Author's Note: Well guys, once again thank you all, it has been awesome! Sorry to those who were expecting more. Even The Neverending Oneshot must end. XD And once again, for you, Barbara dearest - I hope the original request was satisfied by the (long-delayed and belated) end. :)
So yeah, that birthday giftfic only took...half a year. 2010 is off to a great start! (omfg *dies*)
Anyway, hopefully most of you enjoyed your Wednesdays a bit more than usual for these 10 weeks, and I'm sure many of you are now enjoying your summer, which is, I trust, a meaningful term to you. (Read: you're on vacation now so you don't need mid-week pick-me-ups. Unlike us crotchety old grown-ups who work year-round, OTL.) XD So have a good summer, y'all!
And look to hear from me again soon! ;3
Chapter 10 ~ I've Been Through It All
For the first week after they became a couple, Axel and Roxas restricted themselves by mutual agreement to hand-holding. They gave each other as much privacy as possible in the apartment and pursued chaste, romantic dates with an almost self-punishing dedication. Roxas, still in great doubt of his own self-control, was clamping down with iron resolve, while Axel was thoroughly chastening himself after his shameful, drunken behavior. He also stopped drinking. (That week he didn't touch alcohol at all, and in the following weeks, though he lapsed occasionally and had a drink or two, he refused to let himself get drunk. In fact, Axel was very rarely drunk at all after that. In the years that followed, he found that he and Roxas didn't need more than a glass or two of wine to start a fire, and the morning after was much nicer.)
Restraint, however, reaches a snapping point. After one week – a week of hand-holding and secret glances and frustrated dreams and aching desires that were not allowed, no! – the lovers were sitting on the couch watching a movie one evening. Clasping Roxas' hand, as always, Axel was trying to be as impressed as he usually was by explosions and fireballs…but his wandering eyes kept slipping. The glow of the TV screen was flickering in blue eyes, and the red-orange light when something was exploding on screen looked almost like firelight on the lines of Roxas' face – highlighting and softening at the same time… And the little guy was so close…
And then Axel risked another sly peek sideways at the wrong moment – Roxas was glancing at him, too. Eyes met. All of a sudden there was no movie and no sound but the faint pant of Roxas' fast breathing and no feeling but the small, warm hand he held…blue eyes filling his sight, his soul…
They both snapped at the same moment.
Roxas' lips tasted incredible, so good that Axel never wanted to stop and couldn't believe he'd managed a week without this. And the sudden, desperately tight embrace was so warm and Roxas felt so alive that Axel never wanted to let go. He didn't care if they were making out like horny teenagers and he didn't care that it was still "too soon." It was also "too long since," and Axel couldn't stop until he and Roxas were hovering on the point of no return and it slowly occurred to him that that if they kept touching each other like this they were going to end up rutting on the couch. And the thought of that – so easy to imagine because of the memories of things they'd already done on this couch – though it was insanely arousing, it was also sobering. Because Axel wasn't done punishing himself for the things he'd done to Roxas. Not yet.
So they stopped…barely.
After that, kissing was allowed and frequent – no discussion necessary. There was just no way to help it anymore. The more intense stuff was, admittedly, not such a good idea…but it still began to happen a lot more often in the second and third week of living together. Even if it made life hell…it was such an addicting hell that neither Axel nor Roxas could resist.
Three weeks of living together as a couple, and it was still too soon. Besides, there was nothing particularly sexy about a Saturday afternoon, and neither of them had had anything stronger than Kool-Aid or Coke to drink. But that was the Saturday afternoon when Axel just couldn't let go when he was supposed to. Just…not this time.
Roxas was pinned to the door frame leading to the bedroom, and he was panting and flushed and Axel couldn't get enough air either and he didn't know how they'd gotten like this – randomly jumped each other at the same time, most likely – but he could barely release Roxas' lips just to speak, never mind letting him go.
"Still…too soon…" Roxas gasped, moist lips brushing Axel's.
"Do you care?" The redhead's voice was rough and low…a growl of desire. Roxas' reply was immediate.
That settled it.
