Author's note: This is… I don't even know what this is. This is semi-crack I guess.
I wrote this to cope with two very sad truths… number one, that Kris is not in HeartGold and SoulSilver – which, yes, I WILL continue to be bitter about for the rest of all eternity and I don't care if you think I'm immature for it so shut up.
The second truth is that my Gold Version died. –sniffle- I know, I know, it happens to everyone… it's just that… I've had that save file for so many years! I can't believe it's gone. T_T At least my Silver and Crystal still work… for now.
English names in this fic, just 'cuz. But I might change them later.
Once upon a time, there was a very awesome girl named Kris. She was so awesome that she had done almost everything left to do. She'd traveled through Johto and Kanto, caught legendaries, beaten the Elite Four and Lance several times, and even discovered and defeated Red. She was so filthy rich that her mother bought her useless dolls constantly.
And she was BORED OUT OF HER MIND!
There is nothing to frickin' do! Kris thought, frustrated. Ever since I defeated Red, nothing in the world has changed. Even the clock goes slowly these days. Glumly, she looked at her PokéGear, which had read 12:52 for at least an hour. If only something would change. Like, if my hair turned red or something. Then she laughed. Like that would ever happen. Then she sighed again. But seriously, nothing is changing at all. And no one has drawn me or used me in any fanfiction lately. Everyone else must be bored of me, too.
I might as well work on my PokéDex, Kris mused, browsing through it. Of course, her PokéDex was mostly completed, too. Totodile – check. Croconaw – check. Chikorita – impossible. There was no one to trade with. Pidgey, Ratatta, Hoppip… Unown… check.
"Unown!" She exclaimed, jumping up suddenly. "That's it! I'm going to complete the UnownDex!"
And with that, her level 100 Togetic, EGG, flew her to Violet City.
An hour later, Kris grinned in triumph as the Great Ball stopped wiggling. An Unown Z was hers. She nicknamed it Zack and sent it to Bill's PC… then deflated again. The victory soon became just one more thing that would no longer be able to entertain her.
I'm so bored, she thought, more melancholy than frustrated. She sank to her knees and tried to hold back tears. Dangit. I hate being a talented Trainer. I miss the old days of being a complete noob, when I did such stupid things. Like that time I was in Goldenrod City, and I put EGG in Daycare, and I didn't have enough money to get him out, and I couldn't figure out how to get home because I thought you were supposed to go through Slowpoke Well instead of Union Cave, and I thought my Geodude needed to learn Rock Smash to get through Slowpoke Well, so I went on for hours and hours trying to level it up so it would learn that. She giggled to herself at the memory. She used to be stupid in so many ways. And by the time I got home, got my money from Mom, and got back to get EGG, it was, like, Level 40!
I miss the time I couldn't figure out how to water that Sudowoodo, and I was stuck in Goldenrod City. And I miss the time I couldn't figure out how to get to Morty, so I kept falling in those holes over and over. And the time I used my Master Ball on a Smeargle. And…
And I miss the days when there was still more of the world left to explore. That was it. She couldn't hold it in anymore. She started bawling.
But suddenly, she sensed a mysterious presence. Sniffling, she looked up.
It was a group of Unown.
WHATS WRONG YOUNG TRAINER they spelled.
WHY ARE YOU CRYING YOUNG TRAINER they rearranged themselves as more Unown came to observe the scene.
Kris sniffled and wiped away her tears. She felt a bit silly, causing such a spectacle in front of the Unown, when nothing all that bad had really happened to her.
"It's nothing," Kris told them. "It's just… I'm really bored."
I SEE they spelled. YOU POOR CHILD
"It's not that bad," Kris said. "It's just… I seem to have run out of things to do. I've explored every bit of the world that I can… you know, the part that isn't blocked by impassable trees… but, it's just boredom. I'm sorry to have bothered you. You can go back to being mysterious now."
OH NO the Unown rearranged themselves again. WE UNDERSTAND COMPLETELY
THE DEGREE OF YOUR BOREDOM IS CLEAR TO US
"It is?" Kris questioned.
