Title: I Now Pronounce You, Mrs Damon Salvatore
Category: TV Shows » Vampire Diaries
Author: xXAnime AquamarineXx
Language: English, Rating: Rated: M
Genre: Romance/Humor
Published: 04-05-10, Updated: 06-17-11
Chapters: 5, Words: 35,309

Chapter 1: Love Hangover

I don't know what came over me with this story. This is a pretty random project, because the idea just came to me yesterday and I just began typing…The title tells you all you need to know. I'm going to try to make this believable but at the same time, still humorous. Another thing to note is that I was listening to Love Hangover by Jason Derulo which is a pretty awesome song so feel free to check that out.

(25/04/10) I re-edited some stuff, included more descriptions and added clips of Monster by Lady Gaga to kind of describe Elena's emotions. The reason for the re-editing was because I needed to lay down a timeline, in this story Elena is 18. So basically, she's finished high school, so some events have already occurred, whilst others have been rewritten for your viewing pleasure

(4/04/10) I am really beginning to question how much more things I'm going to add to this chapter -_- sigh!

(30/05/15) Yet another edit to this chapter. Just some really minor changes really. But hey, at least I'm doing something XD

This is my first, but not last VD story so comments are most welcomed :D I sincerely hope that you enjoy my story!

Disclaimer: We all want to own the Vampire Diaries…But we most likely never will…WHICH IS WHY WE HAVE FANFICTION! HUZAAH! XD

I hope you enjoy my story!


The Drunken Murmurings of the Night Before

"If you weren't such an ass, I'd actually willingly compliment your hotness and overall pizzazz, but I don't feel like being that generous tonight…I've had enough of you Salvatores to last a lifetime."

"You do know that if you continue to drink like a sailor on holiday, then you're gonna have a major hangover in the morning."

"I'm sorry…Don't leave…I just…I-I really need someone…Anyone…Right now…"

"If you keep batting your eyelashes at me like that…I may just take you in this bar…Right here, right now!"

"Shut up and kiss me…I just want to forget about him right now…"

"Call me crazy, disillusioned or just straight up drunk, but I think…I may just be in love with you."

"Your eyes are really really pretty… they're like aquamarine gemstones that will draw any girl's attention in."

"Stefan is an idiot for leaving you…If you were my girl, I'd never let you go."

"Hey, do you wanna get married…like now?"

"No matter what anyone tells you…You could never be Katherine"

"You know, you really are a bad influence on me."

"Stefan can never pull off the hot, bad and deliciously sexy look like I do sweetheart."

"I now pronounce you Mr. and Mrs. Damon Salvatore!"


Sunlight trickled in through the blinds and into the luxurious medium sized hotel room. In the large king sized bed, two figures slept in peaceful bliss, dead to the world around them. A young male and a female, whose body parts remained tangled from the tell tale signs of the pleasurable activities of the night before and shielded from the world by the off-white cotton sheets strewn carelessly over their nude bodies.

A soft groan escaped the slightly parted lips of the slender brunette girl as she brought up a hand to shield her brown eyes from the blinding torture of the sun, only to notice a distinct sparkle. This caught her attention and she brought her hand closer to her face to study the source closer…Only to find an intricately cut diamond surrounded by tiny aquamarines set on a golden ring. Yes, the ring was gorgeous and most likely expensive, but the fact was that the ring was on her wedding finger. A ring that she was most definitely sure was not there yesterday.

Wait…Yesterday? What exactly happened yesterday? What day was it anyways? She was completely blank - she couldn't recall anything at all. Her brown eyes widened in shock and her mouth fell agape. She tried to think back, but then a massive headache came over her and she clutched her head in pain. She then fell back on the bed and glared up at the ceiling. Ugh, what was going on here?

Her pillow shifted slightly beneath her. No, that's not right. Pillows don't move, unless you're the one moving them. On second thought, why was her pillow hard…warm…and smelt like some very expensive cologne? Ok, there was only one explanation for that…

Elena bolted upright and stared down at the naked and very fine male specimen beneath her. Her gaze lingering on his six pack abs for quite a while before she whipped her attention to his face, to find herself staring into familiar albeit amused blue eyes.