Roxas kicked the bedroom door shut behind them, and the next thing to interrupt Axel's focus on stripping himself and Roxas…was the bed. They fell onto the cushiony surface, still half-dressed and struggling to correct that little problem. Roxas leaned back against the pillows and growled in irritation as he was forced to pull his button-down shirt back on in order to undo the buttons. Apparently his first idea – that it would be quicker to yank the whole thing off like a T-shirt – wasn't working. His concentrated expression was so adorable…
"God damn," Axel growled, his pants getting stuck and refusing to come off, thoroughly tangled around his ankles. The redhead had to struggle to the edge of the bed to sit up and focus on freeing himself from the denim shackles. Great, now we're both pissed. This is starting well…
A snort from behind him was followed by a shirt sailing off the bed to the floor. "There. All the clumsiness is out of the way now. The rest should be easy."
Turning to grin at his best-friend-boyfriend, Axel kicked once more and sent his jeans flying. "Now that's a good way to look at it." He licked his lips, still grinning, eyes sparkling as he stared at Roxas in his underwear. "C'mere, you."
Teasingly, Roxas leaned back instead, watching Axel. "Mmm…why don't you come here?" Pale thighs slowly opened, spreading apart and making Axel swallow hard as he was left staring at the front of Roxas' boxer briefs. I should probably have a comeback for that…I should…uh… Instead, mind in a haze, Axel crawled obediently forward, drawn by the promise of warm, smooth skin that he could touch. And kiss…
And he did. Roxas fit into his arms like a missing puzzle piece, and Axel's hands and mouth didn't hesitate to travel over his lover, adoring and memorizing. His chest and shoulders and neck tasted wonderful…and then they were kissing again and Roxas was touching him back. They were exploring each other's bodies, so delightfully slow and sensually, sinking into each other as the passion rose between them, within them… So…hot.
Axel was pretty sure he was hard in record time. Roxas was probably the same…unless he usually got hard this fast. Somehow, Axel doubted that…but he looked forward to finding out for sure.
He shuddered abruptly when Roxas arched his body upward, rubbing against Axel and grinding their arousals together. The redhead had to control himself to keep from responding too hard – he very nearly slammed Roxas back into the mattress before he checked himself and held back, thrusting back forcefully, but not too violently.
Hands pressing his chest caressed him passionately as Roxas moaned against his mouth, "Axel…please…"
Oh hell yes. "Yeah? What should I do?" Whatever it was, he couldn't wait to do it. It was fucking amazing to hear Roxas beg like that.
Hazy blue eyes traveled over his face, Roxas' expression so cherishing. "Please…take them off. Undress me. It drives me crazy when you do…"
God. Damn. Obeying at once, Axel slipped his hands down to the blond's underwear. I wish there was more to take off…next time. Next time, I won't let him take off so much as his shoes. A slender back arched upward as Roxas lifted himself so that Axel could slip the fabric down. His own boxers quickly followed, and then Axel returned his hands to Roxas. He couldn't get enough of him, couldn't stop staring at the young man he was in bed with. Hazy, drunken memories had nothing on this enticing view. Axel's hands and eyes explored together – he gently pushed Roxas' thighs apart, smoothing his touch over the pale insides, memorizing the location of two little moles, high up, near… God. Swallowing, he slid his hands underneath his lover, caressing Roxas' ass with a slow press. He could feel blue eyes watching him, but he didn't quite dare to look up. His face felt hot…and he didn't want to lose his nerve. He wanted to keep touching…
A soft moan encouraged him as Axel's hands moved toward each other, and the redhead shuddered and forced his shyness aside. It wasn't the time to get bashful about this. Anyway, they'd already… But this time will be different. Moving his fingers inward, Axel dared to touch Roxas' entrance.
The blond gasped softly. "Ah! F-fuck…more…" Green eyes shot up for a moment, catching the priceless look of arousal on Roxas' face. Holy shit. Holy shit.
Hands moving again, Axel traced the seam with a slow stroke, running from Roxas' entrance forward, between his legs, over soft, sensitive skin…forward, over the little golden hairs and the swell of the other male's sac…forward, until soft flesh became hard and warmth became heat and he had Roxas' cock in his hands and was tracing teasing touches over the length and marveling at how much he liked it. And those legs that opened so willingly to him were tense and trembling, and the scent coming from Roxas was making Axel crazy, hard and hungry and almost wild with the need to drive into him, like some carnal urge to mate… How…how is it possible to want somebody this bad? To want him this bad?
