Disclaimer: I had hoped, by the end of the fic… *sighs*
Notes: *sobs* WHY IS THIS ENDING? (On the bright side, it's the first multi-chapter fic I've ever finished.) And why is that? Probably because of my amazing reviewers- I'd like to thank you all. (Since it is a Tony Awards chapter, awarding reviewers does pertain to the story.)
And reviewed EVERY chapter or almost):
Agent Ilse Stiefel-Bashoff
(Who found spring every other day
And reviewed more than once):
(With only one appearance, but who made it unforgettable
Who reviewed once):
I'm sure all of you are bright enough to read the chapter title and figure out I'm doing the (unfortunately) cut song, "There Once Was a Pirate." I decided the title was best kept unchanged at a surface level. The rest of the song was not so fortunate. *grins* It's way different than all my other songs since, for once the actors aren't telling their story (exactly). I don't know if I don't like this chapter because I actually don't like it, because it's the end, or because I'm just being picky, so I'll leave it for you to decide. And I know the verb tense changes in the song, it does that in the original song too.
I also know Taye Diggs wasn't the 2007 Tony Awards host, just one of the people who announced the nominations, but it's the closest I could come up with, because there wasn't a host, and it helped set up for my next installment anyway, which is pretty obvious, but I'll mention at the end… (If the suspense kills you, just remember: this is Spring Awakening.)
Phony Awards: There Once Was A Pirate
(Despite the fact Spring Awakening closed last chapter in 2008, the 2007 Tony Awards have commenced. The actors pace anxiously backstage. Or, something like that.)
Wendla: *yawns* Wow, is this the lamest competition ever, or what? I mean, what's so interesting about watching curtains?
Melchior: That's Curtains. You know, murder mystery?
Wendla: Ha! We've got murder, and plus, we actually raise the curtains. *beams proudly*
Georg: That's a plus?
Hanschen: To which one?
Ernst: W-well the judges might like "Being Alive" better than being "Totally F-"
Wendla: Oh, please, we're a company too. And who cares about being alive?
Moritz (timidly): She has a point. *strokes gun lovingly*
Ilse: And "The Color Purple?" Seriously? That's my color? *stomps off angrily*
Melchior: Honestly, the only one that could give us a run for our money is that guy.
Anna: Um, I think that's the host.
Melchior: And he is…?
Anna: Taye Diggs?
Melchior (walking forward): And I would know him from? *prompts her suggestively*
Anna: Idina Menzel's husband.
Melchior: *zips back* Never mind. She scares the crap out of me.
Hanschen: Because she's the wicked witch?
Melchior (hissed): Because she's gonna force me to date her daughter. *glares at Wendla* Again.
Wendla (to Taye): Are you my father?
Melchior: Ignore her. She's stupid. *pulls her away*
Taye Diggs: Guess I can't be her father then.
Thea: Isn't his wife a lesbian who hates him?
Melchior: Look Wendla, even assuming you were schizophrenic and vicariously your own child, you have two gay dads.
Wendla:*glances at Hanschen*
Hanschen (gritting): Ernst, when I told you men couldn't have children, I wasn't talking about procreation.
Ernst (dazed): It seems like only yesterday she was just a figment of your postcard…
Otto: *dashes onstage* I get a solo!
Thea: *rolls eyes* Yeah. If bleep counts.
(Ilse dashes back onstage. She's holding one of the CDs they presented to the voting company to judge.)
Ilse: Someone sabotaged our chances by ripping our CD!
Melchior: Chances? *folds arms* Yeah, right. You can't sabotage our chances because we don't have any!
Ilse: Well, now we don't.
Melchior: It's not chance, it's a certainty!
Ilse: No, really, listen to "The Song of Purple Summer." That's not the Broadway version we recorded!
CD (who evidently can talk): And all shall fade… the fans of Spring…
Ernst: Oh my god, we should tell the judges!
Announcer: And now, performing live from the Tony Awards, the cast of Spring Awakening!
(The curtain rises, and as always, they are utterly unprepared. They aren't even having sex.)
Wendla (offended): *raises hand* Excuse me? Performing dead here!
Melchior:… so, we sing "Totally F…?" Wait a sec, why can't I say f…?
Ilse: Public television. Apparently, television is fiction, so it can't reflect real life at all.
Thea (whining): Great, now the judges are going to think we forgot every other word to our own songs!
Ernst: So, what do we do now?