Oh no no no! This was so not happening! Her mouth opened and closed repeatedly as her brain tried to find the appropriate words to use in a situation like this.

Damon alert! Damon alert! Damon alert!

This could not be happening. First, she finds a ring on her finger and then this! She was here…Naked…In a bed…With HIM?!

"D-Damon?!" screeched Elena as she pushed herself off of his well toned and regrettably comfortable torso and stared at him in complete shock and repulsion. She scrambled off of the bed and gaped at him and the ridiculousness of the situation she was in. The man in question did not look the least bit frazzled by her outburst, in fact, he looked even more amused than he already was, but made a slight pout at the loss of her body heat. Was she the only one concerned about what may have happened here?

I wanna just dance,

But he takes me home instead,

Uh – oh! There was a monster in my bed

"The one and only, my dear." he answered haughtily, staring straight at her. Well he obviously enjoyed himself.

He gave her a very appreciative once over as his eyes raked up and down her dishevelled appearance and brought his hands to rest behind his head. He took great pride in her appearance, knowing that he very well caused her to look so – out of sorts and well bedded. Not to mention the hickeys here and there, his little markings of possession that claimed her as his. He gave her a suggestive wink after his brief once over of her and she blushed at the gesture. Trying to muster what was left of her dignity, she tugged the off-white cotton covers from the bed to cover her shivering nude form. Damon rolled his eyes at her modesty. It wasn't like he hadn't seen – or licked, caressed, bitten etc. – it before. Her modesty at this point in time was well, pointless. Actually, her being shocked and repulsed at all was uncalled for. As far as he was concerned, this whole situation was bound to happen anyways.

What was unfair, in her opinion, was that the only sign of him being involved in anything particularly lewd was his dark hair being a bit more ruffled than usual… Besides the fact that he was stark naked and making absolutely no effort to cover himself. That man had no modesty at all, not even the decency to cover himself up. Then again, he believed that he was God's gift to women, so hiding himself from them would probably be a sin.

Her eyes roamed over his naked body, from his head, to his chest to that little trail of dark hair that led from his belly button to his pubic area. Dear lord, he was like Adonis in the flesh and very well endowed. Now she knew why she was so cocky all the time (no pun intended). Yes, Damon was very very big in that area and she not supposed to be turned on now of all times.

Focus Elena, focus! Remember, she was face to face with the bad brother…Not the good brother who was her boyfriend…Er, well ex-boyfriend - The ex-boyfriend who was also a vampire who got his heart broken over 140 years ago by another vampire who looked exactly like her. Ugh, could this whole thing be any more screwed up?

She whipped her gaze up from his crotch to glare at his smug face. Those captivating aquamarine blue eyes were now darker, a cobalt like hue that held traces of amusement, curiousity, lust and another emotion hidden emotion that she couldn't quite place that made her insides tingle. If she continued to stare at him any longer then she would be too far drawn into his aura to get out.

Look at him

Look at me

That boy is bad

And honestly

He's a wolf in disguise

But I can't stop staring in those evil eyes

To Damon, seeing her curvaceous and bare form was kind of arousing him at the moment. Now if only she would move a little and turned to the side a bit then he could really take her in…

"What are you doing here?" she yelled at him accusingly, quickly wrapping the covers around her body like a cocoon - to hide it from his prying eyes. He snorted and then rolled his eyes.

"Good morning to you too, Little Miss Sunshine," replied the now smirking vampire who still managed to look composed if not completely smug, in this rather unfortunate situation. She wanted to wipe that smirk off his face so badly. What an ass! Couldn't he have the nerve to be a little more frazzled? Here she was freaking out and there he was looking as smug as a bug in a rug. Ok, that last thought was kind of funny. She snorted at the picture in her mind. The least he could do is try to be remorseful or something…But knowing Damon, all he would do in a situation like this is gloat, then mock her and hold it above her for the rest of her life or blackmail her. Hell, knowing Damon, he'd do all three.

Her brain began to go into overdrive. Things were becoming a little clearer now as thoughts and memories of what may have occurred began to click into place like a puzzle. So, in a span of about five minutes she had made the following observations:

They were both very very much naked

They were in a hotel room (a nice one at that)

Because they were naked…they obviously had a ridiculous amount of sex

She could not remember anything that happened the night before, which means she must have been as drunk as hell to even agree to anything that happened - or he compelled her…Yeah, let's go with the last one…


Did she mention that she basically slept with and got married to her on and off again boyfriend's brother?

