Title: Pillow Talk

Author: AleauxVander B.D

Genre: Romance/Humor

Status: Complete

Disclaimer: I don't own Artemis Fowl. If I did, that'd be great!

Summary: Looking after your brothers for the weekend is no problem. Your parents walking in on you in bed with someone else is.

There was mumbling then a crash of a broken glass.

Artemis Fowl II groaned reluctantly into the crook of his auburn haired lover's neck and refused to open his eyes. Knowing his 12 year old brothers, they probably destroyed half of his kitchen already. Settling himself back into the mattress, ready to fall into blissful sleep again, the dark haired genius was more than willing to ignore what he had just heard.

The elf wrapped up in his embrace who he had assumed was sleep had other plans

"Your brother's are awake, Fowl." She said quietly, her voice frail with sleep

He made a non-committal sound in the back of his throat, nuzzled her neck and went back to sleep.

She kicked him, their limbs entangled, and the taller male didn't respond, his breathing steady.

"I know your awake, Artemis." She told him

The 23 year old tightened his hold on her in a bid to shut her up before either Myles or Beckett heard them.

There was perfect silence in the large house for a few minutes then another crash and the sound of splashing water.

Artemis groaned, pulled one arm from around Holly's waist and reached up behind him to press the small button on the wall by the windows. All the blinds covering the large floor to ceiling bay windows flew open. Light flooded the large room and Holly buried her face in his shirt to block it out

"If I get up so do you." He said vindictively

"How intact do you think your kitchen is?" she asked

"Your faith in them is astounding," he griped "I'd bet hard money that the whole place is destroyed."

She shoved him playfully "Give them more credit. They're just like you were when you were younger."

"And doesn't that fill you with nostalgia?"

"Actually it fills me with border line hysteria."

She looked up to see his expression and he lifted a thin eyebrow. With his hair looking so disheveled and his chin lightly bristled with an overnight shadow, he should have looked in disarray but it only helped him look more appealing

"I seem to recall plotting out how to steal as much gold from the People at 12 years old." He deadpanned

"See, they're just like you were; brilliant, only without the kleptomaniac tendencies."

They both fell silent when footsteps were heard outside their door then Myles' distinct voice of authority

"Where does he keep the ammonium permanganate?"

There was rustling in the hallway storeroom before Beckett replied "I don't know. I can only find the propylene glycol dinitrate."

A pause then "That will just have to do."

Holly, worried and a bit disturbed looked up at Artemis and mouthed "What in Frond's name are they doing with Propylene glycol dinitrate?" she laid her head back down " I don't even know what the hell that is."

The genius ran his hand through his hair and eased himself back under the covers next to her, pulling her into his arms again "I don't know…" then closed his eyes

"For the love of—Fowl!" she elbowed him and smirked in satisfaction at the resounding 'umph' he made "are you going to—"

"As long as they don't eat it." he muttered

"And what if they blow up the apartment? Your mother would be devastated if she lost her children." She argued

"I know she would morn me but such is life." He shrugged

"I wasn't talking about you. You're not as important as you think you are." She deadpanned

He held a hand over his heart and frowned mockingly "You wound me, Holly."

"Point being?" she asked

"No rest for the weary traveler." He shook his head "poor me."

"I rather strangle the weary traveler."

"You know you would never live with yourself if I died." He prodded, kissing her neck softly

She rolled her eyes but smiled nonetheless

"Yeah, yeah, I'd be lost without you."

"I know." He replied

"Obviously sarcasm isn't your forte."

He crawled over her, baring his weight on his elbows as he stared down at her

"I'm good at everything I do." He grinned. The sexual innuendo wasn't lost on her.

"Your arrogance never ceases to amaze me, Fowl."

He shrugged "Life is a tradeoff."

"And I get stuck with the one with an over inflated sense of self importance." She looked defeated

"That you happily stand by, am I not right?" he kissed her cheek so affectionately she stared up at him "that, madam, is why you adore me."

"I have a different word in mind for it and it's not 'adore'."


She laughed and rolled her eyes in exasperation "Oh, Frond…"

"That sounds oddly like what you screamed last night." He said against her ear

She slapped her hand over his mouth, mortified. "What if your brothers just so happen to be listening in?"

He removed her hand and kissed her fingers before trailing hot wet kisses down the smooth column of her neck

"They learn a quick lesson on just how they were conceived in the first place." He slid the strap of her shirt off her shoulder and lowered his lips to the skin there

The laughter died in her throat when he sucked on the pulse at the base of her throat. She closed her eyes and pursed her lips, suppressing a moan and tilted her head back.