YOU HAVE COMPLETED THE UNOWNDEX
ONLY THE BOREDEST OF THE BORED HAVE EVEN BOTHERED SUCH A FEAT
"Oh. Yeah," Kris said sheepishly. "Sorry about catching your buddies. I can release them again if you want."
THAT WONT BE NECESSARY
ONLY THE WEAKEST UNOWN ALLOW THEMSELVES TO BE CAPTURED
THEY ARE QUITE ANNOYING TO THE POWERFUL AMONG US
YOU DID US A FAVOR
Kris sweatdropped. Powerful Unown?
YES THERE ARE POWERFUL UNOWN Some of the Unown looked offended.
WE CAN EVEN READ MINDS
"Oh." Kris sweatdropped again.
AND WE CAN GRANT WISHES the Unown continued. TELL US CHILD IS THERE SOMETHING YOU LONG FOR
"You'd really grant me a wish?" Kris was thrilled.
SURE WE WOULD
Kris frowned. "This is a bad idea. Seriously, this has 'Trap' written all over it.
DON'T BE STUPID
WE ARE POWERFUL UNOWN
IF WE WANTED TO HURT YOU WE WOULD DO IT WITHOUT ASKING WHAT YOU WISH FOR
Kris tilted her head hesitantly – there was, indeed, something fishy about this.
But then she shook the thought out of her head. She had two choices – ask the Unown to grant her a wish and risk something bad happening, or tell them to leave her alone and succumb to boredom for the rest of all eternity.
She didn't have to think too long. "All right, Unown. I wish… I had a new place to explore!"
And with that, Kris vanished into a new dimension.
Hehe, an Unown B telepathically told an Unown E. We sure got her good! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!
Kris blinked curiously as she entered a new reality. Teleport! It always left her head spinning. As she landed in a new location, Kris took a step backward and blinked to clear her vision.
And blinked again, to clear her vision.
And yelped. "What happened!?"
There was something very, very wrong about this place – an unnatural, distorting clarity. It made her dizzy just to look at it. It took her a moment to pinpoint exactly what the problem was – and then, in horror, she gasped.
"Where did all the pixels go!?" she cried as she frantically looked all around her. She saw nothing but smooth, smooth, smooth stone buildings, dirt, and lakes. "This is not normal. There's something wrong here."
She looked up at the sky – also non-pixilated. A non-pixilated Pidgey looked at her curiously.
"So, there are Pokémon in this strange world," Kris observed gratefully – then she held her hand out in front of her. Fortunately, it was the same as ever. "At least I don't look so freaky."
The Pidgey made an indiscernible noise.
"At least Pidgey still sound the same," Kris thought. "Geez. What a shock. I should probably find out where the frick I am."
Dizzily, Kris took a step forward. Even walking felt different in this new world. It was like her legs were full of lead. After what felt like forever, she found herself at the door of a building. She entered it and realized the two people in the building – a man and a girl - were staring at her.
"Um, hi," Kris announced as she approached the man behind the desk. "I just… um… appeared here, and I was just curious… where is this and how can I get back to the place with all the pixels?"
The man blinked.
"Pixels. You know…? Square-y things…" She pointed at her own hand.
"This is the Ruins of Alph," said the man, still staring at her confusedly. "As for the pixels…"
"There are pixels here," spoke up the girl in the corner. "If you look closely, you can see them."
"Really?" Kris pressed her nose against the building wall. Sure enough, there were pixels. "Oh! I see! Thanks. I feel relieved. But – wait? Did you say this is the Ruins of Alph?"
"No way! The Ruins of Alph is… this is impossible!" Kris dashed out of the building as fast as she could – which wasn't really fast because this strange world was still really slow.
When she left, the man and the girl looked at each other and shrugged.
"Unown!" Kris shouted loudly as she burst into one of the hallways. "I need to speak to an Unown!"
