Everyone he'd ever loved and cared about, everyone he had held close to his heart; they were all gone. Forever. Nothing was going to change that now. He, Kakashi Hatake, had failed yet again.
It was odd to him; those he tried hardest to hold and keep safe slipped the easiest through his incompetent fingers.
Sitting on the couch in the modest looking one floor house, the young silver haired Anbu looked down at the pictures of all those he'd lost to stupid decisions and ridiculous mistakes. His Sensei, his team, Naruto, Sauske and Sakura. All of them. No matter how many times he promised to never let them get hurt, they all managed to slip into a destruction of one sort or another.
With a frustrated growl that seemed to shatter the silence in an ear piercing sound of despair, Kakashi ripped off the headband that marked him ninja and threw it across the floor. The sound of metal scraping on wood sent a sharp shiver through his body and turned his eyes dark in despair and self hatred.
Before the noise of the headband stopped the table of pictures went flying from the end of Kakshi's foot creating a wonderfully sick crescendo for the scraping. Ripping the mask from his face the tall male panted and stripped out of the now too hot jacket and gloves. The mask followed all the way, falling to the floor in a whisper of fabric.
The air was heavy, he could nearly taste his anger, a sickly sweet copper coating his tongue. No, that was blood, he'd bitten his tongue in his anger.
Blood, such a bodily necessity. What if he were to take it away, simply let it drain out? How sweet would it be, that darkness that would rid him of this retched existence he was pretending to live? It would be so easy...a few drags of the kunai and then just sit there.
Lifting the blade from where it had fallen in his fit he found the handle to be cold and hard. Like my heart. Placing the blade on his wrist he tentatively dragged it across, raising an irritated but not yet broken, line on his skin. The red line whispered of what lie beneath, poisoning those around him. Easing back down onto the couch, his eyes focused on the line at his wrist and quicker this time, deeper, he dragged the blade and watched the blood begin to ease out of his veins and coat his arm in a slick warm coat of crimson. Long moments passed as he watched the pulse push forth his life-blood.
That was all there was to his life now, wasn't it? Blood. Lifting the kunai again, he placed the blade higher up and dragged it again. The sharp new pain exploded through him and his head was getting light. The image of the one man he couldn't live without was passing through his mind. The blood was leaving very quickly and things were starting to not look so real anymore, vision blurring with tiredness.
The sound of the door opening made Kakashi sigh. He knew it was just in his mind; no one would be entering his home. They were in mourning of the loss of Iruka. Another drag of the blade had him hearing Iruka's voice echo through the house. "Kakashi? Where are you?" he called out in Kakashi's mind.
The kunai was so heavy…it slipped from his hand in a clatter on the floor and that's when the noises became too real. Heavy fast footfalls followed by a gasp made Kakashi look over to the entrance of the room he was in. Iruka stood there, looking a bit ragged but in one piece. Shock settled into the dying man and he sucked in a breath. "You're…Iruka, I…"
Iruka ran over and threw himself to his knees in front of Kakashi, his legs slipping on the blood pooled at Kakashi's feet. "What have you done?" he gasped gripping at Kakashi's arm, desperately trying to stop the blood flow. "I swore to you I would be back, didn't I?" he exhaled hard, pulling Kakashi close to him.
"You didn't come back…it had been so long, they said you were…dead." Kakashi's voice was weak as he slumped in Iruka's arms, now on the floor. Tears flowed from both of them and Kakashi weakly wrapped an arm around his lover. Looking up at him, the silver-haired male still managed to put on that dirty smile that always made Iruka blush. "You look like you do after we make love, a little frantic." His laugh was there but not strong.
Iruka shook his head and leaned down, taking Kakashi's lips with his own. "You're so stupid sometimes," he laughed through his tears.
"You're all I was living for, Iruka. I'm sorry…I didn't mean to leave you…I thought you were gone…" Kakashi was growing steadily weaker in Iruka's arms. "Don't get killed when I'm gone, love. I'll have at least done something right leaving you alive." He lifted his head again and kissed Iruka hard and long before falling back into a black oblivion.