This is what happens when I get bored - I decide to write silly stories about the Cullens getting involved in a stupid bet. Hope you enjoy the slightly stupid result of my bored over-active mind :)
Oh, and I don't own Twilight, unfortunately.
1. 'It's A Long Story'
1. 'It's A Long Story'
My family's insane.
This was all Edward could think as he looked around the wreckage of his family's home. He had disappeared to Alaska, which really showed how much he had wanted to be anywhere but home, after plucking from Alice's head a week ago what was about to commence among his family. However, clearly somewhere along the way decisions had been made that had, somehow, made the madness she'd envisioned then even madder.
He looked around at the ruined remains of the living room; the majority of the floor was smashed, along with all the furniture but one side-table. The remains of the floor were strewn with wood, glass and flower petals. The glass wall had a gaping hole in it, allowing a breeze to blow inside the room, and looking out of it he could see the ruined remains of Esme's prized coffee table spread across the lawn. It appeared someone had thrown it out of the window.
Flitting from room to room, Edward accessed the damage caused by his family's temporary plunge into madness. His room was miraculously untouched aside from a new lock attached to his wardrobe. In Rosalie and Emmett's room the only noticeable difference was the absence of Rosalie's giant full-length mirror, which usually took up most of one of their walls. He suddenly realised it wasn't the only mirror that was missing, all the mirrors in the house seemed to have been removed.
In Carlisle and Esme's room he found a dent in one of their walls, as if someone had thrown something at it with force. In Esme's study he found, on top of her stacks and stacks of house designs and blue prints, a note, in what appeared to be Alice's hand-writing, saying 'I see you're designing another house to be tied to for all eternity.' He couldn't make any sense of what that was supposed to mean. In Carlisle's study he was immensely surprised to discover every single bookshelf devoid of books.
However, it was what he found in Alice and Jasper's room that surprised him the most. Alice's walk-in closet had been burned down. All of Alice's precious clothes, shoes and accessories had been in that closet. Nobody could burn down Alice's closet and live to tell the tale, Edward thought to himself. Actually, nobody could decide to burn down Alice's closet and live to tell the tale, never mind go through with it, Edward corrected himself. How'd they ever get past her to do it? He wondered, as he stared in astonishment at the boarded-up hole.
Deciding he needed some answers, it suddenly hit Edward there was no one home to ask.
My family's insane and missing.
He wondered where they had gone. He found himself hoping that, whatever it was that had changed since the vision he had seen, it hadn't changed so dramatically that the madness was still commencing.
He flew out of the room, going down the steps and out the front door. He used all his extra-sensitive senses to try and seek out the whereabouts of his family, while trying to stretch his mind reading range to see if he could find any of their familiar minds.
Eventually he heard the familiar mind of his brother heading towards the house. God that lion tasted good. Hopefully Esme will drop the stupid 'grounded' thing now this is all over. Wish I'd just agreed with Alice to begin with, guess I was wrong about how long her temper would last, but I've never seen her so wound up about something before. This whole running through the woods naked thing is kind of freeing though, still I hope Carlisle and Esme are back with my clothes, the whole flag thing is getting old quick.
Edward attempted to block out Jasper's thoughts after that but, with no one else around, he found it impossible. He was just glad Jasper had the common sense, when he sensed Edward's presence, to make sure he was covered up before exiting the forest.
"Welcome home, lil bro," Jasper said, in a failed attempt to sound nonchalant. The fact that he wore nothing except a Confederate flag around his waist did nothing to help his attempt.
"What the hell happened here?" Edward asked exasperatedly.
It's kinda a long story, lil bro,Jasper thought at his brother, followed by a series of images from the past week that made things no clearer for Edward.
They both turned to look down the driveway as they heard the sound of three arriving vehicles. Carlisle, Esme and Alice were each driving a removal van.
"We're moving again?" Edward said surprised.
Have you seen the state of the house? Jasper thought at him. Esme says there's nothing she can do with it and is insisting we move. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to get some clothes.
Carlisle, who had been driving the first van, was the first of the three of them to get out of their vehicle. Taking one look at Jasper he said, "Your clothes are in this one."
Edward however was staring at his father in astonishment, as Jasper wasn't the only one weirdly dressed. Carlisle was at least fully clothed, but over his normal clothing he wore a flowery apron of Esme's that she wore when she was cleaning. Edward raised a questioning eyebrow at him.
