Welcome to Vengeance is Mine!
Summary: Plagued with grief and despair, Jasper sets out to avenge the deaths of those close to him. When surprised by the presence of someone he thought he would never see again, his world spirals out of control...
All chapters are in Jasper's point of view, unless otherwise stated.
Disclaimer: All rights belong to Stephanie Myers; we simply like to torment Jasper for our and your amusement. This story is rated M for strong language, sexual content and themes of a dark nature throughout.
Thank you, as always, to our wonderful Beta NCChris for making our words pretty!
Chapter 1: Vengeance is Mine
The starkness of the night air weighed heavily around me. I refused to register the flurry of emotions swirling within its shallow breeze as it drifted around me; the emotions mocking my futile existence with their blissful tenors.
My eyes bore into the aged wall surrounding me as I gazed up to the overbearing monument – much has I had done for the countless hours previous to this one. The clock tower now blocked out much of the moonlight, drowning the plaza's walls and stone floor in a blanket of darkness. Much like the towering stone walls surrounding me, my body was resistant to the crowds that passed in and around me, the small illuminations of the candles in their hands the only indication that I was not alone.
I watched, unmoving and without drawing breath, as the hands of the antiquity before me moved mechanically, keeping the time, pushing it forward relentlessly, like the cruel master that it was. Each subtle quiver of the hand tore through my very being, opening wounds that would never bleed, that could never heal. Foolishly, I was unable to look away. I knew in the back of my mind that it was not the face of the clock tower that caused my body to tremble with such ferocity.
It was them.
It was always their faces that plagued every landscape that my eyes rested upon.
Their faces blurred relentlessly through my mind, just as I knew they would for the rest of my existence; their eyes, their smiles, fueling my pain, fueling my rage as it filled my every molecule. A torrent of conflicting emotions drove through me as my fists tightened, the venom pulsing through me, preparing my body for what I knew could only be described as the inevitable. The rage, the unbearable hurt solidified my resolve.
I would avenge them. The Volturi would fucking pay for what they took from me.
Everything was gone.
I stared for a moment longer as the minute hand on the stone clock tower finally reached its long awaited destination.
I stifled a growl of anticipation.
The plaza was still full of people dressed in red cloaks, celebrating St. Marcus Day. Yet, I couldn't focus on the crowd of crimson that surrounded me. The only thing that existed in that moment was the faces in my mind. Each of them had died a year ago on this day and the fucking pathetic fools surrounding me now danced and sang and drank – completely untouched by the destruction that had ruined my life one very long year ago.
I despised them and their ignorance. For a brief moment, I wanted to kill them, all of them, but I quickly forced myself to refocus. As much temporary and fleeting pleasure as that might bring me, I was here for a bigger purpose. For the first time in a very long time, I wanted not blood, but venom, fire, death, destruction.
I wanted them fucking dead; I craved their fear, their pain, their demise, and I would take a great deal of pleasure in delivering each of their morbid sentences by my own hand. It was this very series of thoughts, the planning, the strategizing, which had bestowed a welcome reprieve from the anguish I had otherwise felt over the last twelve months. Though it all had spiraled into a steeled determination, I knew that those thoughts accounted for the sole reason that I still existed. I wouldn't turn the thoughts away; I would relish in the pain and destruction I would soon cause.
I was dressed as the locals and the tourists were on this infamous day of celebration – a simple but elegant red cloak covering my weapon of a body, my hood draped far over my head to cover my eyes, which now shone with an alluring shade of blood crimson. I wasn't ready to give myself away yet – though I knew that very soon the time would come for me to do just that. Something inside me jolted to life at the simple thought and my senses tingled with anticipation. Instinctively, I drew strength from the sense of satisfaction that the promise held, and I used my gift to circulate what little of my numbed emotions I could reach and pushed them throughout me – the satisfaction and determination seeping through my very core and steeling my resolve.
The gong of the tower sounded its final strike, and with it, I moved with a stealthy ease, darting away from the fountain as my plans ran through my mind over and over again. I ran from the center of the plaza into the shadows of the tall, stone buildings. The only hint of my presence to the humans around me was the breeze of my movement.
I kept close to the shadow cast against the wall, slowing to a meager human speed to keep my senses attuned to the sounds and smells, regardless of how frustrating the pathetic speed was. To pull this off, I would have to keep myself on high alert, on guard, and most of all, watching for the mighty enemy. I knew they would be lurking. I was in their territory now, and I was committed to staying one step ahead.
For the first time in my miserable existence, I was glad for my time with Maria. Without my decades of slaughtering vampires and the experience I had gained by her side during the vampire wars, this mission would be impossible. The reverberating growl which resonated through my chest claimed me, and I refused to consider any other outcome than the one that I had intended.
The Volturi guard was strong, capable; they hadn't attained their reputation for nothing, but I was stronger. I was smarter and faster, and I knew I would succeed. There wasn't another conceivable outcome for me. I wanted them for what they had done. I would have them. There was no doubt or question in my mind – I would die trying.
I paused, my soul catching on itself as I passed a darkened window. My red, empty eyes looked back at me from my reflection, and for a long moment, all that existed was the pit in my stomach, the pain in my dead heart.
She would have hated this....
She would have hated what I'd become.
For the first time in several hundred years, I wondered if this was what it felt like to be nauseous...to be human. I swallowed back the venom pooling in my mouth and pushed aside the fluctuating thoughts at my own meaningless fucking existence. Something within me died all over again. I hadn't even known she was gone until it was too late. I'd gone for a short hunt with Emmett, and when we'd returned, she was gone. I would have gone with her...I would have helped her and Bella if she would have waited only a few hours longer.
That's all that was left now.
If Alice would have waited for me.
If Bella would have told her no.
If Rosalie hadn't opened her fucking mouth to Edward.