Wendla (smugly): Tell the judges. *clears throat* Brad, play something depressing.
(The notes to "I Believe" start up.)
Wendla: Come on, that's the happiest moment of my death!
(He changes chords to "There Once Was a Pirate," which no one recognizes.)
Judging Committee Member #1 (whispered): What is this, "Rhyme of the Ancient Mariner?"
Melchior: You know, we're not representing our show very well.
Hanschen: Then we're doing a good job.
There once was a pirate
Who took our CD.
His rates were astounding,
They paid for piracy.
His sales soared a little.
A little, little, little.
His sales soared at little
Until we fined him.
There once was a freshman
Who saw our CD
Who's flattered to buy it.
Her mom disagreed.
A wail in her pillow.
Where did the stupid disc go?
She'll wail in her pillow
Until she finds it.
Police caught the pirate.
He's due for death row.
They dragged him to prison.
Twenty years to go.
Wendla and Girls:
In jail a little, little.
His customer's in as well.
In jail for a little,
And still, we fined him.
She bought, then betrayed him.
He sells, like, for free.
She rang up some sergeant
Who fought piracy.
Melchior and Boys:
She failed to dodge the guilt.
She bought, so she's a crim'nal.
No say in acquittal
Until she minds laws.
She'll wail in her jail cell.
No radio in her jail cell.
She'll wail in her jail cell,
Until she minds us.
In jail for a little,
A little, little.
In jail for a little,
And still we fined him.
We'll jail all those lifters,
And still, we'll fine them!
Angry Audience Member: *slushies the cast*
Hanschen: Dude! Where do they make rotten tomato slushies?
Wendla: *sticks her tongue out* Tomato's my favorite vegetable anyway!
Melchior (muttered): 'Cause it's a fruit, idiot.
Judging Committee Member #1 (incredulously): So that's what they meant by scandal?
Judging Committee Member #2: You mean they're not getting naked for us? Can I rescind my vote?
Wendla: *grabs microphone* There's really no one I want to thank for…
Ilse: *shoves Wendla away* You weren't even nominated, idiot!
Moritz: *jolts up* Yes I was!
Ilse: Not you!
Moritz (sulking): Well, you said my name.
Taye Diggs: O-kay… let's cut to commercial to prolong the results as much as possible!
(The camera zooms out as Wendla jumps up and down to draw attention to herself. The rest of the cast starts to realize that they weren't actually nominated for anything and that they're surrounded by a bunch of celebrities who have no idea who any of them are anyway.)
Moritz (leaning over): Pssst, Melchi, can you autograph this?
Melchior (seductively): How should I address it?
Moritz: To the Supreme Court.
Melchior: *blinks* I must not have seen you in that play yet. *signs*
Moritz: Ha ha, it's a restraining order! *sticks tongue out and dashes away*
Hanschen (reading program): How did I get voted cutest couple?
Ernst: *snuggles closer*
Hanschen: No, Ernst. Not you. Just me.
Everyone: *coughs* Well, then.
Ernst: But, I don't understand, he can't have sex with hims…
Melchior: *hands Ernst sex essay*
Moritz: *hands Ernst gun*
Melchior: Wait a second, cutest couple? What are we, in high school?
Thea: Yeah, kinda.
Melchior: Then how come I didn't win?
Wendla (huffy): Yeah, I know! We were totally stripped of that award! *glares* Literally! Stripped!
Melchior: I didn't say we, I said me.
Ilse: Lighten up, Wendla. You won best costume.
Wendla: *beams* Really? Which one?
Ilse: The one for the sex scene.
Wendla (reading over her shoulder): But I don't ever wear a birthday suit!
Ernst: W-what about cutest same sex couple?
Anna: They have a same-sex couple award?
Melchior: Please, this is Broadway, not California.
Ernst: Um, actually Prop 8 was declared unconstitutional…
Melchior: *goes to Expedia* What? The only tickets they're letting me buy are to Lima, and not the Peruvian hot-and-with-hot-guys Lima either!
Wendla (absent-mindedly): Yes, thank you, first class.
Anna: Who won best hair?
Anna: Yeah, hair.
Georg: No, Hair. With a capital H. Like Animal as opposed to animal.
Otto: I won something!
Georg: What? Where? *reads* No, you didn't.
Otto: Right here! It says, "The Tony Awards."
Georg (muttered): I really miss Brian.
Melchior: What about you, Martha? Were you recognized for anything?
Martha: I wasn't recognized.