A lady looked at her oddly. "Unown? You need to solve the puzzle first."
"Puzzle? But I already solved the… OK." Kris walked up to the platform where the puzzle was and stared at it.
"This is a different puzzle," Kris remarked – though she solved it very quickly. "That was way too easy. Seriously, why wasn't it already solved?"
And with that, a ladder appeared under her feet.
Kris stared down it. "Wow. That's weird. I was expecting to randomly fall down a hole."
As Kris climbed down the ladder, she felt the mysterious presence again. "Unown? I have a question for you guys!"
An Unown B appeared. Mwahahahahaha! It said telepathically.
"Oh, hello again," said Kris. "Why aren't you spelling?"
Because you only unlocked five letters, genius.
Kris shrugged. "That makes sense. So, anyway, can I have my wish back? I kind of wanted a new part of the world, not a new dimension."
MWAHAHAHAHAHA! Said the Unown.
"Hmm. I'll take that as a no."
"O…K then," Kris said, confused. "Um, can I at least ask a question?"
"Actually, a few questions. First of all, why am I the only one with visible pixels? I feel kind of self-conscious. Everyone is staring at me! Secondly, why is moving through this world so dang slow? And lastly, why do you feel the need to banish me to another dimension?"
First of all, replied the Unown, there's no sprite for you in this world, so you had to keep your old one. Secondly, this world is slower because it's higher in quality. Muddle over that if you want. But if you want to move faster, we recommend going to a place called New Bark Town and retrieving an item called Running Shoes. A girl named Lyra has them. Lastly, we, much like you, were bored, so we decided to pitch you against Lyra. MWAHAHAHAHA!
"I will never be a pawn in your game!" Kris vowed. "I won't steal the shoes from this 'Lyra' person, no matter what!"
Do as you wish. With that, the Unown vanished.
"Hmm. Well, that wasn't very helpful," Kris thought as she climbed back up the ladder and walked, with an agonizingly slow pace, to the route outside the Ruins of Alph. "Whoa! This is trippy!"
Seeing the familiar route in a different form was surreal. It was the same, but… different. Dizzying. She glanced around, looking for a landmark. Wasn't there a Psncurberry tree around here somewhere…?
There! Kris made her way toward something that vaguely resembled a tree… except, not really. Actually, it looked like a berry tree with a giant zit on top. What the…?
She might as well take the berry… whatever it was. Disgustedly, and trying not to think of how much this reminded her of popping a pimple, she squeezed the top of the tree until the berry popped out. She picked it up and examined it.
"I guess it's an Apricorn," she said to herself. "What's the point of having an Apricorn so far away from Kurt's house in Azalea town? And, it's HUGE. It's like bigger than my head! How is this an Apricorn? Oh, whatever."
She tried to put it in her bag – but then an invisible force stopped her. "What the…?"
She tried to put it in again – but no. It didn't work. Maybe in the Key Items pocket? No… maybe in the Balls Pocket…? No…
"You need an Apricorn Case for that," said an amused boy who stood in the distance, watching her.
"An Apricorn Case?" Kris asked.
"Yeah. You can only keep Apricorn if you have a special case for them to put in your special Key Items pocket."
Kris cocked her head. "I can't just put it in the Items pocket with all the other items?"
The boy snorted. "Just the Items pocket? What century are you from? They haven't made backpacks with Items pockets in years! You HAVE to separate your backpack into three hundred pockets in order to be organized, you know. Like the Berries pocket, the Balls pocket, the Key Items pocket, the Adventure Items pocket…"
"Oh, whatever," said Kris. "Erm… do you want this, then?"
"No," said the boy sadly. "I only have one pocket, so all I can carry are Miracle Seeds."
"Miracle seeds…" Kris mumbled, déjà vu rushing over her. Then she jumped up. "Wait! I know you!"
"Yeah! We met a long time ago! You gave me a Miracle Seed!"
