The Return of the Beeper King
Disclaimer: I own nothing but this particular plot!
Liz pushed open the door of the writer's room, a coffee in one hand and a TGS with Tracy Jordan sweater in the other.
"Alright nerds, what's the status of the Glee parody sketch?"
"I finished it yesterday," said Frank. "It's mostly just Jenna singing, 'cause she said she'd show me her panties if I wrote it like that."
Liz wrinkled her nose. "Jenna, c'mon!" she said, just as Jenna entered the room. "You can't bribe the writers, we've talked about this before!"
Jenna put a hand to her heart. "Liz, I can't help it. Tracy can't sing, even though he released that Hanukah album a few years ago. And Danny… Danny… Danny…" Jenna turned and ran from the room, unable to accept that Danny could actually sing. Danny, who was sitting at the table next to Toofer, just smiled and shrugged. He was getting used to these crazy Americans.
"Alright," Liz turned back to Frank. "Just make sure that Tracy and Danny have a few lines, at least."
"If it's Liz, she should have all the lines, 'cause she's kind of hot."
Liz turned in horror, recognizing the voice that had just spoken.
"No," she said. "No, please, no!"
The man behind her spread his arms.
"Hello, Elizabeth." Said Dennis Duffy.
"Oh, cool!" Frank shot out of his chair, fumbling for something on his belt loop. He held it up. It was one of Dennis's beepers.
"Awesome. You know, last week I sold this beeper to this girl. Actually, she looked like Liz only with a super-hot body, and her face didn't squish up when she talked." Dennis sat at the table between Sue and Lutz, and put his feet up.
"Oh really, Dennis?" said Liz. "This girl you sold to, was she real? And why are you here, anyway? Get out!"
"No way Elizabeth. That creepy page let me in, and I'm not leaving. Especially because there's some creepy homeless dude outside the building, and I don't want to go down there."
"Kenneth, his name is Kenneth. And I mean the page, not the homeless guy. Blurgh!" Liz stomped out of the room, and went up to the 50th floor.
"Jack," she snapped, barging past a protesting Jonathan. "You have got to help me get rid of Dennis."
"So the Beeper King returns, Lemon?" Jack rose from his desk.
"Yes. I thought he was gone for good, but he's like an episode of Two and a Half Men. No matter how many times you change the channel, it just won't go away!"
"Since that was a witty pun, in which you antagonized television, instead of defending it, I will help you." Jack walked to the elevator, Liz followed. "You see, Lemon, it is like Two and a Half Men. When people talk about it, you have to pretend to enjoy it, so that your eyes are not violently ripped from your skull." Liz struggled to make sense of this as they walked back towards the writer's room. When they arrived, Dennis and Tracy deep in a conversation about sperm whales.
"You just gotta know," Dennis was saying. "That they were totally named by pervy scientists."
"Yeah, like David Suzuki." Tracy agreed.
"Hey, he's Canadian!" Danny said excitedly, his eyes lighting up.
Liz rolled her eyes. Behind her, Jack spoke.
" Hello Dennis, how the hell are you?"
"Hey Jack," Dennis nodded. "I've been awesome, except for the not-having-Liz-in-my-life part."
"Well, don't worry, my friend. We will have that fixed right now. I made lunch reservations for the two of you in an hour." Jack smiled and looked expectantly at Liz.
"Fine," she groaned. "But only because I hold a deep respect for food."
"Great, I'll bring my car around." Dennis got up to leave.
"Since when do you have a car?" Liz asked him.
"Since five seconds ago, when I won a bet with Jack, seeing if you'd go out with me. He said you would, I said you wouldn't, even though I totally knew you would, and I want you to."
Liz's jaw dropped. "What?!" she yelled at Jack's back as he walked away. He threw his hand up in defeat. Everyone in the writer's room burst into laughter.
Dennis winked. "Meet you at the curb in ten minutes, dummy."
Liz sighed. It was going to be a long day.