Title: Worth
Author:
snarkysweetness
Characters/Pairings:
Georgina, Carter, mentions to Georgina/Seth, others
Rating:
PG
Warnings:
Character death
When:
Years after the series
Summary:
Carter and Georgina reflect on the losses in her life and he asks her an important question, was it all worth it?
Disclaimer:
I only wish I was half as good as Richelle is.
Author's Note:
This is only canon through Succubus Heat, I have not read Succubus Shadows yet, so please no spoilers in reviews. This takes on the assumption that there isn't always a goddamn happy ending. I also NEVER write in first person, it's jarring for me, but I wanted to keep it in the spirit of the books, so if it fails, let me know.

A slight breeze was in the air, typical for Seattle. There was a chill on my skin, but I couldn't make myself care enough to shape-shift into something warm. Though, noting my appearance, one would think I'd forgotten how.

My hair hadn't been brushed in over a day; I was in old jeans and one of Seth's t-shirts. Flash Gordon. Unflattering, but comforting.

Except for a much needed victim three days ago, I hadn't bothered much with the whole maintain appearances thing.

"Those will kill you."

Carter.

I shrugged, putting out the cigarette. "If only. I'm surprised it took you this long to get here, Carter. I would have thought you'd be the first."

"I wanted to give you space."

A sardonic chuckle left my lips. "You'd be the only one."

"You age well," he commented, looking at me thoughtfully.

"What? Oh, right." I actually bothered to shape-shift now, into my 'normal' body. Or well, normal for Georgina, anyway. I'd found long ago that when lingering in one city for too long or coming back after many years, people who would still know you expected you to age. So as time went by, I'd sometimes add a line here, a wrinkle there, just for the affect. Since returning to Seattle, I'd had to adopt the 'older' Georgina look. I'd nearly forgotten about it.

"How is he?"

I shrugged. "Worse. He's dying, Carter. What more is there?"

A pain shot through my heart. Dying. Seth. After all these years, I'd never stopped loving him. Even after we'd all be forced to move on, new cities, new demons, my love for him had held through. I suspected the same went for him.

When his marriage with Maddie had fallen through, Seth had confirmed himself to live as a bachelor. As much as I would have loved to come back here, just to see him, my new bosses proved to be less lenient with me than Jerome had been. Seth's impending death had been my breaking point. I was in for a world of hurt when I returned to Amsterdam, but it would be well worth it to have a few more days with him.

"You can say it, you know."

Carter looked at me, confusion on his features.

"It's stupid to get so attached to humans. I've been hearing it for a millennia and a half, I can take it."

"I don't think it's stupid. But I admit, I have often wondered why you do it. You get close to them, watch them grow, and then have to live through them dying. It has to take its toll. Why bother?"

This was Carter's way. Making her think without giving a real opinion, just stating facts.

Georgina, now Alexis Fitzpatrick, had been too close to mortals. As had every other one of my aliases. I couldn't help it, mortals attracted me. They were fascinating, and forever was a long time to not form attachments. With the exception of Seattle and my few brief stints with Bastien, I hadn't made friends with many immortals. It wasn't really our way. I needed humans, they provided companionship.

Carter was right, losing them was hard. And painful. So why did I do it?

"Because I can't bear to spend eternity alone, even if it means having to watch them all die eventually, those few short years with them is all worth it. I'm not like the others Carter, I don't enjoy this. I miss it, all of it."

I thought back to Josephine and Andrew and all the others. Their deaths had been hard. I would rebound by secluding myself, being angry and hurt, but when it faded, I would seek out more human companionship. Always stuck in a cycle, just like Dante had said.

Fuck him.

How long after Seth was gone would it be before I repeated my cycle? Ten, fifteen years? Longer?

No. Longer. Seth was the love of my life. Even now, I'd never recovered from leaving him. The last thirty-five years were a blur. In my anger over finally losing him, of losing hope in myself, I'd become my old self, the Succubus who took every victim she could, damning everyone to Hell, just because she could. Then the depression had set in and I went through ten demons before one finally threatened me with Hell, getting me on good behavior.

What I'd give to have the whole gang back together again. Perhaps they could at least make the hurt I was about to go through less tragic.

"Georgie, he's asking for you."

Hugh. For all his talk about her pain, he was a friend enough to be the only one besides Carter to show up.

Images flashed through my head just then, of every moment I had ever spent with Seth. The good, the bad, the hurt, the joy, everything. A small, sad smile came to my face.

"So, will you still think this is worth it in a few hours?"

I locked eyes with Carter. "Every single second. Carter?"

"Yes, Georgina?"

"His soul, has it ever…"

He shook his head, sadly.

I nodded. Even now, my mistake would cost Seth. He would die, only sixty-seven, from some disease, his soul condemned to Hell, because I'd been too concerned with taking a few years off his life instead of worrying about the purity of his soul.

Perhaps it wasn't worth it for him, but I would never regret loving him.

"Maybe it wasn't all worth it for him," I whispered.

"I think he'd say differently."

"Knowing Seth, I would say so."

Giving Carter one last look, I braced myself, and with one small step, a small blip in my eternal existence was complete, even if it was the most significant.