Stage One: The Diagnosis
"Good!" Chad yelled, his hair still covered with blue cream that brought out his eyes in a hillarious way. He had a clump behind his ear as well that was dripping onto his Mackenzie Falls blazer, but I wasn't about to point that out to him.
"Good!" I screamed as I came storming into my dressing room. I slammed the door so hard that it shook my dresser. My eyes were glued to narrow slits and my fists were clutched firmly at my sides as I stomped. I'm surprised my feet didn't break through the carpeted floor. I began to pace angrily across the middle of the room, just waiting for Tawni to ask me what happened. She'll never believe this one.
But she didn't ask. She just sat there near her mirror, polishing her nails a classy golden color and not taking her eyes off of them. Instead, she stated nonchalantly, "I see you just talked to Chad."
My mouth slid open. "How did you know? It could have been anyone!"
She started to explain, but I cut her off. "Anyway, it wasn't a talk. It was a fight." I corrected. "And, he is officially the most inconsiderate, pig-headed, obnoxious, stuck-up, horribly-"
"Cute? Amazing?" Tawni finished for me.
"Exactly!" I agreed enthusiastically, sending her a thankful look. Then, her words registered. "Wait! What?! No! I was going to say 'horribly self-centered'!"
"Right," she said, unconvinced. I had too much on my mind to question her, so I just continued with my story.
"Okay, so get this." I began, plopping down on the vibrant lounge chair. I looked at Tawni. She remained focused on her fingers, and this story required her full attention. I glared at her through the mirror. She looked up a few times, but her eyes immediately returned to her hands when they met mine. I didn't even blink; I remained staring sharply at her until she complied.
"Fine," she surrendered, spinning around in her chair to face me. "Tell me your little story."
Just like that, my mood brightened. "I was in the commissary, getting Nico, Grady, and Zora their fro-yos. I saw blonde hair and knew that Chad was walking ahead of me. I was so busy giving him dirty looks behind his back, I didn't realize he dropped something. I tripped, and the yogurt landed on him!" The scene of Grady's blue cone flew in the air and landed right on Chad's perfectly clean head replayed in my mind. I couldn't help but let out a laugh at this part. Tawni giggled as well. She must have been imagining it, too.
"But then," I got serious again. "He said he was going to help me up. I made the mistake of letting him. His hand 'accidentally slipped' as he was 'helping' me up, so I ended up tripping and fall right into the yogurt! On purpose!"
"Ohh," Tawni cooed understandingly. "So that's why you have that ugly purple stain on your shirt. I thought it just came like that." she shrugged innocently.
I let that jab slide and continued. "So then, I started yelling at him, and he started yelling at me, and he said it was my fault that I fell! How is any of that my fault?!" I demanded, but didn't let her answer. "And then, he had the nerve to say that I fell on purpose just so I could touch his hand and he could help me up! And then he had the nerve to say that I'm 'no good at hiding the crush I have on him'." I told her, folding my arms furiously.
"Well, he's right about that part…" Tawni mumbled.
"What?" I screeched. She seriously didn't just imply that I do have a crush on Chad, do I? "I hate him!" I declared.
She stopped blowing on her nails, placed her hands gracefully in her lap, and gazed at me with pity. Abruptly, she stood up and made her way to the couch across the room, and patted the empty space beside her. "Sonny…" she sighed after I hesitantly sat.
"Tawni…" I said nervously.
"It's perfectly natural to have a boy-crush." she stated.
"Tawni, I do not have a crush on Chad!"
"Sure you don't. It's quite simple, really. I may not be smart in icky subjects like science…or reading…or counting, but I do know when someone's crushing on someone else!"
"Well everybody makes mistakes, Tawni. And I think this is one of them." I countered, shrugging her arm off of my shoulder and standing, clutching a neon green pillow.
"Think about it, Sonny." she pleaded. "You didn't get distracted because you were glaring. You got distracted because it was Chad! I bet you were fantasizing about running your fingers through his hair or something like that. That's why you fell." she explained. I opened my mouth to deny it, but she stopped me.
"And the second time you fell, Chad was probably trying to be gentlemen-like, but one of your hands were slippery due to sweat, which is caused by nervousness. But my money's on you being the one nervous about holding his hand, even briefly. Wow, I am good at science after all!" she praised herself.
I rolled my eyes and began to correct her. "Wait! Not done!" she declared, holding up her palm to silence me. I sighed, frustrated.
"And as for the yelling, that's just how you guys flirt. And that's why you looked so flustered when you came in here. Everytime you and Chad fight, your cheeks become even reder than the new cherry version of my mom's designer lipstick. No, it's not because you're incredibly angry. It's because you're incredibly in like!"
I waited a few seconds as I tapped my foot impatiently, just in case she wasn't done yet.
"May I speak now?" I asked sarcastically.
She nodded. "Proceed."
"That is easily the most stupid thing I've ever heard of! And believe me, I've heard a lot of stupid things." I yelled.
