A happier ending to "Dark Side of the Moon"
Authors note: I found the ending of the episode "Dark Side of the Moon" too sad, so I wrote this to cheer myself up. Warning: Wincest, major spoilers for episode 5:16
Sam bent and picked up the amulet from where Dean had thrown it in the dustbin. His mind was reeling from the implications of the gesture. When Castile had asked for it, Dean's reluctance to part with the locket had warmed Sam's heart, because he had known that it was precious to Dean because he had given it to his brother.
But now that Dean had thrown it away, what did it mean? Was Dean finally done with Sam? Did he think that because of those fucking periods of time that were Sam's version of heaven that Sam never loved him?
"Ah…" Sam yelled in frustration. He felt like pulling his hair out. It was always like this between him and Dean. Each unable to communicate with the other, that invariably led to them jumping to conclusions that were not true.
Pacing the room Sam wished he could clear the air with Dean, make him understand. But it would mean he would have to come clean and reveal his biggest secret, and that was not going to happen.
Sitting down on the bed with a defeated sigh, Sam tucked the amulet safely into his pocket. Dean had enough of Sam's weakness to deal with. If he revealed this as well it could be the proverbial last straw on the camels back. Dean would wash his hands of Sam and this time there would be no coming back.
"Shit, Sam what are you waiting for, a gold plaited invite." Dean flung the door open and grumbled. His eyes looked empty and lost but his tone was normal, "Get a move on, we don't have all night." Grabbing the car keys he turned and stormed out.
Sam sighed; Dean was going to handled this like he did every other crisis in their lives. He was going to ignore it.
Sam's harsh laugh echoed in the empty room. Here he had been scared that Dean was going figure it all out because of Ash's statement that only soul mates share the same heaven. God if only Dean knew how far away from the truth he was in thinking that Sam did not love him.
"Sam!", came an impatient yell from outside.
"Coming." Picking up his duffel he walked out and slid into the passenger seat.
"Where are we going?" Sam asked turning to Dean.
"Anywhere but here." Dean replied in a tone devoid of any emotions.
Sam nursed his beer as he watched Dean across the smoky bar. His brother was schmoozing a pretty waitress and knocking back shots of whisky like there was no tomorrow. Apparently Dean was of the mind of getting totally smashed. Which wasn't such a bad idea, considering how things were between them over the last 12 hours or so. The drive down was uncomfortable to say the least, what with Dean refusing to make eye contact and answering questions in monosyllables.
The minute they had checked into a motel, Dean had suggested hitting the closest bar and from then on had pointedly ignored Sam, making it plain that he wanted to be left alone.
Sam closed his eyes wearily, resting his head on his hands. What a mess they were in. He couldn't get over the look of pain in his brothers eyes when he had asked if these were Sam's happiest memories before that douche Zachariah had found them. Oh god, how could he set things right now without going into detail? It seems like he was always apologizing to his brother but this time sorry just didn't cut it.
"Hey, Sammy." Sam jerked up in surprise as Dean clapped him on the shoulder. Dean wavered drunkenly and then collapsed onto the seat opposite.
"Dean, your drunk." Sam said dryly.
"Thank you Mr. Obvious." Dean raised the bottle he had in his hand, but Sam stopped him by grabbing his wrist and Dean angrily jerked away.
"Dean, I think you've had enough." Sam said as gently as he could.
"Leave me alone, Sam. Apparently you're happiest when you're not around me, so why don't you leave." Dean gesturing wildly with his bottle to the door.
Sam flinched, "Dean-"
"Leave it." Dean cut him off, "Let's just go"
Throwing some bills on the table he got unsteadily to his feet. Sam came around the table but as he eased his hand around his brother's waist to steady him, Dean pushed him away.
"Don't." Dean growled.
Sam's heart clenched as he stepped away, feeling like a punch would have hurt less. With painstakingly slow steps Dean finally managed to collapse into the passenger seat of the car and then immediately passed out. Sam got in and drove them back to the motel. He knew that they had reached an impasse but they need to find a way to deal with it or else Michael or Lucifer would use it to manipulate them further. But how, was the million dollar question.