The boy cocked his head. "I only remember giving a Miracle Seed away to this girl with brown hair and a crazy marshmallow hat… but maybe…"
"Kthanks bye!" Kris said, dashing off. Meeting up with the Miracle Seed kid wasn't exactly a joyous reunion, but it had given her an idea.
If the same people could exist in both dimensions, she might have a friend here! And a friend could help her!
When she found a quiet place, she pulled out her PokéGear and dialed her very first Trainer friend – Youngster Joey.
"Hey! Joey here!" said a familiar voice. "Who's this?"
Kris smiled in relief. "Joey! It's me, Kris! I just got zapped here from another dimension and I walk really slow and I need help…"
"Wait, Kris? Who is that?" Joey cut in. "Oh, never mind. It doesn't matter. Did I ever tell you about my Rattata? My Rattata is a very special Rattata! It might even be in the top percentile of Rattata! Bye!"
He hung up.
OK. That was weird. Well, whatever. He and I were never good friends, anyway.
She dialed Picnicker Liz – but an invisible force stopped the call from going through. Just go talk to that person!
"Oh. Right. She must be around here. Anyway, there's someone else who will definitely be glad to hear from me… I'm sure of it!"
"Um, hello?" came a voice from the PokéGear.
"Irwin!" Kris cried in glee. "I never thought I'd be so happy to hear your voice! Listen, Irwin, I need your help…"
"Who are you?" The voice sounded contemptuous.
"What? Oh, right! Silly me! It's Kris."
"Kris?" The voice sounded even more annoyed than before.
"Um, yeah," said Kris quietly. "You know… you call me all the time… you always seem to magically know what I do… you're my self-professed sidekick?"
"What are you talking about!?" Irwin demanded. "Don't harass me. Who are you, some kind of stalker? And by the way, I'm Lyra's sidekick only! Don't flatter yourself, weirdo!"
Beep, beep, beep.
Oh. Kris stared down at her PokéGear. That hurt her feelings more than she'd thought it would. I guess he's over me.
But then she perked back up. There's still one person left to call!
"Hello?" came a voice from the PokéGear.
"Mom!" Kris said joyfully. "Mom, it's me, Kris! I need to talk to you about something!"
There was a pause.
"Mom?" Kris asked.
"I'm sorry," said her mother. "Did you say your name was Kris?"
"Erm… yes," Kris answered, wondering why her mother would question her on something so random at a time like this.
"You must have the wrong number. I don't have a daughter named Kris."
Beep, beep, beep.
Kris blinked down at her PokéGear. Irwin was one thing… but this was her mother. She blinked a few tears.
I guess she just cracked, or something, Kris thought to herself. I always thought she could use a few parenting lessons… like how she just randomly let me go on a journey without telling her and it didn't bother her at all… and how every time I go visit her she only wants to talk about my money… but I never thought she'd actually forget me!
Then she put her hands on her hips, and her face ignited in determination. Then there's only one thing left to do! I'll go find her in New Bark Town and make her remember me!
With her incredibly slow shoes and all the strange changes to the world around her, it took Kris about a day to find New Bark Town again. She'd begun to get used to the tiny pixels, but everywhere she went, she was stared at. Worst of all, no one seemed to remember her. But everyone she talked to said she reminded them of a girl named Lyra.
Kris tried not to hate her.
"I'M HERE!" Kris announced as her feet touched New Bark Town soil. She wanted to kiss the ground. Best of all, her hometown was mostly-recognizable – the only thing that had really changed was the background music and the addition of a few windmills. Also, the random signs in front of the houses had turned into mailboxes, which, Kris had to admit, made more sense than the random signs. She'd always wondered why there was a sign in her yard announcing where she lived.
You think it would at least be my Mom's name, Kris mused. Come to think of it… what is my mom's name? Does she have one? Hmm. Well, the sign could say, Kris's mom's house.
But as she approached the mailbox up close, she was horrified by what she saw.
The mailbox said, "Lyra lives here!"
"NOO!" Kris shouted. "Tell me it isn't so!"
She went into her house as fast as her running-shoe-less legs could carry her.
