For the LJSanta 2008: http:// www/lj-smith .com/ljsanta/2005/

Snow & Cigarettes
For Angela.
By Aya.

"I hope you're just sitting out in this freezing weather because it's too hot inside," Dee whispered in Jenny's ear.

Her cheeks were chapped from the harsh winds of winter, her hands, although protected with black gloves, were still icy, her nose was as red as Rudolph's, and if it hadn't been for her extra green pullover beneath her black pea coat Jenny knew she'd be shaking from head to toe instead of face to chin, palm to fingertips.

When the back door of her house slammed shut Jenny jolted out of her vacant expression and turned slightly to face Dee. She chuckled as she saw elf ears, a red and white elf hat with a bell at the tip, a bright blue snow coat, and elf shoes, once again equipped with little bells that were for sure going to become slightly annoying as they jangled with every tiny move Dee made.

"And what exactly is so funny?" Dee's voice rose as she placed her hands on her hips in defiance.

"What are you wearing?" Jenny spoke softly, amusement evident in her voice.

"Well, it just so happens to be Christmas Eve and you just happen to be having a Christmas Eve party."

Jenny, shrugging Dee's comment off, sniffled, "I need to get a thicker coat," she mumbled.

Dee clucked her tongue and raised a pierced eyebrow. "Listen Thornton, I'm really not in the mood to whip you into shape, but I will if I have to. Now, don't try and change the subject. Why are you out here?" Dee paused then inhaled swiftly, before bowing her head. "No one would blame you if you were thinking about him."

Jenny paused before slouching down into the nearest outside, snow-covered patio chair, and even though her hands were snuggled deep into her pockets she could still feel the biting cold against them. "Oh? And who exactly am I thinking about?"

"Him,"Dee said with emphasis, her hands gesturing wildly.

"Believe it or not I'm not thinking of Tom right now," Jenny chuckled softly.

Dee scoffed and tossed her head like a raging bull. "I didn't mean that cheating, back stabbing, son of a--"

Jenny sighed heavily and turned her emerald green eyes towards her friend. "Dee, don't talk about him like that. I cheated first anyhow," Jenny spoke softly, giving a nonchalant shrug after.

Dee shook her head vigorously. "No Jenny, what you did was out of necessity to keep you and your friends alive! You did nothing to deserve what he did to you. You saved his life and he cheats on you with the next bimbo he sees! What Tom is doing right now, what he did, after what you did for him-he should be burning in hell Jenny."

Jenny shook her head, batting her hand at a tear that escaped down her cheek. "I liked it."

Dee paused, her eyebrows furrowed with confusion. "What?"

The tears were flowing freely down Jenny's cheeks now. "Dee, Tom and I failed because when he-" she stumbled around her words, trying to force his name out without that slicing pain of guilt. "Mm, when Julian was kissing me I was excited and Tom knew it. I remember how fast my heart was beating, the anticipation for more. I wanted it to happen. I was bored with Tom and I didn't realize it until--I ended up pushing Tom into the arms of another woman. Tom knew the very first time he saw Julian look at me, the moment he realized Julian wanted me."

"Y-you never told me that," Dee said bowing her head.

"How was I supposed to tell you? 'Hey guys, Julian makes me hot, how about I stay with him?'" Jenny said, her voice raising an octave higher. "The problem was that he'd forced it on me and I think if he had really just come to my door to ask me out on a date, I might have said yes. If anyone really knows me they know I hate being backed into a corner and given an ultimatum. I never wanted to kill him."

"What?" Dee screeched. "You did not kill Julian. He died for you so that you and your friends could be safe. He made the choice. So that you could be with Tom and wouldn't you guess it, right after we graduated, you go into Tom's bedroom, expecting to wake him up with sweet kisses, and all you see is a bleach blonde bimbo riding him and fucking his brains out. By the way did he give you a reason? Was it because you said 'no' when he wanted to have sex with you? I mean at least he had the decency to tell you that it started two weeks after everything. Slimy jerk off that he is."