If Bella wouldn't have jumped.
If Edward hadn't have left her in the first place.
If I hadn't been the monster that caused him to do so.
Anger possessed my entire being.
Had she seen all this coming? Did she know what was going to happen? How could she have done this to me? Had he been that much more important to her than I was? Had Bella been? What the fuck had she been thinking?
I stepped forward, darting from one shadow to another, almost on auto-pilot, as I worked toward my final goal. I was boiling, my emotions on fire and taking on a life of their own, and I knew it would do no good to listen to them. Everything rational within me told me to focus on the mission, on the goal, yet my mind sprang forth of its own accord.
Had Edward seen Alice's visions? Had he known that this was going to happen? Did he realize when she and Bella arrived in Italy that it would be their end?
Damn Edward. If he hadn't fucking gone to Italy like the coward asshole that he'd always been...
The sound of light footsteps echoing from the cobblestone beneath my feet pulled me away from my thoughts and into the moment, to the immediate danger and the challenge. My body instinctively rose to that challenge and forced everything else out of my mind. Once again, I found myself in the comfort of strategic planning, my body sinking into its first and only skill – to kill. My first hurdle in getting to those that I really wanted to reach would be simple and easily achievable – I would make sure of it.
The footsteps echoed off the walls of the side passage, indicating that two sets of feet were coming toward me, and I paused in the shadows around the corner from them and waited with a renewed sense of passion. Air swirled within my empty chest as I closed my eyes, listening to them approaching as their sickly sweet scent enveloped the air around me. They were vampire, and they were completely unaware of my presence as they strolled their patrol. Their emotions were calm, border line bored.
This would be easy...too easy; I wouldn't even have to manipulate these bastards' emotions.
I darted in front of them, taking them completely off guard. Before surprise even registered in their emotions, I had beheaded both of them in a surge of aggression and blood lust. I threw each head with enough force that I wouldn't have to worry about it until after I was finished with what I'd come to do. Letting my pain and anger overtake me, I pounced on each body, ripping their limbs from their bodies and scattering them with forceful heaves into the unknown.
I swallowed, standing from the second guard's body as my adrenaline and anger subsided slightly. I tossed the remaining dismembered limb in my hand to the side before wiping my brow. The floor now pooled with venom that had leaked from the two guards as it trickled into the crevices under foot.
Guilt flooded me, and in that moment I hated myself.
What was I doing?
I stood back from pile of devastation that littered around me as I collected my erratic thoughts.
No. It had to be done.
This was Carlisle's fault; he should be the one to feel guilty, not me.
He coddled Edward.
Had he just taken a fucking stand instead of letting Edward act like such a fucking pansy all of the time, the family wouldn't have had to move. Bella would have been fine, and Edward never would have come to Italy.
It was Carlisle.
He should have fucking changed Bella himself the moment she told him that that's what she'd wanted. Now she was gone forever, too.
The anger boiled within me again, forcing the venom within me to rise.
It was his fault they were dead. His fault these guards had died. His fault I was left without anything, without anyone, without her.
But it didn't matter. It was useless; it was over, and I had no choice left but to make those that remained pay.
I turned on my heel and continued on my path of destruction – I killed two more guards, and with each body part dismembered, my anger grew, becoming its own force, its own life. As my circle of thoughts spiraled out of control they fueled my commitment.
My need grew.
My hate grew.
My desire to inflict pain and torture to every living soul soared, and I relished in it. I concentrated on those feelings, letting them drive me forward, letting them feed my desire for revenge, and I recycled them within me, using them against those that dared cross my path.
My feet carried me forward into the building, and I kept to the shadows, wandering through back halls and passages that would take me to the room in which I knew they'd all be. I'd heard the stories of the Volturi; I'd studied these buildings, the alleyways, the patrols...this mission had been my sole purpose for the last eleven months – it was going to fucking go the way that I wanted it to go.
The hour was late, and the halls were deserted, much as I had anticipated, though in light of recent events, I couldn't deny my disappointment. I was looking for the fight to end all fights. Until now, they had been too easy...there had been no challenge, no true satisfaction in their deaths, but I knew it wouldn't be long before that changed. My body buzzed with renewed anticipation.
The three of them always met in the throne room with a few of their major guard members around this time of night. It was a small number; certainly nothing that I couldn't handle – hadn't handled before.
I pondered the thought for a moment as I traveled further into the heart of the building. I knew I could take them all with relative ease. All but Jane...she was the catch. I would have to act quickly to figure out the magnitude of her gift. I had heard horror stories of men who had survived her wrath, and I knew it would be foolish to deny she was a possible problem. Yet, I considered, my gift was just as powerful, if not more so than hers. We were undeniably well-matched. It would be an interesting challenge. The thought spurred further excitement and anticipation within me.
I cleared my mind as I reached the large double doors and solely refocused on the task at hand – I would have fun, no doubt, exploring Jane's gift later, but for now, I had business to attend to. I approached the large double doors at the end of the hallway. It wasn't the main entrance to the throne room...in fact, these doors were never used, as they led to the old, abandoned halls that hadn't been frequented in decades...the halls from where I'd just arrived. The doors were completely unguarded and unlocked.
I opened the door, prepared for anything that might be on the other side. I glanced forward and recognized the three brothers from the painting that Carlisle always had on the wall of his office. It was as though time had stood still – the room was the same as it had been then, and, as I quickly assessed the situation, I could see that nothing noticeable had changed. Each of them had a guard member standing behind them, and to the right of the thrones were two smaller guards...Jane and her brother, Alec, I presumed.