"Mom!" Kris cried as she burst through the door. "It's me, Kris! Don't you remember me?"
"Kris?" Her mom cocked her head. "Hmm… I think you do look familiar… hey, I know why! You look like my daughter – Lyra!"
Kris gritted her teeth and banged her head against the wall. "WHO IS THIS LYRA!?"
"Lyra? Lyra is my daughter," said Kris's – Lyra's? – mother pleasantly, oblivious to the girl's frustration. "Are you one of her little friends? She's outside right now, playing with her friend Ethan. Why don't you go say hello?"
I WILL GET TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS! Kris temporarily forgot about her mother's amnesia and left the house in pursuit of this mysterious girl.
Kris was so focused, however, that she accidentally bumped into someone.
"Why don't you watch where you're going?" Someone said.
"Sorry!" Kris mumbled. "I didn't mean to… hey, wait. I know you!"
Standing before her was none other than.
"Gold!" She cried out, glomping him.
If anyone in this world remembered her, Gold would. Joey was an acquaintance and her mother was her mother, but Gold was her male counterpart! They were practically the same person. He could never forget her! She was sure of it.
"K-Kris," Gold stammered, freezing at the sudden display of affection. "Kris, what are you doing here!?"
"It's a long story," Kris said, "but… oh, Gold! I'm so glad you remember me!" She was crying tears of happiness.
"Of course I remember you, Kris, but, I have to… um… LYRA!"
"What?" Kris doubled back at the mysterious name, looking in the direction Gold was looking at.
Further along the path was a very irritated-looking girl with brown pigtails and holy frick the most ridiculous fricking hat that Kris had ever seen in her life; even crazier than a Juggler's. Seriously. The thing looked like a marshmallow.
"Ethan! What are you doing!?" The girl demanded, stamping her foot impatiently.
"Lyra! Let me explain!" Gold yelped, shoving Kris away and stepping towards Lyra.
"Hey!" shouted Kris. "Gold, what's the matter with you?"
All but ignoring Kris, Lyra grabbed Gold by the collar and glared at him. "What are you doing with that eight-bit chick?"
"Lyra!" Gold cried, pained. "It's just – it's just Kris! It's nothing, Lyra! She's no competition!"
"What!?" Kris shrieked back, yanking Gold back towards her. "What did you just say about me, Gold!?"
Lyra yanked Gold back towards herself. "What did she just call you!?"
"Guys, stop it!" Gold shouted as he struggled to get free. In a burst of strength, he freed himself from both girls' grasp and fell backwards, his limbs sticking up like a rollie-pollie's.
Both girls glared down at him menacingly.
"Please… don't… eat me," Gold said weakly.
Lyra extended her hand towards him. "Get up."
"Aw, thanks, Lyra," Gold said sweetly as he took her hand and stood. "You're so nice."
"Gold, what's happening?" Kris said desperately, ignoring their romantic moment. "I don't understand."
"I meant to tell you, Kris," Gold said nervously, backing up slowly towards Lyra.
"Tell me what, Gold?"
"Well… for one thing… it's Ethan, now. OK? And, um… the truth is… I have to confess… don't get mad!"
"Get mad about what!?" Kris stamped her foot.
Gold – Ethan – yelped and leaped backwards, cowering in fear. Then, finally, taking Lyra's hand and looking at the ground, he told her.
"Kris… I'm Lyra's male counterpart now."
She felt as though someone had just kicked her in the knees. "What?" She breathed.
"I'm sorry, Kris… I never meant for you to find out like this."
Kris fell to her knees dramatically in shock.
"Don't cry!" Ethan said hurriedly. "It's not you, it's me! It's…"
"But what about all the things we've been through together?" Kris choked. "I mean… I was the first playable female ever. Doesn't that mean anything to you?"
"Of course it does, Kris! You'll always be special! It's just that… you know…"
"No, I don't know, Gold! I don't understand! I thought something might be wrong when you started doing all those fanfics by yourself and not telling me about them… but I thought that you and I would always be counterparts!" And for the zillionth time since this fanfic began, Kris began to cry.
