It took about two corridors, a short turbolift ride and three more corridors for Jim's earlier confidence to deflate completely. Lacking confidence was a new feeling to him, and he decided he didn't like it. Bones had made it sound so easy, and Jim even managed to convince himself that, yes, it was. He had strolled out of Sickbay, planning to head straight for Spock's quarters to tell him that he… ok, there was no way getting around it… that he loved him before he lost his nerve.
But the half-life of his nerve was shorter than he thought, because now he was loitering at a low-traffic intersection outside of the officer's quarters, trying to look as if he actually had a purpose for being there. He opted for the 'I'm waiting for someone' look and leaned against the bulkhead, surveying the corridors as if awaiting the arrival of an appointment.
He soon felt like an idiot and left.
Jim couldn't exactly pinpoint the exact day that he started liking Spock more than as a friend, but he could tell you the exact moment he realized he did. It hadn't been during a crisis or after one of them was injured and had to be taken to sickbay for surgery. It was a glance. A short look shared between them in amusement when Jim had commented on… He couldn't even remember what he had said after they beamed down to that planet. It was forgotten when the sudden realization hit him like a strong kick to the solar plexus.
It was the realization that more was said between them in that glance than a whole night of chatting with someone. It conveyed trust and respect and amusement and the knowledge that if something were to happen to one, the other would do anything in their power to get them back, even if it meant their own lives.
If that wasn't the basis for love in one form or another, Jim didn't know what was. No one would say he was the most romantic or the most emotionally aware, but he kind of knew how things were supposed to feel. Sure, the last time he really felt love was back in kindergarten probably. Romantic love, anyway. A little girl who thought he had cooties.
He loved Bones but in a brotherly way. He could confide in Bones with a lot of things but there was only so much he could really tell him. There were a few things that he thought about telling only Spock, though he hadn't yet. He never felt that need to find Bones, to be near him as if his happiness depended on it.
He couldn't imagine not seeing Spock everyday.
No, this was ridiculous. It is as easy as Bones said it is. Jim had jumped into more bad situations than he could remember. There was no way he can just run away from something this simple.
Jim steeled himself before heading straight towards the nearest terminal and hitting the needed buttons. "Computer, locate crewmember Spock," he said confidently. He watched as the information was brought up on the screen. Deck 5, Section 4, Room 2F 132. Assignment: Uhura, Nyota.
Jim cringed and cleared the information. He walked away, dejected. There was no way he was bursting into Uhura's cabin and confessing his love for Spock in front of her.
Confessing his love? God, he'd watched way too many of those soaps. It wasn't his fault. How could he change the channel when the little old lady sitting next to him on the shuttlecraft back from Earth had been so enthralled? Even he wondered if Thy'mak was going to keep her child with Larhs, the evil twin of her lover Shral, who was the nephew and adopted son of her husband Thelan, who, unbeknownst to her, had been diagnosed with Glicogerahyxoccia and only had three weeks to live. Glicogerahyxoccia, really? That's so overdone.
Jim stopped. What the hell was he talking about? He needed to get back to the problem at hand: Forgetting that he had any feelings towards Spock. He decided the solution was running away by going down to shore leave and getting really drunk and, as Bones delightfully put it, try to fuck something.
He faked a bright smile to the transporter attendant and stepped onto the transporter pad.
"Where to, sir?" What was his name again? Lt. Kyle?
Jim gave a vague gesture. "Doesn't really matter. How about the point the least number of people have transported down to."
Kyle gave him a surprised look before nodding. He adjusted the coordinates. "The least populated spot is near the park."
He frowned slightly. He preferred to go down near the entertainment district, but he did as for the least populated area, which of course wouldn't be the bars and clubs. "Yeah, alright. Energize."
He felt the tingle of the beam as the transporter room dissolved and he found his vision filled with brown. He jerked back, suddenly worried the coordinates had been wrong, but he soon just realized that a tree was right in front of him.
Jim sighed and turned. Just as Kyle had promised, the park was deserted. This wasn't exactly the best place to take his mind off Spock. This was a place for contemplation, and thinking was really the last thing he wanted to be doing. He'd feel a little silly messaging back to get himself sent to a more bustling area of town.
He wandered around for a while before finally finding a bench. He plopped down and rubbed his face. This was going to be a long night.
Author's note: Yeah, so I need to update more. So I got this out. You people and your making me continue this! You better like it. OR ELSE! Or else Jim and Spock will never get together. *shakes fist*
PS: You guys know I actually love you, right? I do, I swear.