"D-Did we get married?" she asked in a quiet voice that was barely above a whisper, but he heard her quite clearly. The answer to that question was obvious. Yet, she still felt the need to ask, just to make sure. Anything was possible, right?

"Well," he started smoothly, his voice still husky, "I would believe so, seeing as I'm wearing a ring too," he replied simply, moving his hands from behind his head and showing her his left hand with a simple gold wedding ring with 3 diagonal strips of silver in the centre on his fourth finger.

Her throat went dry at his confirmation. So dry that she nearly choked. She began pacing furiously. This could not possibly be happening. She could not be married to Damon! Damon Salvatore! She just broke up with Stefan less than 24 hours ago and now she was already married to his brother - Whom she most likely slept with…Again…and Again…and AGAIN! Oh dear Lord, she was going to go to hell to rot and burn for this sin. Damon was probably the devil's advocate as well. She was basically married to the devil. Oi vey! Talk about a bleak future. This could not possibly end well for either of them. To think that she wouldn't even be able to escape him in death.

"We slept together, didn't we?" she asked, lowering her head in shame and gulping at the answer he would give to this obvious question. She closed her eyes, hoping that it would shut out the inevitable.

"Oh, I wouldn't say that…" he said trailing off dramatically and turning his head to the side to stare out the window for a dramatic effect. Her eyes snapped open and she peered at him with wide eyes.

Her heart lifted. Was there still hope? Could she still manage to salvage her dignity after this? Maybe this could all be solved tomorrow and this whole mess will blow over before the week even ends. They could have the marriage annulled quickly and all of this could be forgotten. Yes, of course. This was after all a big misunderstanding, right?

"There're better terms like…We fucked like two rabbits in a meadow, had wild monkey sex or even the overly cliché one like, we made love under the moonlight. Take your pick. All I know for sure, is that rocked your world over and over and over again until you were so tired that you basically collapsed on my chest from sexual exhaustion," he explained, looking back at her with a devilish grin. Her spirits crashed to the ground and smashed into itty bitty pieces. Her expression turned from hopeful to crestfallen to furious. He was enjoying this immensely. Her emotions were just so much fun to watch. She really was something else.

"DAMON!" she screamed his name loud enough to wake the (un)dead - pun intended - because he thinks that he may be slightly deaf now.

"…Yes…?" he answered innocently, even giving her the puppy dog eyed look but that did nothing to calm her rage, it only spurred her on more.

"Do you not understand the graveness of this situation?" she asked shakily, her gaze hardening at his lack of concern. He looked away from her again. She tends to overreact about everything that involved them…If there even was a them

He snorted and rolled his eyes. "What about it?" he snapped off handedly, glaring at the window.

"…We…Cannot…Be…Married!" she ground out through gritted teeth as she began to pace up and down the carpeted floors, running a hand through her knotted mane of hair.

"And why not?" he growled at her, his eyes narrowing as he turned his attention back on her. She flinched at the look he gave her. He was so not liking her quickly darkening mood one bit. He was hoping for one more round of sex before things got too tense, but apparently she was very much sober right now and therefore, serious and no more fun. He should really start learning not to get his hopes up around her. Her mood swings were deadly. Then again, who was he to talk?

"Because…Because I-I still love Stefan!" she shouted at him, but she regretted the words as soon as they escaped her lips – they tasted almost foreign, but even more deadly – the effect was gut wrenching. A flurry of emotions passed through his eyes at that moment. From shock to hurt to jealousy to finally…Rage - pure unadulterated, rage. He was furious, but he made no move to get up. He was not liking this sudden revelation of her feelings one bit. In fact, he could guarantee that she was going to say something else to tick him off very soon. She took a step back from him and swallowed. His darkened mood was never a good sign.

