For quite the longest time I've enjoyed exploring Dimentio. I like to think of him, not as a born sociopath, but someone who was conditioned to view the rest of the world as expendable in order to reach his own goals. Of course, someone born with human emotions (if you'll forgive the use of the word 'human') will always have them in some sense, and now that Dimentio is looking for meaning, I think it's very likely he'd try to resurrect them. Attention all Dimi shippers: This story will not threaten their pairing in Count's World Continuity.
Happy belated Easter, btw, if you celebrated it. I know I did. I love Easter because it means to me that no matter how badly I screw up, because of it I can always be forgiven. That means a lot to me as someone who royally screws up on a weekly basis.
One afternoon in Castle Bleck, it was the day of Count Bleck's fabulous party. He was quite excited about it, buzzing around the castle making sure everything was just so. All the food was being prepared, and Mimi and O'Chunks were in the kitchen making meat patties for the main course. It had been mixed and spiced, so all that was left was for it to be shaped, baked, and served. O'Chunks was showing Mimi how to prepare them, as they were a dish from his homeland, and Mimi was enjoying herself making them.
"Okay," said O'Chunks. "Now, what yeh wanna do, is yeh take the meat from the bowl and slap it down like so on the table. It's gonna be a mite sticky on yer hands, but jes' work it and knead it 'til yeh got a nice patty."
He lifted Mimi up until she was over the kitchen table, even with the large bowl. She reached in and grabbed a big glob of wet meat and slapped it onto the counter. "Ooh!" she squealed. "It's all gooky in my hands!"
She began to shape it. O'Chunks, with his larger hands, slapped a bigger pat of meat and shaped it like a pro. "This is a great treat," he said, "that the women would make fer the men-folk when they came home from the battles."
"You know, I don't know why people don't spend more time with you," said Mimi as she wiped her hands on her designer apron. "You're really an interesting guy."
O'Chunks looked up. "Ey, d'ya 'ear that?"
"Yeah, I was just talking."
O'Chunks waved his hand to shush her. "Not that, ye wee silly. Lissen."
Mimi heard humming. But not just any humming. Mimi heard Dimentio humming. She couldn't believe her ears. And then he floated into the room, chin high, a strange grin plastered across his mask.
"Good afternoon, Mimi. O'Chunks." He nodded to them and began digging through the cupboard for something to eat, still humming.
"I know that song," said O'Chunks.
"Do you?" Dimentio said over his shoulder.
"Sure, it's a ballad from me 'omeland. Ma used teh sing it to me when I was but a wee chunk off the ol' block." He cleared his throat and sang in a surprisingly on-key baritone:
I know where I'm going, I know who's going with me
I know who I love, and he knows who I'll marry
Feather beds are soft and painted rooms are bonny
But I would trade them all for strong and handsome Johnny
"My goodness, O'Chunks," said Dimentio, "your normally crass and ill-bred way of speaking belies a surprisingly alluring singing voice." He clapped his hands. "It is like the delicate strings of the lute being elegantly plucked by the large, meaty fists of a neanderthal. Bravo."
"Eh?" O'Chunks scratched the back of his head.
Dimentio pulled a Choco-bar out of the cabinet, peeled it, and took a small bite. "Write it down as a compliment, my friend." Then he floated out of the room, still humming.
O'Chunks went back to shaping the patty. "Now what d'yeh suppose that was all about," he mused thoughtfully.
Mimi covered her mouth and giggled. "Don't you get it?" she asked.
"Nah," said O'Chunks. "I never know just what 'e's on about. Try not t' dwell on it."
"Isn't it obvious? Dimentio's in love!"
O'Chunks accidentally squeezed the meat patty so hard it exploded out of the gaps between his big, beefy fingers and slopped all over the table. "Yeh aren't serious, are yeh? No, 'at's jes'... Ah mean... is 'e even capable of feelin' love?"
"Well, sure, everyone is," said Mimi.
O'Chunks shrugged and scooped up the meat over the table. "Ah guess," he said, "only it jes' don't seem right."
Count Bleck passed through the kitchen next, looking out into space in front of him. Mimi flagged him down. "Hey, Count?"
"Hm? Said Count Bleck?"
Mimi ushered him over to the island. "Can you help us settle something?"
"I'll do my best," said Count Bleck. "Are those the meat patties for the dinner party tonight? They look delectable."
"Yeah," said Mimi. "Look, have you seen Dimentio around the castle today?"
