Aaaaand we're back! So, what kind of wackiness will our intrepid heroes (or at least what passes for heroes in this case) get into this time?
Well, read and find out! I ain't spoiling nuthin'! And on that note, who thought we'd seen a magical Zombie Aizen pop up? No seriously, show of hands, who thought that? I'm legit curious.
So the last chapter was written like George Orwell, who wrote the book "Animal Farm". I've never heard of him or the book before, so nothing much to say about this one. It was a new name, at least.
Oh, and Happy Singles Awareness Day everyone!
Well, let's get on back to the action so we can find out where this new plot leads then! On with the crack!
Prison sucked alligator balls.
At least, that's what Cirucci Sanderwicci thought as she rotted in jail- What? The script writer's on vacation and none of the other bozos on the production team could come up with anything better, so deal with it!
Now, where was I again?...
Oh right, I remember now; Cirucci was in prison and hating it.
"I hate this," she complained, flopping on her prison cot with all the grace of an elephant doing ballet. (And before you say anything, Betsy is touring the Broadway circuit as a chorus girl, not doing ballet.) "I mean, they could at least spring for some live entertainment or cards or some [censor] for us to do every now and then." She banged her head back on her pillow, "And on top of that the food SUCKS! Oh how I miss my Pizzeria that used to function as a front for my drugs and prostitute business!"
Just then the door from the end of the hall flew passed Cirucci's cell, prompting the goth lolita to jump up in surprise.
"What the [censor]?" she exclaimed as she stuck her head through the bars of her cell to see what the crap was going on. She looked to the left, the to the ri-
"Hi Pumpkin~!" Gin said, popping into the side of her vision. He waved a little.
"KYAAAAAAH!" she said, jumping backwards in fright.
She banged her head on the bars. ("Itaiiii!")
"Whoops," the white haired man said sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head, "I guess that was a little abrupt, wasn't it?"
"What the hell are you doing here?!" she demanded, rubbing her head where it hit the bars tenderly, "I mean I'm glad to finally see you again and everything but what the hell are you doing here?!"
"Well I recently participated in a little jailbreak and thought you might want to get in on the action as well!" he said cheerily. "Besides, being cooped up for over seven months listening to nothing but terrible pop music has shown me what really matters; namely getting revenge on the people that put me in there, and I thought you might feel the same."
"Oh Gin-sama!" she cried, reaching out of the bars to hug him, "I do, I do want to get revenge on those horrible, rotten bitches who threw me in this piece of crap, all women's prison and stopped me from getting the last of the whores of the old organization back so I could make Gin-sama proud of me when he finally got out of the slammer!"
She was seething now.
"...So does that mean you'll come with me?" he asked hesitantly.
"You kidding?" she retorted, now back to her (relatively) normal calm, "Hellz yes! It's boring as all [censor] in- EEEEEK!"
Aizen stepped next to Gin.
A bit of his chin fell off.
"Oh yeah, and Aizen's a superpowered, magical zombie now," Gin said. He snapped his fingers, "I knew there was something I was forgetting to tell you..."
"What the hell is he doing here!?" Cirucci demanded, pointing an accusing finger at the zombie crime boss in question.
"Well Sweetums," Gin started to explain, "he's going to resurrect the organization that you and I tried to take over, and he needs our help to do so. You know, on account of being a zombie and all."
Aizen's right arm fell off.
Gin turned to his undead boss, "You might want to have that looked at."
"That [censor]er couldn't even remember my name when I was working for him; no way in hell am I ever-"
"You can get your revenge on the KPD."
"SOLD, BITCH!" the goth Lolita cried gleefully, hurriedly motioning for the two men to do something that would make her on the other side of the bars.
Fifteen minutes later the three of them were walking away from the smoldering remains of the prison, off to start recruiting other reprobates to their cause.
And to find someone to reattach Aizen's arm, that to.
"S'up, guys!" Kiyone said from behind her portable TV as Tatsuki, Nel, and Matsumoto walked in the front door.
"So how was your monthly indulging in the spirits, Rangiku?" Yumichika asked, putting a tiny, cricket length mirror in his cricket's cage.
"If you mean the booze then it was good," she said, sitting herself down at her desk, "Ukitachi-taichou seemed kinda depressed though, maybe Unohana-sensei should try changing his medication."
"Ith Isane back yet?" Nel asked, looking around.
"Not yet." Kiyone whacked her TV a couple times, "Damn thing isn't getting any reception..."
"Maybe I can help," Tatsuki offered, going to the Towheaded sister the their Medic, "What seems to be the trouble?"
"I can't get a picture to show on the screen," she said, gesturing to the screen in question.
Tatsuki reached over and flipped the "On" switch.
"Hath anyone seen my cwayons?" Nel asked, tossing random crap out of a box that said "Nel's stuff. Property of Nel. DO NOT TOUCH EXCEPT FOR NEL!" on it.
Then the sound of flushing water was heard and Ikkaku stepped out of the bathroom, "Oh, you guys are back."
"Nel can't find her crayons," Matsumoto said from her desk, chewing on some bubblegum.
"I know dey were herwe before..." she said, now climbing into the box to search for her lost coloring implements.
"So how was the secret training session?" Kiyone asked, now fiddling with the tuning dial on the side of her TV, "You guys have fun?"
"It was OK," Tatsuki answered, since Nel was still engrossed in the Search for the Missing Crayons, "though I wish something would actually do something in this damn town so Nel and I could actually put these training sessions to good use instead of just helping out with the 'reform program' at the prison." She flopped down in her customary chair, took out a newspaper, and started chewing a piece of bubblegum. "Oh hey, the Tigers actually won a game this week."
"By the way, did Rukia call yet?" Matsumoto asked. The Strawberry Blond boob rack then went to her own desk and got out a nail file and a can of Beer beer.