"…What…?" he asked quietly, even though he understood her quite well. How dare she? Of all the things to bring up, she just had to mention his name. Dear St. Stefan. The perfect martyred angel. The one person whom he'd be forever compared to. Ugh, she was still in love with his sap of a brother even though they just broke up for the umpteenth time. Really, if it wasn't obvious already that their relationship was not worth it based on all the times they broke up and made up again over stupid trivial issues. But no, those two were in looooovvvvvvvvveeeeeeeeeeeee. Oh, please - The thought was unbelievably preposterous. They were clearly deluding themselves. He ignored the painful clenching feeling in his chest and stood before her in full glory, rising from his comfort zone to invade hers. She stepped back once more as he glared down at her. He was tired of hearing her pitiable excuses, now it was his turn…

"Do you really think that Stefan will take you back after he hears that you went off and married me?" he asked her in a cold and eerily quiet tone that sent shivers racing up and down her spine.

"We were drunk! Well…At least I was! Besides this was a big mistake! We are never going to get married!" she tried to reason, but failed.

"Well it's too late for that seeing as we're already married," he drawled with a roll of his eyes.

"This was clearly never meant to happen! Why can't you see that?" she pleaded.

"Drunk decisions always spur from somewhere, Elena. You wanted me that night and you still want me!" he would not back down, she needed to come to grips with the truth.

"That doesn't matter. You shouldn't take advantage of drunken girls!"

He looked almost shocked at her response, but quickly regained his composure. Not that he wasn't one to use a situation to his advantage in the past, in this case, the blame was not solely on him. "If anyone took advantage of someone, it was definitely you," he responded snidely, "You're the one who brought up the whole marriage idea in the first place…I just went along with it."

It felt like her heart nearly stopped beating. She couldn't believe what he just said. She could never seriously want to marry him, could she? That could not be right. She was the drunk mastermind? She must have been really drunk off her rocker to even bring something like that up. He was adamant on this marriage wasn't he…Or was he just trying to piss her off? God…All this shouting was starting to make her head throb even more. Ugh, where was the aspirin when you needed it? She was hurting his heart just as much as he was hurting her ears.

"Well you're wrong…I was just lonely and – and I wasn't thinking clearly. There is no way this marriage can be legit, Damon. This is wrong!" she tried to reason, "We have to get this annulled."

"Regardless of what you want to say…We've already copulated. More. Than. Once. That is, we've consummated the marriage already." He stated sternly, "So yes, this is pretty legit."

"But, but…Then we have to get a divorce and -" she started but was cut off at the contact of his lips on hers and his arms wrapping themselves around her small waist, pulling her close to him. All arguments ceased as her mind went blank once more and she unconsciously opened herself to him. Her lips parted and he took her invitation to enter, delving his tongue into her mouth to explore the warm cavern. She stuck out her tongue to greet his eagerly. A low moan escaped her lips as their tongues battled for dominance, twisting and tangling with each other. She reached up to tangle her fingers in his soft fine hair. He pulled her even closer, so that they were less than a hair's breadth apart and let his hands grope at her covered body, roaming the curves and contours, but was blocked by those pesky (and heavy) sheets. Ugh, ok those sheets needed to go…Now! But as his hands began to tug at the sheets around her, to rid her of the silky shield…The spell of desire broke, as she came to her senses and pushed him away forcibly. She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and fixed her finest glare upon him. He made no move to pull her back to him, but showed no sign of regret at his forwardness. She would not admit that she enjoyed that kiss at all. However, she already knew that he knew - which was bad enough.

He licks his lips

Said to me, "Girl you look good enough to eat"

Put his arms around me

I said, "Boy now get your paws right off of me"

They both panted heavily as they stared down each other with eyes clouded over with lust. The deck was being re-shuffled and soon the cards would be laid out on the table before them. The tension was building up. Neither one choosing to say anything to break the developing silence. Words would not be enough right now.




The distinct sound of a cell phone cut through the thick overbearing silence as their eyes locked on to the location of the ringing… a pair of denim skinny jeans, which definitely belonged to Elena. She made a move to grab it, but Damon beat her to it. He waltzed over to the pants before she could even blink, took the phone out of her back pocket, dropped the jeans back on the floor and brought the iPhone to his ear.

"Elena's phone. How may I help you?" he answered nonchalantly whilst settling his gaze on her.

