"How ya' doin', Tali?" Shepard asked, his hat and bandana off in the safety of their base.
"Great, Shep. Can't tell ya' how much what ya' said means ta' me, though. 'Course, ya' can get somebody else, if'n yer not interested. Not complainin' if yer still interested, though." Tali said.
"Momma raised me ta' stick with a woman. I'm stickin' with ya'." Shepard smiled.
"Ya' had a mother? Interestin'." Tali said, teasing the Gun of the Citadel.
"My past ain't a concern ta' nobody but me." Shepard said, then turned to leave. "I gotta get goin'. Suicide mission ain't gonna do itself."
"Wait, Shep!" Tali said, following him. Shepard turned, and Tali gave him a hug. "Be with me, first."
"Well, aren't you mighty blunt?" Shepard asked.
"Maybe. But yer the one a-goin' off to yer death." Tali said, and Shepard nodded, and took her hand, surprising the quarian. She had no idea he could actually be that gentle. And, the next day, Shepard was up at dawn, off to the impossible mission. It was the first time the Gun of the Citadel prayed in two years.
The giant train was in the middle of a large amount of wrecked carriages. It was obviously dangerous, and even more obvious that, should you be anything below the greatest horse-rider in the West, it was your grave. So, Joker, who insisted they would need his skills, was right.
"Shut up, ya' ornery bastard, and get me to tha' side o' that train!" Shepard said. Joker carefully-and quickly- got to the side of the train, Shepard's horse Kaiden not getting one scratch on him. "Now, keep tha' horse alive." Shepard said, made sure his bag had everything he needed, and hopped on the top of the stationary train, walking along it until he go to the back. "I'm a-gonna kill that Illusive bastard when I get outta here." Shepard sighed, and kicked open the train's back door, two revolvers held at head height. Immediately, Shepard began shooting, killing several Collectors before they knew what was happening.
"This hurts you!" Shepard heard someone shout, and a giant rifle bullet went through his shoulder, causing the Gun of the Citadel to shout in pain.
"Ya' sonofa-!" Shepard jumped behind a seat, reloaded his revolvers, and ran up to a Collector member, kicking him in the stomach so that he leaned over, shooting a couple of his friends, then kicking him in the face so he rose up just as the Collectors shot back. Then, Shepard shot the heavily-injured Collector in the face, took a bottle of booze out, ripped a bit of cloth from a Collector's shirt, put it in the bottle. He lit it and tossed the molotov cocktail, setting the last of the Collectors (in that train car, at least) on fire, killing them.
Shepard stood, breathed deeply, and forced himself to go forward. There couldn't be many more, he reasoned. Then, a giant man busted through the door.
"I challenge you, Shepard, to a dual." The man said.
"The hell are you?" Shepard asked.
"The Collector General, the man who shot you in the shoulder with the rifle." The man said.
"Damn. 'At was you?" Shepard said, reloading his revolver. Then, he turned his back to the General, and the General did the same. They put their backs against one another's, and the General counted the steps. Both of them were well-experience in formal Dueling, so they both took steps simultaneously. Then they both turned, guns in holsters.
"Draw!" The General said, and he raised his revolver. Just as he shot Shepard in the stomach, Shepard put a hole in his head and fell to the ground.
Shepard groaned. "Gotta keep goin'." Shepard said, forcing himself up and holding his bleeding stomach. He made it all the way to the front of the train car, the Collectors parting like the Red Sea. Then, Shepard placed the bomb and jumped out of the soon-to-be ash train, running as fast as he could. But it wouldn't be fast enough. Shepard was going to die.
"Damn it!" Shepard said, knowing the end was near. "Damn it! Damn-" He was cut off when someone grabbed his arm with three strong fingers.
"Gotcha Shep." Tali said.
"Thank ya' kindly." Shepard said, adjusting himself to Tali's quarian saddle. He put his head on her neck, and said "Better get ready. Three..."
A couple Collectors that had broken free from their shock that the General had died were trying to get free of the Reaper train, but, several hundred miles away, a Reaper named Harbinger pressed a button, immediately locking the windows.
"Two..." Shepard said, crumpling up a letter from the Illusive Man telling him to use the green dynamite, not the blue dynamite. Shepard hadn't even packed the green dynamite, as nothing that man could want would be good for anyone.
"One..." Shepard said, and a giant explosion rocked the desert, avenging everyone the Collector gang had killed.
Shepard sat in front of Kelly while she read what the Illusive Man was sending.
"'How could you do this?'" Kelly read. "'Are you trying to let the Reapers put order into the West?' Don't listen to him, Shep. He's bein' an ass." Kelly said.
"Thanks, Kelly. Tell the Illusive Man that I ain't followin' him no more, an' that I'm gonna put six bullets into his damn machine in a few seconds." Shepard said. Kelly quickly sent the message, then jumped up. Shepard drew his revolver and fired six bullets, all from the hip and all hitting the machine dead-on.
"Yer a good shooter, Shep." Kelly said, stating the obvious.
"Thank ya', Kelly." Shepard said, putting a cigar in his mouth and patting himself down for a light. "I gotta go to the bar. I got a few friends that wanna celebrate-" Shepard took the match Kelly offered "-thank ya'. The crew wants ta' celebrate. You comin'?"
"Sure, Shep. Would ya' mind if I said you and Tali were a real cute couple?" Kelly asked.
"Can't get angry over tha' truth, can I?" Shepard asked, blowing smoke out of his mouth.
A/N: And that was that. The end.