"Yes, I have," said Count Bleck.
"Do you think he's in love?"
Count Bleck laughed. "Oh, absolutely! He reminds me of me, the first time I went home after I met Timpani. Those moony eyes, that airy way of floating around, the song in his heart. That boy has got it bad," Count Bleck finished.
Mimi looked at O'Chunks triumphantly. "There, you see?"
"May Count Bleck go now?"
"Yeah, you're done here."
Count Bleck left.
O'Chunks shook his head. "Never thought I'd see the day," he said. "But, well, stranger things 'ave 'appened, yeh know."
"I know, like you being able to sing eight bars in a row on key?"
O'Chunks tossed a speck of meat that landed in her hair. Mimi squealed and combed it out, and they went back to making patties for the Count's dinner party.
Count Bleck invited nobles and commoners alike to enjoy a large dinner party in his castle. Friends he had made from all over had been invited, such as the guests of Princess Peach at her tea party, some Sammer Guys from Sammer's Kingdom, Mayor Dour, Doopliss, and Cousin Jen from Twilight Town, and plenty of others. He was having a delightful time playing host, serving the courses and engaging in advanced conversation.
Tippi rested on the brim of Count Bleck's hat, watching the crowd. "Who all is here?" she asked.
"Everybody and their sibling," replied Count Bleck. "I do believe some people who didn't receive invitations have attended," he added with a smirk.
"Don't worry, my love. There is more than enough dinner for everyone, and this means that people do not fear Count Bleck the way they used to. That is a tremendously good thing." He tapped his hat with his cane. "Life is good, isn't it, Timpani?"
"It certainly is."
Dimentio floated past, scanning the crowd. Count Bleck intercepted him with a big ol' grin. "Ah, Dimentio! Is your 'petite amie' in attendance?"
"Have you seen her?" asked Dimentio.
"I don't know who she is."
"Never mind," said Dimentio. "I've located her with magic."
Count Bleck waved his finger. "Ah-ah-ah."
Dimentio sighed, and said, "Never fear, oh, Count, for I have located her... with magic!" And he disappeared off to somewhere else.
"I hope he's successful," said Tippi. "A girlfriend would do him wonders, don't you think?"
Dimentio had located the object of his interest- Lady Bow, chatting up some Railway Toads with Bootler by her side. She had her fan out, by her cheek, and was laughing daintily at something. Oh, her laugh, it was like the tinkling of a thousand church bells. And her smile was like the malicious grin of a Fighterfly who had happened upon its enemy.
Dimentio cut in. "Pardon me, my dear, but might I trouble you to allow me into this conversation?"
"Buzz off," she said.
"I would to please you," said Dimentio, "but that would not be something I would enjoy, myself."
"Buzz off, creep," she clarified.
"Now, now, is that any way to speak to a gentleman when he's here to request courtship with the young lady?" Dimentio bowed.
Lady Bow, Bootler, and the railway Toads stared at him for a good, long, quite humiliating moment. Then Lady Bow fanned herself and laughed out loud. This laugh was much different from the dainty laugh of a few minutes ago. This one was embarrassing.
Finally, she managed to say, "You? Court me? Oh, no, no, I don't think that would do at all. That's absolutely ridiculous, to even think that!"
"Why must you rub it in?"
Lady Bow tossed her head and flicked her little hands. "Now, if you'll excuse me--" she said as she turned away, but Dimentio cut her off.
"Please, my lady, why do you reject my ever so polite advances?"
Lady Bow sneered. "Well, because you're not nobility, like me, and you're not a boo, like me, and you're a creep."
"That's quite enough, my lady," said Bootler. "Let's not make a spectacle of this."
"You're quite right, Bootler," said Lady Bow. "Come, let's finish this conversation in the sitting room." She gestured for the railway Toads to follow her.
Dimentio was standing, hanging in the air, every bit of him drooping. His mouth was slightly open, each point on his jester's hat halfway down his back. Finally, he lifted a black hand feebly, gave a halfhearted wave in the direction she'd exited, and said weakly, "Very well, then... I shall leave you as alone as a tumbleweed blowing past the railroad tracks of the Kalamari Desert."
Mimi, who had seen everything, cautiously stepped up beside him. "Oh. Wow. Um... wow. That was--"
"Thank you for your articulate assessment of the situation, Mimi," said Dimentio.
"Do you need a hug?"
Dimentio clicked his fingers and disappeared.