A bit short...and probably my last soft smut chapter. This is the turning point, so yes, enjoy! The song...was hard to put together, yet when you listen to it, I can see Jill thinking the lyrics as they are sung. So haven't done this in a while...disclaimer: I do NOT own Resident Evil or characters...and I do NOT own the song "Beauty from Pain" by Super Chicks.

Anyway, enjoy, and let me know what you think. This chapter I am somewhat...unsatisfied with, it irks me, but I'll let the reviewers decide. And by thw way, it's more Jill's point of view...so things Wesker says or does...don't take it as him having a change of heart. We all know he won't.


Chapter 30: Beauty From Pain

The lights go out all around me,
One last candle to keep out the night,

The main lights of the room were turned off, the only source being from a small nightstand lamp with a red shade. The red-orange light glowed softly, bathing her in the warm colors. As the man approached, his eyes glowing the same color from behind those smoky lenses, and Jill couldn't help but shiver. Darkness rested just on the outside of the bed, threatening to cave in on her if that small lamp was turned off and engulf her completely. As he got on the bed with her, blocking the soft light, a different kind of darkness swallowed her, a darkness that resided only in her head.

And then the darkness surrounds me,
I knew I'm alive, but it feels like I've died,

She only lived in the darkness Wesker kept her shrouded in. These dimly lit rooms, those bare walled cells and sickenly white hospital rooms. While she was physically alive, the treatment over the years had deadened her and twisted her into something else. With no contact with anyone else but Wesker, she was conditioned against all her morals to seek for some kind of human interaction from him. As her hands reached slowly for his face to remove his sunglasses, her fingers could not feel the metal under its skin.

And all that's left,
Is to accept that it's over,
My dreams ran like sand through the fists that I made...

There was only one option for her. To accept that there was no rescue and give in to his every demand. That all her granduer plans of escaping, of Chris coming to her aid would never come true. She slipped her hands from his face and down to his throat, to his chest and felt the monster's heartbeat. She settled her hands there a moment as her thoughts raced. She held so tightly to her dreams that Chris would find her that she never truly accepted the reality of her situation. How could Chris ever find out she was on another continent than from where they had been searching for Wesker?
She felt his face lowering and nuzzling her throat, causing her to sharply intake air as her eyes closed. Could she trick herself into believing this was only a really bad dream?

I try to keep warm,
But I just grow colder...

Despite their body's warmth from their own temperatures, and closure, Jill still felt chills...the more she drew herself to him to seek warmth, the more she felt her skin crawl and icy shivers race through her spine. Wesker seemed to have taken this as eagerness. Hands ran up her sides, then her arms, bending them back slowly and pinning them into the pillows. Jill felt her lips seized by his, something akin to electric racing down her now and into her lower abdomen. She simply gave in, knowing it futile to try resisting anymore.

I feel like I'm slipping away...

Jill couldn't hold on to her dreams and rational thoughts of morality any longer. Everything she knew felt like a distant memory, a memory she couldn't believe was hers. Whatever they were, she was letting them go and flinging herself into this new, dark, backwards world she emerged in ever since she cast herself out that window with Wesker. There was no other choice but to endure pain and torture, or death. This was only the lesser of the evils; to enjoy the slightest attention paid to her.

After all this has passed,
I still will remain,
After I've cried my last,
There will be beauty from pain,

Jill somehow knew all of this would pass at some time. Though her dreams of Chris rescuing her were merely dreams, a tiny part of her couldn't help but childishly pray for rescue from anywhere. She knew she if she just survived, she would grow stronger after such an ordeal. She was too stubborn to go down easily after all...and after all the pain, the tears she would cry later, she could look back and be glad she managed to survive, despite the emotional and physical costs.

Though it won't be today,
Someday I'll hope again,
And there'll be beauty from pain,
You will bring beauty from the pain...

Jill had no, solid hope for the moment. Everything Wesker had done was to quash any she harbored. Jill knew herself better though than Wesker could ever imagine. She was defeated for now...dead for now...but she would be revived. She would become herself once she was rescued...she looked to him and nuzzled into his blond locks, finding that even some pain could be beautiful, despite its origins.