"No! Don't cry!" Ethan broke away from Lyra who had been cuddling him possessively, and ran over to Kris. He patted her on the head awkwardly. "There, there. We can still be friends!"
"What does she have that I don't?" Kris sniffled.
Ethan thought a moment. "She has a really cool hat."
"Well, she does!"
Kris stood up and punched Ethan in the gut, knocking him over.
"Um, Kris? Can I say something?" Lyra asked softly, chewing on one of her ponytails.
"What?" asked Kris, fighting the urge to attack something.
"I just wanted to say… I didn't know about you. And, um, I'm sorry."
Kris paused to consider the girl for a moment. Lyra did seem to have genuine concern and sympathy. It was hard to take her seriously in that hat, but… whatever. There was no use dwelling on this anymore. It wasn't Lyra's fault that Gold was a loser. And either way, she already vowed that she wouldn't fight Lyra. If she took it back now, Unown B would just be laughing his lack-of-a-head off at her, and being laughed at by an Unown was not cool. So she took a deep breath and tried not to glare.
"Don't be sorry," Kris said stiffly. "If you're stuck with this two-timing jerk as a male counterpart, I'm the one who feels sorry for you. I'd like to get out of here now."
Glumly, Kris began to head toward the sea to drown herself. Actually, she was just going to Surf to Kanto, but she wanted Ethan to think she was drowning herself so that he'd have to live with the guilt for the rest of his life.
"Wait!" Lyra called after her.
Kris stopped. "Yeah?"
"If you're going somewhere, um… why don't you take these?"
Kris turned around to see Lyra standing with her arms extended. And in her arms, she was holding...
"Running Shoes," Lyra explained. "Things go a lot faster with them, you know."
Kris gasped. "Really? You'd really give them to me?"
"Sure. Why not?" Lyra smiled at her. "It's the least I can do to apologize for my male counterpart's idiocy."
"Th-thank you," was all Kris managed to say.
"So, are we friends now?" Lyra asked shyly.
Kris smiled in spite of herself. "Sure, Lyra. Friends."
Kris sat on a ledge somewhere, tired. The excitement of being able to move at a decent pace had worn off quickly, and Kris still felt the bitter aftertaste of being rejected and forgotten. One good thing about this world was that Pokémon could be let out of their Balls for no reason, and so Kris let her Feraligatr, AAAAAAAAAA, out of his Ball and let him rest his head in her lap. But AAAAAAAAAA wasn't enough. She missed her mother, and Gold, and even that creep Irwin would be good company now.
She'd thought that boredom was the worst emotion ever, but she'd been wrong. It was homesickness.
"There's no place like home," Kris mumbled to herself as she absentmindedly tapped her feet together. "There's no place like home - right, AAAAAAAAAA? There's no place like home…"
And suddenly, she disappeared from off the face of the planet.
"Mmph," mumbled Kris as she rematerialized in another location. "What the frick? I'm sick of teleporting…"
Kris blinked to clear her vision.
And blinked again, to clear her vision.
"THE PIXELS ARE BACK!" she cried in joy, giving AAAAAAAAAA an enthusiastic hug. "We're home!"
They were very home, in fact, Kris was back in her own room. Her bed sat in the corner. On her desk were two useless PokeDolls that her mother had bought. She hugged them before running downstairs.
"Hello, Kris! Welcome home," Her mother greeted her as she saw Kris walking down the stairs. "I've kept your room tidy. Or is this about your money?"
"Mom!" Kris ran to glomp her enthusiastically before dashing out the door at a wonderfully decent pace.
This was New Bark Town as it was supposed to be. No windmills. No mailboxes. No irritating background music. And she could see Dude from a distance, still waiting to teach her how to catch Pokémon. Kris smiled to herself and inhaled the wonderfully pixilated air. Then she got on her bike – her amazing bike that she could actually control – and began to do donuts and figure eights across town.