Emotions escalated immediately as every head whipped in my direction. I couldn't help but smirk slightly as the emotional pools of those surrounding me quickly turned to that of shock, disbelief – mingled with a little fear. The guards each took a cautionary stance, but I gave them no attention, yet. I'd get to them soon enough. Instead, my eyes locked with the murky, red eyes of that which I recognized to be Aro as he stood and stepped toward me.
His expression danced with amusement – an amusement that he truly felt throughout his being. He was amused, joyed, curious, a little surprised...and smug.
"Jasper Cullen. What a surprise," he welcomed, clapping his hands silently together.
"Whitlock," I spat out back before I could stop myself.
His lip twitched in a smile never given life, before he finally spoke once again.
"My apologies. Taken to your early days, I see. Same name, same diet..."
My anger boiled restlessly under my stone-like skin, but I kept it in check, knowing I had to bide my time with him, to wait for my opening to kill each and every one of them.
I had planned out my every move with far too much passion to throw it away because of a ridiculous insinuation on his behalf. I knew my task here today wouldn't be as easy as I might have considered it to myself, but it was doable. I just had to remind myself to stay focused, alert and most of all, I had to stick to my plan.
"I want to know what happened," I choked out, my voice completely foreign in my own ears.
It was cold and hard, merciless.
He smiled happily, as though we were old friends, as if I wasn't staring at him with every ounce of hatred within me. On instinct, I took a step forward. The rumbles that emanated into the room from the guards hardly registered with me as they took on their accustomed defensive stances.
The fools believed such a move to threaten me. I pitied them. Each of them was tense, nervous and uncertain. They didn't fool me. The small one, though, Jane, was practically shaking with anticipation.
"Certainly, my young friend. What would like to know?"
I stared at him in silence for a long moment.
He was still amused...even hopeful, though hopeful for what, I had no fucking clue.
Was he hoping for my happiness in the fact that he'd killed my mate? My brother? My friend? Destroyed my life? Not a fucking chance.
I growled...my body growled. It came from somewhere deep within me, a place I couldn't even recognize.
"I want to know what happened to my wife, my mate."
"Jasper," he said again, and stepped forward, his emotions as calm as his docile countenance.
Every fiber of my being ached to lurch forward and dismember him in front of his cabinet. I wanted to rip him apart, limb from limb, and seek revenge. I had never wanted anything more in my entire existence.
"Calm yourself, Jasper. I will tell you everything you want to know. Come, sit."
Unmoving, I continued to meet his gaze. The anger within me had reached exponential heights, and while my body threatened to move of its own accord, I forced myself to remember why I was here and what little good it would do me to act so rashly. I spoke instead.
"I'd rather stand."
"Of course. You were trained well, Major. Decades out of the war, and you are still on the complete defensive. How interesting..."
His casual reference to my time with Maria, my hell on earth, only fanned the flames of my rage, and I wanted to take him out. I used all of my focus to stay in my spot as my eyes continued to look into his.
My fists balled with such a ferocity, but my face remained entirely stoic and unyielding.
"Your wife and Edward both committed numerous crimes against our society, Jasper, as had Bella. Several serious crimes that could have had massive implications to our kind, I might add. The three of them were killed in punishment for the rules that they carelessly ignored. Had they simply lived by the rules of our kind, Jasper, this...tragedy...would not have occurred. As I am sure you are well aware, it is our position to see that these rules are upheld. Truly, I had no other choice. You must understand this?"
My vision tinted with red, and my entire being shook, practically vibrated with a rage that I was no longer able to contain.
I knew I was very nearly on the edge of losing my control. I wanted to kill him, to inflict a tremendous amount of pain on him before doing so...more than I had ever wanted anything in my life, and I knew I had almost lost my grasp on reality.
"Jasper, I understand that you're angry. It is no small thing to lose a mate and for that, I am sorry you have had to suffer."
I was surprised and taken slightly off guard by the spike of anger and loss I felt from Marcus, who sat in his chair, watching us with boredom. I'd felt nothing from him but apathy until Aro's statement. He quickly pushed his powerful emotions aside, and they were blanketed with nothing but a dull, uninterested tolerance. I wondered how he could do such a thing; how he could pretend that they just...didn't exist.
My thoughts were interrupted by Aro's voice, and I cocked my head slightly to once again meet his hopeful gaze.
"I have seen your past, your times of fighting, of leading, and commanding. It's what you're good at, Jasper, what you were made for; it's your destiny. I want you to join us, Jasper. You'd make an incredible addition to our cause."
I glared, finally allowing some of my hate and anger to spill from my carefully constructed wall and into the room as a final warning to those closest to me.
I wanted him to know exactly how much I didn't want that life, that existence. Words were futile but I had emotions, and as I leaked my inner fury into Aro's being, I knew he would understand. Though the moment I let my wall down, his expression transformed, and his emotions were full of awe and admiration.
"No," was all I replied.
He smiled, as though he'd expected my answer, but I didn't understand his pleasure in it.
"Such a shame. It's such a fascinating talent you possess, Jasper. A priceless gift. Perhaps I might be able to persuade you?"
He raised an eyebrow.
"What if I told you that our little family has grown since I last talked to anyone within your own family, Jasper?"
His words caught me off guard, something I hadn't accounted for.
Had he been expecting me? Had this been a trap? What did he know that I didn't? I was immediately on guard, my senses tuning into my surroundings as my mind refocused and pushed past the pure rage which clouded my sense of rationale.
Aro smiled and nodded to Alec, who left the room without a word.
What the fuck was going on?
Only moments later, the door opened again, and through the door walked someone I never thought I would see again. The room's emotional climate changed to that of amusement as I tried to find my bearings.
She was surrounded by two very large guards, and she was so different, but it was her, alright.
When my mind had finally registered that fact...after all of the mourning, after the devastation, and coupled with the fact that she wasn't who I wanted her to be, my rage again surfaced, and I wanted nothing more than to rid the room of every other existence.