He died for me? I'm horrible-he loved me so much that he died for me? How stupid am I?

"Dee," her voice cracked with emotion and anger. "I know what happened! I don't need a goddamn flashback. The point is I should have been ready to 'fuck his brains' out as you so eloquently put it. We'd been together since we were kids."

"You cannot force yourself to be ready to lose your virginity Jenny. It's obvious he wasn't right for you."

"But he should have been," Jenny whispered. "We were perfect."

"You definitely can't make a guy perfect or the person you're supposed to be with."

Jenny sighed heavily and looked up at the dark sky with bright stars. They were so bright in fact they almost hurt her eyes. It didn't help matters that the freshly fallen snow was everywhere-five inches deep of it and still it was snowing like mad. She was actually surprised she was able to see the stars.

She loved the snow, the smell, the temperature, the color--perhaps the color she loved the most, possibly because it was the color of his hair.

"Jenny look! A shooting star-quick make a wish!" Dee cried urgently.

Jenny turned her head, her mind laughing because she knew Dee might just actually believe it, but Jenny didn't. So when she closed her eyes and wished Julian to be alive, she never second-guessed her opinion on shooting stars.

"You believe in shooting stars?" Jenny asked softly, a tiny smile starting on her face.

"After everything that's happened I believe in anything. Vampires, witches, fairies...it's possible."

Jenny chuckled and then bit her bottom lip to keep it from trembling. "Why do you always do that Dee?"

Dee frowned, her expression confused. "Do what?"

"Pass the chances that could possibly benefit you, to me. It's not just you though all of you do it. Most of you still do. It's like you all think I'm more deserving than others. I'm not."

"We just see you for what you really are," Dee smiled at her.

"And what's that?"

"An incredible person that we all love, a best friend that deserves so much more than she has."

"Oh what crap! If you want to go that way, you deserve more because of how protective you are, Audrey deserves the most stylish woman of the year--"

"We all feel the need to protect you, you shouldn't be bent out of shape about that."

"I'm not, really I'm not. I just want you guys to be a little more selfish I guess."

Dee snorted and leaned forward to give Jenny a pat on her back. "We never did say you were the brightest crayon in the box though."

"Hey!" Jenny cried out, her eyes going wide and playful.

Dee shrugged. "What do you say we go back into the house and have fun with friends that you haven't seen in over month, huh?"

Jenny nodded. "Give me five minutes."

Dee opened her mouth as if wanting to decline Jenny's request, but then she nodded and went inside.

Jenny sighed and rested her elbows on the arms of the white patio chair, her hands still hidden in her pockets. She dropped her head against the back of the chair, one thought steady in her mind. Julian.

****

Jenny couldn't remember the last time she'd had so much fun with her friends. With a mixture of mistletoe mishaps and a little too many shots, Jenny knew she'd be laughing about this night for the next year. It did help that she was a little tipsy too, thank goodness for Mom and Dad's stash of alcohol.

"Thank goodness they're on vacation with Joey-far, far away!" Jenny slurred, stumbling to the bathroom, and trying, non-successfully, to hold in her laughter.

She reached the sink, turning on the warm and cold faucet. She reached forward and ran the tips of her fingers into the warming water, watching it part for a second. She repeated the motion, once, twice, before cupping her hands together and splashing it against her face. Jenny slowly lifted her face up and stared in the mirror, watching the tiny droplets slide down her face, wetness clinging to her eyelashes. She reached for her white washcloth.

She slowly walked out of the bathroom and into her room, reaching for her flannel pajamas that she only ever wore during December. Jenny loved Christmas Eve, she loved the feeling, the eggnog, and the light of the tree-it was always perfect. Even tonight, the first time she and Tom weren't together on Christmas Eve.

"Even tonight," she whispered, pulling back the toasty warm blankets of her bed and tucking herself into them.