"Simmer down, Sonny." Tawni cooed.
"Simmer down? Really, Tawni? Really?"
"See?! It's already begun!" she shouted as if the apocalypse had just started.
"What are you talking about now?" I asked, taken aback from her raised tone.
"The symptoms." I repeated, waiting for her to elaborate.
"Yes. You see, Sonny, a crush is a sickness. It takes over every part of your body. Your head, your mouth, your legs, your stomach, and needless to say, your heart. And with every sickness comes symptoms." she explained as if this was just common knowledge.
I stared at her as if she was speaking in a differently language. Which, in a way, she was. I didn't understand anything she just said. Actually, I didn't understand anything she's said since I walked in here. She was just making me more and more confused with each sentence.
"This is the first symptom for mostly everyone: you start talking like your crush. A year or two ago, I had a crush on this singer from Australia, and I found myself imitating his Australian-y phrases and accent, like how he said the word what. And obviously, you've started talking like Chad." she pointed out casually.
"Really, T-" she raised her blonde eyebrows at me and I caught myself just in time. "I mean…that's ridiculous. There's no way I like Chad. And just because I sometimes talk like him doesn't mean anything." I hissed.
"But…I am curious…what are the other signs?" I asked, only because I wanted to prove her wrong for sure when she realized that I didn't have any of them.
Tawni smiled in a prideful manner and began. I could tell she had been holding this in. "Okay, well there's this lightheadedness you'll feel when you think of, see, or hear your crush. Then there's weak knees and clumsiness. You'll feel this constant dizziness, like you just came off a rollercoaster or a merry-go-round. Not that I've ever gone on those rides; they're for poor people. Anyway, you won't be able to focus on anything without your mind drifting; you'll find yourself thinking of Chad often. You'll feel this undeniable urge to talk to him and about him any chance you get. I really don't mean to sound redundant here since Chad already said this, but he was right: you will dream about him and you will get lost in his eyes." she listed. "The order of the symptoms varies with each victim…I mean, patient. So there's no telling for sure, you just have to wait. The most dominant symptom, though, is denial. And you've already got that one covered."
"Psh!" I scoffed. "I am not in denial!" I denied.
"Then why are you using your high-pitched-denial voice?" she asked smugly, continuing to twirl her wavy blonde hair.
"I am not!" I yelled, my voice cracking. She gave me another sly look.
The nerve of her! I just wanted to rant about how much of an idiot Chad is, and all of a sudden I'm being told I like him? This is insane!
"Sonny," Tawni said calmly, crossing her legs as she admired her now dry nails. "I don't expect you to agree with me. After all, you're still in the denial phase. Just remember: Tawni Hart is always right." she winked obnoxiously. I felt my annoyance rise; it was almost to the point that I feel when I talk to Chad. Almost.
"Whatever, Tawni. I think you've been reading too many girly tween magazines." I barked before ripping open the door and running out before she continued with any of that crap. Again, I angrily slammed the door shut.
I heard footsteps behind me. If it was Chad, I was going to tear him apart. It's his fault I had to endure that crazy diagnosis from Dr. Hart! If he didn't make me mad, I wouldn't have needed to get it off my chest, and Tawni wouldn't have assumed I have a crush on him!
Stupid Tawni. She thinks she knows everything about my feelings. She knows nothing!
Finally, I whipped my head around. Thankfully, it was only Nico, Grady, and Zora walking torwards me. I was safe.
Oh no. Unless Tawni somehow got to them, too!
"Oh, hey Sonny. We were just looking for you. We were wondering-" Nico started.
"I do not have a crush on Chad!" I snapped at them, earning bizarre looks from my fellow cast-mates.
Nico, Grady, and Zora eyed me as if I just told them I was pregnant with a cow. Which I guess wouldn't be too surprising, considering my pocket was mooing.
"We were just wondering where our fro-yo's were…" Nico clarified slowly, backing away.
"Yeah…but we see you're busy…so we'll come back later." Grady finished.
"She's even weirder than me sometimes." Zora muttered before the three of them took off in the opposite direction.
I yanked my phone out of my left pocket and glared at my Caller ID.
I pressed the green button and pressed the phone to my ear.
"Good." Chad said obnoxiously.
"Good!!" I screeched before hanging up.
Then, for some reason, I found myself heading to the set of the guy I just hung up on.
It isn't possible I really do have a crush on him, is it?
I laughed at the thought. Okay, so it was more of a girly giggle. So what?
That theory is just abusrd. Of course I don't have a crush on him!
I've really gotta stop letting Tawni get to me.
I'm only going to the Mackenzie Falls set so I can tell him off for what Tawni put me through. It's all his fault, after all.
Denial-shmile. I have no ulterior motives whatsoever. That's the only reason I'm going to see Chad again. I swear.
Soo what do you think? Shall I continue? Shall I not? Shall we stop talking like this?