Pip was the master at this.

In a nice bar in town not far from Hellsing he saw a pretty young blonde lazily staring at the television screen, uninterested in whatever sports game was going on.

No one had been able to resist his charms, not usually anyway, every now and then a woman would see right through his antics and kindly brush him off, which made Pip crazy about them, his only failures were the ones that still drifted through his dreams.

"Hey there, hard day?" Pip was next to her, toying with his own drink.

She glanced at him, "Nice accent." She smirked and looked back to the screen.

"Can I get you anything to drink?"

"Sure, why not, I'm bored anyway." She made another coy smile.

A small hand came down on the counter behind him, a short fourteen-year-old girls hand. Pip flinched as he recognized the high pitched girly voice behind him. "Hey! I want a milk."

"You…!" Pip tried to keep cool, "What are you doing here?" Then he nudged at her, "You don't even like milk."

Alucard, or rather, Girlycard, bit his finger when it got too close.

"Ouch! You little…" The woman was watching with questions brewing in her mind. "Darling…thing." Pip glared hotly at Alucard below him with his good eye.

She smiled widely at the woman. "Hi!"

"Er, hi."

"I'm his daughter!"

The woman arched her brows, "You…have a daughter?"

"Wait, no! Hang on…" Pip was ready to shoot the little demon who beamed up at him.

"Mom's done shopping!"

"Shut up!"

The blonde got up slowly, "I'm not thirsty anyway."

"No! Wait, she's not my daughter…gah!" It was too late; she had walked out the door. Then Pip glared down at Girlycard. She took a step back as his fury was boiling over. "I. Am. Going. To KILL YOU!" And he grabbed at her.

Girlycard screamed, "Ah!" She ran out of the bar into the night, Pip charging after her with murderous thoughts. "Help! Somebody help! HE'S GONNA RAPE ME! HEEEEELP!"

"Thank you, officer." Seras said as she grabbed Pip from his holding cell, "I'm sorry my niece has been causing so much trouble.

Girlycard shied behind Seras.

"Just don't let it happen again."

As Seras shoved Pip down the street to the car he glared at Alucard next to him in her cute little girl outfit. She snickered, "How did that tazzer feel?"

"I'll tazzer you, you little monster! See how you like it!"

Seras pushed Pip into the back of the car. "Shut up, both of you!"

"You'll tell Integra Alucard turns into a little girl for me, right?" Pip pleaded as Seras took the passenger seat and let Walter drive.

"She already knows, Pip, why wouldn't she?"


"Please, just shut up!" Seras hissed.

Pip fell back against the seat with a groan.

Girlycard stared for a moment at his pants. Then she said, "Does a tazzer always make you soil yourself?"

Pip's eye twitched.