then that Sheppard's anger about Teyla not telling him about her pregnancy sooner was not the only thing fueling his anger. He suspected that was a hard blow to Sheppard. Teyla's news had made Sheppard see that love was on borrowed time. That was one of love cruelties. The ambers of love needed to be claimed, they needed to be stroke. Love can be like the surf. The waves of the sea as they break on the shoreline, to only return to the waiting sea. And once, Kanaan was back in Teyla's life, Sheppard had experienced that surf. Sheppard began to live one of those cruelties of love – watching another man living a life that could have, in his opinion, easily have been his own. He knew Teyla's relationship with Kanaan had caused some form of emotional pain for Sheppard. That pain Sheppard kept well hidden from almost everyone, but he could see it. Just as he also knew Sheppard wouldn't try to come between Teyla and Kanaan, not intentionally at any rate. But that didn't stop him from thinking that Sheppard would play a major part in the survival of Teyla's relationship with Kanaan for in his heart he knew Teyla and Sheppard belonged together. They were two halves of a coin, different on either sides, but the same.
For him Sheppard and Teyla were his closest friends even though he had other friends here now. But he had long come to realize that he considered Sheppard and Teyla the closest thing to a family, the family he no longer had. They were his family now and he would give up his life willing for them, with no thought or afterthought, for them and even for McKay. He had spent most of his time with the two of them and McKay. And it was obvious to him from the beginning that there was something more between Sheppard and Teyla besides their friendship. And the time he had spent with them had only confirmed his initial thoughts. Yet the two of them seem oblivious of the other affection. Maybe they had chosen not to see it or to acknowledge their feelings, while he and he certain others as seen it also. He had heard stories of Lt. Bates accusations about Teyla conspiring with the Wraith and his accusations at Sheppard. Bates was a lucky man he hadn't been on Atlantis then.
But he had never been able to forget that conversation he had with Sheppard about Teyla on the day that Teyla was badly injured and the day they lost the original Carson. That day and the days after were hard on everyone. His and Sheppard's conversation was interrupted by the blast that injured Teyla and killed Dr. Hewston, and a few others. And his subtle attempts to question both Sheppard and Teyla since about a possible relationship between the two of them were answered by both with denials and dismissals. Yet, he had thought it was a matter of time until something eventually would happen and that maybe they will honest with themselves and each other. Because truthfully, he didn't understand why they had chosen this path they were on, to have that someone that your heart yearn for above others, yet risk losing them by fears, fears that held them back; cause those two had serious fears issues. Love can be wonderful, but love can have its cruelties. He knows all too well of love cruelties. There were not too many things he regretted in his life, but his greatest regret is that he didn't forced Melena to leave the planet with the others. For his love for Melena hadn't pale or dimmer in these many years since her death. That love was there apart of him and apart of his heart. It was his to keep forever. Ronon sighed to see were his thoughts had taken him, bittersweet memories.
Ronon focused back his attention to Sheppard. Sheppard sure didn't look all that relax and they were almost by Teyla's bedside now. Teyla saw them coming and smiled, but then she frowned as if she thought of something and it troubled her. He saw out the corner of his eye Sheppard smile too, but Sheppard's eyes told a different story to him. Teyla really did have a great smile. Lately, she hasn't smile all that much. He wondered if she even realizes that.
"Look who's awake." Sheppard said teasingly to Teyla.
Ronon noticed Kanaan stiffen as he smiled politely at them. "Colonel Sheppard, Ronon." He and Sheppard both acknowledged the Athosian man's presence.
Ronon found himself asking Teyla, "How're feeling?"
"Well, I feel fine, but my head still does hurt a little." Teyla half smiled at them.
"Teyla do you wish for me take Torren and bring him back later to see you?" Kanaan asked.
"No Kanaan. I want to see my son. You can give him to me if wish." Teyla held out her hands to take Torren. Torren went willingly into her arms. Teyla moved over a little so she could place Torren next to her on the bed then hugged him to her body. Ronon watched as Sheppard said something to Torren and the boy smiled. Kanaan seemed hold himself a little bit rigidly as he watched Sheppard tease Torren.
"How are the others?" Ronon heard Teyla asked them.
"Most of the women including Dr. Keller have checked out fine." John informed her. Teyla seemed to relax upon hearing news. Teyla looked thoughtful for just a moment.
"Did we do any serious damage to the city's systems? Was anyone injured?"
"Nah." He retorted.
"No and no. We were able to take back control of the city before any real security protocol was broken. The entity that was in you, she seemed to be the leader. She was the hardest to get to contain." Sheppard advised Teyla. Ronon watched Sheppard frowned. Clearly, Sheppard was thinking about what happened between him and Teyla.
"I know. I am sorry for the pain she inflicted on you John. I was powerless to stop anything of it." Teyla looked at John a little sadly.
"I know it wasn't your fault Teyla." John said reassuringly.
"I am sorry all the same. It was as if I was in my body, but I had no control or power over it." Teyla looked away from Sheppard to look down at Torren next to her in the bed, her hand gently stroking him.
"So you have some memories of what happened then?" Sheppard asked Teyla and Ronon thought for a moment he detected something in Sheppard's voice other than the casually asked question. Ronon saw Teyla frowned.
"Yes, I… I think remember almost everything that happened. Some memories are a little foggy though." Teyla was looking up at Sheppard. There was a certain flush to her cheeks. Sheppard was staring at Teyla, is mouth slightly opened. Sheppard's cheeks did seem to be getting redder by the minute. He sensed there was something underlining going on between Sheppard and Teyla.
It was clear to him something happened between Sheppard and Teyla in that room when that entity in Teyla's body was torturing Sheppard for the computer codes. When he had opened the door to the room, Teyla had been standing over Sheppard. He had automatically stunned her. Then when he went over to Teyla to check if she was alright, feeling for her pulse as Sheppard was voicing his gratitude for his rescue. It was pretty hard not to miss Sheppard disheveled clothes and appearance and the evidence of Sheppard's body arousal to whatever was going on between him and Teyla before he came in. It had appeared there had been some intimate touching between him and Teyla, at any rate, the entity using Teyla's body besides having his mind probed by the entity. And Sheppard hadn't been too forthcoming with a great many details of what exactly happened between him and Teyla yet. Other than the fact that the entity was a telepath and she was able to read his mind using Teyla's gifts along with trying to use Teyla's body to get what she wanted. Sheppard hadn't elaborated even with McKay order to talk about what happened. He had kept quiet too. He figured there would be a few things that Sheppard would have left out of his mission report.
So far it hadn't seemed as if the other women who had been affected had any of the gifts that Teyla had. And there had been concerns of what details the women would remember from their ordeal. Most of the women seem to be fine, but Teyla had been the exception. Since it was apparent that Teyla remembered whatever happened between her and Sheppard and both of them seem uncomfortable about. He suspected things were about to get interesting for his two friends. Ronon glanced at Kanaan.
Whether Kanaan could see it, what was going on between Sheppard and Teyla, he wasn't sure. But the Athosian man was observantly watching them. Ronon thought he was too quiet. One could easily forget he was in the room. Ronon saw an emotion flared in Kanaan's eyes. Then quickly vanished because Kanaan was aware of that he was somehow being watched by him he thought.