Dunno when was the last time I updated this one... Hmm... Have had other projects. Apologies for that... Still do have other projects... No idea.

Thanks to my beta, RobertFalcon.

Lets get this started,bitches...


Krogan with temper problems. Insecure woman. Dumb man. Doctor responsible for a genocide. Callous and cruel turian. VERY callous and cruel man.

No, this was not the entry list of a local asylum, but the members of the team responsible for the whole galaxy. Or at least saving it... And the list wouldn't even end there; the next target on their recruit list was a man called Jack... A very powerful biotic, with, of course, temper problems, callous nature, probably responsible for a genocide, and probably insecurities... He was most likely dumb as well, especially if he wanted to join this madhouse...

As the airlock opened, the brave and heroic Commander Shepard sighed. This all was beginning to be quite normal to him; picking up crazies, that is.

And, of course, the day was getting better and better.

His eyes rose from the floor, and found a turian guard standing before him at the airlock. "Commander Shepard?"

"Yeah," Shepard answered, voice raspy. His head throbbed, his body felt weak, and he was covered in sweat. Shepard put his hand on his stomach; something was whirling inside him, causing his body to weaken even more. His mouth tasted horrible, for he had had no time to brush his teeth, 'cause Miranda had almost dragged him out of bed to come get this Jack... Complaining, whining, moaning... Shepard was starting to become very good at all this bitterness...

"You need relinquish your weapons before proceeding," the guard informed him.

Shepard sighed. "I don't really feel like it."

The turian gestured something for his men, and they pointed their weapons at Shepard's team. "You must. If you don't, you can't come in..." the turian said ominously.

"Fine..." Shepard muttered, unholstered his pistol, and pointed it at the turian. "I can't come up with anything witty. Anyone?" Shepard asked his crew.

"Ammo first?" Garrus suggested, and Shepard nodded in approval.

The two sides stood in a standout for a few seconds, then a door opened. "What is the meaning of this?" the turian stepping in asked.

"They won't give us their weapons..." the turian guard moaned, still pointing his gun at Shepard.

"You need to give your weapons away," the turian who had entered stated. Apparently he was in charge.

"Who the hell are you, mate?" Zaeed asked the turian.

"Warden Kuril."

"We're not gonna give our weapons away..." Shepard said to the Warden.

Then the epic stare down began. Shepard's eyes locked with Warden's, the Warden's eyes locked with Shepard's. Shepard wasn't sure if this was some proper procedure of the Purgatory; to stare down visitors to get them to give up their weapons... Truthfully, he didn't care. And his stare reflected that.

The Warden blinked, and the battle of wills was over. "Damn it!" the Warden snapped. "Let them keep their weapons! We can handle a few armed visitors!"

He gestured for the team to follow him, and follow him they did.

They walked along a corridor, with Kuril leading them forward. At the both walls lining the corridor had windows, windows showing small rooms. Cells. And their occupants.

One cell in particular caught Shepard's attention. "Garrus, look at those..." he said to the turian next to him, pointing at that very cell he was looking at.

Garrus turned his head towards the cell now, and his mandibles spread wide. "Those are those space...things that stole that disk..."

Truly, inside the cell were three space monkeys, the very same that had taken the module off the intelligence probe... In a prison ship? "Wonder why those are here..." Shepard muttered.

Which caused for Kuril to turn his head towards him. "They stole Alliance property. A disc of some sort."

"Ok..." Shepard muttered, deciding that he had had enough... He'd just be quiet now... Animals in prison...

And luckily, he didn't even have to speak... Miranda spoke enough for the whole team. "What can you tell us about Jack?" she asked of the Warden.

The warden came to a halt, and he suddenly looked scared. "Jack is an...incarnation of violence. Jack is the most violent being I have ever seen."

Great. That was exactly what Shepard wanted to hear. Jack was definitely someone he needed on this mission...

Even Miranda was a bit struck. "Oh," was the only thing she could utter.

They kept walking forward, at one point seeing one prisoner with a face mask on, continuously calling for someone named Clarice... Weird.

They stopped at an intersection. "To the right is the holding area. Wait there for the release of the prisoner," Kurik informed. "Oh, and to the left is a prisoner getting beaten the crap out of him. Feel free to help." After saying the line, he walked away and disappeared.

And truly, to the left was two guards interrogating a prisoner. Rather harshly. One guard was punching and kicking a prisoner laying on the ground, while the other simply watched. Second glance at the prisoner revealed that his hands were tied. He was defenseless.

"Man that's nasty!" Jacob shouted out loud. "That ain't right Shepard."

"Yes," Mordin joined in his plea. "Should not use blunt force. Are more effective ways to extract information." Or not. "Have used various chemica-"

"Let's NOT hear that!" Shepard snapped, grimacing, raising his hand to stress his point.