He didn't know, but when he looked up and met Roxas' eyes, Axel suddenly knew that he wasn't the only one. There was a mad gleam in those familiar blues that he'd never seen there before, and his lover was reaching for him, his voice husky and low as that wanting gaze roamed Axel's body, "Axel…hurry. I can't wait…" Then, before the redhead could answer, he watched Roxas' gaze stop, fixated…on Axel's groin. His raw need burned even more intensely as the blond continued, "That…give it to me. I want it…" The usually so light and pleasant voice was a demanding growl.
Staring, Axel couldn't look away. He could feel it – he was huge and throbbing with the same desire, he wanted to do it right now, but… "I have to…" He swallowed hard. "…I won't hurt you. You aren't ready…" His understanding of preparation wasn't too sophisticated – Axel really had no idea how much would be needed – but he remembered enough to know that he wasn't ever going to enter Roxas dry again. Hurting Roxas wasn't OK.
With an impatient snarl, the blond twisted sideways, arm shooting out toward his bedside table drawer. Within a minute he had straightened under Axel again, and the redhead had little plastic packets shoved into his face. Pulling back, he instantly recognized condoms, and a quick glance showed the other packets to be lubricant. He blinked, taking them. "I didn't know you had this stuff in here…"
Roxas grunted. "Not usually. Usually just…in the bathroom drawer." A surprisingly powerful grip latched onto Axel's forearm, tugging him forward so that he was forced to crawl over Roxas' body, up toward his chest as the blond finished. "This week…I put some here. Some under the sofa cushions. Some in the kitchen. Some in the glove compartment in my car. Left some in the bathroom too." The disgruntled look faded again as Axel straddled Roxas' chest, the young man looking up at him with a wicked grin. "Now…" All thoughts evaporated from the amazed redhead's mind a moment later, as his hips were pulled forward and his cock disappeared between Roxas' lips.
It took him a while to remember what he was supposed to do, after that. Eventually, Roxas looked up at him – God, yes, that's it, the blue eyes and pink cheeks and wet lips he'd been dreaming of for what felt like an eternity now – and flicked the plastic wrappers his hand still clutched. A sharp looked seemed to say, Don't you need these for something? That's when Axel remembered that he wasn't getting inside Roxas the other way until he prepared him. And then he had to figure out how, when he couldn't exactly pull himself out of that utterly fantastic mouth…
Eventually, he found a way to reach back far enough. He found a way to slip lubricated fingers down and in, and it wasn't too hard if he just arched back a bit. And then he was sliding in and out of his lover's body, and he just couldn't hold his hips still anymore…but that was OK because Roxas was tugging and encouraging him to thrust into his mouth and groaning every time Axel reached deeper in with his fingers, and it was all so amazing and erotic and mutual that Axel couldn't stand it anymore. Roxas' lips squeezing him, his tongue playing around him, alternating between fast and agonizingly slow, a hand that stroked him firmly as lips and careful teeth teased at his head, another hand that massaged his balls while Roxas' breath brushed again and again over hot, wet flesh and all the sensations combined until he was helpless…
Biting his lip hard and groaning deep in his chest, Axel…lost control and came without warning.
As soon as the intense, blinding pleasure of orgasm began to fade, Axel's eyes snapped open. On his face…and… Pink lips had been parted…and hadn't pulled away and closed. The pale drizzle had gone… In his mouth. Oh my God. "Oh God Roxas, I'm sorry, shit…God, I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to at all…"
"It's OK, it's…Axel, it's fine…Axel!" The answer didn't get through to him at once, but when it did, Axel quickly began to notice that Roxas…didn't look the slightest bit upset or surprised. He was actually…smiling? With my come all over his face…fucking Christ.
He'd crawled off Roxas immediately, and the blond was sitting up, smiling weakly at him, wiping slowly at his face and…and licking his lips. "It's OK…I don't mind. I really don't, Axel. I'm happy…" And the redhead was simply beyond shocked when Roxas reached for him, trying to pull him on top again.