Melchior: But it says here you won the worst hairstyle award.
Martha: Yeah, but they didn't recognize me, so they gave it to Moritz.
Melchior: Hey, Moritz! You won something!
Moritz: *hides under podium*
Taye Diggs: And now, the winner for the best leading actor in a musical is…
Melchior: *gathers his speech, which strikingly resembles his sex essay*
Taye Diggs: David Hyde Pierce from Curtains!
Melchior: *jaw drops* With all due respect, sir, are you suggesting there is no further room for critical thought or interpretation?
Wendla: The best leading actor in a musical… is a curtain?
Ilse: *pats head* Someday, you'll learn.
Wendla: That curtains are males? *widens eyes* Does that mean I'm gay? Because I hate them!
Taye Diggs: And the winner for the best featured actor in a musical is… John Gallagher Jr. as Moritz Stiefel!
Moritz (dizzily): I must be dying again…
Hanschen: Are you sure this isn't the Razzies?
Wendla: *rushes onstage and snatches award* I'd love to thank my superior acting talents as…
Ilse: Wendla, you're not even a guy.
Wendla: So? I'm acting!
Melchior: *raises hand* Can we make the award posthumous?
Don't worry, reviews can be posthumous. :D
In case you didn't understand the song (it was a lot of story to fit into a few lines), this is what happened: a make-believe CD pirate ripped the SA CD to sell it for money. A teenage girl (whose mother confiscated her CD) needed a new copy but, since the teenager didn't have an income, she had to buy it from the pirate, and then she turned him in to make up for her crime, but because she bought from him, she was thrown in jail with him. (And still, the SA cast fined them.) Unrealistic AND off-topic, but it's called fiction for a reason.
Okay, enough suspense. 27 people voted in the poll, and the results came out like this:
Glee- 8 votes
Bare- 6 votes
RENT- 6 votes
Wicked- 5 votes
Dr. Horrible- 2 votes
Buffy- 0 votes
(Next to Normal and Hairspray, which weren't listed, also each got a PM vote.)
So yes, Glee did win, but not by as much as you'd think. Thus, I have decided to do a Glee parody using songs from the first season *pretends to have to cut through applause* BUT I have some ideas for a Bare parody, so I'd like to try to parody that too. (Seeing as it's pretty much all singing, that one's gonna be hard. But, then, I have to create my own storyline for Glee.) However, parodying lyrics, especially lyrics I'm not as familiar with, takes a LONG time, and I don't want to get stuck in the middle of a parody I can't finish. So, with school interfering, I probably won't release anything until next spring at the earliest. (Call it a spring awakening.) Sorry. I'd recommend putting me on AUTHOR ALERT.
For the options that weren't picked, there's no saying what I'll do in the future, and to make the wait shorter, I'm going to parody one or a couple of the songs from the musicals I didn't choose. (Except maybe Dr. Horrible, I'm considering that one for the future too… yeah, I like overloading myself.)
So… ANYONE WITH SONG REQUESTS, REVIEW AND TELL ME! I'm already working on the Glee plotline, but I can fit a few more songs in if they're requested enough. Or songs you want me to do from any other musical, listed or not, I'll take them into consideration.
Recap: A GLEE PARODY is coming as well as a possible BARE PARODY and ONESHOT SONG PARODIES so put me on AUTHOR ALERT when you REVIEW WITH SONG REQUESTS.
Okay, the notes are getting longer than the chapter, that's sad. But then, SA is a tragedy.
Melchior: Dude, are you crying?
Hanschen (sobbing): Shut up! Crying does not make you gay!
Ernst: *snuggles closer* Not crying…
Melchior: Have you, by any chance, read my sex essay?
Moritz (pretending not to bawl): Crying makes you gay?
Ernst: No, it just messes up your eyeliner.
Melchior: *pats Moritz's head* Don't worry, Moritz, we can just go have a little talk with your dad about why you cry so much…
Moritz (gloomily): The spotlight's gone… Now, it's dark… so dark… so…
Melchior: DON'T DO SADNESS, MORITZ!
Martha: *sighs* All I want is just a kiss…
Ilse (in tears): Damn it! Winter wind sings and cries, not me!
Wendla (gleefully- literally): I can force myself to cry!
Everyone (Rocky Horror-style): SHUT UP, WENDLA!
All things we ever did are left behind…
Reread, share, alert, favorite, etc. Because shows you've known and lost still walk behind you!