Stopping the car he tried to wake Dean but his brother was dead to the world. Resigned to having to carry Dean in, he got out and opened the passenger door and hefted his brother up. Damn Dean and his cheeseburgers, he was heavy. Stumbling a little he reached their room and propped Dean up by the side of the door as he fished for his keys. Dean finally opened his eyes and mumbled, "Wethereyet."
"Yea." Sam opened the door and then putting an arm around Dean's waist he pulled Dean forward. Dean immediately collapsed against him and Sam had to hold on tight or let Dean fall, "Whoa there. Let's take this nice and slow."
He finally managed to drag Dean to his bed but as he fell forward Dean did not let go and Sam found himself sprawled across the bed with Dean. Dean squinted at him and then surprisingly rolled on top of Sam keeping him trapped in place.
"A…Dean." Sam stuttered.
"You're going to leave me again." Dean stated blandly.
"NO!" Sam hurriedly contradicted.
"M…Might as well give you a reason to." Dean muttered and leaning forward sealed Sam's lips with a kiss.
Sam could feel his heart pounding as Dean slowly licked his lips and then angling his head he pushed forward. Sam moaned and opened his lips to give Dean better access but suddenly Dean rolled of him.
Pushing himself up on his elbows, Sam turned to look at Dean, but he had passed out again. Angry tears welled up and Sam shook Dean vigorously, shouting, "What did you mean by that. Dean, get up and tell me."
But Dean just slept on. Sam surged of the bed and paced. God what was that all about? Why had Dean kissed him? "Shit, fuck…ah….. Now what?"
Kicking off his shoes Sam collapsing onto his bed and curling into a ball cried himself to sleep.
Sam woke to sunlight streaming through the window. The previous night flashed through his mind and he jerked up. Looking around frantically he found the bed next to his vacant and the Impala keys missing but Dean's duffle bag was still there. Scrambling out he rushed to get ready. Once Dean got back they were going to talk. To hell with ignoring it. This was tearing both his brother and him to pieces.
Just as he was beginning to worry Dean walked in and placed a cup of coffee on the table. Silently he continued to unpack the food that he had brought.
Frustrated Sam spoke, "Dean!"
Dean slowly turned in his direction and with guarded eyes said, "So when are you leaving?"
Puzzled Sam took a step closer, "What?"
Dean took a deep breath and looking him in the eye stated to speak in the most resigned voice Sam had ever heard him use, "Look Sam, apparently your idea of heaven is to be without me. So why don't you just go." Throwing up his hands in the air he continued, "Hell, even god thinks this is a worthless cause, so why don't you just leave this all behind and go."
"You're going to just give up?" Sam could not believe that his never say die brother was going to admit defeat.
Dean snorted, "I'm a Winchester Sammy, I'm going to go out in a blaze of glory and take as many freaking supernatural pieces of shit with me as I go."
Alarm streaked through Sam as he heard this. If he didn't know better he'd say that his brother sounded suicidal, "Dean, what the hell are you talking about?"
"Look Sam, this isn't working. We fucked up, we started the apocalypse and apparently there is no way to fucking stop it. Hell the only thing I thought I was good at, being your brother, I fucked up. So how the hell am I going to save the world when I can't even do something as simple as being a good brother?"
Sam shook his head and vehemently stated, "No, dean you are a good brother."
Dean laughed but the sound held no humor in it, "Give it a break Sam. I was there remember. I saw what you consider as the highlights of your life. I also remember last night. So now you have a valid reason to just go."
Pushed to the limit of his endurance, Sam shouted, "Will you shut the fuck up! I know that last night was just your attempt to push me away." Grabbing Dean's shoulders he pushed him down to sit on the bed and stated, "But first, you are going to listen to me. No interrupting till I'm done, promise."
"Sure thing, Princess." Dean said with a smirk but Sam could see the sheer defeat in his eyes.