"Artemis." She tried to chastise but it came out as a breathy moan "your brothers…"

He threaded his hands into her hair, lifting her head up to cup a hand behind her neck

"We shouldn't." she tried to complain

"You didn't say that last night."

He kissed her slowly, bringing her closer when she wrapped her arms around his neck, and eased himself between he thighs. Sinking into the mattress beneath, she sighed and parted her lips softly for him. Artemis wasted no time, dipping his tongue almost languorously into her mouth, sliding it against her own. She moaned softly into the kiss, as his hand drew slowly up her thigh, lifting the tail of the shirt she wore over her legs—

The door opened and unabashed, the twins walked in.

Artemis growled into the kiss and stopped his ministrations, reluctantly rolling off of his lover and lying on his back next to her

"We're hungry and you've yet to feed us, Artemis." Myles reminded his older brother

Knowing that Artemis was in no condition to speak anything but hostility towards his brothers, Holly turned on her side and pulled the dark blue silk covers up to cover her head

"I'll come and fix you two something to eat, would that be better?" she smiled at them and the twins grinned.

And Artemis said he couldn't understand why they loved her more than they loved him? She actually fed them! Albeit healthy, vegetarian food but hell, food was food until Butler came back from visiting Juliet and they were home with their parents and the chefs.

The two little blood traitors nodded enthusiastically at his beautiful red head lover. He rolled his eyes

"Mum and Dad are un route here, by the way. Fair warning." Beckett informed him.

Artemis only nodded, knowing full well that his parents were, as far as his trackers said, still in New York, boarding their flight.

"I'll change before I get to your breakfast, okay?" Holly told them and they turned their gazes on her once more, placated. They walked out finally and left the door open.

Sitting up, the mismatched eyed genius frowned at the open door

"They couldn't even knock much less shut the door."

Sitting back on the bed, she rolled into his side "They're young. They will learn soon enough."

He hissed through his teeth, a habit his mother would have hanged him for if she heard him, and rolled over, pulling the elfin woman into his arms and pulled the covers over them.

"Didn't they say your parents are here?" she asked

He shrugged

"They aren't. They have a late flight and shouldn't be here for another day if that much." He closed his eyes, buried his face in her hair and inhaled

"Why would they lie?" she asked absentmindedly

"They are Fowls, that's why."

She elbowed him at the comment

"Just go to sleep." He told her

"What about their breakfast?"

"They'll survive."

"Had a good rest?" an amused voice that was neither his nor hers asked.

Both pairs of mismatched eyes snapped open. Artemis then wished he hadn't opened them. He groaned and ducked his head

"Don't you look comfy?" Angeline Fowl said after her husbands comment. Her son's personal life was just that, personal, and they all knew about Holly but this was just so amusing.

Holly pulled the sheets over her head, more to cover her ears than to hide her embarrassment, leaving him stranded in the open.

"Traitor." He whispered

"This battle is for the swift." She mumbled

Artemis looked up at his parents and the traitorous twins

"How was your vacation?" he asked awkwardly

"Obviously not as great as yours was." Fowl Senior said sardonically and his wife elbowed him. Artemis narrowed his eyes at the movement. So that was where Holly got it from.

Clearing her throat in an attempt to not laugh, Angeline smiled at her son and his poor embarrassed lover

"Don't worry about the twins. We'll take them off your hands." She said as though that was their greatest concern. His parents just appeared in his bedroom, unannounced, with he and Holly dressed in close to nothing in bed. Nothing was worse than that.

"Do you need a ride home?" their eldest child asked. Beneath the covers, Holly neither moved nor said anything

"No, no…" his father said "don't let us bother you. Enjoy yourselves." He grinned at them

Artemis closed his eyes and sighed, pursing his lips. He simply wrenched the sheet from Holly's grip and pulled it over his own face.

"Sweet dreams!" Angeline said waving kindly, closing the door

"Much obliged." The two said sarcastically

Both said nothing, waiting to hear the doors close as the lone servant escorted them to the door. In the driveway, the chauffer took them home.

Holly only stared at the ceiling, watching light dance across the paint before saying

"This is your entire fault."

Artemis Fowl simply turned on his side and went back to sleep.

Seconds later, her pillow whacked him in the face.

This story was begging to be written. I couldn't resist.

I apologize for any mistakes. I wrote this a while back, I believe, and only just re-read it, altered a few things and published . I would love your feedback....so..

Feed the starving writer?

Also...I need a beta. PLEASE. SAVE ME.

-AleauxVander B.D