Author's Note: I am so sorry about how late this chapter is! (Almost a year, I know) RL has been so crazy that I haven't had much chance to write at all. I would write all day every day if I could. However, I am having a quiet spell at the moment (finally!) so I have been able to finish this chapter and will be updating far more frequently. I hope you are still reading - I really appreciate it. Enjoy!
My heart was beating so heavily now. Late? Shit. I knew that something like this would happen. My first day as a "submissive" and I was already failing. How typical of my life, just to be absolutely shit at everything? A natural impulse inside of me was begging me to give up, but then another part of me was indisputably excited. Why were my emotions in so much turmoil at the moment? It might have been due to the fact that my boyfriend had cheated on me and now I was seeking out the dangerous world of dominance and submission.
Regardless, my body was acting off its own accord. My hand was still moving the mouse and my eyes were permanently glued to my computer screen, eagerly anticipating DoctorEC's next move. I was crumbling with fear and wanton excitement as my hands moved to the key board and my fingers began to type.
I'm sorry Sir, I typed back as quickly as I could. My heart was still drumming to the sound of my blatant trepidation. What was I supposed to do? I could even feel my heartbeat through my fingertips. I had never felt anything like it before.
I sat back in my chair, almost out of breath as I looked up to the ceiling, panting slightly. Why had I been so late? It's not as if I needed the dress as I wasn't going to the ball and I certainly shouldn't have stopped by the charity shop as I knew I would have spent more time than I needed to in there. I looked over at the dress that I had laid out over my small twin bed and felt a slight pang of guilt that went with my uneasiness. It was odd for me to feel flustered like this, but I kind of liked it. It was making me forget.
The loud ping from my laptop was abrupt – it almost sent me to the ground as I jumped out of my seat in fright. In usual circumstances, I would have run away from the horror that was awaiting me. However, I was embracing it. This was exactly what I wanted – adrenaline, fear and just to feel so damn sentient.
I looked carefully at the refreshed computer screen and almost tentatively opened the "Patient Review".
Switch over to IM, Isabella. We will speak of your actions there, it read.
Immediately and by order, I opened the IM service from the icon at the bottom of my screen and instantly found an addition to my measly list of contacts containing just Alice, Angela, Mike and Jasper.
I approved Dr. Edward Cullen's request as soon as I could and then sat back again in my chair, desperately eager to find out what he was going to say next to me, as if it was all some incredibly tense game. What was he going to make me do? I knew that I had never met him before, but the tension of something, even over the internet, was driving all of my senses wild. I almost felt…amused.
Then, a conversation appeared.
Dr. Edward Cullen: Hello, Isabella.
I almost screamed and fell back in my chair. Just imagining my name falling across this doctor's lips was pretty much unbearable, and I didn't even know what he looked like or heard his voice. Perhaps I was just a little bit crazy. Fuck that, I had become mental.
Isabella Swan: Hello, Sir.
I smiled arrogantly at remembering to call him "Sir". I didn't need to be in the shooting line for anything else tonight. I had obviously annoyed him enough with my tardiness.
Dr. Edward Cullen: So, would you care to tell me why you were so late for our first meeting, Isabella?
Isabella Swan: I was with my friends and we lost track of time. I'm sorry, Sir.
Dr. Edward Cullen: That's not good enough, Isabella. Tell me another one.
Crap. So he could tell I was an awful liar already? I sighed deeply – another notch on his pain post. It should have scared me to my bones to be dealing with this kind of person, yet I still wanted this. I wasn't exactly the expert of being so submissive, however, I felt like I wanted to learn: to learn the art of being truly subservient. I wanted to do it as soon as I could and that would have to start with honesty. Vulnerability was the whole point.
Isabella Swan: I was going shopping with my friends to buy a dress we have this Friday, Sir. I was going to be on time but when I saw a dress at the end, I had to buy it and I didn't notice the time. I am sorry again, Sir.
Dr. Edward Cullen: You kept a Dom waiting just so you could buy a dress you liked?
I winced as I typed my next response.
Isabella Swan: Yes, Sir. I am sorry.
There was a while before he next sent something. It seemed as if he was contemplating what to write next. I kept my eyes on the screen.
Dr. Edward Cullen: Let me see the dress. Now, please, Isabella.
Isabella Swan: How, Sir?
Dr. Edward Cullen: Do you have a webcam?
Isabella Swan: No, Sir.
Dr. Edward Cullen: Well, that will be something we will need to change. Do you have a digital camera, Isabella?
I liked how he kept saying my full name.
Isabella Swan: Yes, Sir.
Dr. Edward Cullen: Take a photo of you in the dress with today's paper and then send it to me. You have five minutes. This could be your chance to redeem yourself, Isabella.
Isabella Swan: Yes, Sir.
Redemption? I kind of liked the sound of that. But I was confused as to why he needed today's paper, but I would do what he said nonetheless. I could sense the subtle authority just through IM. This was giving me the exact type of adrenaline I had been hoping for. Without delay or any normal contemplation that should have occurred due to a stranger asking me for a photo of me in a dress over the internet, I crept downstairs to find the paper.