Just as her eyelids were started to droop shut, the loudest boom of thunder and the brightest flash of lightening rumbled the house. Jenny jerked up, her sleepy eyes now wide with surprise at the bright flash of light in her room. "What the fu-" she started, but then blinked at what she saw on her bedroom floor. "Oh. My. God."

He was completely naked, lying on his side, on the cold floor, shivering. His hair was wild and whiter than ever, the same lightly tanned skin, and the same charcoaled colored eyebrows and lashes. Just perfect. Her wish had come true.

"Julian," she breathed. She blinked furiously, thinking he was just a figment of her imagination.

His eyes flew open and she flinched at what she saw. He looked wild, untamed, feral, and as he lifted his electric blue eyes to hers she felt everything at once. Fear, need, lust, pain, guilt-it was almost to much, but she pushed herself to stand up, to get out of the warm embrace of the protective blankets, to slowly walk towards the man who had fallen in the love with her, the shadow man she'd gotten killed.

Jenny cautiously got to her knees, directly in front of his body. She turned her head to look at his face as she slowly reached her hand forward, stretching to touch her fingertips to her face. He growled, his eyes fierce and flashing with savagery. Jenny flinched back, her breathing accelerating.

Julian was staring at her as if he couldn't make her out and as his eyes started to calm, Jenny slowly started advancing. She paused as she saw him turn his face to the side and breath deep, smelling his surroundings.

What should I do? Scream, hug him, kiss him...more?

Before she could figure out her jumbled thoughts, his hands darted out and gripped her shoulders tightly so as to jerk her forward into his arms. What she expected was a hug, what she got was a nose in the curve of her neck and shoulders, sniffing furiously. The tip of his nose was freezing, sending shivers through her body; it was as if he'd been outside, in the snow, for hours. His hands slowly slid down her arms, his grip still extremely tight.

This is okay. I'm okay.

Or so she thought, but when his hands stopped at her hips and started pulling her closer she felt panic set in. Then she felt one of his hands leave the curve of her hip, a scream stopping in the middle of her throat as his hand pushed through her hair and then yanked it back, exposing her neck. She fearful gasp escaped her lips as she felt his mouth open and close over her neck. Shivering, she felt his tongue curl out and lick up along the column of her throat. When she tried to pull away his grip tightened and he bit down with a deep growl erupting from him.

"I'm hungry," he panted, his voice muffled against her neck.

Jenny yipped at the sound of his voice and it took her a second to register what he'd said. "Um-okay, um--oh, well we have plenty of leftovers," Jenny swallowed and licked her lips.

Julian pulled away from her, his eyes flashing warnings to stay away. "What ever brought me back didn't bring me as a human."

Jenny's eyes widened. That meant he was what he had been when he was killed. He'd been dead for eight months, being dead that long and coming back hungry; Jenny couldn't even imagine what he could have been through.

All she did was blink, but when her eyes opened Julian was no longer lying on the floor. He was completely gone. "Julian?" She called.

Nothing.

****

It had been two hours since Julian had vanished. Jenny hated being awake at three o'clock in the morning, but there was no way she'd be able to sleep after what had happened. She still couldn't stop her heart from racing. Even when he looked wild and animalistic she still-- what?

I still wanted him. Oh God!

At the realization of that thought Jenny felt dirty and disgusted with herself. She couldn't understand why though. Was it wrong to be aware of whom and what you wanted, not matter the person of your wanting?

"No-it was just a dream. A dead person can't get resurrected, it defies everything that's scientific."

But then again what Julian was/is never fit into that scientific equation, did it?

It wasn't like she was an expert anyhow. She glanced down and frowned at the damage her pacing had caused the carpet. Walking over to her rumbled bed she sat down, gnawing her bottom lip. Jenny didn't even know if he'd come back to her. Why would he? She'd gotten him killed.

What if he did come back? More importantly if he came back how would he react? Jenny flinched as she heard a rip; she lifted her hand and groaned at the reddish brown button she'd torn off of her pajamas.