Why was she here?
I knew I had to get my emotions under control. If I let my anger completely take over, I would never make it out of here alive.
She was beautiful; I couldn't deny that. It was strange to see the immortal beauty that had transformed her. Her red, glowing eyes unsettled a part of me, but I couldn't give any focus to that. For a brief and unsettling moment, I felt a strange sense of home.
My voice was unsure, weak, and I fucking hated that. I refocused my attention on her, not willing for them to see any weakness that she may have invoked within me. I couldn't allow for any weakness, regardless of why the hell she was here, why she still existed...the realization that maybe I wasn't completely alone in this world.
I felt her confusion, the small twinge of recognition, the underlying pain and loneliness that she felt.
I couldn't help the confusion from swarming within my own mind.
"What is this?" I asked, forcing my gaze back to Aro's.
He smiled a knowing, patronizing smile.
"I couldn't destroy her, you see. Not before I discovered if her human gift was amplified by her vampire senses."
I frowned at him, allowing myself a quick glance at her before looking back to him.
"Her human gift?"
"Yes. You'll remember that Edward could not read Bella's mind. It was a first and an only for him."
At the mention of Edward's name, a dull pain resonated throughout Bella. I glanced at her again, and she met my gaze, swallowing hard.
"The same was the case for me, so I could not kill her before testing my theory. As it turns out, Bella is my most prized possession."
I cringed involuntarily at her being referred to as such, but pushed it aside.
"And she's okay with that? After what you did to Edward?"
"Bella had a very difficult four days of change, Jasper. She doesn't remember much about Edward...or any of her human life for that matter. She feels no sense of loyalty to him or to you – any of your former coven, for that matter."
Bella's emotions spiked, confusion filling most of her, frustration, and a sense of missing something huge.
She wasn't at all off the mark.
Aro's voice was kind, forced full of pleasantries but laced with tones of warning.
"Would you like to join Bella here with us, Jasper?" he asked.
It took only seconds for me to formulate my answer...and my plan.
Bella's gift was one of protection, I was sure of that much. That could work to my advantage. I harnessed all of my energy and concentrated on sending Bella a large wave of trust, careful to keep the flow between me and her only.
"Bella, I've missed you. I'm so glad you're safe. Do you remember me?"
Her eyes narrowed slightly, as if the action would help bring clarity to her memory. She finally shook her head. She glanced to Aro, then back to me.
"I...I feel like I should know you, but...I don't know why."
Her voice was smooth and beautiful, so much more so than when she was human, yet she didn't seem to have moved far from the lack of confidence she held when she was human.
I nodded at her, trying to smile a friendly smile. It felt foreign to my muscles.
"You and I met in Washington, Bella. You moved there to live with your dad, Charlie. Do you remember him? You met Edward at school. He loved you, Bella. We all did. You were a part of our family."
Bella's concentration focused as everyone else in the room grew more apprehensive, tense. I pushed forward a great amount of calm into the room while focusing a steady stream of trust and sense of old friendship toward Bella.
She stared hard at me for a few moments. I felt the intense recognition right before I saw it flash in her red eyes.
"Jasper," she whispered.
I smiled again, hoping it looked as charming as I needed it to.
"Yes. You remember."
"A little. And...Alice," she whispered.
A flash of hot white pain seared throughout my being. I couldn't control it, and it affected everyone. I had to move.
"Bella, my pet," Aro said.
He appeared to be calm, but his emotions betrayed him. He was concerned for the first time since I entered the room.
"He is trying to trick you, Bella," Aro said, his voice low and steady, not at all betraying his ever-building fear. "He's going to hurt us. Shut him out."
I threw another burst of trust to Bella as I felt a wave of energy originating from Jane's direction. When it didn't hit, I glanced at Bella, who'd taken several steps to stand directly in front of me.
"I don't know what the hell is going on," she said quietly, "and I trust you, but I can't understand why."
"You remember me, I know you do. You're trapped here, am I right? He won't let you go?"
Aro watched us, his anger starting to overtake his fear.
"I have to get us out of here, and I need you to help me. Keep Jane away from me, okay? I promise I'll get you out of here. Trust me, and keep Jane out."
She nodded again, her eyes wide.
I sent an extra dose of trust and courage to her, needing her to focus on keeping Jane away from me.
With that, I launched myself toward Aro, while throwing enormous amounts of numbing pain to everyone but Bella. I quickly beheaded Aro, dismembering him roughly before moving to the other two Volturi. I took out each body guard next, twisting emotions around the room until all that was left was Bella and I and Jane. I glanced at Bella, whose emotions had turned from fear to a numb shock, yet she kept Jane's abilities from me, and I took her down.
I lit a match and set fire to the room.
"Go," I said to Bella, shoving her out of the room.
We ran until we were out of the building and outside once more. I pulled Bella behind me instinctively to keep her safe, and we ran. We ran across the city and through the countryside until we crossed the border, finally arriving in a small, rural French village. Dawn was breaking, and I knew that we'd have to get inside for the day. I spotted a small, stone building with a sign stating it was an inn.
Once I'd obtained a room for us, we went up the old, wooden stairs at a slow, human pace. As Bella's shock and my adrenaline wore off, my anger returned. I resented Bella for being here when Alice was not. The resentment heavily conflicted with an overwhelming sense of happiness to see her, to have some sort of connection with someone again. I tried to harness all of the powerful emotions, trying to remind myself that it wasn't as if Bella had chosen this life...chosen her existence above Alice's...above Edward's.
The Bella I had known wouldn't have...
We entered the room, and she unceremoniously plopped onto the foot of the bed in a heap, her shoulders hunched and her emotions a hazy mess of confusion and loss that she didn't understand. Somewhere within me lurched at the feelings, at the emptiness. They were feelings I knew all too well.