"Hey Kris!" came a familiar voice.
Kris braked and turned toward the source of the voice.
It was Gold.
"Hello," Kris said coldly as she watched the boy approach her.
"What's up?" asked Gold, oblivious to Kris' mood.
"None of your business." Kris glared at him.
Gold blinked. "Erm, Kris? Is something the matter?"
"Three guesses," Kris said as she jumped off her bike and stuffed it into her beautifully simple backpack.
Gold paused a minute, thinking. Then an exclamation mark appeared above his head. "I know! Is it that time of the month, Kris?"
"Wha – no!" Kris put her hands on her hips. "Has it ever occurred to you that I just might not want to talk to you, Gold? Or, should I say, Ethan?"
Another exclamation mark. "OH! ...You must've met my other incarnation, Ethan."
"Yeah. He's a pimp."
Kris tilted her head."You saying he's a different person than you?"
"No," said Gold, "he's just a different incarnation of me."
"And speaking of which, how am I talking to you? We're not supposed to exist in the same continuity. This makes no sense."
"It is a fanfiction," Gold reminded her. Then he turned serious. "We need to talk."
Kris and Gold sat on a ledge, dangling their feet over the sides.
"And so then I was complaining about how there was no place like home while tapping my feet together, and then I ended up in my room," Kris finished, secretly pleased to have a story to tell.
"The Running Shoes must have magical properties," Gold observed. "Or something like that."
"Yeah. Anyway," Kris mumbled. "It's your turn to speak up now. What Ethan said… does that mean that you and I aren't counterparts anymore?"
Gold put his hand on Kris's shoulder. She looked up at him.
"You and I will always be counterparts, Kris," Gold promised.
Kris looked down at her Running Shoes. "But you got bored of me?"
"No!" Gold protested. "I swear I was never bored of you, Kris. When the people at Nintendo told me that you wouldn't be in the new games, I threw a huge fit. I was going to go on strike."
"But you didn't," Kris said dryly. "I take it that the improved graphics, extended storyline, and ability to have your Pokémon walk with you, was too much of a temptation?"
"That's not it, Kris! Let me finish." Gold was getting irritated. "I was going to go on strike, but then… I met Lyra. What was I supposed to do? If you took over her role, she would've been out of a job… and they might have even erased her existence. I couldn't do that to an innocent little girl. She reminded me of you."
"That's what everyone says," Kris muttered, chewing on the end of her ponytail.
"I don't mean like that," said Gold. "I mean, she was so young, and enthusiastic, and utterly clueless that it was adorable. It made me remember when I was a rookie. But mostly, it made me remember when Crystal Version just came out, and you were a rookie. You were so happy back then. You did everything wrong and I had to keep correcting you, but even though things were frustrating back then, all the memories were good. You're so strong and serious now… and that's not a bad thing… but I wanted to give Lyra a chance to have the joy we used to have. As a brand-new Trainer."
There was nothing she could say. To go back to her rookie days… wasn't that what Kris had wanted for herself? How could she deny someone else who was going through such happy times?
She couldn't. And she didn't want to.
"All right," Kris said tiredly. "I understand. Just… promise you won't forget me, OK?"
Gold smiled in relief. "Of course."
They hugged to appease the fangirls.
And then Kris saved and turned off the power – but something strange happened when she turned it back on. She had lost all of her memory, and so had the universe. In other words, everything was erased.
Once the internal battery was replaced, the owner of the Pokémon: Crystal Version game cartridge decided she wanted a change. She started the game as a boy, but then restarted as a girl and turned the power off in the middle of saving. Kris's hair became red.
Somewhere in the Ruins of Alph, an Unown laughed at the irony.
Meanwhile, Lyra was stuck in New Bark Town without any Running Shoes. Seriously, what had she been thinking giving them away? Poor Lyra.
"She doesn't even need running shoes," said Ethan. "She has a bike that she can actually control. FAIL."
Lyra hit him.