"You…you like that kind of thing?" Axel was wavering between lingering mortification at himself for coming too soon – and on Roxas' face – and unspeakable awe at Roxas. Hot…and…kinda kinky. Damn.
Roxas chuckled. "Well, no. I mean…I never did before. I, uh…never let anyone else do that. But…it's different with you. I…I like it with you." He's blushing…oh God. He's so cute…
Gently, Axel lifted a corner of the sheet to wipe Roxas' face clean. "OK. Still…sorry. For…so soon, and all. Um, just give me a minute, and…"
"Yeah." Roxas interrupted him, beaming. "It's OK." Answering fingers caressed his face. "I love making you feel good. I love that you want me…that I arouse you. And…" One slender shoulder shrugged as Roxas grinned. "You haven't stretched me enough yet anyway. So just sit back…" Hands moving to his chest pushed Axel to do just that. "…and watch." Roxas winked.
He has to be fucking kidding…
Axel watched in soul-quivering adoration as Roxas quickly supplied himself with a little lube of his own…then slipped his fingers down between spread legs and…pushed them into himself. Green eyes widened, staring as Roxas began to move his fingers in and out, adding more almost at once, his whole body a delicious display for Axel's eyes, sweating and beautiful as the blond fingered himself, opening his body up, preparing for…for Axel.
The redhead was fairly sure he'd never recovered an erection in under five minutes before – even counting three weeks ago at the hotel. That might have been just about five minutes. This time, it was about two and a half, and maybe a few seconds beyond that for getting a condom on. Good thing Roxas wasn't taking his time, either.
"OK…" Axel's voice rasped weakly, and he cleared his throat, crawling forward again. "I'm ready. You can…turn over…" Hurry up and let me take you, God oh God, Roxas…
But instead of that, Axel was surprised by a kiss. A sweet, tender kiss…and then another smile. "Not today. I want to face you." Arms around his neck pulled him down, on top of the hottest body he'd ever longed to make love to with every molecule of his being…
But… "I thought…doesn't that hurt you?" He was pretty sure he remembered something like that from Roxas' instructions at the hotel…
"Mmm, no. Not really. I was just…not confident enough to face you last time." Cheeks flushed slightly as he spoke, and Axel shivered with need. "But, uh…this time…" The words trailed off, and Roxas finished speaking with his body – his legs spread, then moved up to wind around Axel's hips and pull their bodies together while blue eyes smiled hopefully into his own.
Yes, yes, yes… It was exactly what Axel wanted too. "God, Roxas…you don't know what you're doing to me."
The blond hummed, then whispered against Axel's neck as the redhead shifted and positioned himself. "You don't know how much I want you…ahhhh!"
Pressing forward, Axel entered Roxas. Soft heat closed around him slowly as Axel carefully penetrated his lover. Roxas drew him in, legs pulling his hips to bring him deeper and deeper, no halting or stopping short – Roxas wouldn't let him. Apparently, Roxas wanted all of him, now. And Axel wanted the same, and took all of his best friend with gentle passion, until he couldn't go deeper. Then he tried to wait a moment…but Roxas was trembling and shifting against him and whispering pleas to Move, move Axel, please… So he did.
And within minutes Axel already knew – no matter how intense and thrilling their previous encounters had been, no matter how much those memories of intoxicated passion had made him shudder these last three weeks – that was nothing. This, right now – this was so much better. Because this time, he could really focus on Roxas' face. He could stare into those blue eyes and understand the soul within them, he could read his lover's expressions – all the shades and subtleties of his desire and pleasure – and now, for the first time, he felt like they were really connected. He wasn't just inside Roxas, having sex with him. That had been good, but this was impossibly, infinitely better. This was soul-deep vulnerability and acceptance. This was lovemaking.