I slowly sat next to her, folding my hands in my lap and concentrating my gaze on the floor by my feet.
"I don't understand," Bella whispered quietly into the deathly silent, darkened room. "Tell me what I don't remember."
I don't know why, but I did. I told her everything. All that had happened from the moment Edward met her to the moment we'd heard of their deaths in Italy. My roller coaster of emotion mirrored Bella's, and my anger and resentment warred even more heavily with the compassion I couldn't keep myself from feeling. I had to remind myself that it wasn't her fault, while another part of my brain blamed her entirely. It was an internal battle unlike anything I had ever experienced before.
"Wow," she whispered. "I'm...I'm so sorry."
Something about those words created a feeling in me so foreign. I hadn't felt it for so long, and it completely overwhelmed me. I wanted to let the good within me win, to stake the monster and rid myself of him forever...if only I could figure out how.
For a moment, I thought that perhaps Bella and I could heal together, could move on from this somehow.
"You're all that's left now, Bella," I said, my voice cold and empty, gravelly.
The hurt ripped me apart just a little more.
"Emmett and Rosalie left to be on their own after we received news of you all being killed. I couldn't stay with Carlisle and Esme by myself...not without Alice."
"Is it strange that I feel like I've known you for a long time?"
Her voice was soft, a whisper into the darkness. It made her sound so small and in need of protection – so human, so Bella.
I shook my head.
"No," I responded, equally as quiet. "I only wish I had known you were alive. I would have come for you sooner."
She smiled and took my hand.
It was strange feeling, her hard skin against mine. It was the first intimate kind of contact I'd had since I left the Cullens months ago. I squeezed her hand in return, and forced myself to look into those blood-red eyes. I felt a wave of admiration for her, but it was quickly followed by a stab of anger.
How could she be doing this now, after I'd told her everything that I had been through, after all of it? The loss, the grief. Why didn't she feel it?
She should be ashamed, but I felt no shame from her, and that alone caused a fury of wrath to boil within me. The monster within me fed on the abundance of anger and pure hatred that coursed through my veins.
"Can I stay with you?" she interrupted my inner turmoil, her voice just a breath of air. She was soft and sweet and still so fragile somehow.
My anger dissolved immediately in almost tangible pieces, floating away from me as my head swarmed with strange emotions and conflicting desire.
I looked up, meeting her steady gaze.
She was beautiful, and she was all that I had left in this world. Another lost soul, another mate-less creature bound to spend eternity alone. I hated to admit it, but we had more in common than a small piece of history. If only she knew, could only comprehend the level of loss that each of us had sustained. If only she truly comprehended the love she once had for Edward, and he for her.
I wanted to say yes. I wanted her to stay with me and take away the loneliness. Yet, she was the cause of all of the loss I'd endured. Had it not been for her, my life would not have become the mess of pain, the hollow abyss that it had become.
I couldn't sort my haphazard emotions out, couldn't separate my thoughts from my desires, my pain from my want, and so I let myself act purely on instinct, as I'd gotten so very good at doing over the last several months.
I wrapped my hand behind Bella's head, waiting for a moment as the shock and the distinct hint of anticipation swirled around us. I pressed my mouth forcefully against hers. The tension, the pain and the desperation of the months that I had spent alone had culminated within the walls of the Volturi castle, and I transferred it all to the woman sitting next to me. My lips worked furiously against her own as desire crashed upon my senses, overtaking everything else.
I hadn't been prepared for her reaction – I hadn't even thought that far past my own actions and desire of that impulsive moment. Bella pressed herself against my body eagerly, her hands twisting in my hair, and the lust that burst forth from her engulfed me, fueling my own need and desire.
I needed her.
For reasons that I couldn't define, explain, or understand, I needed her.
Bella's hands tugged at my hair, and I twisted in front of her, pushing her back on the bed and deepening the kiss, letting my tongue explore every inch of her mouth. She tasted of sweet flowers and pure heaven, and I couldn't get enough of her. My hands roamed over her clothed body, and she moaned, arching her back and pressing against my body as my hands tugged at her clothing, needing to eliminate all barriers between us. I pulled against her clothing hard with a frustrated growl. The pieces of fabric from her ripped top and jeans fell to the floor.
I sat back slightly, taking a moment to admire the beauty of her flawless body before me, and it was in that moment that something triggered in my mind, bringing back to life the anger, the resentment, the goddamn grief.
The full force of my own self-imposed sanctum of emotions flooded around me. I growled instinctively as I felt my body start to allow the fierce white rage to consume my very being, seeping through my veins like poison, consuming my every thought, every breath. The absolute rage and grief I had worked so hard to control had finally slipped through my struggling grasp and broken through the dam. I couldn't understand why.
My breathing was now hard and labored.
Finally. I felt...free.
I glanced down, looking at Bella as she gazed back at me, a bare hint of inquisitiveness surrounding her. But mostly she was cloaked in her innocence, in her naivety, in Bella. I watched her for a long moment, my chest rising and falling rapidly as my mind raced ahead of me.
It was as though the tables had turned.
It wasn't the emotions and grief that I had holed up inside myself causing the destruction within me. It was the fact I had let them consume me. I thought I had been in control, but it was the grief that had controlled me, and in one single fleeting moment of clarity, I felt free with that understanding. I allowed the emotions to tumble from me, around me, and I drew strength from them, careful not to alert Bella. My senses were once again on high alert to the situation I now found myself in.
I knew I had to control myself, had to keep the menacing smile that wanted to break free on my face locked away. The monster was just under the surface, ready to break through at any given moment – to destroy and devour.
He seemed to feed off of the idea; I would have something that Edward never got to have. He had never had her like this, certainly not for her lack of trying. My anger at him doubled; had he given her what she wanted, had he not fucking run away like a coward...
