Bella and Edward are best friends with benefit's, that's supposed to be the easy way right? But the fact that they are literally CRAZY in love, possessive and stubborn makes things extremely difficult; for both them, and everyone around them. A very OOC Edward and Bella. ALL HUMAN STORY.

Strictly M RATED for tons of bad language, gestures, lemons, mild violence and some drug and alcohol references.



This is my first story; I'm not in any way a writer. This is my first attempt at even trying to write something. I have been inspired by reading so many great stories on Fanfiction. This story line wouldn't get out of my head, so I just had to do this; for my sanity or what's left of it. So I'm taking this chance and putting it up.

Please take my WARNING very seriously. I'm very shitty with grammar, punctuation and spelling. I also have ADD and DYSLEXIA. So if you're going to read this story, please bear with me. I'm going to do my best. This story is going to be filled with love, passion, some angst, funny shit (I hope), a shit load of cursing (because I have a very bad potty mouth), lemons (cause I'm a freak), and mild violence. I'm going to try to keep the chapters long as possible and the author's notes as short as possible-after this one. I will try to stay consistent with updating 1-2 times a week as long as I'm getting good feedback, and if you're enjoying my fucked up mind come to life. This story is not meant to offend anybody at all so PLEASE don't take offense to any of the shit I say sometimes-I'm a retard. After you read my first chapter, please let me know if I should continue or if I'm just wasting my time. Please read on and I hope you enjoy. Sorry for the extremely long A/N, I know most people hate, them so do I. It won't happen again. THANX, MamaMel.

This chapter and the second chapter have been fixed by my wonderful new BETA Melonscraps. Thank you so much! Your a miracle worker... I like it so much better now that it's free from all the error's and I'm sure all the readers will as well.

A Beautiful Disaster

Chapter 1: Fuck My Life

Have you ever heard the phrase "Fuck My Life"? Well that pretty much sums it up for me. Where do I start? The beginning would be good. I guess all this shit could be considered my own damn fault, and probably easily avoided. Believe me, I hate taking the blame for anything, but I really did bring all this upon myself. It all started my junior year in high school, when I couldn't take living with mommy dearest anymore. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't that bad; I didn't have problems with wire hangers or anything extreme like that. I just had to deal with a shit load of PDA from the newlyweds and being ignored as if I wasn't there. Maybe I'm being a little jealous, considering I've always had my mom to myself-well almost.

It's not like Renee ever gave me her undivided attention. She was always doing something or someone. Let's face it, most of the time I was on the back burner and forced to be the adult of the situation. So when she met Phil, I thought it was just another one of her flings-I guess I was wrong. Considering he is a good ten years younger than her, I thought she finally fucking lost it. It didn't really matter, since that's what her nut-job ass apparently wanted, because she married him.

Not wanting anything to do with watching my mom rob the cradle in our home right in front of me, I decided to go live with my dad, Charlie. I didn't really know him, we were never what you would call close, but I knew I wouldn't have to come home from school and walk in on some serious R-rated humping on the couch. Of course newlyweds are going to fuck, but shit, you have a bedroom. I sit on that couch from time to time and it was just disgusting. I had to get out of there like I needed air to live.

My decision left me in Forks Washington, and let me just say that fucking place is such a waste of space-boring as shit! That is until my first day of school when I met him, the beautiful asshole. That was the moment my whole fucking life changed to the monstrosity it is now. I can sit here and wonder where the fuck it went wrong, but deep down I know it's my fucking fault. What the hell was I thinking when I mentioned things like taking my virginity and friends with benefits to my best friend; the asshole that completed me, my other half, the only man I will ever truly love? He is the cocky son of a bitch Edward fucking Cullen.

So I guess that leads me to my present predicament. I am in the jerk's bed with a serious, post-coital, shit eating grin on my face, thinking about all this bullshit and trying to figure out how everything got so out of control with us. All the while, "Assward" is snoring away next to me. That shit is so fucking annoying. I can't concentrate and I really feel like kicking him in the shins and telling him to shut the fuck up; before I resort to more extreme measures such as, suffocating his ass with my pillow. Let's face it though; I love the retard too much to do that.

So that leaves me with my first option. Just as I'm winding my foot back to kick the shit out of him, the snoring stops and all I see is bright green-the color of his fucktastic eyes. My only thought is, 'shit I'm caught', but I realize I was thinking out loud again. Fuck me; I really got to stop doing that. That is when this beautiful angel-demon finally decides to open his mouth and speak.