Shaking arms and legs had been clinging to him, Roxas half sitting up, but pleasure soon weakened the blond's grasp, and he was slipping and falling back onto the bed. Axel felt the legs around his hips grip tighter, and it was certainly a beautiful sight – Roxas melted with pleasure, unguarded beneath him – but the loss of contact…wasn't OK. He needed the heat of his lover's skin…
Axel shifted, changing the angle of his thrusts as he moved to lower himself above Roxas, arms supporting his weight. The weak smile that welcomed him was so lovely…Axel wanted to kiss him…
Roxas was suddenly blocked from view by…red. Long, red spikes cascading right into Axel's face and getting very much in the way. "Damn it!" Axel growled, trying to shake his head and toss the hair aside. Why do I let it get this fucking long? Get…out of the…! "Shit…I need a rubber band," he mumbled in annoyance.
Laughter reached his ears, and the next moment Roxas' hands were pushing through his hair firmly, raking it back from his face. Able to see again, he looked down at his panting, grinning boyfriend, feeling the hands stop somewhere behind his head, holding most of his hair back. "Is that better?" Roxas chuckled, and Axel relaxed. He could see this precious face again. Perfect.
"Mmmm. Think you can hold it like that?" Axel leaned forward to claim Roxas' lips before the blond could answer, but he felt the vibrating Mmmm-hmmm against his mouth. "Good." He kissed Roxas again. "Don't let go." We're going to stay just like this. God…he feels so good. And he tastes…
Moving slowly, Axel continued to thrust gently, one hand stroking down Roxas' warm body to take hold of his erection. His other arm half supported his weight and half embraced his lover. It's so easy…to think of him this way…to feel this much for him… And, as Roxas kept Axel's hair out of the way, the redhead leaned down and kissed his boyfriend, again and again and again, kissing his lips, his face, his throat, his ears…kissing him and watching him moan and tremble as he moved inside Roxas, gradually adding power to his thrusts. And legs pulled him deeper, faster, and hands pulled his head down even in the rare moments when Axel stopped kissing him briefly – Roxas wouldn't allow it.
"Axel…A-Axel, ahh! Axel…!"
Oh wow…amazing. He'd had no idea it would be this good. "Roxas…nnh!" Shit, I'm gonna lose it again…
"Ax…el…al…most…" Faster now, and harder…so hard that Roxas was having trouble forcing out coherent words. Though Axel's mouth may have been getting in the way too… "Gonna…c-come…Axel!"
Roxas cried out and released, and his erotic beauty in that moment branded itself into Axel's mind forever. It was unbearable, how perfect he was…and it was no wonder that Axel barely lasted seconds longer. Even to the redhead himself, who was used to having better stamina…it was no wonder at all.
It was just hot and perfect and intense and thrilling. And it was Roxas. And Axel knew, now… It won't be long…not long at all.
They kissed sloppily for a long time afterward, recovering, slowing their breathing. Axel waited entirely too long to withdraw from Roxas' body, so that when he finally did, he couldn't bite back his wincing, "Ow ow ow ow ow ow!" Roxas was watching him with worry, biting his lip and trying very hard not to squeeze, even though it was a difficult reflex to prevent.
"You OK?" The concerned blue eyes searched his face, and Axel mentally kicked himself. Good move. That's what I should be asking him.
He sighed, however, releasing a slightly rueful chuckle at himself. "So much for getting all the awkwardness out of the way in the beginning. I haven't been this clumsy since…years!" Roxas just grinned tiredly, chuckling at him and pulling Axel close again. Axel pointed a finger in his boyfriend's face, meeting lovely blue eyes with a serious stare. "I'll do better next time. Promise. I'll show you how good I can be." He was teasing, a little…but he also meant it. He didn't want Roxas to start regretting picking a formerly straight guy who didn't know how to do it with a man.
But his boyfriend just snorted and kissed him, and then spoke softly as tender fingers caressed Axel's face, "I think you're good enough already. Better than I ever imagined. But I won't argue…" His voice faded to a shy whisper, "…about next time."
Axel rolled his eyes. "What, were you worried I wouldn't want to do it again? Geez, Roxas, haven't I convinced you yet?"
Arms wound around his torso tightly, squeezing. "No…you have. I believe you, Axel." And, as good as he'd been feeling, the content tone of Roxas' voice letting him know that his boyfriend was happy too – that made everything twice as perfect.