My whole world is the pain inside me,
The best I can do is just get through the day,

Jill's new life, the new world Wesker took her into, revolved around the most pain he coud inflict on her. There was pain Wesker directly and indirectly put her through to make her suffer for interfering with his battle. Taking her in and healing her, beating her for her insolence and forcing her hand to kill Grenik, the only friend she ever made while with him. Jill tried not to think of the things Wesker put her through, but they always plagued her at the worst of time. All she did was manage to get through the days and stay alive.

My life before is only a memory,
I wonder why God lets me walk through this place,

All the memories of her old life were faded, and broken. Only Chris, Wesker and the Raccoon City incident were the most complete memories she kept. She couldn't go back to life again, not easily. Back to what it felt like to sit in a sunlit park, or to drink a hot cup of coffee, to listen to music on the radio, or know what was like to go shopping at the malls. She knew of these things but for the life of her, couldn't remember them well, or how she felt then. She felt him lying atop of her and her hazy eyes looked to him just as she felt Wesker enter her. She gasped for air, her eyes popping open, and her head thrown back into the pillow as she arched.
What kind of God let demons like Wesker corrupt good natured people like herself? Why would God put her in this hell...?

And though I can't understand why this happened,
I know I will look back some day...
And see how you brought beauty from ashes...
And made me as gold purified through these flames,

She couldn't understand why her plan hadn't worked. Why did this happen? Why was she under his mercy? They were supposed to have died during that fall, and yet that plan backfired. Still, she felt she could learn from this situation. She could look back on this and continue to see how strong she was to survive it, to endure and triumph over stacked odds. How from that failure she still rose from the ashes to be something more durable and better. That was something to admire...

Here I am,
At the end of me,
Trying to hold,
To what I can't see,

Jill held to the man without looking at him, her face buried in his neck as he grew rambunctious with his movement. She gasped for air, nails biting at his skin. A leg wrapped around him in need, surprised how easily he could arouse her. While her mind tried to stay on other things, it began to focus on this. Was it so bad she enjoyed it? Could she accept this later in life? Or would this be her life from now on? A start of a new life? A new pain?

"Jill..." he murmured as he sat up on his knees, picking her hips up and holding them as he pistoned into her. With her hips in the air, and her upper back still on the bed, she cried out, feeling the tension mounting. She couldn't hold to him anymore, and her fingers instead grasping the sheets. How long was she going to have to live like this?

I forgot how to hold,
This night's been so long,
I cling to your promise,
There will be a dawn...

As the hours sped by, and their sessions stretched on, there was a final moment where they finally could not go on any longer. Light bruises were appearing on her body from the prolonged union. Jill laid there shaking, staring at the ceiling and fighting back tears. Why did she allow this each time? Were the beatings really that worse than this? There was a heavier tax to this kind of physical pain and pleasure; emotional pain.

"Jill..." he said gently. Damn him. Was he trying to be kind? Why? What was he achieving? "I shall say this...soon...there will be a new dawn for humankind...just see things my way. Enter this new world with me," he offered.
Jill stared for a moment thinking. She been emerged in darkness for so long, a prisoner here, she did hope for a new dawn...but a dawn where she could begin anew, away from this dark world she was trapped in. His promise of this new dawn couldn't free her. She knew it. Though...part of her, after all of this...was feeling fond of him and wished there was a way to convince him against his madness.

"Wesker...it's asking too much...to see things your way...I can't even begin to," she admitted. A strong hand grasped her jaw and turned her to face him. He leaned over her.

" You say I am destroying mankind, don't you?...but doesn't it destroy itself without my help? All the corrupt governments, the wars, crime syndicates...at least in my way, the Darwin theory is applied...and the strongest shall prevail," he reasoned. Jill could see it his way...until he mentioned his solution.

Though it won't be today,
Someday I'll hope again,
And there'll be beauty from pain,
You will bring beauty from the pain...

Jill didn't try to argue him. That only led to trouble. She only nodded and laid there, watching him as he watched her. She still did not get why he visited her and copulated with her. She had always thought he hated her along with Chris. Still, she did suppose under everything he was, he was still a man, and men had urges just as women did. Having sex again was...different. Not only because it wasn't Chris, but those thoughts were forced from her mind due to fear of everything going on around her.
Someday, she would hope that there was something that would free her from him. Yet, for the time being...she didn't want to be apart from him for long. She sighed gently and scooted closer, closing her eyes and keeping close to his body's warmth before she drifted to sleep.