It had been over thirty minutes since Jim walked into the CMO office and twenty minutes since he stopped trying to get McCoy to amuse him. So Jim had taken to sitting in his usual chair, quietly leaning on the messy desk and fiddling with an empty hypospray cartridge.
"Shouldn't you be out trying to fuck something?" McCoy asked, his patience finally running thin. It was shore leave; he shouldn't see hide-or-hair of this kid until he stumbles into sickbay with a case of something weird and alien where the antidote is either non-existent or he's allergic to it.
Jim glanced at him. "I'm not in the mood."
"Jim Kirk not in the mood? What blasphemy is this?" he asks sarcastically.
He doesn't even respond.
McCoy rolled his eyes and put his PADD down. This was getting ridiculous. "Jesus, would you just kiss the guy?"
Jim looked at him wide-eyed. "What?"
"Just go up, tell Spock how you fucking feel and get it over with."
He suddenly blushed deeply. "I don't know what you're talking about."
McCoy gave him a pointed look as he took out his bourbon and poured himself a drink.
"Shit," Jim groaned and put his face in his hands. "Is it really that obvious? Tell me this isn't the worst-kept-secret on the Enterprise."
"All of Starfleet."
He looked at him horrified. "You're kidding me."
"Yeah," McCoy admitted, sipping.
Jim shot him a scowl. "Asshole," he mumbled.
"Everyone else thinks you're just buddy-buddy," he assured him before he has a heart attack. "No one else can interpret all the touchy shit you do. I've just known you long enough to be able to tell when you're flirting for fun or for real."
Jim shook his head. "I don't even know what to do," he admitted. At least he didn't try too hard to deny it.
"Don't say a word, not a single word. Just kiss him."
"This is Spock we're talking about here," he said, dejected. "I try that and he'll nerve pinch me before I could even get within a foot. There's a good chance he'll just look at me, say, 'That would be illogical, Captain. Please go back to performing your duties,' and walk away."
McCoy frowned slightly. "I have to say, I think that was the best Spock impression I've ever heard."
Jim gave him an irritated look. "Thanks. That solves all my problems. I don't have to be with him; I can just impersonate him saying my name when I'm jerking off."
McCoy grimaced. "Jesus, don't tell me shit like that. I don't need disturbing pictures in my brain."
McCoy wanted to slap it off his face. "Getting back to the topic at hand, you don't know until you bring it up."
Jim suddenly looked thoughtful for a moment "I would have thought you'd be against this."
"Yeah." He shrugged. "Didn't think you liked him."
McCoy rolled his eyes. "You of all people should know I don't mean half the shit I say to the guy."
"No, I know you don't hate him as much as it sounds like. I just thought you didn't like him."
"He gets on my nerves and I think all that reliance on logic is bullshit, but I don't have anything against the goblin. Though I don't know how a relationship with him would work since he demonizes emotion so much. Damn logic machine."
"He isn't a computer," Jim defended.
McCoy rolled his eyes. "So he's told me. Many times. Ask him, I'm sure he could tell you exactly how many."
"I mean, I just don't know what you see in him."
Jim sat back in his chair. "He's just… At lunch, he sits across from me and he doesn't say a lot, but I'm comfortable and there's just something about being able to sit with someone and not need to say anything."
McCoy's eyebrows furrow. "We share those kinds of silences. How do you know you don't just like him as a friend?"
He thought for a moment. "Yeah, we do, but when it happens with Spock, I wanna jump across the table and… and molest him. I don't want to do that to you when it happens with us. No offense."
McCoy snorted. "None taken. Believe me. Jim, just do it. When have you ever been this shy about kissing someone?"
"There's a difference between just kissing someone and admitting you like them."
"There's certainly no better way to show that you like him than by just kissing him. What's the worst that could happen?"
Jim frowned. "He asks for a transfer to another ship? He suddenly draws away again because he doesn't want to give me the wrong impression? He turns out to be a homophobe and beats my ass?"
"It's also possible he wants you too," he suggested. He couldn't believe he was actually trying to get Jim to hookup with the Vulcan. He's a doctor, not Cupid. "Just do what you always do: leap without looking. There're always two outcomes. It turns out way better than you could have hoped for, or it goes horribly wrong and I'm there to pick up the pieces like I always am and you get over it. Either way, it always turns out fine in the end."
Jim was silent for a long time, and McCoy let him contemplate. He normally wasn't this forceful, but he hated a mopey Jim. Mopey Jim always came to annoy him, making him a grumpy McCoy. And he preferred his best friend to not be so anxious. It made him anxious too.
It wasn't until he finished off his second glass that Jim finally stood.
"Made a decision?" he drawled.
Jim smirked, looking at McCoy for the first time in half an hour. "Yeah," he said in that confident voice that confirmed to McCoy exactly what he was going to do. He started to leave but hesitated as the door swooshed open. He turned back. "Hey, Bones? Uh, thanks."
McCoy rolled his eyes. "Get the hell outta here," he snapped. This was getting way to mooshy for him.
Jim chuckled, shaking his head as he left, and McCoy got ready for the impending storm. Because there was absolutely no way that hobgoblin was going to like him back.
So he assumed, anyway.
Author's note: This is based on The Little Mermaid song Kiss the Girl. Written for tryal-and-airror, who showed me this amazing video on YouTube: /watch?v=ln1G8u5RdzY. Sorry it took so long. I hope you enjoyed it!