"Well. That's OK then." Smiling happily, the lovers dozed off for a Saturday afternoon cat nap.
Epilogue ~ And So It Goes
Sora was pissed, at first. It took a few months before his protective rage began to subside in the face of Roxas' ongoing happiness and Axel's persisting sincerity. It took a lot of persuasion from his cousin before Sora started to believe that maybe, after all, Axel was OK. It also took two very awkward and confrontational one-on-one "chats" with Axel – the first one didn't go so well, because it was too soon, Axel couldn't make any promises yet, and Sora's suspicion was hardly appeased. The second one, two and a half months later, went much better.
"What are your intentions toward my cousin?" Relentless. Just like the first time. But this time, clear green eyes locked with almost-familiar blue at once, Axel's voice firm.
"I want to be the one to make him happy. I want to spend the rest of my life with him, doing just that."
Riku shrugged and didn't seem to mind when Axel told him. He offered his placid congratulations and went home just as calmly to soothe his fuming boyfriend.
Naminé acted surprised and happy, but it didn't take a woman's intuition to see that the surprise looked a little forced. In fact, there was more I thought so in her Roxas-blue eyes than even her brother had suspected would be there.
Tifa got the shock of her life. But she got over it. It wasn't any time that year, though.
Saïx didn't talk to Axel for a while. But that might also have been because he went on a walking tour of Europe. He came back with a white-haired foreign man who spoke halting English and whom Saïx swore was just his roommate, just here for a new country, new experience. Ten years later, the country still seemed to be full of strange and fresh appeal, because the guy hadn't gone home yet.
Demyx was actually…stunned into silence. Perhaps for the first time since Axel had known him. But then a question occurred to the sandy-blond smile factory, and then another, and another, and within five minutes Demyx had forgotten his shock and was overflowing with questions for Axel. What was it like? Was it really good? Was it romantic? Was it hot? Did the male features bother him? Did the lack of female features take away some of the fun? Had he bottomed? Did it hurt? Well then, did Roxas think it hurt? How could a person tell if another guy was gay? Where did gay people meet each other? What did Axel mean he had no idea?
After five girlfriends of varying durations, Demyx had gotten an idea. The next time Axel heard from his musical friend, Demyx had – rather randomly, and from who-knew-where – picked himself up a quiet, stoic, everything-Demyx-wasn't boyfriend and become even happier than usual.
Axel was beginning to get a little unnerved by the number of gay people he knew.
Roxas came out. Not right away, but before the end of the year. He told his family and close friends first. Especially the friends he shared with Axel, because the redhead didn't particularly want to be closeted, even if he did feel insanely weird about declaring the change in his sexuality to those he'd known for years. He just didn't feel right keeping secrets, though…but he would have, if Roxas had still wanted to.
However, the blond had really…lost his reason to cling to secrecy. So they both came out socially and helped each other through the challenge of telling their families. And some time after that, when things had settled down in the personal sphere, Roxas and Axel came out professionally as well. Neither one lost his job over it.
Axel stayed at Roxas' place while looking for an apartment. It seemed smart to try to start fresh, and living together from the beginning wasn't conducive to that kind of relationship. Besides, there was only one bed…and the couch wasn't much fun for the first three weeks. However, nothing turned up in the first month, and a few possibilities fell through in the second – mostly because they didn't quite measure up to Axel's standards. Maybe they would have in the first month, but by the second month, Axel had realized a few more things that he just had to have in an apartment, and if they weren't there, well…he'd keep looking.
By the third month, the ads and real estate magazines were buried on the coffee table and almost forgotten, and the couch had long since stopped serving as a bed…except for random occasions when the real bed was too far away for two very impatient young men. Axel never did move into his own place. He did eventually move…but Roxas went with him.
Roxas did not leave Axel standing at the altar…and Axel wasn't even slightly worried that he would.
Note to readers! Hey guys! If you read this because you're into Axel and Roxas and that's pretty much it, well...thanks! I hope you liked it! :D But if you also wonder if this Kurosora1984 lady has anything else to entertain you, and if you are even a little interested in other guys getting their sexy romance on, check out my current original story on FP! Links in my profile! Thank you, dears! :D