Notes: None of these characters are mine! This fic is meant to be humorous! Enjoy! I think all of them are out of character now!

Curses And Kidnapping Attempts

Part 3

Aragorn stood waiting for them when the rest of the Company arrived.

"There he is!" Frodo cried, as he spotted Legolas asleep in Aragorn's bed. He made to run over to him, but Aragorn stepped in the way, a scowl on his face as he glared at them all (except for Legolas).

"The next person who bothers him is going to get it from me!" Aragorn snapped. "Leave him be! Legolas is exhausted thanks to your shenanigans!"

"You don't have the right to tell us what to do!" Boromir retorted. "You don't even want him!" Aragorn did not reply to that statement, but his hand slipped to Anduril's hilt.

The Hobbits backed off, except for Frodo. He gazed up at Aragorn with his innocent eyes. "Would you really hurt me, Aragorn?" Frodo looked hurt.

Aragorn felt a little guilty. "Ok, I won't hurt you, Frodo. But the rest of you- hands off!"

Pippin whined, "That's not fair! Frodo gets everything just `cause his stupid uncle gave him the One Ring!"

"That's right," Merry chimed in.

Gimli grumbled, "Shut up!" He glared at Aragorn. "I say the elf is mine!"

"He belongs to me!" Gandalf yelled, letting his power course around him.

"Does not!" Sam shouted. "He's mine!" While the rest of the Fellowship got in a fight over who Legolas belonged to, none of them noticed that the Orcs had made their way into the camp.

"Uh... Which one is the elf?" the lead orc asked.

"Look for pointed ears," one advised.

"But the halflings have pointed ears, too," another pointed out.

They found the elf by tripping over his sleeping form.

"Ah, we've found him!" another said. The Orcs stared down at the sleeping elf, who stirred, moaning under his breath.

"Oh... he is pretty," the second Orc said.

"Bind him for the master!" the leader hissed. The Orcs quickly wrapped cord around Legolas's hand and feet, before they prepared to gag him.

Legolas woke up when he felt the ropes on his wrists and ankles cutting off his circulation. He saw the Orcs and let out a girlish scream. "Aragorn!"

Aragorn and the others whirled in time to see the Orcs gag Legolas to shut up his high-pitched screaming. They then picked him up and ran away with the elf.

"Give back our elf!" Gandalf shouted. He used a spell, which nearly caused the Orcs to drop Legolas. The elf sent a pleading look at Aragorn, who charged after the Orcs with Anduril still drawn.

"After that elf!" Boromir shouted. He and the rest of the Fellowship ran after Legolas.

Legolas was tired and mad and scared. "Mmm!" he mumbled, as he struggled in the grasp of the Orc who held him tight. Legolas managed to get his feet to touch the ground, and drew a line out behind him so the others could follow him.

The plan worked great until a tree root caught his feet and yanked him out of the Orc's arms. Legolas used his Elven agility and grace to stand, and began hopping back towards the camp, as his feet were bound together too tightly for him to run.

Aragorn accidentally ran right past him, and then whirled around and began chasing Legolas. "Legolas, stop hopping!"

Legolas turned at Aragorn's voice. "Mmmm-mm!" he said. He started hopping towards Aragorn, but the Orcs grabbed him again. Legolas was seriously annoyed. Why was everyone after him, he wondered. God, what did I do to deserve this?

The Orcs ran off with Legolas, and Aragorn ran after them again, before he remembered that he had his bow and arrows with him. He notched arrows and killed the Orc who was holding the blond elf. Another Orc tried to pick the elf up, but Aragorn killed it as well.

The Hobbits came along and saw Legolas laying on the ground, bound and gagged. They saw this as their big opportunity and ran over. Working together, Pippin, Frodo, Sam, and Merry barely managed to pick Legolas and up and ran away with him, taking him towards a boat. They set the elf down, and untied the boat, before beginning to row away.

Legolas managed to get part of his gag down. "Aragorn!" he shouted, still sounding like a girl because his voice was strained after all the yelling he'd done at the rest of the Fellowship the other day. Merry reached over and fixed the gag.

Aragorn looked up and saw the Hobbits were rowing away with Legolas. He swore under his breath.

Gimli, Boromir, and Gandalf ran up, and began to fight the Orcs.

"Forget the Orcs!" Aragorn snapped. "The Hobbits are running away with Legolas!"

The three immediately ran to the dock and jumped in, swimming after the slow-moving boat.

Aragorn fought off the Orcs by himself, his jealousy nearly at its limit. Damn, it seemed like everybody wanted Legolas. Including himself.

The sounds of a fight caught Aragorn's attention, as he made his way over to the dock.

The boat had tipped over, because Gandalf, Boromir, and Gimli were holding onto one side of it. Everyone in the boat fell into the water. Including Legolas, who could not swim with his hand and feet tied. His gag muffled his cries.

Sam shrieked that he couldn't swim, and Frodo, Merry, and Pippin helped him back to the shore. "Where's Legolas?" Sam asked, choking up water.

The other three members of the Fellowship were at the shore as well, when they noticed that Legolas was not there.

"Where is that dratted elf?" Gimli asked. All eyes turned back out to the lake.

Two slim, pale hands were sinking beneath the lake, as Legolas sank in the water. He muttered a curse on the Hobbits, the Dwarf, the Orcs, Gandalf, and Boromir. This was all their fault. But opening his mouth underwater, even with the gag on, choked Legolas. He thought he saw mermaids around him, as he lost consciousness.

Aragorn sheathed his sword and dove into the lake when he saw the hands completely go under. He swam under the lake, straining to see where the elf was. His hands touched Legolas's hair, and Aragorn grabbed the elf and swam up to the surface. He towed Legolas to shore, and laid the elf out flat.

Aragorn then ripped the gag off the elf's mouth. His lips were blue, and Aragorn immediately began CPR. After a minute, Legolas choked up water and breathed hoarsely. "Where did the mermaids go?" he asked.

"Mermaids?" Aragorn questioned, wondering if Legolas had suffered brain damage.

Legolas nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah! They were under the lake and they surrounded me."

Aragorn repeated his earlier thought. "Are you all right, Legolas?"

Legolas squirmed in his bindings. "No! I'm tired, my only pair of clothes is now completely soaked, my hands and feet have lost all their feeling, and I feel like killing somebody!" he yelled.

Aragorn backed away quickly when Legolas said that. "Just don't kill me, Legolas."

"Plus the fact that my hair is totally going to frizz," Legolas groaned. "Other than that, I'm just fine."

Pippin, Frodo, Merry, and Sam all come over and cooed over Legolas.

"We'll fix your hair," Frodo said sweetly.

Sam smiled innocently. "We promise not to try anything."

Legolas groaned again. "Aragorn, please cut me free, so I can use my bow!"

Aragorn came forward again, and slit the ropes binding Legolas's hand and feet. He then re-sheathed Anduril, as Legolas stood.

The elf glared at everyone, except for Aragorn. "The next person who tries *anything* at all is getting an arrow between the eyes." Legolas stormed off, and headed directly towards the camp, dripping wet and muttering to himself. How come the one that he actually liked wasn't going after him, Legolas thought unhappily.




"Get your lazy butts back there and get me that elf!!" Saruman screamed at the Orcs. "Bring him here for my own... my precious..." He sat down again, repeating over and over again, "My precious..."

The Orcs exchanged a look.

"He's starting to sound like Gollum," one muttered.

The others nodded in agreement, as they left again to get the elf.

To be continued.