*Spoilers for episode #100, "The Parts in the Sum of the Whole". I've already seen/read/heard people moaning and crying about how unfair it is that Brennan and Booth didn't end up in a happily-ever-after situation. That it is unrealistic for these two characters who are so in love to not give in and be with each other. Well, they are so wrong it hurts to think that they don't get it. Not trying to be offensive, because I'm a B/B shipper too, but come on people, if they got together for real in the show the show would lose its drive. It's fall into the Sam/Diane problem that Cheers had way back in the day: everyone bitched to get them together, but once the show did it no one was interested enough to watch anymore and it got stale and boring. Anyway, that last scene seems to be bothering a lot of people, so I wanted to give my insight on why I thought Brennan acted the way the writers made her. It seemed very accurate to me, and gave her a whole new level of depth that the audience wasn't expecting from the character. This is my take on why she said what she said; my attempt at making her motivations understandable to the other drama queens/kings who just want Hart to cut this shit out and get Seeley and Temperance together.
Someone brought up that they believe my spelling of the word "dyke" is incorrect and that it means something completely different from a damn or levee. Both "dyke" and "dike" are correct in this use. I did not misspell anything.
Disclaimer: The characters described within are the property of their copyright holders and not myself. I do not own anything to do with the show Bones, and no infringement is intended. No money is being made on my behalf.
I knew. I had no empirical data to back up this baseless assumption, but I knew that he was going to do this to me. To us. Ruin us like this. We can't move forward, and now we can't go back to that tenuous bond we had before.
Maybe reminiscing, sharing our true start with Sweets, was the trigger. Maybe he's been mulling this over since the coma. Perhaps it's been even longer in coming than that; maybe ever since Sully left he's wanted to speak those words to me.
I know what he thought the second the word "no" passed from my lips. I know that Sweets, Angela, damnit what everyone will think when they inevitably hear about this. That I'm refusing to let my walls come down; that I am the little Dutch girl with a finger in the dyke and a whole ocean on the other side that I'm trying to save myself from. Every single one of them is wrong. I don't think even Booth, with his advanced ability to read people and interpret emotions, believes the truth when I told it to him.
I love him. It was a shock to me to find that I had fallen in love when I still wasn't totally sure I believed in its reality beyond the chemical process manipulating our brains. I would do anything I could, within and beyond my power, to save him from pain.
But I know that I will hurt him if I give in, and I can't do that to him. My wants, my needs, my desires; they are nothing. I realize that my refusal to enter into a romantic relationship with him is counter-intuitive in that regard. He laid his heart out before me, and I pushed it away. That had to hurt him. Yet I know from experience that loving someone, two someones, who are your entire world so completely that there is no question that they will always be there for you is nothing but a set up for pain.
Perhaps I was broken the instant I realized my family was never coming back. Even though two thirds did re-emerge, the damage had been done. It is also possible that I have some so-far undiagnosed mild form of a social disorder; perhaps I should talk to Sweets about that. Whatever the reason, I cannot connect on the level that Seeley wants. On the level that he deserves. He has earned the right to every single one of those mythic fifty years of happiness, even though I still think monogamy is an unrealistic pipedream. He should get what he wants, but I know that I am not equipped to give it to him.
I have not been protecting myself by reinforcing our invisible line. I thought I was protecting him. Hopefully, I still am. The pain and awkwardness that we are about to embark upon will be fleeting in comparison to the pain I would cause him if I had let him in and then crushed his metaphorical heart muscle.
Even though I am nearly completely disconnected from modern culture as a whole, I do recall the saying that if you love something you should set it free. Typically, I do not take much stock in phrases and sayings because as a whole they are largely inaccurate and misleading. This one however seems logical, at least from my stand point. I will never be all that he wants; I can never give him everything that he needs. If I give into this biological and mental urge to be with him now, I will eventually ruin our lives together. I can see that he needs me, and if maintaining a platonic relationship is the only way to ensure our continued success as a partnership then I will see to it that it stays that way.
My white knight has always tried to shield me, but anyone could see that I was the one wearing the armor. He will don it now. The breastplate will be strapped down tightly, the shield will be hoisted on his arm, and the visor will slam down to protect himself from me. But he will not leave. Not yet anyway, and that is all that I deserve to ask for.