This was written a while ago actually, but I've only just gotten around to posting it here.
Yeah, so disclaimer = I don't own, I get nothing.
On with it, then.
Day 1: A New Roommate
"Harmony, what the hell is this?" Perry held up the blue and white house-shaped box. The words Build-a-Bear were printed on its sides.
"It your birthday present, Perry," Harmony said, smiling like mad. She stood up and swayed her way from the sofa, where she had been snuggled close to Harry, over to Perry's chair. They had had jello shots instead of cake -- Harmony's idea -- and they were all more than a bit unsteady. "Now hurry the fuck up and open it."
Sighing dramatically, he opened the box and pulled out...
"I reiterate: what the hell is this?" he asked again in a clipped tone. "And you, Chuckles the Clown, stop laughing," he said, turning to Harry, who was giggling. "This is not funny."
"Of course it's not funny," Harmony replied. She put her hand to her mouth and laughed a bit herself. "It's you."
"Perry Bear. The teddy bear version of you."
Perry moved his eyes back to the ofensive object in question, which he held in his thumbs and index fingers only, as if it might soil his hands.
"Actually, Harmony, I think the bear is less gay," Harry managed in a break between drunken giggles.
"Shut up, fuckhead." He threw a pissy glare at his assistant, who quieted, and then refocused on the teddy bear.
The bear was dressed in a suit and shiny black shoes. On the bear's fuzzy brown head was a blond wig. The wig was pulled back in a ponytail and trimmed short. In the bear's hand was a little toy gun.
"I couldn't get the goatee, but otherwise, it's pretty good, isn't it?"
"It's obscene." Perry dropped it back in the box with a shudder.
Harmony laughed all the harder at this, not at all offended at her gift's reception. Perry suspected that he had reacted according to her plan.
Bitch has a wicked sense of humor, Perry thought with irritated affection.
He turned back to Harry, who had picked up "Perry Bear" and was currently putting him in various "gay" poses. "Hey, fluff for brains." Harry shifted the bear's eyes to look at Perry. "Not the bear, you. Where's my present?"
"You don't pay me enough for that." Glare. "But I got you a card." He handed Perry a thick neon green envelope.
As Perry opened it with trepidation, he noted the mark of a trendy custom stationary store. Fearing what he would find, he pulled the card out.
There was no picture on the front, it just read, "I went all the way to the future for your present. And here it is --" Perry opened the card. Before he could even register the image of the ugliest monkey he had ever seen, the word "FICUS" chimed loudly from the card.
"I don't get it," Harmony said. But Perry, smiling in spite of himself, exchanged a look with Harry.
"OK, I'll take the card," Perry said. Harry moved Perry Bear's arms up in a hurray gesture. "But that is on probation." Harry moved the bear into a sad pose. "Put it down, Harry."
Obediently, Harry placed the toy on the table next to the sofa. Harmony, falling for his feigned dejection, moved back to him hugged his head, stroking his hair.
Harry smiled stupidly and turned his face into her breasts. Perry rolled his eyes.
"OK, kids. As much fun as this is, it's bedtime. We have work tomorrow." Harry, still blissfully nestled in his girlfriend's bosom, merely hummed a response. "Harmony, are you staying?"
"Naw." Harry pouted. "Sorry, but I've got an audition tomorrow."
Perry released the breath he had not noticed himself holding. "Then, I'll call you a cab." He hoped that his tone was not as bright as it sounded in his own ears.
"Thanks," she replied, and then proceeded to make her farewell to Harry.
Perry turned away and called the taxi company. Their reply was blessedly swift.
"Goodnight, Harry," Harmony said, giving him one last peck on the lips. "Goodnight, Perry. Happy Birthday, again!"
"Goodnight, Harmony," both men answered.
The door closed and Harry spent a few moments staring at it wistfully.
"Harry. Bed. Now."
Wordlessly, the smaller man complied. Perry turned off the living room lights and then made his way to his own bed, leaving Perry Bear temporarily forgotten on the end table.
Day 2: A Hard Day's Night
"Harmony called," Harry told his boss after hanging up his phone. "She thinks she nailed the audition. We're gonna celebrate. Wanna come?"
"I think I'll pass." It had been a long, boring day of office work. The kind of day that kept Harry's mouth moving and Perry's patience wilting. "Two consecutive nights drinking with you? Unlike you, I'm not a masochist."
"Nevermind, idiot. Pass on my congratulations to Harmony."
"Will do," the former thief replied as he picked up his wallet and keys. "Don't wait up for me."
A long-suffering expression was the only reply Perry deigned to give.
"Here," Harry commented as he approached the armchair where the larger man was lounging. "Perry Bear can keep you company," he said gleefully as he handed the plush toy to Perry.
"Get lost, shitwit," he replied, tossing the bear onto the sofa.
Harry chuckled all the way out the door.
-about 4 hours later-
Perry woke from the doze he had fallen into after dinner. He had only meant to rest on his bed for a moment before watching the evening news. He looked at his watch.
1:30. May as well check if Harry had come home. Then, he would get properly ready for bed.
He glanced through the open door to Harry's room on his way to the bathroom. No one was there. He headed downstairs, but paused before he reached his destination, noticing a large lump on the sofa.
So, Harry was home. There he was, fast asleep on the sofa. He was curled up on his left side, facing the coffee table. His mouth was parted slightly and the softest of snores came out. And--
Perry rubbed his eyes, making sure no sleep continued to cloud them. No, they were not playing tricks on him. There, tucked firmly in his assistant's arms, was Perry Bear.
Despite himself, Perry's habitual scowl -- the one he kept on his face around Harry -- dissolved. He was glad there was no one around and no mirror at hand at that moment. It was no doubt the single gayest expression he had ever had on his face.
Quietly, Perry slid his hand into his pocket and pulled out his cell phone. He activated the camera, pointed, and clicked. The sound of the digital shutter caused Harry to stir, but he simply groaned a little and pulled Perry Bear closer to his face.
Perry must have been more tired than he thought, because he found himself suddenly sitting on the floor next to the sofa, his knees unable to hold him. He looked at his phone, confirming that the picture had come out all right.
It had, so he saved it. Then, he went back to looking at the real thing.
Perhaps getting ready for bed could wait.
Day 3: A Gift of Gratitude
"Perry," Harmony's bright voice came over the phone, "what is this?"
"It's just a little something to say thank you and congratulations."
"But, Perry, this is a bottle of Patron! What did I do that was so wonderful?"
"I'll tell you another time. And don't worry. It was a gift from a grateful client. I just thought I'd pass it on to someone who'd enjoy it more."
"Well thank you very much!"
"You're welcome. Have a nice day." Perry heard the slightly puzzled sounding reply as he severed the connection. Well, he did sound unaccountably cheerful, even to himself. He even whistled as he slipped the phone into its usual pocket.
"Now, time to get back to work," he said to the stuffed bear that currently occupied a place of honor on the sofa.