It's a long story, son.
"So I've been told," Edward replied wearily, watching the series of images that flashed through Carlisle's mind. It still didn't make much sense to Edward. He saw what had happened, but he just couldn't figure out why. What could have happened to drag even Carlisle into Alice and Emmett's stupid bet?
Edward flitted over to the van where Jasper was getting some clothes. Looking inside it, Edward saw what appeared to be every book Carlisle owned, and every stitch of Jasper's clothing.
"Oh Edward, your home," his mother said happily, bestowing a hug on him. Both her and Alice had appeared beside him. "Can you and Jasper please help me pack our furniture into the van?" she said in a sickly sweet voice, pointing to the van she had drove here in. "Just try and salvage what you can from the living room." Her voice hardened considerably as she glared at first Jasper, and then Carlisle. Edward watched the events from two days before unfolding in her mind.
"Ok, what the f-" Edward began, his confusion evident by his choice of a word he rarely used, but he was cut off when his mother hit him on the arm.
"Edward, language," she scolded.
"Really bro, I don't know where you get it from," Alice chimed happily, than, for some reason, smirked at her father, who stood there looking uncomfortable under her gaze. Another memory flashed through all four minds and Edward turned to stare at his father unbelievingly.
"Jasper, Edward, please help your mother with the furniture," Carlisle said, in a not so subtle attempt at getting the focus off of him.
"You can help too, Carlisle," Esme said sweetly. "Instead of just standing there, giving orders," she added, her voice now sickly sweet again, but in a menacing way, especially teamed with the angry glare she shot at her husband. "After all, you're the one wearing the apron for the change," she continued, in the same sickly sweet, but deeply worrying, way.
Carlisle looked down at his unusual attire as if he'd forgotten he was wearing it for a second. "Yes dear," he said meekly, before vanishing in the direction of the house.
"Jasper, Edward, go help your father," Esme ordered in the same sweet tone.
She's really enjoying this whole 'being the one in charge' thing, Jasper thought sourly about his mother.
"Can I at least get dressed first?" Jasper asked annoyed.
"Well I suppose so," Esme said cautiously, but was cut across by Alice.
"No!" she snapped, smirking at her husband. Jasper seemed to consider arguing for a second, before disappearing after his father into the house.
"Go help them please, Edward." Esme ordered, but her voice had at least lost the sickly sweet tone she'd been using earlier.
Together it took Jasper, Carlisle and Edward ten minutes to get all the Cullens' remaining furniture into the second van. During that time Edward had cautiously asked Carlisle why his mother was suddenly the one in charge, 'because she is' had been his glum reply.
"I think you got too many vans," Edward told his family, looking at the third van.
"Oh no, that one's got my entirely new wardrobe in it," Alice informed him happily. Looking at her Edward noticed she was wearing a completely different outfit to what she had been wearing ten minutes ago.
"Alice, did you change outfits?" he asked, wondering where she'd gone to change. Even by Alice's standards, swapping outfits when she had nowhere to go to change was pushing it.
"Well you didn't honestly expect me to stay in a Wal-Mart dress now I've gone shopping did you?" Alice said the word 'Wal-Mart' with obvious distaste. Alice wore a dress from Wal-Mart? Edward thought to himself shocked.
"I know," Alice said, responding to the look of shock on his face. "Surprising what lengths some people go to." She glared angrily at her husband and father. As Edward was hit by a new set of memories, he couldn't help but laugh.
"Well played," he said to his father and brother. Alice growled at him. Both Carlisle and Jasper smiled a little. A glare each from their wives quickly wiped the smiles of their faces.
"So where are Emmett and Rosalie?" Edward asked.
"Don't know. Don't really want to know," Jasper told him. Edward knew his brother and sister well enough to know what that meant and pulled a face. "In Emmett's defence it's been a long week for him," Jasper defended his brother, but he said it with a smirk. More memories flooded into Edward's mind.
"Can you all think of something except sexually repressed Emmett and nearly naked Rosalie please?" he asked disgusted.
"Trust us, that was something none of wanted to overhear, but since we got to experience the joy of it, then so can you. Lucky you," Alice said chirpily, talking about one event in particular from the collection of memories. Edward rolled his eyes at her.
Edward may have seen most of their memories by now, he knew what had happened, but he still couldn't understand the how and why.
How did four words cause all this?