Kneeling down in front of him Sam said in an imploring voice, "Dean, I'm scared as hell to tell you this but if by the end you still want me to go, I'll go, but please just listen. You are a good brother and more than that even. You have been father, mother and teach to me. You had mom to cut the crust of for you, I had you. But you know why those memories are not my idea of heaven, it's because I'm the one who failed at being a good brother-"
"No Dean, you promised. I fell for you. Do you know what that means?" Sam leaned forward trying to make Dean understand where the fault really lay, "I was sixteen and I fell in love with my older brother. I wanted you with a passion only a heart that young could feel. You had truly become my all and everything that had passed before was now colored by that desperate want."
Dean jerked back and his eyes were blown in shock. Sam pushed up and walked to the furthest point in the room and turned back. "Disgusting, I know. I tried, believe me, I tried to make it go away but the more time I spent with you the further I feel and the more I needed you. I felt so guilty that I had let you down so badly. You were doing things because you loved me as a brother but I was taking it all in and wishing you were my lover. The guilt made me feel like I was one of the monsters you and Dad hunted and the only times I was ever free of that pressing weight of guilt, love and want were those moments we were in back in heaven. Those were the only times I felt that I was doing something for you by staying away and saving you from the freak that I was. Stanford was my ultimate attempt to make sure that your memories of me stayed as loving and as innocent as you thought they were. I'm sorry Dean. I know I failed you."
Hanging his head in defeat Sam turned towards his duffle bag; sure that Dean was going to throw him out now.
"I love you." A soft voice floated towards him. Sam jerked his head up to look at Dean who was slowly approaching him.
"I was asked some time ago how I could get up every morning with the weight of saving the whole freaking world on my shoulders. You what to know the answer?" Dean reached out and slowly traced Sam's features. In shock all Sam could do was nod his head.
"I do it for you. I want to save this world so I can save you. If I can't stop the apocalypse then I fail at protecting you and that is unimaginable. Because you're my everything- my life, my heart and my soul."
"Dean!" Sam sobbed. His arms reached out and pulled Dean into his arms and watched in wonder as the desire he had always felt for his brother was reflected right back at him in Dean's eyes. He bent and kissed Dean with all the passion he had suppressed for so long. Dean surged forward and parting Sam's lips kissed him deep. Breaking apart only when breath became a necessity Dean showered Sam's face with small loving kisses. "Sam…my Sammy…"
"Oh god, Dean, I love you so much." Sam tilted his head back giving Dean better access to his neck. Licking his way down Dean latched on to his neck and sucked, drawing a moan from Sam.
Lifting his head Dean looked at Sam with pupils blown with desire, "You tore me apart Sam. When I thought that all you wanted to do was be as far away from me as possible, you took away my reason for fighting this war."
"I am never going to leave you. Whatever may come we can face it together." Drawing the amulet from his pocket Sam held it out. "So will you wear this again for me?"
"You kept it!" Dean shook his head in fondness, "I'll wear it always." Dean said in voice filled with such love that it took Sam's breath away. He slipped it back on to Dean's neck, where it rightly belonged and drew his brother back into his arms. Knocking his forehead against Dean's he laughed as happiness bubbled inside of him, "You're such a fool Dean. You remember all the negative stuff we learned in heaven but you forgot something important."
Snorting Dean pulled back, looking up at him, "What genius?"
"Ash hinted that we were soul mates, you remember?" Sam pulled Dean closer and marveled at how well they fit together. "I really think we are."
A content sigh escaped Dean and he borrowed into Sam, who couldn't help but laugh, "You're a cuddler."
"Oh shut up." Dean said against his neck and moved closer.
"So were in this together, right Dean? No giving up."
Leaning back Dean looked him straight in the eye and stated, "As long as I have you to fight for, I'll never give up. Who needs god when I have you? " Dean smirked.
Sam threw back his head and burst out laughing.
For the first time in a long time the Winchester brother felt that maybe they could actually win this war.
Authors note: I hope you'll liked it. I'm counting on the reviews to cheer me up so please review.