Oh my god. I think I'm trying to do something besides a one-shot that's not idiotic fluff for only one person. It's for everybody! Oh my god, right? No. I know you don't care.
Yeah, I'll shut up.
I don't own FMA or any of the characters.


I got a couple addictions
But I swear that I'm coming clean
I got a new way of thinking
Yeah, you're bringing out the best in me

-Chemicals Collide, Boys Like Girls

Chapter 1 - How much is that puppy in the window?


She was NOT a prostitute.
She didn't sell herself, couldn't be bought, period. She was pretty, yeah, and liked to hang out around the bar on the street where all the ones who WERE cheap whores hung out too.
Didn't make her one. Right? Right.

Riza Hawkeye was beautiful to most of the men who saw her. She didn't really give a flying shit one way or another what they thought. In fact, she didn't care what SHE thought. Riza just wanted out of her own life.
She'd tried pills. Busted.
Throat-cutting. Busted.
Hanging.....That one ended the worst, with a couple court cases, too.

It seemed she was doomed to sit in the bar and roll her eyes at men casting lewd glances. Maybe pull out her Glock, too.
God help anyone who tried to buy her.

But that day, something was different about the man who tapped on her shoulder. Good different. He had dark eyes, dark hair, and was wearing classy clothes. A nice, white dress shirt and trousers to match. A state Alchemist pocket watch hung from his belt. Oh, God. Mister Military.

"Ma'am? This seat taken?"
"Why? You looking to lose your manhood, big shot?"
To her surprise, the dark-haired man laughed.
"No. Just want a drink and everywhere else is filled."

He was right. Every other seat in the Red Herring Tavern had some fat ass jerk or a skinny barbie type sitting in it, flirting with one of the other type......Well, there were two barbies in the corner without any fat ass jerks. And a few actually good-looking men scattered around. None quite like this Alchemist, but they weren't bad.

"Yeah, whatever. Sit."
"I'll have my usual, Breda. Make that two of my usual." He said, a little unhappily at the end of his sentence. The barkeep grunted, nodded, and set a glass of amber liquid in front of him, followed by another.

Riza usually didn't care about the men who tried to sit next to her, or checked her out, or asked how much. She just mumbled for them to go the hell away or pointed the gun in thier face. She had an understanding with Heymans Breda about the Glock. She kept the gun away from him and kept coming to his bar for business, and he didn't report her for illegal weapon ownership. It was a good deal.

The woman looked the dark-haired man up and down, surveying his bright look on the outside, but the fact that he was as haggard as she was on the inside. For some reason this man attracted her attention. She had no idea why, but he was interesting. As he sipped his beer, she found that his thoughts drifted off. Perhaps he'd had someone important die. His eyes drifted off somewhere as hers got lost in space, deep in thought.

"Uh, Miss? You see something you like?" The dark-haired man asked her, laughing.

"Huh?" She asked, frowning.

"Thought you weren't interested?" He asked, smiling cockily.

"I'm not." She monotoned, frowning worse.

"I'm kidding, miss." He laughed. "So, what's your name?"

'Don't think you're getting lucky, jackass.' Riza thought, still hard-faced. "Riza. You?"

"Roy. What brings you here?"

"An agreement. And you?" She said a little sarcastically. Still, a smile floated across 'Roy's' face.

"My friend.....Passed away recently." He mumbled, swirling the remainder of his second glass, looking for something in his beer. Maybe his friend. Riza would have laughed had she not understood.

"Hm." she wasn't one to comfort, and she could tell the man didn't want it. "You know, drowning your problems in alcohol doesn't kill them, right? Well that was a bad example. But don't drink too much."

"Do you care?" He asked, a thread of hope forming in his voice and a sparkle in his eyes.

"I understand. My father......He drunk my mother away. Thoughts of her floated down a river of whiskey. I come in here mainly to remember them."

"Huh. I used to drink here with Maes." He mumbled, taking the last swig of beer from his glass. It looked as if he was going to ask for more, but he thought a moment and turned to Riza.

"What the hell is a woman like you doing on this street in the first place, Riza?"

"EXCUSE ME?" She asked, authority in her voice.

"Why the fuck would you want to sit with all these people and be hit on?"

"Maybe I like threatening some asshole with a gun?" Her voice rose more.

"Calm down. I'm not one of them, swear. It's just, you're gorgeous, have a head on your shoulders, and you obviously don't want anything to do with these people. Why are you here? Why not the bar down the next street?"

".......Goodbye, Roy." She mumbled, leaving money under her glass as she hopped off the stool, adjusted her purse, and strode out confidently.


Stay tuned for chapter two, where we'll see if Matsuda can survive a jump off an eight-story building!

Wait. Wrong story. ^^ Anyway. Review. There'll be more chapters. I know this was short. I like short openers. ^^

Love and fanfiction, Hop.