Jenny shook her head and frowned as a sudden wave of dizziness passed her. "Whoa-" she mumbled dropping the button to the floor and putting a hand to her head.

She felt herself falling backwards towards the bed, but when her back never made contact she felt her heart drop. She looked around and gasped as the colors of her room slowly melted into each other, making breathtaking colors into ugly gray puddles. She was falling faster now, her breath pushed out of her, and without warning she landed hard on cold ground.

Jenny cried out as pain shot through her back. The pain caused her eyes to shut, but she quickly snapped them open, taking in her surroundings. She remembered this room-dear God how she remembered it. She slowly lifted her eyes up and her stomach plummeted as she saw him. Jenny placed the palms of her hands against the wet cement ground.

Wet? Great, I'm wet!

Her backside was drenched in water-smelly water. If she didn't know she would have guessed it to be mixed with blood, but-no! She shook her head telling herself it wasn't possible as she slowly adjusted her to the beauty of the man before her.

He was always so gorgeous, breathtakingly so, but when he was in tight fitting, second skinned black leather pants and nothing on his upper body except for what looked liked a Celtic knot tattoo wrapping around his bicep, Jenny drooled. Her stomach burned and she consciously dropped a hand to her lower abdomen, pressing hard, as if trying to push her burst of lust away.

"H-how are you?"

Oh, bravo Jen! 'How are you?' Pugh!

Julian raised a black eyebrow as if surprised that she had even spoken. "I've been dead, how would you be?"

She flinched at the animosity in his voice and quickly decided to change the subject. "So, you're still a-"

"Yes."

Jenny nodded, her fingers curling into her shirt and stomach. "Oh-so are you okay and everything?"

What the hell is wrong with you Thornton?

"How long was I dead?" Julian asked, startling Jenny out of her thoughts.

"Um-240 days."

Julian smirked, his shoulders jolting. With his arms wrapped around his chest and his hip leaning against the wall he could have passed for a normal gothic looking guy, but if you were to look into his eyes, you'd see, you'd see the killer in him, the power emanating.

"Hmm, seemed like years. Why did you bring me back?" He raised an eyebrow waiting for her answer.

Jenny scoffed and tossed her hair. "I did not bring you back! I wouldn't even know how!" Her voice was high with obvious offense.

Julian cocked his head to the side, the muscles in his arms flexing, his jaw clenching.

Oh God-he's irritated!

"You brought me back."

Jenny actually gritted her teeth and took a step towards him, ignoring the disgusting taste of fear rising in her throat. "I did not!"

What the hell is wrong with me? He could kill me with the flick of his index finger and here I am antagonizing him?

"Yes you did-think real hard. What did you do? It was something you did or said," he said as the corner of his mouth tilted upwards.

Jenny took two more steps until she was only a foot away from him. She angrily folded her arms across her chest and stomped her foot. "I did not bring you back! I DID not-oh I so did," Jenny gasped as it dawned on her. "Oh I did-oh God! I didn't think it would work! Oh God, oh God--" She lifted a hand and covered her mouth. "I'm sorry. Oh, you must be so angry with me," she whispered, her lower lip trembling.

Julian stared at her, his face unchanging. It was as if he was looking into her, not through her, as if he still...

As if he still loved you-wanted you? Come on Jen, you killed him. Why would he want me?

When he pushed off the wall, fully facing her now, and reached into his pocket Jenny flinched falling a step backward. He smirked and held up what he'd reached for in his pocket.

All it was was a silver Zippo lighter and a cigarette.

She heard a flick and starred at the red cherry at the end of the cigarette, watching it burn as he puffed on it. "Ugh! That is a dirty habit."

"It's not like it's going to kill me!" He said and Jenny felt her eyes widen as he chuckled.

Jenny dropped her shoulders, her legs wobbling beneath her. "That wasn't funny."

"I always smoke after I eat," he said, ignoring her statement, his mouth curving.

She had tried so hard to keep her eyes off of his lips, she would have too, if she hadn't seen that tiny spec of chocolate at the corner of his mouth when her smirked at her.

