note: WHATEVA, I DO WUT I WAAAAANT. If you read underneath the underneath here, you will see that I'm not very nice to other pairings.
warnings: 8D let's play a game of spot-that-moment-from-that-ship; CRACK; PLOTLESSNESS; LULZ.
disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.
Also, in case it's not clear, this takes place during the time-skip, so the release of Icha Icha Tactics is being eagerly awaited.
Kakashi had seen a lot of things in years as a ninja—some weird, some gruesome, and some just flat out messed up. By twenty-eight, not much surprised him anymore, but this... this...
"Sakura, what are you doing?"
She had the nerve to hold up a hand and make a disgruntled noise that sounded suspiciously like "Go away, Kakashi-sensei." He didn't, so she finally put in her bookmark and closed her novel. When she looked at him, there was a dark scowl on her face. "What?" She acted like his disbelief wasn't warranted.
Here, after years of chastising him for reading his precious Icha Icha books, was Sakura Haruno with the Icha Icha Violence in hand, looking quite into it. From what he could tell by the division of pages, she in the middle, and if he recalled correctly, there was a particularly racy scene there between Junko and Sayuri. Though, as much as Kakashi appreciated the detail and imagery, he wasn't very fond of the two characters a couple.
"Go away, Kakashi-sensei! Can't you see I'm busy?"
He raised an eyebrow. "You're the one who wanted a bit of training before the chuunin exams."
Sakura gave him a flat stare. "Sensei, that was two months ago. I'm a chuunin now."
"Stupid old man," she muttered. Getting her priorities straight, Sakura opened her book and resumed reading.
Kakashi frowned. He knew how annoying it was to be interrupted when you were reading as well, but Sakura was just being a brat.
He sighed, feeling the telltale signs of nostalgic kicking in. Oh, the good old days. He remembered when these kids used to respect him. The way they used to hang on his every word. How training with him was something they looked forward to (sort of). Back then, Sakura would never have chosen reading over getting a lesson from him. Sigh.
"You know, Sakura, Icha Icha is hardly for a girl your age," Kakashi said, plucking the novel from her hands. Silly girl. That would show her not to let her guard down. He raised it above her head, taking a cruel delight in watching her jump for it. He knew Sakura took a lot of issue with being a 'stupid-freaking-midget-with-only-four-years-left-to-grow-oh-my-god-I'm-so-screwed(-well-at-least-there's-still-Naruto).'
Sakura looked even more annoyed. "Hey, sensei, don't you have something you need to go be late to?"
Kakashi paused to think that over. "Well, there's this thing with Gai, and I think I have a meeting with Tsunade-sama, but—"
"You are interrupting my reading time!" she practically shouted. She managed to catch him off guard and kick his shin, making him bend forward slightly—just enough for her to get her book back. Sucker. "Sensei, I'm in the middle of a moment, here."
With a bright, dreamy smile, Sakura nodded eagerly. "Uh, yeah. Junko is one sexy, sexy man, and him and Sayuri are so cute together! They just had the most amazing reunion! Right now, they're hiding in a broom closet and Junko is totally getting all hot and bothered by the proximity. It's awesome."
Kakashi stilled. Soon after, he laughed, sounding almost condescending. "Sakura, you can tell from Icha Icha Paradise that he's going to end up with Noriko."
Teacher and student stared at each other, not quite glaring, but definitely with some level of hostility in the air.
You did not just go there.
Oh, I think I just did.
"What?" Sakura looked appalled. And grossed out. "Sensei, he is obviously going to be with Sayuri. Did you not read when he saved her from those pirates in Icha Icha Paradise? It was so hot."
Kakashi scoffed. He didn't need to be told. "Sakura, did you not read when Yoshiro confirmed that Junko loves Noriko at the end of that book?"
"No, he didn't!" Sakura protested. "Okay, for one thing, Yoshiro got cut off! And besides, Kakashi-sensei, all he said was 'I can tell, in reality, you—'. Like how does that prove Junko loves Noriko? He could've said a whole number of things! That's so stupid."
Inwardly, he bristled. It was time to bring out the big guns. "Noriko went after Junko when his demon side was acting up and no one else wanted to in Icha Icha Violence."
Sakura snorted. "Yeah, then he hit her. And besides Sayuri would've done that too but she wasn't there! She actually made it when the demon acted up, too, back in Icha Icha Paradise! Do you not recall the Epic Hug on page 120?"
"Do you not recall when Mai said that Junko and Noriko clearly care about each very much on page 211?"
"Kakashi-sensei, a pairing isn't a pairing when their so-called love is only in the eyes of other people," Sakura stated. She looked positively smug, with her hands poised on her hips. "Just because Mai said that one thing and Yoshiro was apparently going to say Junko looooves Noriko doesn't mean that they're right. What about how Junko feels?" Her smile widened. "Like when Sayuri had to go back to her father and Junko tried make her stay and told her that he really cared about her."
"Exactly! Sayuri left Junko. And Noriko comforted him."
"Oh, big deal, she's the rebound girl. Yay."
"Sayuri isn't even a big character," Kakashi pointed out. He nodded to the book in her hands. "How many times has she appeared in Icha Icha Violence?"
Sakura pouted. "Like, every freaking page."
Kakashi grinned. "They're the main characters, Sakura. Why would Jiraiya ship Junko off to some girl who's in and out of the books?"
"Because they're a better pair, obviously! Sayuri and Junko have so much chemistry! And it's beautiful and tragic and beautiful and amazing!" Sakura all but shouted, getting rather annoyed. "Noriko and Junko is just so... boring. I mean, I'm all for Noriko, I love her, she's a great character, but putting her together with Junko romantically?" She shook her head. "Just no. They're better off as friends."
She flipped back a few pages until she found her favourite illustration. She held the book to Kakashi's face and smirked.
"I mean come on. Can you honestly tell me that that is not one hot couple?"
Fine, he would give her that. Kakashi would not be defeated though. "Sayuri's only going to be in the book for about thirty more pages, you know," he said, not caring that he was fully spoiling things for her. "Rumour has it she might not even be in the next one."
Sakura's jaw dropped. "WHAT?"
Kakashi nodded. He was lying, but he refused to let his student win. "Yep."
"But why?" Sakura whined. "It can't end up Junko and Noriko! They're just so... vanilla! UGH!"
"There, there," Kakashi murmured, not all that comforting. "Junko and Sayuri will always have their Epic Hug, right?"
Sakura scowled at him. "I don't want your pity, you JunkoNoriko shipping loser." She swatted his hand away. "YOU JUST WAIT, SENSEI. JUNKO AND SAYURI WILL BECOME CANON. I KNOW IT."
Kakashi rolled his eyes.