"Bella, I swear to fucking god, if you fucking kick me in the shins again, I will bend you over so quickly and fuck you in your ass so hard; I promise I will be the only one getting any pleasure out of it".

Fuck it, I'm caught. He had me there; I'm not taking any chances. The asshole knows about my asshole-sex phobia; it terrifies the shit out of me. That is an exit hole, not an entrance, and I plan to keep it that way.

"Well if you wouldn't snore so fucking loud, I wouldn't have to kick your sorry ass", I say.

"Shut the fuck up. I may snore, but you run your mouth like a crack whore on the hustle trying to get her next fix while you sleep. Do you hear me complain about it or abuse you for something you have no control over?"

Are you shitting me? This asshole always does this shit-he turns it around on me. And 'crack whore'? Fuck him. I'm going to make him regret that shit. As I ponder what revenge tactic I'm going to deploy on his ass, I can tell my silence is making him nervous; he knows something's up. Shit, I have to think fast; it's between an ultimate titty-twister and extreme blue balls. I have to be really smooth if it's going to work.

"Edward you're a fucking dick, and please shut the fuck up. The only reason you don't complain is because you're fucking weird and like to listen to that shit" I come back, hoping it throws him off somewhat.

"Actually, what I like is when you say my name-that shit is hot" he shoots back.

"Oh God, who are you, fucking Paris Hilton now? Hot? Really, you couldn't come up with something better than that? Edward when did you become such a fucking pussy?"

Yep, I got this asshole right where I want him; questioning his manhood always works. For my plan to work he has to be the one to start our fucking session. If I do he will know something's up. If I plan to pull of the most epic, extreme, ultimate blue ball and titty-twister, combo I really need stay on my game. I couldn't decide on just one, so I'm doing a combo of both; he's going to be so pissed. God, I already know I'm going to regret this; he's not going to let this one slide. Payback is going to be a bitch for this one, but fuck it I'll deal, it will be worth it.

"Fuck you, stop being such a bitch. I'm anything but a pussy; you're the one with the pussy. I got the big dick that makes you scream when I'm deep inside said pussy. But since your experiencing severe memory loss, it seems to be my duty to remind your ass who has the pussy in this relationship" he counters to my insult about his man parts.

I'm so good at this, all it took was one insult, and now he is at my mercy. Hold on, what the fuck did he mean about 'relationship'? The last time I checked, we were best friends that like to fuck. I guess I'm going to have to address that shit first before I continue on with my evil plan.

"Firstly, I am a bitch and you are an asshole, but you already knew that. I am proud of the fact that I am a bitch, so way to state the obvious, genius. Secondly, you are a pussy and your magic stick isn't that great, I have had better". Total lie, but fuck it, he doesn't know that-nor does he need to. The asshole is cocky enough as it is. "And there is nothing wrong with my fucking memory, thank you very much. You can make me scream, yes, and I admit you're good at what you do or I wouldn't be doing it with you. All I'm saying is I have had better, so get your head out of your god damn ass!" Lie, lie, lie; dirty fucking lie! "And what the fuck do you mean by relationship? All we have is a dysfunctional best friendship, which has us constantly going around in circles, getting us nowhere but into fights." I say as I finish my rant that almost leaves me breathless.

I'm not expecting it when he scoots over and wraps his perfect arms around my naked body, kissing my forehead gently and lovingly. Then in a really sexy, sinister voice that instantly makes me wet, he whispers in my ear, "Isabella Marie fucking Swan, you are a horrible fucking liar. You know I'm the best you've ever had or will ever have. I was your first and most likely going to be your last. And as for you being with anyone else, fuck that shit! You. Are. Mine. Do you hear me, damn it!?"

By then I was beyond words, thoughts or anything coherent. The lust and arousal coming from my body was making itself known, and I could feel his arousal almost impaling my stomach.

As I start to get my bearings back, I repeat his mini speech in my head, and I'm suddenly furious. Who the fuck does he think he is? He can't tell me shit-I could do whatever I want or whoever I want. I am not his, nor is he mine. I know he has that bitch Tanya suck him off every once in a while. It fucking makes me sick. I hate that bitch and all his other fucking whores. I swear, he has some fucking nerve! Just as I was coming out of my mental rant and ready to tear him a new asshole, I was interrupted by his hand moving swiftly down to my still very heated center with his lips still at my ear. I didn't have time to react before his hand made it to its intended destination.