Edward had caused so many problems, but now...now I was able to have what he couldn't – what he had refused. I would take it for my own, and I would enjoy every fucking minute of it. My monster delighted gleefully in that thought. It circled in my mind over and over again as my hand moved slowly and purposefully up the inside of Bella's thigh.
Today, I would take what was rightfully his, just as he had taken what was mine.
I looked up, once again meeting Bella's gaze. Her eyes were now darkened; her arousal permeating the air around us. I would take her.
The moment the thought fell through my mind, grief quickly washed over the anger, over the teetering line of desperate despair. Had I had the ability in that moment, I easily would have cried. Another, more powerful emotion swept over me, forcing the monster to the side as my mind landed on one single thought.
Alice was gone.
The searing white streak of pain lashed through my body once again.
The monster battled against the grief, throwing me into a whirlwind.
Bella was here; she was with me, and she wanted to stay.
I wanted her to stay, I did. I was so tired of being alone, of desperately falling through the bottomless pit of despair and loneliness. Already in the few hours that I had been reacquainted with her, she had recaptured a part of me I thought lost.
My eyes met hers, and the compassion that I found there contrasted starkly with her blood-red eyes.
"Bella," I said softly, cupping her cheek as I felt a wave of care for her wash through my soul.
Her eyes studied mine for a long moment.
I forced a smile through the pain that circulated within me and pulled away my own clothing before crawling back onto the bed in front of her. A renewed sense of determination pooled through me, and I knew what I wanted to do.
"Tell me, Bella...have you been with anyone since waking into our world?"
Seduction dripped from my words, and I clung to it. I desperately held onto the positive emotions, what little there were left within me, because I could feel the negative thoughts and feelings just below the surface, waiting to be fed and strengthened by this one simple act, waiting to emerge.
I couldn't let the monster win. I wouldn't let it. I was better than that.
I needed Bella to tell me that she hadn't – that I would be the first.
I would be the last.
The thought originated from the darkest place in my mind, tinted with anger and revenge and pain. It was disturbing and altogether unsettling to me, and I fought to push it away in a maddening attempt to cling to reality, whatever was left of that.
I turned my focus back to Bella, who shook her head.
"No," she whispered. "I...I was kept away from the others."
"Good," I responded, my voice equally as quiet as her own.
I couldn't understand the need for her to answer as she did, but I nodded, unable to keep the smile from spreading across my face.
I leaned forward once again, kissing her softly and letting the warm feeling of home, the feeling that Bella herself had inspired within me, emanate from my being and into hers. When her overwhelmed response caused her to pull back, her eyes looking into mine, she bit her lip, and I couldn't help but smile.
"I'm sorry," I said, my soft and caring tone foreign in my own ears. "I just wanted you to feel what you make me feel...you feel like home, Bella. You feel safe."
A part of me, somewhere buried deep inside, couldn't believe that I was admitting this to her, making myself so vulnerable to her.
Bella's gentle smile encompassed me as her hand wrapped around my neck and pulled my lips back to hers. I let the weight of my body fall to my left hand beside her head as my body settled between her hips and my right hand cupped her cheek once more.
"You're beautiful, Bella," I whispered against her ear before softly nipping at her earlobe.
She moaned, an intoxicating and enamoring sound that reverberated through my being. I felt my hand slide across her silk skin, grazing the side of her breast before brushing my fingertips across her nipple.
Bella's body arced into mine, and I groaned at the contact of her against me.
My hand continued its journey as my mind danced in the positive emotions that I hadn't felt for so long.
My fingers circled her naval and trailed further south, slowly dancing across her lower lips. Another low moan escaped her partially separated lips, and I kissed her as my fingers circled her clit, letting her sounds enter my mouth and echo through every inch of my soul.
She was perfection.
My fingers slipped further, and I was welcomed with the wet dew of her being, another undeniable display of her wanting me...needing me as much as I did her. The monster roared in delight, and I quickly withdrew my fingers, replacing them with the tip of my cock.
I pulled back to look in her eyes as I slowly pushed forward savoring every moment.
The room was silent but for our needless panting as I completely filled her. She gasped as I passed her barrier, and I was glad in that moment that she wasn't human. She would not feel the pain from it, only a sting, and somewhere in me remembered that this was Bella.
She was everything that was good and right in this world.
I stilled for a moment as she adjusted to my size within her, and I kissed her, pouring out all of the powerful emotions flowing through me.
When her body again arced under mine, coaxing me, begging me to continue, I did so without hesitation. She moved perfectly against me, as if she'd been just as experienced with this as I. I felt her gratefulness, her admiration...she, too, felt a sense of home in being with me. Being with her in this way made me see a future I'd not been able to see before that moment.
I could see us together, surviving together, maybe even eventually coming to love one another. It was a powerful burst of hope that rocked through me with that thought, and thrust into her powerfully.
Her body felt unlike anything else I'd experienced. This was so different from being with Alice.
At the thought of her name, grief poured over me, paralyzing me.
Alice was gone. I would never again have this with her. I would never again speak to her, look into her knowing eyes, be able to lean on the strength that she always carried with her, no matter what the circumstance.
My body shook in the pain that I'd harbored all of these months. I felt my mind crumbling with the devastation and grief that I had, up to this point, put into avenging her death and Edward's...Bella's.
My grip tightened around Bella's waist exponentially as my body crumbled in on itself.
My universe shifted in that moment as the monster reared its head, bared its teeth and consumed what was left of me. There was only red, only anger and hate as I withdrew from the woman beneath me. My eyes met hers, wide and surprised.
"Jasper? What is it?"
Worry plagued her senses.
"Turn," I commanded roughly.