"Damon?" Oh joy…It was Stefan "Lemme speak to Elena!"

"Well, isn't this just fantastic…It's your boyfriend…Rejoice, darling…" he muttered before dropping the phone in her hands and walking off in the direction of the bathroom. Her eyes followed him, starting at the bundle of muscles in his back and then lowered to his ass…His rather nice ass - that had adorable dimples…And –

"Elena?" Back to reality!

"Huh, oh um…Hey Stefan," she asked, trying to sound as carefree as possible.

"Why are you with Damon?"

"Um…I ran into him a while ago, no big deal," Well that was partially true...

"You need to remember to be careful around him," No kidding.

"Yeah, yeah. That's the usual memo. I know, trust me. So what's up?"

"Nothing in particular, I guess. You sound kind of out of it."

"I've got a serious headache right now and a lot of stuff to do so could you kind of make this quick, I have a lot to sort out right now."

"I was just calling to check up on you. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine,"

"He didn't hurt you or anything did he? Because if he did anything to harm you -"

"Look Stefan, I'm fine. I really need to talk to you when I get back. A lot happened and I'm not sure how to deal with some of it yet so I don't think that telling you over the phone is the best way to explain my dilemma right now."

"Dilemma?! What happened? If you need me to come for you, I can do that. Just tell me where you are,"

"No no no no no no! It's cool…I just need to do a little soul searching - and a few other things - before I come back. I really need some time to sort things out…On my own,"

"Alright, well…I guess I'll talk to you later."

"Yeah, bye."

Elena clicked the off button and placed her iPhone on a nearby dresser and ran a hand through her tangled locks. Her hair was going to be a pain to comb through later. She would be lucky if she didn't acquire any bald patches. Come to think of it, she must really look like a disaster right now, all thanks to her darling husband Damon.

There was a low click. She looked up at the sound of the bathroom door opening, with billows of steam pouring out and Damon leaning casually against the door frame with his arms crossed…Glistening wet, hair slicked back and in nothing more than a fluffy white towel wrapped low around his hips and peering at her curiously – no, he was sending her one hell of a seductive look. Her throat went dry at the sight of him. If she stared at him any longer her knees were going to give in. Damn him for being so sexy. It should be illegal to have that effect on women.

Why did the hot (correction: sexy) brother, have to be the evil and immoral one? Plus, he looked damn near heavenly with the sunlight washing over his body. Yes, he was an Adonis indeed. The Greek Gods had nothing on him right now. She licked her lips automatically. No…No…NO! What was she doing? She was supposed to be appalled by the sight of him not ridiculously turned on. Plus, her pulse was still racing from that brief make out session not too long ago. Now her blood pressure was damn near skyrocketing. It didn't help now that moisture was beginning to pool in a certain area. Yup, she was definitely in trouble. It was like his body was calling to her and she was having a very hard time resisting. Maybe it was automatic for vampires to be masters of seduction – or not.

Damn it all.

Maybe she really did have a thing for him. But those feelings needed to be squashed…Permanently. Lust and love were not the same thing. They were two completely different ideals. Just like how there was a thin line between love and hate. But, did she actually hate Damon? Yes, he tended to be a bit heartless sometimes, but she could never hate him completely. What was the point? Whatever she felt for him didn't matter if she was only going to be nothing more than a trophy to hold over Stefan's head and a quick lay in the sack otherwise. She didn't want to be that kind of wife, or person. He was still a self serving psychopath…

She turned her head away from him, a blush now adorning her features as thoughts of running her hands up and down his wet abs filtered into her mind, triggering memories of the night before. He watched her carefully through his long dark eyelashes. He smirked at her reaction and sauntered over pick up his boxers off the floor. She so wanted him. He could tell that she was into him – okay, fine…She was into his body - but in due time, he believed that she could love him as well. It's not like he loved or even liked a lot of people in his life, but she could always have a place in his heart. A small smile came to his face at the thought, but disappeared as quickly as it came. He shimmied into his boxers and used the fluffy white towel to dry his hair. Now where were his clothes? He glanced around the room and spied bits and pieces of clothing here and there. He glanced at the remains of Elena's bra, that was now ripped in half and had a busted strap. His shirt was missing a few buttons too. He smirked at the sight - they must have been pretty aggressive last night.