He quickly thrust two fingers inside of me, while his hand was cupping my mound. And again in the same voice as before, he whispered, "I know you fucking heard me Bella, fucking answer me! This pussy, right here, "he said while thrusting those glorious fingers deep inside of me.

He made me forget my plan, or why I was even mad in the first place. I couldn't help it; I let out a loud moan, which only spurred him on more.

"This pussy is mine. See how wet you are for me? Nobody else will ever make you feel the way I do. Your body was made for me and don't ever forget that shit. Tell me Bella; tell me right now, 'your mine' and nobody else can have my pussy! Fucking say it now!"

That's when reality smacked me in my fucking face. So what if I was just seconds away from having an Edward induced come session? What the fuck is he talking about? He never said any shit like that to me before; I'm so fucking confused. I know our arrangement isn't the best for us mentally, but fuck, I really want to know what brought all this on. So when I look up and he's staring at me, waiting for a response, I realize his fingers are still working their magic on me. Huh, well that's a first; I guess I went numb after his possessive outburst. Without even thinking, my hand works fast on its own accord, successfully ripping his glorious fingers out of my vagina.

The next thing I know, I'm sitting straight up glaring at him. My mouth starts spitting serious verbal vomit before I allow it, "What the fuck are you talking about, you fucking prick! I'm not yours; I'm your best friend, nothing more! You can go fuck yourself with all that 'mine' shit. I can go fuck any Tom, Dick or Harry I want to, motherfucker! God only knows what the fuck your roster looks like; you don't hear me bitching about it. I know about your whores, I'm not stupid or blind, Cullen. I know about all the bitches you fuck and let suck your little, tiny fucking dick!"

Then it happens, before I knew it, my hand is reaching up without any permission from my stupid brain, and I slap the living shit out of him; yeah that's going to leave a mark. The prick has the audacity to sit up with me and laugh in my fucking face, big mistake mother fucker! Again, without the permission from my stupid fucking brain, my arm cocks back and I deck that cocky ass prick right in his fucking smug ass nose. For the second time in the last couple of minutes, reality hits me, when blood starts dripping from his asshole ass nose. I instantly feel remorseful for my actions, but more than that, I feel a little dizzy. I fucking hate blood; the smell of rust and salt makes me want to fucking yarf right here on his fucking bed. He's a fucking doctor, why the fuck is he just sitting there staring at me with that smug ass smirk? Why is he still silent, not saying a fucking word, when he knows blood makes me sick? Oh yeah, like I could forget; the abuse happens to be our very sick form of foreplay since apparently we're both deranged. I should have known better, that he was purposely trying to piss me off just for his sick sex needs.

Finally my idiot brain catches up with the situation staring me in the face, while blood pours down it. Did I mention I'm really fucking dizzy now and much closer to yarfing? I finally speak and break this crazy silence, but what happens is more verbal vomit. "Fuck this shit, we're both fucking nuts, sorry but I have to go. I can't do this shit with you right now!"

As I start to quickly back away to get off his damn bed, I find my clothes, and try to get the fuck out of there, when his hands quickly grab my wrists and pull me back down straddling me. I suddenly know I'm not going anywhere; but honestly, did I really think I would be leaving?

After god knows how long of a silence, shithead finally decides to speak. He leans his bloody face down to my ear making me even more nauseous, and wanting nothing more that to expel our dinner all over him and his overly comfortable shitty bed. He's lucky I'm stronger than that though, and since that would be a bitch to clean, I won't be helping. I don't care if I was the one who hit him. He's the one who pissed me off for fucks sake.

"Bella did you really think I was going to let you leave? Come on, you know me better than that. You are the only one that knows everything about me, and I you. So cut the bullshit and save it for another day. I know for a fact that you get off on me calling you 'mine', because you are! And we both know that my dick isn't anything close to tiny. So get ready love, cause I'm about to fuck the shit out of you, with this big dick just the way you like it."

And with that, he forcefully spread my legs with his knees and threw my legs over his shoulders. I fisted his beautiful mess of hair; kissing, licking and biting as much of his flesh that I could get my mouth on, as he pounded into me like our lives depended on it. At the same moment, every thought slipped from my mind. I needed this; I needed him, all of him, and at that moment I had it.