My voice was no longer my own, but a possessed, focused growl of a monster lusting for his prey. Anger overhauled any sense of the soft, safe emotions that I'd felt only moments earlier. I hated her. I hated him. I hated Alice, and I was alone. Because of all of them, I would never be happy again.
Neither would Bella. I would see to that.
Fuck them all.
"Now," I growled.
Bella jumped at my tone, but quickly obeyed the command, and a strange pleasure twisted throughout me as she hurriedly moved to comply, her firm ass displayed before me. I took a moment to feel, though what I felt now in this moment was so far removed from what I'd felt when this experience with her began. I was calloused and full of need, but my so-called heart no longer had the driver's seat. I was possessed, and the monster within me took the control it had been fighting for all of these months.
It had finally won.
I felt Bella's smooth, solid skin, the curves of her hips to the soft flesh of her ass with only an interest of lust and release in the forefront of my mind. She would pay, just as I had paid. This was personal.
I couldn't understand what had happened to me. What the fuck had I been thinking? Somehow her emotions must have overcome mine. Everything that I had just felt and thought...it was all a lie.
A happy ending? Who was I fucking kidding?
Those emotions couldn't have been mine, and in my moment of weakness, Bella had claimed a part of me. I was furious at her for that. She was no better than any of them.
Her body was amazing.
I couldn't put my jumbled and erratic thoughts on a straight course. Instead, I looked down to the firm ass which now spread out before me.
I was sure that it was different now than it had been when she was human. Immortality had filled her out in all of the right places with round, inviting curves, and I would partake of everything she was.
Edward had been such a fucking idiot.
I stood from the bed, leaning over her bare back, my hands finding her full breasts. I tweaked her nipples hard as my lips brushed against the curve of her ear.
"I am going to fuck you, Isabella."
My voice was low and cold; it was harsh, and it was the true reflection of all that was left within me now. All I wanted was revenge, was reparation for the damage that could never be undone. I wanted her to hurt as much as I hurt.
Bella shivered against me as a twinge of fear laced her emotions, and I pinched her nipples hard as she pushed her ass against my thighs. Without thought, I ground my hips forward seeking friction against the hardness between us.
A growl escaped from somewhere deep inside me.
Pushing thoughts of everything and everyone else aside, I focused on the lust, on the pain, on the need for completion and vengeance.
My hands snaked across her skin, resting on her hips as my fingers tightened. I knew she was no longer breakable...no longer human, but part of me wished she were. To see my fingerprints marked into her flesh, to feel the blood pumping through her veins as I slammed into her – my body shuddered at the delicious thought.
With little patience, I slid my knee between Bella's legs and knocked firmly to one side, causing her legs to part further – inadvertently buckling Bella's balance. She landed ungracefully on her face into the pillows in front of her.
So fucking clumsy...
A wave of embarrassment washed around me as Bella tried to re-gain support on her elbows. I didn't even allow myself to consider feeling bad for her. I was impatient, agitated by her very presence.
I snarled, my anger growing.
"I-I'm sorry," she gasped.
"Don't fucking talk," I growled with fury as my fingers splayed across her ass.
I couldn't give a shit what she was doing in that moment. I was right where I wanted to be, and I didn't want her to disrupt this moment. She'd done enough to ruin my life – she could at least give me this fucking moment without tainting it, without doing something that would undoubtedly pull the human emotions somewhere lost inside of me back to the surface – or worst yet, allow her to inflict self-pity and false hope into me once again.
Not a chance.
Hope and happiness were gone forever, and I didn't give a fuck, anymore.
I felt a wave of acceptance pass over me from Bella, and I smiled to myself, pleased that on some level, she understood. Maybe I hadn't given her enough credit; maybe she did know what this was about.
My thumb continued to knead heavily at the curve in her ass as my fingers tentatively grazed over her slick folds.
"So fucking wet..." I murmured.
Without warning, I roughly slid two fingers inside Bella.
She let out a whimper.
Something broke through the red haze of my thoughts – something I didn't want to give focus to. Thoughts pulsed through my mind, questioning everything that was happening around me in that very moment.
Was this right?
Would Bella hate me for this?
It didn't fucking matter if she hated me. I wanted her to hate me for this – I wanted her to remember this moment and disdain me for everything that I had caused, everything that she had forced me to cause by entering into this world that she didn't belong to.
Her hips bucked against my hand.
My lips twitched in amusement at her frustrations.
She was eager, but then...she always had been, first for Edward and tonight for me. The monster in me roared with delight. Tonight would be different. She would call out my name, not his; I would make sure of it.
I took my dick in my hand, still slightly wet from our earlier encounter, and pumped twice. I aligned myself behind her before quickly thrusting forward and entering her in one fluid motion as I pulled her hips backwards to meet mine. I buried myself deep inside her and paused as I relished the feeling of her tightness surrounding me once again. It was better this way. I didn't have to look into her eyes; I didn't have to see the apprehension that I could now feel coming from her.
Bella stifled a strangled cry against the pillow in front of her, but I didn't have it in me to feel guilty about being too rough. I wasn't stupid enough to believe that I should have been more careful with her. It wasn't like she was in any real pain...she hadn't suffered, hadn't been tormented with the memory of them; she hadn't grieved for a love that had spanned a lifetime.
This was the least of her fucking worries.
She deserves this.
My thoughts were broken as Bella's voice broke the silence.
My hands gripped her hips tighter still.
I didn't know if her quiet plea was for more or for me to wait a moment, and I didn't care to ask. I had what I wanted, and I wouldn't stop now.
I pulled back slowly before slamming my hips against hers once again. This time Bella let out a moan, and I slapped her ass in approval.
My thrusts continued, tortuously slow and hard as I forced myself into her tight pussy.
Edward had been a fucking idiot.
I had no idea and cared not think about how he was able to turn away such willingness. I was the better man. I had taken what he couldn't.
