As always, you guys are awesome. Many thanks for the reviews, Princess Ducky, TotallyStarstruck, YvetteHowels, Dr Hook's Towing and Co, arenothuman, aquacrazy77, LaurenIsCool, toavoidconversation, JigokuYume, Dragon Soarer, anon, YukiKyoMomiji, A non name, mistofan, MRlover2000 and ugala5777. You are all fabulous. =D

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or A Very Potter Musical.


"I did it!" Voldemort cackled maniacally, as Quirrell threw open the door to their room in the Leaky Cauldron, "I finally did it! I finally caught Harry freakin' Potter!" His triumphant screech trailed off into yet another insane laugh (that he had spent the past several days perfecting while they finalized their plans to kidnap the Boy Who Lived or, as Voldemort called him, the Giant Pain in the Ass).

"We did it, my Lord Voldemort," Quirrell corrected him, as, accompanied with numerous grunts of exertion, he pulled a thrashing sack into their room and locked the door behind them, throwing the room key down on a table amongst several empty bottles of Firewhisky and Butterbeer.

"Yes, yes, yes," Voldemort mumbled, dismissively, "Quirrell! Open up another bottle of Firewhisky. I want to celebrate."

Quirrell abandoned the still kicking sack in the middle of the floor and went to the mini bar. Voldemort grinned devilishly as they unscrewed the lid of another bottle, knowing that it wouldn't be them who received the bill for their room, who would have to pay for all their Firewhisky as well as the array of Cauldron Cakes, Pumpkin Pasties and Chocolate Frogs they got sent up every night for their midnight feasts. They had - quite evilly - stolen Lucius Malfoy's credit card and now all their indulgances would be care of him. Well, he did always harp on about being the most faithful Death Eater - it was high time he showed just how loyal he was to his Dark Lord.

Quirrell took a long drink from the Firewhisky and then proceeded to pour some into Voldemort's mouth. The Dark Lord gagged and coughed, "Quirrell! Little doses. It's hot and it hurts my mouth," he said, in a much meeker voice than usual as he waited for the burning sensation in his throat to ease.

When it finally cooled, he returned his attention to the bag. The thrashing had subsided somewhat as the occupant grew too tired to struggle and the calls of help were sufficiently muffled by the thick material of the sack, "Now Quirrell! Open the bag," Voldemort commanded, his voice rising dramatically on the last word.

"Hmf?" Quirrell said, having not heard him as he concentrated on taking another slug of Firewhisky.

"The sack, Quirrell, open the fucking sack," Voldemort urged him, an exasperated sigh escaping his lips.

"Oh!" Quirrel leaned forward and opened the sack, as instructed.

A masculine figure leapt from it, gasping for air, "I thought I told you to put air holes in it," Voldemort berated him, slit-like nostrils flaring - if he had missed his chance to kill Harry Potter himself because his prey had suffocated due to Quirrell's incompetence, then the ex-Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher would... well, he'd have been in very big trouble, that's for sure!

"Well, Voldemort, we were drinking quite a lot of Firewhisky when we were planning this little... escapade," Quirrell pointed out.

"Ah, yes, and we got that stripper. Oh, Mandy," Voldemort remembered, with a fond laugh, "Did you keep her number? We should get her again for tonight, you know as celebratory thing."

"I think it's around here somewhere," Quirrell murmured thoughtfully, glancing around the room searchingly.

"Um, hello? I'm kind of kidnapped over here!" came a voice - a very un-Harry-Potter-ish voice.

Their eyes met that of Neville Longbottom who, having gulped in enough air to fill his lungs, was now on his feet and brushing his Hogwarts robes free of any dust - seriously did these students live in their uniforms or something? Voldemort let out an inhumane screech of disappointment, nostrils flaring dangerously again.

"Oh, my Wizard God. You got Schlongbottom!" Voldemort yelled, resisting the urge to cry angry, disappointed tears - he had been this close - this close - to murdering Harry Potter. And what had he got instead? Schlongbottom. It just wasn't fair!

"Me?" Quirrel said, affronted, shaking his head vigorously, "What happened to 'I did it! I did it!'" he demanded, raising his hands in the air to form quotation marks where appropriate.

"This is the worst day of my life!" Voldemort groaned, feeling a migraine coming on.

"Even worse than when you lost all your powers and were rendered nothing more than a parasite?" Quirrell asked.

"Yes, even worse than that!" Voldemort cried, his voice cracking and he could feel the disappointed tears becoming even harder to fight.

"Uh, guys, still here," Neville piped up, holding up a hand in a hope to draw his captors attention back to him.

"Yes, we know!" Voldemort wailed.

Silence reigned for a few agonizingly long moments in which Neville and Quirrell exchanged awkward glances, both pretending not to notice that Voldemort had lost his battle and was now crying openly. Eventually, the crying subsided and Voldemort gave several teary sniffs before he heaved a deep sigh.

"All right?" Quirrell asked him, tentatively.

"I'm... I'm cool," Voldemort murmured back to him, once he had composed himself, "I'm cool. Quirrell? Turn me round to face the boy," Quirrell did as he was asked and the Dark Lord then raised his voice and allowed it take on an authoratative edge as he spoke directly to Neville, "So, Schlongbottom, you're a pureblood?"

"Y-Yes," Neville replied, shifting his weight from one foot to the other.

"You ever thought of, you know, joining the Death Eaters?" Voldemort asked, arching an eyebrow at him.

"Um... I feel like I'm supposed to say something like 'I'll join you when hell freezes over' but, um..." he trailed off indecisively, nervously toeing the floor with his sneakered foot.

"We have a great dental plan!" Voldemort interjected, nodding encouragingly at Neville, his eyes very bright and very wide.

"Um, well," Neville shrugged, "OK, then."

"Excellent! Quirrell! We have a new member," Voldemort cried jubilantly, "looks like we do have something to celebrate after all. Call Mandy!"


So, what did you think? As always, reviews are loved. =3