Charlie was downstairs watching the game which was no surprise. I had been so eager to get to my computer that I didn't even notice that my father had gotten home. Now I just needed to act normal and inconspicuous, and not keep the doctor waiting any longer. I didn't think I would want many punishments in one go.
"Hey, Dad," I said, giving him a quick smile. Crap, maybe that was a bit too obvious. I didn't really speak to my dad that much nowadays, let alone smile at him. He frowned at me a little.
"You okay, Bells?" he asked me, confusion lacing his voice.
"Uh, yeah, fine, Dad. Um, I was just wondering if you had got today's paper," I asked, not really knowing what else to say.
Charlie got up from his chair while putting his dinner tray on the table in front of the TV. "Hmmm, yes, I think I might have the Peninsula somewhere. Why? Have you taken some sort of interest in the news lately, Bells? That isn't like you."
I shrugged. "I haven't been doing much lately, as you might have noticed. I just thought I could start to get back in sync, I suppose." Nice one, Bella. Quick thinking.
"Right," Charlie said before handing me the paper hesitantly.
"Thanks, Dad," I smiled again as I made my way upstairs. I could feel Charlie's stare after me as he suspected something wasn't completely right, but I didn't care. If he had any suspicions I could deal with them later. Right now, there was someone waiting for me upstairs and even though he was a doctor, I didn't think he was very patient (har har).
I positioned the camera on top of my mirror so that I was able to get a whole body view of the dress I had just bought. It still looked pretty good, so I was glad that the doctor would be able to see me in this rather than any of the other baggy t-shirts that I usually wore. As I put the camera on timer, a thought washed over me that perhaps I was cerebrally wrong to be taking a photo with me holding a paper and sending it to a stranger. It was…surreal. But stirring – in a good way.
I uploaded the photo onto my computer and pressed send right away – I didn't need to waste any more time. As the IM told me that the photo was received, I sat anxiously and waited for a response. I hoped that I looked good enough for him. I wondered what his other submissives must have looked like and if he asked all of them to do the same for him. I wondered how old they were and where they must have lived, and what did they even do? There were so many thoughts about the lifestyle and so much to learn.
Suddenly my laptop "ping" noise broke me out of my strange reverie.
Dr. Edward Cullen: Thank you, Isabella.
A nervous grin crept across my face. Then, he wrote again.
Dr. Edward Cullen: You look beautiful. I can see why you kept me waiting.
An even bigger grin appeared on my face and an excited tug pulled at my stomach. It made me feel good that I had impressed him and that he had liked it. It was a proud feeling – like I had done something good for someone. I didn't even know this man and already I was almost feeling like I needed to please him again.
Isabella Swan: Thank you, Sir.
Dr. Edward Cullen: So did you buy this dress for any particular occasion, Isabella?
I hesitated. Should I tell him about Jasper and why I wasn't actually going to this ball? Or should I act at least like I wasn't some sort of loser?
Isabella Swan: My school has a leaving ball for those going off to college this Friday. I might wear it if I go to that.
Dr. Edward Cullen: Well you'll wow anyone you see wearing that dress. Are you going to college?
Isabella Swan: I applied to Seattle, but I'm not going. I have a job here in Forks starting in a month's time.
Dr. Edward Cullen: Right. Well, we will discuss this more when we meet. I prefer to talk properly in person rather than over a computer. Is this weekend good for you, Isabella?
Shit! A meeting, already? I had only just joined the website the night before and had been talking to this man online for twenty minutes. Hell, I didn't even know what he looked like – he could have been morbidly obese with a terrible case of acne and bedsores. Fuck, I didn't know. And where would we meet? What would I tell my father? And what would I tell Alice? Would I actually go? Did I really need the adrenaline that much? I was suddenly having second thoughts. Cold feet, if you will.
Dr. Edward Cullen: I know it's moving a little bit fast, Isabella, as you have only just started to talk to me and you are new to this lifestyle. But lesson number one: there is no time to be wasted. If you really want to start something like this or whatever your reasons behind it, we need to meet in person first. Do you understand?
Oh dear, he had a point.
Isabella Swan: I understand, Sir.
Dr. Edward Cullen: I don't like to waste time, Isabella, as I'm sure you have found out already. I'll forward you my cell number and I will be nice and allow you to make your decision by midnight tonight.
Isabella Swan: Okay, Sir. Thank you, Sir.
Dr. Edward Cullen: Good girl, Isabella. Speak soon.
Suddenly, he was offline. And fuck me, I was going crazy.
I didn't really know what to think. Yes, I wanted something to keep my mind off Jasper and something to get my blood pumping which were exactly what Dr. Edward Cullen and this whole new lifestyle was doing. But in reality, was I going too far? Too fast? I mean, he was right. If I really wanted to know about the lifestyle and know what he was like, surely we would have to meet in person first. But I wasn't sure if I was completely ready for that yet. I had barely socialised with my normal friends and old classmates and my father, even, after the break-up, let alone meeting dominant doctors from Seattle who wanted to flog me.