"I want to hear!" the newest member of the team, Grunt, chimed in.

"Don't yell, Quad, or whatever your name is," Zaeed said, looking at Grunt from under his brow.

"It's GRUNT!" the krogan roared loudly, now staring at Zaeed to the eyes, terror filling them. "Okeer filled my head with his imprints of quads! No more! No Quad! Never Quad!"

"Shut up!" Shepard yelled, covering his face with his hands. He was starting to really loose it… Maybe that was the Illusive Man's plan? To drive him crazy? It sure as hell looked like it. But apparently he still had some authority left in his drunken, broken and pathetic self, since all the noise stopped. Shepard sighed, took a deep breath, and walked next to the guard overseeing the interrogation. "That guy pissed in your coffee or something?" Shepard asked the guard, giving him a tired look.

"No, not really," the guard answered casually. "We are just having a bit of fun."

"Do something else," Shepard replied to him, his voice now hardened, his mean-face on.

The turian guard, like the other guards on the station, seemed to look for confrontation. "Piss off, human!"

"You little…" Something inside Shepard boiled over. The combination of his annoying team, this annoying mission, and the state he was in… It was all just too much. His teeth clenched together.

And a second later, when he came to his senses, the turian laid on the ground, unconscious. The other guard had also stopped the interrogation, and stared at Shepard, terror on his face. Shepard found himself pointing at the turian with his finger.

"Hahaa!" a roaring voice yelled in cheer. "Shepard's haymaker of doom!" It was Grunt, very excited.

And, like always, Miranda had to speak as well. "Do you solve all your problems with violence?"

Shepard turned his head at her. "Shut up!" he snapped at her with so much anger, that even her, the ice queen, flinched.

Shepard turned away, walked away. And smiled.

They entered the market area now, marching towards a door at the end of it, as per instructions. They reached the door, which opened, revealing a cell.

"This looks great…" Garrus muttered, looking at the cell with that same bored look Shepard knew he himself wore often recently… And he agreed. It sure looked great…

And soon, the voice of the Warden affirmed his suspicions. "Ah! Commander Shepard! I see you have found your way to your future accommodations?"

Shepard turned his gaze to the ceiling. "Cut the bullshit, Kuril! What the hell's going on?"

"I'm gonna sell you. You're quite valuable."

Teeth clenched against each other again, Shepard stared at the ceiling fiercely. "I have a demand for you, Kuril."

"Ha!" Kuril chuckled. "You are in no position to make any demands."

"Here's the demand: Give us Jack, and let us leave. Now. "

"How about…" Kuril replied, mockery in his voice. "No."

"Suit yourself," Shepard replied dryly, drawing his pistol, blasting the loudspeaker away with it. Several guards entered the room following the explosion, but the might of Team Shepard was too much for them, and they perished quite violently.

The team ran through the corridors, destroying all of their would-be captors standing in their way. They entered a room, a small console at the middle, surrounded by seven guards. All the guards turned at the door as it opened, and looked extremely surprised to see Shepard's team.

The closest guard tried to lift his gun at Shepard, who slapped the gun away from the turian, then threw a left hook at his head. The turian staggered to the right by the force of the impact, allowing Shepard to knee the turian to the groin. The turian gasped, beginning to bend over, and Shepard head butted the turian. Immediately after, he realized how stupid that had been, the pain in his forehead stressing the point. "Bad move, bad move…" he muttered, holding his forehead.

From between his fingers, he saw Grunt scoop slamming another turian to the floor, then dropping an elbow at his chest. That had to hurt…

Then he saw Garrus and one other guard standing face to face, with Garrus having drawn his pistol. Garrus said: "Too slow," and shot him.

Mordin threw something at one human's feet, and a large gas cloud appeared. The human looked extremely disoriented, and Mordin handed him the pistol the human had just dropped. The human shot himself in the head with it.

Zaeed perforated one guard with a terrifyingly long burst from his assault rifle… Yep, the turian died.

Then Jacob lifted two guards up in the air, and Miranda made them explode, with great disinterest. The epic battle was over.

And the whole team stood around the console. "Hmm," Miranda mumbled, standing before the console, tapping at it "Apparently you have to open all the cell doors to free Jack."

"Can't we just open one?" Shepard asked her, frowning.

"Maybe," she replied. "If we had a technical specialist…"

And one person floated into Shepard's mind… A person with a graceful build, slim waist, wide hips…Then he realized someone poking him at the side. Jacob.

"Pent up feelings, Commander!" he said, grinning widely, still poking him.

"Shut it!" Shepard snapped at him, causing Jacob to stop the poking, but not the grinning. How did he know again…? Shit. Shepard rubbed his forehead in great mental pain. "Open the damn doors."

A press of a button, and something began to happen. A pod rose up from the ground, and then opened. Inside it was a bald, tattooed woman. Not a demon or something Warden had described him... her. "Jack's small," Grunt stated, a bit of disappointment in his voice.