"Nope, no one called yet." Yumichika said, tapping out some food for his cricket.
"She told us she'd call after they had dinner," Kiyone said, now trying to find a channel that got reception. "Dammit! Nothing's coming in!"
Tatsuki leaned over and extended the antenna, causing a picture to appear on the screen.
Quincy's exercise wheel squeaked.
"We're back!' Isane called, taking her coat off as she and Renji came through the door. She reached into her purse, "By the way Nel, you left your crayons in my purse the other day; I forgot about that until we were on our way back."
"Hot damn!" the little girl cried as she leaped at her precious crayons, only for Isane to pull them out of the way at the last second and cause her to flop on the ground ("Oof!").
"Young lady..." the KPD medic admonished, holding out her other hand.
To which Nel deposited some loose change. (More money for Nel's Isane appointed college fund!)
"So how was your date?" Ikkaku asked Renji, who had a huge, pasted-on smile on his face.
"Really...really...great..." he said through gritted teeth.
It was kinda creepy...
"O-kaaaaaaaay, backing away slowly now..."
"That bad, huh?" Tatsuki said.
"No no," Renji said, trying to sound more normal (and somewhat succeeding), "it was good, really. The food was good, and... green...and tasty IT WAS [censor]ING GRASS!"
He was kinda...you know?
After a few more moments of awkward silence (and the sound of Kiyone flipping through the channels), and telephone decided that it needed to break up the silence and rang for everyone's enjoyment.
"Hello?" Matsumoto said, picking up the phone (since she happened to be the closest to a ringing phone). "Oh hi Rukia! What's up?"
Everyone immediately flocked around the receiver like hungry vultures. Matsumoto, having already knocked back a few "Beer" beers by now, didn't really care that much.
"Hi Rangiku," Rukia said on the other end, "...and everyone else I know is crowding around the phone right now."
Everyone who wasn't Matsumoto sweatdropped.
"So how's the spa?" Rangiku asked.
"It's really nice; Arakawa-san's job must pay more than I thought if she can afford to take a trip like this. ...then again, she's usually only paying for herself."
"How's Ichigo doing?" Tatsuki asked over Matsumoto's shoulder, "Conquer his demons yet?"
Just then "WHAT THE [censor] DO I CARE ABOUT RUKIA'S PERSONAL HYGIENE SCHDULE? ...NO I DO NOT KNOW IF SHE'S MESTRUATING RIGHT NOW! THE [censor]IS WRONG WITH YOU?" could be heard on the other end of the line.
Ichigo's voice very carries.
What's even more impressive was that he was in a completely different building just then.
"Not really..." Rukia said, the very sweatdrop clear in her voice. "Though we're trying a session by one of the zen masters here, so maybe that'll do something."
"Tell herw I thaid 'hi'!" Nel said, excitedly.
"Nel says 'hi'," Matsumoto said into the phone.
"Tell her I said 'hi' too," Rukia said, "I have to go now; Arakawa-san is waving three tickets for a midnight showing of 'They Came For Uranus...And No, That Isn't A Clever Innuendo'. I'll see you guys soon, bye!"
"Bye!" everyone called as Matsumoto hung up the phone.
And then the micro-climate spat out a baby hefalump, which trumpeted and went off in search of the elephant goddess 'Betsy' to learn the ways of the Trunk.
Nobody paid any mind to it. Frankly, it wasn't the weirdest that happened with the micro-climate.
"You know," Ikkaku said, "I think I actually have the porno version of that movie."
"Dare I even ask what it's called?" Yumichika drawled, knowing that he was probably going to regret knowing the answer.
"'They Came For Uranus...And Yes, That Is A Clever Innuendo'."
Yumichika's cricket chirped.
No one was really that surprised. (About the title, not Yumi-chan's cricket chirping.)
"I'd make a crack about you needing to get laid," Tatsuki looked over at Ikkaku tiredly, "but then you'd probably try to go out and actually get laid."
"Screw you! I can get all the bitches and phat hoes I want!" Ikkaku countered.
"Though why you would want them 'phat'..." Yumichika wondered under his breath.
"What'th a 'ho'?" Nel asked.
"Nothing you need to know about!" Isane quickly replied, hurriedly trying to usher Nel away from Ikkaku's [shamelessly] corrupting influence. "You have your crayons, go color!"
And then Nel poofed into her adult from, with barely a strip of cloth covering her, um...yeah...
"That's weird..." Nel said in a sultry voice, examining her adult body in confusion, "I didn't use my Sexy no Jutsu just now..."
"Now we can go drinking together!' Mellons- I mean Matsumoto cheered, thrusting a "Beer" beer into Nel's (now) grown-up hands.
Renji was by his girlfriend, trying to resuscitate her.
Ikkaku was (again) shamelessly staring at Nel's adult body, panting and drooling like a dog.
"Keep it in your pants, baka!" Tatsuki warned, slapping chrome dome upside the head.
"I suppose this means we'll have to buy a new wardrobe," Kiyone remarked, already missing all the money that would be getting allocated out of her weapons budget.
"Couldn't she just borrow some of my older clothes?" Matsumoto wondered.
Kiyone didn't think of this.
Then the wall exploded, Arnold Schwarzenegger standing in the wreckage.
"Knock knock!" he said in his thick Austrian accent, holding a SAW machine gun on his shoulder. "Anybody home?"
Aaaaaand I think this is a good place to leave y'all on the edge on your seats. Also, updates might be coming a little slower than once a month after all.
Aren't I evil? (Seriously though, I'm gonna take a little break from it so I can work on another project I neglected.)
Again, Happy Singles Awareness Day to everyone who thinks Valentine's Day is to commercial, and see ya next time for more cracktastic, corny, KPD fun. Bye!