Bella's walls clenched sporadically around me, squeezing and pulsing against me. I was harder than I thought possible as I slammed into her over and over relishing every thrust.
"Fuck," I groaned.
Bella moaned once again, spurring my thrusts on.
I had wanted to savor the moment, but as our hips crashed against each other, my balls cracking off her granite skin, I couldn't find it within me to wait. A demon had been unleashed within me, a demon fed by pain and misery and hate, and I drilled forward, harder and faster to satiate the beast as Bella cried out in pain or pleasure – I wasn't sure.
But it didn't stop me.
I didn't – couldn't – care
Over and over I pounded into her as she moaned. I poured my pent up anger and rage into her delicate body. My hands gripped too tightly around her hips, and I knew that if vampires could bruise I would have succeeded in marking her with my fingers.
A trickle of fear passed through the haze of lust and need that consumed me as I continued to fuck her, and somewhere in the back of my mind I could hear Bella's quiet pleas, words...
"Jasper...please...you're, you're hurting me..."
But I didn't listen.
I didn't care.
Something had cracked within me, and I fought to find release from this self-loathing, self-imposed prison that I had locked myself in this past year. I needed a way out. I needed release from all of it, and she would be the one to give it to me.
She had caused this.
She would pay for what she had put me through.
She would fucking pay for it.
With one final thrust I slammed into Bella, who fell forward, completely off balance. Our bodies remained intact as I landed above her, a feral growl emanating from deep inside me and out through my mouth. I held onto her body and to her hands tightly as my release pumped into her.
Without thought or hesitation, I leaned forward and sunk my teeth into Bella's porcelain neck. The skin, though no longer paper thin, was still malleable, and I groaned as Bella took in a sharp breath – a wave of her pain stabbing the very core of my being as I pulled the venom from her neck, fantasizing for one moment that it was her blood.
Her blood would have tasted so fucking good.
So fucking pure.
I pulled for as long as I pumped into her, our fluids passing freely between each other before finally releasing my teeth, and myself, from every point of contact with a grunt. Bella's body slumped down onto the bed, her hair splayed around her face – her emotions as fucked up and out of sync as my own.
I reached down and lifted the cloak I had worn earlier off the floor and threw it around my body.
Bella turned to face me on the bed. Her hand clasped around her neck as she tried to calm the venom that now pooled down her neck. I'd been too much of an asshole to even close the wound, and now she would wear my teeth marks, my mark for all eternity.
She would be branded as mine.
That thought almost made me hard again.
No one else would touch her, nor want her, knowing who had branded her.
Only...I didn't want her.
It really could not have gone better if I'd planned it. She would suffer as I suffered, feel the pain that I felt, and the very best of it was, she would be alone.
Her voice was small, hoarse, and her emotions blanketed the room in thick regret and pain. I relished in the fact that, for once, it wasn't mine.
I knew she was beginning to understand, and I needed to move fast.
I turned away as I lifted my jeans and slid them on.
"Jasper...please, please don't go. I need you," she begged.
I looked down at her frail form which glowed in the rising sun that shone through the single window of the room. Her red eyes held the same depth of emotion as when she was human, and somewhere within me shifted uncomfortably.
I had been so wrong...yet I couldn't find it in me to truly care, to fight to take down the beast within me. He had beaten anything good left within me...
I sat next to her for a moment, looking at my hands and shutting out the powerful emotions she was projecting. A part of me knew that once this high of anger and hate had passed, I would be left cold and empty and alone. Hurting Bella would not fix that, and yet, I couldn't keep myself from doing just that.
And I would do it.
I leaned closer to her, sparking a glimmer of hope within her.
"I told him it was foolish to be with you, Bella. I warned him that nothing good would ever come from it, and that he should leave you alone. But you had pulled him in. I don't know how. The most beautiful vampires in the world could not hold Edward's attention, and then a meek and klutzy and average human girl danced into his world, and he was gone. You stole him, and now you have killed him."
I paused, inhaling deeply and letting my pain resurface. The pain pushed me forward.
"It's your fault, you know. Your fault our lives were uprooted, your fault you cut your damn finger, your fault that Edward left, and jumping off the cliffs took Alice away from me and to you. She is gone forever, Bella, and I had loved her for longer than you have existed," my voice grew colder, angrier, and Bella's emotions started to reflect her realization of where this conversation was headed.
She drowned in as much self-loathing and hate as I did. It was good; it was what I wanted. I fed from her emotions, throwing them back at her causing lashings of pain that echoed through her body. I relished more in her pain than I had in her pussy.
"You took Alice from me. I have to live forever without her and alone."
Then she looked at me with her sad, pathetic gaze.
"But you don't have to be alone, Jasper," Bella whispered, reaching for my arm.
I yanked it out of her grasp and stood away from the bed. I forced myself to look into her sad eyes.
"You think I want to be with you for an eternity? Do you think I want to have that reminder of them? How do you think I could live with you knowing that you've ruined my life, Bella? You think I want you around? No. I don't want you; I don't need you, and now you will be just as miserable and alone as I have been without her. No one will ever want you now, and that's the way it should be. You've destroyed everything."
If she had the ability to cry, she would have been, and I absorbed her pain, once again throwing it right back at her tenfold. I wanted her to hate herself as much as I hated her, as much as I hated myself.
I prayed that she would be haunted by the grief and devastation she had caused.
Content I had served her with a life sentence that would never end, I walked to the door, turning the knob, and only steps from my eternity of hell, I turned back and looked to the poor excuse of a girl who now sat crumpled on the broken bed, wallowing in her own self-pity, hatred and depression.
I smirked at her, lifting my hand to my head as though to tip my non-existent hat. Her eyes met mine, wide in disbelief.
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