"And a girl," Zaeed continued, his voice disappointed too.

Then Jack woke up. Her eyes opened, then she quickly tore off her restraints, only to notice being surrounded by three heavy mechs… That was bad. "Uh-uh," Garrus said, echoing Shepard's thoughts. But then Jack charged forward, roaring as she did, blue energy flickering all around her. She practically ran through one mech, kicked one, and punched one… Then she ran through a wall. The team simply stared at the sight in awe. "Hope they got insurance," Garrus muttered quietly.

"We are supposed to take her aboard the ship?" Shepard asked to no one in particular, his eyes wide… If Jack had a temper tantrum, they were all screwed.

"A good plan!" Grunt cheered, apparently not realizing that it had been a question, running towards a door on the left. "C'mon! I want to see what she can do!"

And see they did. Jack left behind her a horrible trail of destruction and the station was basically falling apart… Also having released all the prisoners wasn't helping the situation. The team just ran forward as fast as they could, shooting everything that moved… Mechs, prisoners, guards… Everything. But they didn't actually kill much, since Jack had killed almost everything.

They ran and ran, until saw a horribly mutilated corpse of a guard on the ground. "Hmmh," Mordin muttered, a hand on his chin. "Very brutal. Indicates great resentment towards guards. Abuse of prisoners probably common."

"They're criminals," Garrus responded strictly. "They chose to be here."

Mordin took a bottle of pills from his pocket. "Hmmh. Wish to try one? Anti-depressant. Might create more of a positive attitude. Could help with callousness."

"What?" Garrus asked in confusion.

"Shut it, let's go," Shepard snarled, walking forward. And with a bit of disappointment, Mordin put the bottle back to his pocket.

They went through another door, and saw two prisoners before them crouching behind a few crates. Suddenly, the head of the other of them exploded, blood flying everywhere.

They heard a loud, frustrated growl, and a weapon sounding off. The other prisoner's head exploded as well. "Shepard!" a voice called for the Commander. Shepard turned towards the direction of the voice, and saw Warden Kuril. "You have destroyed my ship! You have ruined everything!"

"Yeah, well…" Shepard muttered, now lighting a cigarette for the first time in the Purgatory. "I really didn't like the decor of that cell."

"At least I can recapture Jack! You are too much trouble!" Kuril turned his head towards something on his left. "Kill them!"

Apparently they were his minions, since a squad of mercenaries immediately began firing at Team Shepard. They duck down behind the crates, and began planning for their counter-attack. Or at least some of them were…" Any plan of action, Commander?" Miranda asked Shepard, who had ducked down next to her.

"I was thinking about smoking this cigarette," Shepard replied, casually leaning against a crate, taking long draws from the tobacco in his hand.

"We are in the middle of a battle! Can't you do it later?" Miranda asked, her face starting grimace with anger.

Shepard glanced at her, puffing a large amount of smoke at her direction. "This is a pretty good cigarette."

"Look out Shepard!" a voice shouted, but a bit too late, since right after Shepard turned to the voice, a rocket hit the crate he was hiding behind. The blow threw him forward, over his head, and he remained on the floor, lying on his back. Shepard sighed, then glanced around, trying to find his smoke. He couldn't. "Assholes…" he muttered, climbing back to his feet. "Miranda!" he barked to his second in command, who turned to him, waiting for an order. "You, Jacob, Zaeed. Go right. Kill them all," Shepard ordered, his voice dripping with anger.

"Yes, Commander," she replied, giving him a nod. After a moment, Miranda, followed by Zaeed and Jacob ran by him, heading to the right bridge. Shepard gestured for Grunt and Garrus to follow him.

They ran to the bridge almost right next to them, dodging bullets, jumping from cover to cover. Shepard stood behind a tall crate with Garrus right behind him, both firing a few blind shots at the mercs, while Grunt was at the opposite side. "Garrus! How many?" Shepard asked the turian, yelling, simultaneously firing a blind burst at the mercs.

Garrus shrugged, then leaned out of the cover, his rifle drawn. One shot sounded, and Garrus leaned back in. "Nine now."

Shepard merely grumbled as an answer, poked his head out by himself for a split second, seeing the way they were stationed. He draw his pistol, and surged out of the cover, firing five shots in quick succession. And then back to cover. He turned to Garrus, a smirk on his face. "Four now."

Garrus just snorted.

"Grunt, charge!" Shepard ordered ignoring Garrus' purrs, then surged out from behind the cover himself, Garrus tailing him right after. Grunt ran towards the mercs, tackling one to the ground and lifting one over his head, tossing him at his comrades. Garrus fired his pistol at the downed mercs, ending their pathetic struggles.