While musing upon my crazy thoughts, my phone began to ring. It was Alice. Of course.
"Hi," I answered. "What's up?"
"Just checking in to see how the guy thing is going," she said in a suspicious voice. Typical Alice. At least her voice brought me back into reality a little bit.
"Yeah, it's fine," I said, knowing I sounded uncertain and Alice would definitely pick up on it.
"Isabella Swan, what is happening? Go on, you can tell me! I'm dying for a bit of gossip! And if there's one thing I know about, it is boys. If there is a problem, then tell me, Bella! I'm all ears!"
In a way, I kind of wanted to tell her about it. It would be nice to have someone to talk to about it, especially as I was freaking out about the "meeting-in-person" part. She was my best friend and Alice was usually good with boy situations. Only in this case it was a kinky man situation. Perhaps I could leave the kinky part out.
"Okay, I'll tell you about him, Alice. But you promise you won't tell Angela and you promise this is for advice only and not for your gossip needs," I said to her seriously.
"Promise!" she squealed.
"Fine, well, there is this guy. I've been talking to him online – not for very long though, just a couple of days. I think I like him. I mean, I don't know."
"Yeay! What does he do? What school did he go to? How many girlfriends has he had?"
"Too much, too soon, Alice…" I assured her. "Let's go a bit slower here. I'm worried because he wants to meet up at the weekend but I'm not sure I'm ready for that yet."
"Why not?" Alice said, sounding astounded. "It will do you some good after you-know-who, even just for an ego boost, Bella. What does the lucky guy look like?"
I sighed. "You see, there's the other thing. He's seen two photos of me and, well, I haven't seen any of him. I don't know what he looks like."
"You like him but you've only been talking to him for a couple of days and you don't know what he looks like? Why couldn't you ask him for a photo when you sent him one?"
I cringed. I couldn't tell her that I didn't really have the authority. "It's a little complicated, Al. I just never got round to it."
"Okay…" Alice paused. "Well, what's his name? Why don't you search him on Facebook?"
"I deleted my Facebook account, remember?" I ran my fingers through my hair, grimacing at the thought of ever being on Facebook and sighed again.
"I'll do it through mine, what's his name?"
"I'm not saying! I don't want you to see him before I do! And knowing you you'll probably add him as a friend. I'm not telling you his name," I laughed, but being serious at the same time. I needed to keep this thing as secret as possible with Alice and I had probably gone too far already.
"Fine," Alice said rudely. "Google him, then. See what comes up."
"Good idea," I admitted.
I typed "Dr. Edward Cullen Seattle Hospital" into Google almost apprehensively. Did I want to see what he looked like? In my mind he didn't really look like anything – he wasn't really real. I didn't know what I expected, but I hoped that he was at least slightly good looking. I don't know. It was all too weird and dreamlike to think too much about.
"Found him yet?" Alice asked on the end of the line.
The results came up for quite a few things – Dr Edward Cullen wins recognition prize for work in Seattle hospital, Dr. Edward Cullen hosts seminar for future medics, and then finally, Dr. Edward Cullen – Hospital of Seattle Staff Profile Page. Bingo.
I clicked the link and then waited, meanwhile noticing that a photo was uploading.
"Well, have you?" Alice chirped.
The photo finished uploading.
"BELLA! ANSWER ME!" Alice called.
"Er…" I stuttered. "Alice, I'm going to… to er… have to call you back tomorrow, okay?"
"Why? What does he look like? Tell me his name I'm going to…" Then I cut the line off.
I slipped off my dress in a trance, leaving my laptop on the profile page and open. I didn't bother putting any pyjamas on and instead crawled into my bed in just my underwear. I took my phone in my hand and started typing a text message.
I am free on Saturday, Sir. Where shall we meet? Isabella x
I pressed send to the contact I had only saved as "Dr. EC", put the phone to the side, looked at the photo on my laptop again and then closed my eyes and thought of him.
There was good looking, and then there was Dr. Edward Cullen. Perhaps going with such blurry and low expectations was heightening how he really looked, but judging from the photo on the website Dr. Edward Cullen was one of the most beautiful men I had ever seen.
He didn't look that old. He had slight crinkles by the sides of his eyes as he was smiling in the photo. He also had laughter lines, of course. Even I had laughter lines and I barely ever smiled. His hair was a bronze-like colour, loud and wild, but looked soft and purposefully messy – like something you see on hair gel adverts. His smile looked like a dentist's dream, plus every woman's. He was holding his chin as he smiled in a natural way, and his fingers looked long and strong. I wanted him to hold me in them.
But it wasn't his perfect angular carved-by-angels face that was making my hands crawl down my belly and into the elastic of my panties; there was something else entirely that made my text so decisive and my mind so needy and fraught.
He had green eyes.
Author's Note: I will be updating this soon - you won't have to wait all that time again, I promise.
So, as always please let me know what you think! And if you want to know anything, I am on twitter under edieswan - so tweet me :-)