Authors' note: This is a DPB, Meagra Solace and Silver Pixie collaboration. But if Hubby had been here, he would have done the same thing to Sam...

Disclaimer: We do not own Stargate Atlantis (except on DVD), but Meagra Solace still has a thing for McKay. Smart is sexy. Silver Pixie likes Carson Becket – the accent is her thing. DPB is married, so she can appreciate McKay and Beckett without ever having to choose!

PS – We got the shower idea from another Atlantis story, but we can't remember the title, we think it was: Things not to do on Atlantis.

Chapter 1

Atlantis was lazily bathing in the late afternoon sun. It was a new world beneath a new sun, but she enjoyed it none the less. Somewhere Radek Zelenka was rewiring a faulty system – Yes, that was the spot! – and Miko Kusanagi was reprogramming the internal sensor array, leaving a pleasant tingly sensation. Just as the sun was disappearing and her lower levels were being bathed in darkness, a disturbing blast of anger woke her from her reverie.

She activated one of the internal sensors that not even Rodney McKay had discovered yet and tried to look for the source of the anger. There were quite a number of her human children that could talk to her and she loved all of them. But she especially loved those who were scientists: they were the ones who maintained her beauty and functionality.

"I'm sorry, Rodney, but I can't allow this." The voice was that of Samantha Carter, Atlantis identified. She quickly searched her memory banks, but found very little on the human.

"But the science team has been doing it this way from the start!" Ah, the angry voice is Rodney McKay, Atlantis immediately knew. He was one of her favourites. She had a very soft spot for the human scientist. He was a genius at fixing her little problems! He had the gene to communicate with her, and it was his anger she was feeling. Interesting.

"I know, but this is not standard SGC protocol," Samantha Carter replied.

"Okay, but what do they know about running this program? What do they know about living on Atlantis?" Rodney McKay retorted.

"Well, as I wrote most of the protocols myself, I do believe they know enough. I have been doing this for a while now."

"Traipsing through the gate to different back-water planets is not the same as living on Atlantis." Atlantis glowed with pride as Rodney McKay manfully stood up for her. She could hear the sneer in his voice. "Weir would have understood this!"

"Weir allowed you too much freedom. From now on this mission will be run with military precision!" Atlantis bristled. Nobody talks about her lost child like that! Elizabeth Weir might not have had the gene, but she had understood Atlantis' needs. She had always stood up for the city!

"Don't you dare talk about Elizabeth!" If Atlantis had been able to talk, that would have been her exact words. Thank you, Rodney McKay.

"Rodney, get out."

"You can't throw me out of my own lab!" Go, Rodney McKay!

"This is only your lab because the IOA allows it."

"It is my lab because Atlantis needs me!" Both humans were screaming by now.

"Rodney, stop talking about Atlantis like it is alive. It's just a highly technologically advanced city!"

Atlantis wondered if she could zap Samantha Carter on her way out. Well, at least the woman was leaving Rodney McKay's lab right now. But the woman turned around for a final parting shot:

"Get with the program or be prepared to clean out your office."

Okay, that was the last straw, Atlantis decided. Samantha Carter has got to go!