Then a shot hit Grunt to his armor, toppling him over. The shot came from the Warden, who apparently was very angry at all this destruction. "You ruin everything, Shepard! You are worse than my first wife!"

"But prettier," Garrus retorted and fired a few shots from his pistol at the warden, only to be ricocheted away by his shields.

The warden fired his shotgun at Garrus, who also fell backwards from the impact. Then Shepard tried to pull his pistol at Kuril, who hit his weapon away. Shepard countered by throwing a hook at the warden's head, barely staggering the turian. The Warden rewarded Shepard for his efforts with a kick to the stomach, dropping him to his knees. Now Warden pointed his gun at Shepard's head. "At least I get the satisfaction of killing you."

And then Shepard saw a leg, hitting the Warden directly to the groin from behind. He yelled in pain, dropping his shotgun, and then dropping down to his knees as well. Behind him stood Miranda, Zaeed and Jacob, all pointing their weapons at the Warden. "Oh crap," the Warden muttered, and the shooting began. In the end, Kuril looked like Swiss cheese.

Miranda handed Shepard her hand, and pulled him back to his feet. "You're welcome, Commander," she said, with a satisfied smirk on her face.

Shepard just growled. Great, he was saved by Miranda… He was going to hear of this a lot...

They ran forward, again, but now towards the shuttle bay of the station. And, suddenly, saw a bald-headed woman tossing one guard to the wall, and one to the window. She then glanced at the window, and apparently saw something she didn't like, because she started roaring again, holding her head. Truly a stabilizing element. That's what Shepard needed...

But there were larger problems now; another guard was approaching her from behind, weapon drawn. But Shepard was faster, and the guard fell dead, a bullet in his brain. That also caught the attention of the bald-headed woman. "Jack?" Shepard asked, lowering his pistol.

"Who the fuck are you?" Jack asked, her voice clearly angry.

"The one who saved your ass, honey," maybe his voice was calm, but he still didn't dare to holster his pistol.

Jack glanced at the guard laying dead behind her. "Don't need any help. He was already dead. Just didn't know it. Honey."

"Charming," Miranda said, crossing her arms.

Jack glanced at Miranda's outfit, and sneered. "The fuck are you? You running a fucking bondage club or something?"

Shepard snickered. "That's what I asked."

Miranda was not pleased though, she just scowled.

Then a large grumble, followed by a shake interrupted them. They had to hurry. "We need to get back to the ship. And we need you to come with us, Jack," Shepard said, keeping his eyes at her.

"To a Cerberus vessel? Fuck that!"

"The other option is to get spaced and blown to pieces," Garrus advised.

"Seems better to spending time with you freaks."

Shepard sighed. "Okay!" He pointed his gun at Jack. "I'm trying to be friendly, but that doesn't seem to work. So let's be enemies!"

"You don't wanna do that," Garrus said, having drawn his pistol as well. "They tend to die."

"Violently," Zaaed complemented him, weapon pointed as well.

"Or get punched," Mordin continued, his omnitool ready.

"Hard," Grunt growled, popping his knuckles.

"…bitch," Jacob finished the chain.

"Pfft!" Jack snorted, brushing their threats away. "Make it worth my time. Give me access to all Cerberus files."

Shepard sighed again. "Fine."

"Shepard! You can't do that, it's aga—" Miranda tried to chime in, but Shepard interrupted her.

"Excellent! Let's go!"

"Yeah, let's," Jack growled.

As the team turned to walk towards the shuttle, Shepard heard a snap from behind him. "What are you looking at, frog?" It was Jack.

Great.

Again. Debriefing. Good times. Or not.

More of the latter… "Welcome to the Normandy, Subject Zero," Miranda greeted Jack, hands behind her back, scornful scowl on her face. Jack just looked bored, which just made Miranda's scowl even deeper. "On this ship, we follow orders. Understood?" her tone made it clear that she didn't care much for Jack.

Jack just kept looking bored, but now a bit more angry. She turned at Shepard, completely ignoring Miranda. "Tell her to fuck off, Shepard."

"I have. Many times," Shepard replied, arms crossed. "She doesn't listen."

"Whatever," Jack replied, brushing him off. "Give the damn files. Or I'm walking out of here. Through that wall." She pointed at the wall near her.

Shepard didn't even want to know if she was serious. "Give her the files, Miranda."

The order seemed to aggravate Miranda even more, who looked like she was ready to explode. "You are going to regret this, Commander…"

"Shut up, cheerleader," Jack growled, smirking. "Do what your master tells you to do."

"Fine," Miranda snapped, turning towards the door, Jack following her. "...stupid."

"Bitch," Jack retorted, her eyes locking with Miranda's.

"I'm less of a bitch than you are stupid."

"That still makes you a bitch, bitch."

Miranda's eyes squeezed close, her facial muscles tensed... And gladly, the door shut.

"Woo!" Jacob cheered. "A catfight coming up!"