How Sarah Got Her Groove Back,
A short short short story

After Nancy went insane and Rochelle and Bonnie bailed, Sarah found herself all alone in St. Benedict High. She wanted so much to join up with like-minded individuals. Then one day she found an ad in her local New Age free newspaper for a Wicca group. Wicca, what's that, she wondered? I mean, she had tried generic witchcraft with her former friends but never really tried that Wicca stuff. It sounded nice, Wicca--kind of like a Sarah MacLachlan song, "oooo, wicca, I hardly knew you..."

So she showed up one evening after school at the local YWCA for the Wicca meet. There were many girls there her age, and she felt confident that she could connect and *finally* find a bunch of sane individuals to discuss magick with.

But to her surprise the girls there scoffed at her claims of magick that she and Nancy, Bonnie, and Rochelle performed. They said she really couldn't be a witch because she had used magick to her selfish benefit rather than being in harmony with the universe (like a REAL witch would do).

"B-but what about the glamours I performed? The spells I made to save my life..."

The head Wiccan at the group said: "They must not have happened at all--because you were not a true Wiccan. And if they did happen, it must have meant that you were practicing Satanism or something, because all who do not follow the true Wiccan path must be devotees of black magic."

"How can you say that?" Sarah asked. "How can you judge me like that? How can you define what a true witch is or isn't?"

The head Wiccan responded: "Wiccans are the only true, good witches. Everybody else are either poseurs or devotees of the left-hand-path."

The other Wiccans in the group responded by saying : "Yeah!" And "Blessed Be!"

"This is insane!" Sarah said, "I know I am a witch!"

"You can only become a true witch if you study with us and memorize Marion Weinstein's Positive Magic book by heart!"

"Screw you guys, I'm going home!" Sarah bellowed.

But she didn't go home. Instead, she headed straight for the insane asylum Nancy was kept, and broke down the doors using her telekinesis. Nancy was mighty surprised to see her.

"What...what are YOU doing here," Nancy cried, as Sarah ripped the restraints off her wrists,

"I can't take these foo-foo Loreena McKennitt sage-loving self-righteous Wiccans anymore! I want to have fun again!"

Nancy clasped her hand into Sarah's as they headed out into the indigo-streaked night:



And that's how Sarah stopped being a whiny miserable self-hating witch and got her groove back.