Damn, she thought to herself as she once again applied pressure to her stomach.

His voice was smooth, sending shivers down her spine. At the corner of his mouth she spotted a tiny spec of a dark liquid and her mouth watered as she imagined him eating a chocolate bar. She knew at that moment that if she could just walk one more steps and touch her lips to his she'd taste warm melted chocolate.

"You a-you have chocolate on the corner of your mouth," Jenny whispered, gritting her teeth at the breathless tone of her voice.

Julian pulled the cigarette from his mouth; his tongue darted out and licked the spot up. Jenny licked her lips as her breathing accelerated and a moan lodged itself in her throat.

"It wasn't chocolate."

"Hm?"

Julian lifted his eyes and stared. She knew he could see the lust that glazed her eyes. His electric blue eyes darkened and she could feel her cheeks turn pink.

"It wasn't chocolate. Shadow men don't eat chocolate when they're hungry."

"Um, what?" She asked breathlessly, feeling her body sway towards him.

Julian bowed his head backwards, his Adams apple bobbing up and down as he swallowed, his startling white blond hair shifting from his movement. "I can see your mind is on other things so lets get to it," he said throwing his cigarette down.

Jenny dropped her eyes down towards the cigarette, watching it sizzle from the water. Her eyes lifted, staring at the puff of smoke. She flinched when she felt his hands slide up along her waist. "What are you doing?" Jenny asked, somewhat hysterically.

When she went to jerk herself away, his hands tightened, his fingers biting into her hips. Her mouth fell open and with a moan that wanted to escape but didn't as she felt one of his hands slide down, lifting her flannel night gown up, his cold hand caressing her thigh as he did so.

"Stop," Jenny said half-heartedly.

It was then that the room changed. If she had been in a better state of mind she would have stared on in awe at the wildness of its decor. The blackness of the room making the jungle green sheets of the bed, jump out. The black and green panther rug seemed to be staring at them, it eyes hungry and fierce.

She didn't know how she'd gotten onto the bed, but once she felt Julian's hand tugging at her panties panic set in. Jenny quickly tugged at his muscular arm and shook her head. "No, wait!"

He growled in response his eyes flashing. "What?"

"I just want to talk for a second."

"Blasted women always want to talk! Men are so much easier," Julian sighed, dropping his forehead to her neck.

Jenny felt a smile tugging her mouth. She had never even imagined Julian with another man, but now that the thought had shown its face, she found herself incredibly turn on and very, very hot. She lifted a hand and brushed her fingertips down his bare back. "They aren't that much easier," Jenny chuckled, feeling her body relax as he pulled his hand away.

"Jenny, I can smell you. You want me as much as I want you!"

Jenny felt her gut tighten with need. Oh yes, I do want you!

"Just let me take you now and then we can talk all you want later. I was just brought back from the dead, I want what I've been missing for two hundred and some odd days."

She paused at the note in his voice. Pleading note? It couldn't possibly be that. "Sex?" Jenny chuckled.

"Well that and you," he spoke softly.

Jenny stopped and stared on in horror as she felt wetness on her face. Her lower lip trembling as she nudged his face. "But I killed you."

He pulled away from her. "You did nothing of the sort."

Jenny shook her head. "No, I did. How can you possibly have any feelings for me after what I did?"

Julian rolled his eyes. "Would you stop? You don't just wake up and stop loving somebody! Only in my case I woke up dead."

"You love me?" Jenny whispered, her eyes widening.

"I thought you knew that already?" Julian asked, his hand getting lost in her golden hair--the hand that wasn't halfway hidden by her underwear.

"Julian your hand seems to have found its way back-um," Jenny stopped her eyes widening as he leaned forward.

