Welcome tooooooo… the Olympian Dating show!
Today's contestants are… Percy Jackson, son of Poseidon! He enjoys long walks on the beach, and on the bottom of the sea! His favorite food is hamburgers, and don't ask him to borrow a pen!
Percy: Hi! [waves and smiles]
Luke Castellian, son of… uh… never mind. Luke enjoys killing innocents and brooding evilly!
Luke: Pft. I'm too cool for television. [pops his collar]
And Grover, son of a goat! He likes to eat cans.
Grover: HEY, I'M A SATYR!
Whatever! Let's meet today's lovely lady… Annabeth Chase, daughter of Athena! She enjoys Math and being a smarty pants!
[holds up cards] Do the cards lie? Anyway, let's start the questions!
Annabeth: Uh, okay. Contestant number one. If you could be one type of tree, what would you be?
Percy: Hmm, that's a hard one. It's also kind of stupid. Who cares about trees? I guess Thalia. Anyway, I think I'd like to be a palm tree.
Annabeth: Hmm, that's nice. Contestant number two?
Annabeth: But that's not-
Luke: Pfft. I'm too cool for trees.
Annabeth: O... kay… Number three?
Grover: I'm with number two. Titanium is delicious.
Annabeth: Alright. Contestant number two?
Luke: What do you want?
Annabeth: Where would you take me on our first date?
Luke: Well, we'd hike up a mountain, then I'd imprison you and your friends, then kill all of them.
Percy: … O.O
Grover: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! [flails arms] [gets shot with a goat tranqulizer] [falls to the ground twitching]
Luke: I'd spare you, though.
Annabeth: Oh, uh, thanks. Contestant number three?
Grover: X.X [twitching]
Annabeth: Number three?
Percy: [throws a stick at Grover]
Annabeth: Okay then, Contestant number one, same question.
Percy: Uh, okay. Lemme think… I'd probably take you to a movie, then we could go to the beach and spend a few hours under water, then maybe ride a hippocampi for a little while.
Annabeth: Oh, that sounds nice. Since contestant number three isn't conscious,
Grover: [mutters] Caaaaans… laaaatteeees… lattes in a caaaaaaaaaaaaaan… yuuuuum.
Annabeth: Back to contestant number two. If you could pick one Greek god to spend a day with besides your parent, who would you choose and why?
Luke: Why, that's simple. I would choose Zeus so I could chop him up and throw him in Tartarus. [smiles pleasantly]
Annabeth: Errr… number one?
Percy: That is really hard. I love my parent, he's so cool. Lemme think… Maybe Aphrodite. Heh heh. No! I mean… uhhhh… Zeus, I guess. I respect him a lot.
Annabeth: Okay, number two, what's your opinion on flying buttresses?
Luke: ._. Uh… they… sure are high.
Luke: Yup. And uh… structure… support.
Annabeth: Okay, number one?
Percy: PFFFT… BUTTRESSES. AHAHAHAHAHA. BUTT! AAHAHAHAHA! AND THEY FLY!
Percy: HAHAHAHAHA. OH, THAT IS RICH.
Grover: Mmm… Artemis… look out for the… cactus… [snores]
Annabeth: Are you quite done?
Percy: [sigh] Yeah.
Luke: [clears his throat]
Annabeth: Okay, one more question for both of you.
Luke: Fire awa-
Percy: AAAAAAH! FIRE! PUT IT OUT, PUT IT OUT! [makes sprinklers go off]
Annabeth: [spits out water] SEAWEED BRAIN!
Percy: Uh… no…?
Annabeth: I'm going to murder you! [knocks down wall between them and strangles Percy]
Luke: [points and laughs]
Grover: HOLY MOISTURE! [wakes up] HEY YOU GUYS, STOP FIGHTING! [Looks down and is suddenly pantsless] WHO ATE MY PANTS?
Luke: I was hungry, jeez.
Grover: PANTS-EATING VILLIAN! Ultimate battle kick! [kicks]
Percy: I'M DYING!
Annabeth: YOU BETTER PRAY MY DAGGER DIDN'T RUST!
Percy: CAN'T… BREATHE…
OOOOKAY, FOLKS, WE'RE GOING TO TAKE A SHORT COMMERCIAL BREAK. TUNE IN NEXT TIME FOR BAD ROMANS, THE GLADIATOR DATING SHOW… SECURITY!!