So Much For Free Will
A/N: Tag to 99 Problems that just had to be written because the ending of this episode broke my heart.
This is probably the shortest thing I've ever posted and it's quite rough – I only finished watching the episode about half an hour ago but if I don't post it now, tomorrow I'll decide that it's crap and delete it.
Um, probably contains excessive use of the F word, although I did take a few of them out because I thought it was getting a bit much.
Not a happy tag.
Sam thinks it might be ironic.
It might be ironic because he's Sam fucking Winchester, the 'boy with the demon blood' who destroyed everything – yes, actually everything – and he's the one who's supposed to fail.
It's supposed to be him. Isn't everyone worried that he'll give in (whether they admit it to him or not)? Everyone's been worried that he'll say yes to Lucifer, because God knows – yes, God knows – that Sam hasn't proved himself at all trustworthy in the past.
He's standing outside, alone, watching his brother drive away. He knows where Dean's going. He knows, and he thinks that it might be ironic because Dean's the one who demanded he have hope, who convinced him otherwise any time he was ready to accept that their stories were already written, who fought tooth and nail to defy the will of demons, angels and God.
He also thinks that he probably deserves it. Deserves to watch the only person he has left, the only person he loves, leave him. Deserves to see exactly what he did when he let Lucifer free. Deserves to see, to know, that this is how the world ends, because of him.
He wants to be angry. Because he begged him. He stood there with tears in his eyes and begged Dean to stay, to believe, to hope. He told him that he couldn't do it on his own, couldn't do it without Dean, and Dean left. Just. Fucking. Left.
He wants to be angry because how dare Dean leave him? How dare Dean give up? They're meant to be Team Free Will – even if their angel is hungover and Sam's 'an abomination', they're meant to be Team Free Will and fight against Destiny until Destiny gives up and goes home with its tail between its legs. Or they die. Whichever comes first.
But then, Sam thinks, they're not actually meant to be Team Free Will. They're not even meant to be Sam and Dean. They're meant to be Lucifer and Michael and fight against each other for the deed to the world.
Sam's still standing there, although even the taillights of the Impala have vanished into the darkness and Dean's gone gone gone…
He can't be angry. He can barely feel anything except for his stomach where it feels like someone's kicked him and his chest where it feels like the same person just scooped out his insides, leaving this hole, and half of him is gone with Dean and it's never coming back. Dean is never coming back.
And even though he knows it's not entirely true – there are many people, or angels, or demons, or Heavenly Fathers, that can be blamed as well – Sam thinks that this is his fault.
Because he's Sam fucking Winchester, the 'boy with the demon blood' who destroyed the world, and this is yet another thing that he's fucked up.