His kiss was hard and the inside of his mouth was hot with the lingering taste of wine and chocolate. She made a muffled 'yip' when she felt the tips of his very sharp teeth bite softly on her tongue, before tangling his with hers. She could feel him everywhere and not just because he was mostly on top of her, or because his hand was slowly teasing the curls between her legs. He was electrifying; every type of contact jolted her until she saw stars. Julian pulled away, his chest rising and falling, showing that he was only slightly out of air as he buried his face into her still slightly damp hair.

"I thought you said it wasn't chocolate," Jenny whispered breathlessly.

She bit her bottom lip as she felt his lips curve against her neck. "It wasn't."

Jenny stopped. "Then how-"

She shivered as his tongue slid up her vein. "I'm a lord of illusions Jenny, or have you forgotten?"

Jenny gasped as she felt him drag his teeth down the column of her neck. Julian's sudden groan floored her and her hips jolted in response. His strong arms enfolded her lower half, holding her hips still. It took her a couple of seconds to stop her jerking hips, but as soon as she did, his arms fell away. She moaned at the lost, but before she knew it her pajamas were thrown to the floor and she was flipped so that she was straddling his waist.

She wanted to cover herself up, but knew Julian wouldn't have it so she kept her arms at her thighs, her socks and panties her only clothing. Jenny dropped her head to the side, the heat so hot in her cheeks and belly she was surprised she wasn't burning.

"Jenny," he chuckled. "I've seen you naked before, don't be embarrassed."

Her eyes turned to his. "When the hell have you seen me naked?" Her eyes flashed with anger as she stared down at him.

"Think about kitten," he whispered huskily as he made an obvious trail down her body with his eyes.

"Why you bast--" she squealed as he smacked her ass, a deep grin on his face, and he snapped his fingers.

She knew instantly what he had done as she felt the cloth between her legs tear away. His leather pants had vanished. "Oh God," Jenny gasped, dropping her hands to his shoulders as wave after pleasurable wave went through her. Julian smirked and dropped his hands to her waist, pushing her up and down his rippling, muscular abdomen.

He almost elegantly flipped her underneath him. His whispered, "I'm sorry," startling her out of her pleasure filled state.

The pain of him entering her wasn't as severe as she thought it would be. Jenny frowned at this-she had known it should have hurt like hell from Dee and Audrey's explanation of their first experience. "Why-" she started, brow furrowing with confusion.

"Just because I was dead and my powers aren't to its full peak yet, doesn't mean I can't do fairly easy things," Julian grinned half heartedly down at her, his face mostly focused on the task at hand.

He had taken the brunt of the pain away from her. Jenny smiled at him, knowing why he hadn't taken it all. It was her first time, she should get a tiny taste of what it was like to lose her virginity.

He executed a thrust and it was almost so immediately explosive that Jenny flinched, her legs instantly wrapping around his thrusting hips. Jenny responded almost immediately, their hips crashing against each other in unison, his name chanting from her lips in tiny gasps and grunts. He pushed her legs up higher so that her knees were almost to his armpits.

"Mm, Julian," Jenny moaned.

His thrusting seemed to go on forever, but at the same time they seemed to be frozen in time. Her chest hurt from the effort it took for her to breath and as he thrust into her again her eyes rolled into the back of her head as her orgasm ripped through her. The last thing she heard was Julian panting her name as he came.

___________________________________________

Jenny's eyes jerked open and she sat straight up in her bed. Her bed--it was her bed. Her eyes widened as she saw the door that connected her room to her bathroom and felt the burning of tears brim her eyes.

"It was just a dream," she whispered, glancing down at her naked body. Naked?

"Hey Jenny, how do you work this damn thing!"

"Julian?" She whispered in shock as she turned to the bathroom. She leapt from her bed and shoved the door open to see Julian completely naked, standing in front of the sink, banging on the faucet of the sink.

"Just because I liked watching you and others in the bathroom doesn't mean I paid much attention to how you turn these things on."

"It wasn't a dream?" She asked him.

"You said you wanted some water and then you fell back asleep. I figured I'd get you some anyway. I don't want you to get dehydrated, I'm far from done."

Jenny laughed and leapt towards him.

What were her friends going to say?