Hmm…Maybe he should go out and buy something in that case.

They had to talk about what happened. It was inevitable. It was now or never, but at the moment she didn't know what to say. What do you say to a person that you never actually dreamed of ever marrying? Much less even being in a relationship with. Anything she said might come out awkward. She tried talking before and look how that ended – from a scream fest into a smooch fest.

All the thoughts in her head were jumbled and illogical. Who could she actually turn to in a situation like this? If she called any of her friends now, she would just get an ear full and they'd never look at her the same way again. She let out a sigh. Things were definitely not going to end well no matter what alternative she came up with in this situation. She needed to clear her head first, or get away from Damon. His presence did mesmerizing things to her…

Before she could even take one step, she found herself backed up against the dresser and her body pressed up against Damon's now fully clothed rock hard figure. She gulped audibly at the close proximity and flashes of the night before set off in her head like fireworks and she stiffened. She shook her head to clear away the images. He had her boxed in. She was like a mouse cornered by a hungry cat. He was the predator here and he wasn't afraid to let her know it. His muscled arms were on either side of her body, gripping the ends of the dresser and his hot breath against her ear was making her light headed. How could he possibly have such an effect on her? It was so unfair. He didn't deserve that kind of power over her.

"Believe want you want, Elena," he whispered to her in a low, almost seductive tone that did wondrous things to her pulse, "I did not compel you last night. That was all you, my dear. You may not want to admit it, but I know that you want it. I wouldn't blame you. Your body knows that very well –" he trailed off and took in a whiff of air, taking in the spicy yet sweet scent of her arousal with a satisfied sigh "Only I can make you hot and bothered without even trying. Face the facts. You find Stefan boring and way too easy. You want a challenge and that's where I come in. You may not want to see how perfect we are for each other now, but the facts are still there. Until then…" he paused, then slowly traced the shell of her ear with his tongue, eliciting a shiver of pleasure from Elena and tangled a lock of her dark hair in his finger, "I'll just have to torture you with pleasurable activities that will have you bawling out in ecstasy until you submit. So, good luck trying to resist me. I'll be back to pick you up later, sweetheart. Ta-ta!"

With that he disappeared out the window like a ghost, leaving Elena in a state of sexual frustration and bewilderment. What…the…hell…just…happened? She clutched at her pounding heart and slid to the floor.

She cursed him for leaving her like that. The things that man did to her without even trying! That stupid conceited self-righteous ass of a vampire. She could just strangle him! He made her so frustrated, and not just mentally. He was damn near impossible to predict, let alone control. The fact that he was so impulsive was both intriguing and dangerous. Lord, she was going to need a lot of help, especially if she ever managed to come out of all of this still somewhat sane.

Here she was…At 18…Married to Damon Salvatore…A vampire nonetheless…On a drunken whim. This was going to be a long long long day. The aftermath was going to be damn near chaotic. The consequences would probably haunt her for life.

Forget the aspirin, she needed some more alcohol in her system to drown her sorrows and a hot bath to soak away the pain. You'd think she learned her lesson from what happened the last time she got drunk, but never mind that. Might as well prepare herself for the inevitable now. At least she could get comfortable first and wallow in her self pity in peace.

With a sigh she pulled herself up from the ground and ignored the hot tears that threatened to fall, willing them away. Tears wouldn't help her right now. They were pointless wastes of energy and time. She had to face those consequences now or never…But, as much as she would prefer never. Time was not her friend and the events would catch up with her eventually. Well she might as well start with calling Jenna.

...Cue the drama, because it's only just getting started...


And all I remember is me sayin'
If you turn me then you can't breathe
Now I'm smilin'
And I'm barely sober

I'm caught in a love hangover (hey)
Love hangover

Love hangover


Soooooooooooooooooooooo…What did you guys think? I hope it was excellent. Though I believe that there may be a few typos and it came out waaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyy longer than I anticipated. But, that may or may not be a good thing.

The song in the ending is Love Hangover by Jason Derulo. I really thought it worked well with the story so I just couldn't resist putting it in there. Plus, Monster by Lady Gaga. Well, bye bye for now.

Click the review button and tell me your thoughts!